In the car I just can't wait, to pick you up on our very first date… Is it cool if I hold your hand? Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance? Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear? I'm too scared of what you think. You make me nervous so I really can't eat… Let's go don't wait. This nights almost over. Honest, let's make this night last forever... When you smile, I melt inside...

JUSTIN P.O.V.

"Are you still standing in front of the closet?" I sigh in the phone and look ahead.

"Yeah."

Dean laughs and I sigh once again. "I don't know what to wear."

"I can't believe that you're so nervous." He laughs again. "And to think that it's Brian who's never been on a date before."

"You're not helping Dean!" I pick out another black shirt and go stand in front of the mirror, looking at my reflection. Throwing the shirt away, I sit down on the carpet. "I don't know what to wear," I say again.

"Put on a pair of jeans, the red shirt and the black leather jacket."

"But it's a date and…"

"Justin," his voice is authoritarian. "He asked you out near a dumpster for fuck's sake and you're going over to his place not to the Plaza Hotel.

"I know this but it's important and…"

"Trust me. He won't notice if you have on a pair of jeans or an Armani suit. Now, try to relax."

"What if something goes wrong and…"

"What if I had wings? Jus, calm the fuck down!"

I look over to the clock and see that if I don't hurry up I'm going to be late. "You said jeans and red shirt?"

"Yeah. Now get a move on or you will be late!"

"Thanks Dean."

"No problem, Baby," he says before hanging up.

I've been so nervous today that I didn't eat. I spent three hours looking through my closet and I feel like a teenager on his first date. "I really need to calm down," I say to myself, retrieving the red shirt from the pile of clothes on the bed and the black jeans. I quickly get dressed and then pick up the keys and my jacket. I feel so fucking nervous that my hands are trembling while I lock the door to my apartment. I just hope that everything goes well.

BRIAN P.O.V.

"So, are you ready?" I toss away the fourth black shirt and shake my head as an answer to Michael's question.

"What if I fuck up? I've never done this before and he's been in a relationship for years. How many chances do I have that it will work out?"

Mikey stands up from the stool where he's sitting in the kitchen and comes in the bedroom. "I think I didn't really realize how much you like him until now." A little grin comes on his face and I glare at him making him laugh. "You are never nervous. Not even when you have a meeting with a multimillionaire client."

"Don't you think that I know?" I throw away the shirt and grab another one. "I keep asking myself if he will like how I dress, my stupid hair, what I want to have for dinner, if maybe I should have bought flowers or… or if it's okay to kiss him when he gets here or should I just say "come in" and nothing else? I feel like a fucking school girl."

"As I said, you must really like him. Relax. If he accepted than you're good. I mean, once you say yes to a date, it's clear that you're interested. So since he did say yes, you should just try to act as normal as possible because if you don't relax a bit, you're going to have a fucking heart-attack tonight." Laughing, he turns around going back into the living room to retrieve his jacket. "I'm going to go now. And don't pay attention to what you wear…" he laughs again. "Anyway, your shirts are all the same so just pick one out and stop queening out."

"Thanks a lot," I call after him when he's sliding closed the loft's door.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and I can't believe just how nervous I am. I guess it's because for the first time in my life, I really care about what someone is going to think of me. I should try to remember that Mikey is right… that if he's gonna be here, it's because Justin wants too…

I hear a soft knock on the door and curse silently, throwing on the first shirt I find and going to open it.

"Hey," Justin smiles as soon as the door is opened and he looks beautiful. "I think I'm a bit early. I was so nervous that I was afraid of being late and well… I've practically run all the way over here." A slight blush creeps over his face and I smile at him putting my hand behind his head pulling his lips to mine. We both sigh when our lips connect and I can feel the tension starting to leave my body just as Justin completely relaxes in my arms.

When we pull back, I lean my forehead against his. "Now I'm relaxed," he says and I laugh when I feel our erections against one another.

"I'm not sure that relaxed is the best way to describe either of us."

Justin looks down and smiles. "Well… you might be right."

I entwine our fingers, pulling him gently inside the loft and closing the door with my free hand. "I saw Michael leaving when I came up."

"Yeah, he was here trying to calm my nerves," I reply as I sit us down on the sofa.

"Dean was trying to do the same over the phone. It didn't really work." I look in his shining eyes and smile.

"If our places were reversed, I don't know that I would have been able to be such a good friend to you. I would probably have done anything I could to take you away from him and keep you as mine."

Justin turns his head a little so he's hiding it in the crook of my neck. "He's always been my best friend."

"Even when you fucked him?"

"Yeah even then." He sighs and looks up at me. "Do you think I've dressed nice enough? Dean said that you wouldn't have cared but I was nervous…"

"Dean was right."

He nods. "So, movie and pizza?" he asks smiling.

"Sure. I'll order. You choose a movie to watch."

When the food arrives, we put on the DVD of 'Giant' and for the first time since I've bought the white sofa, I let someone eat on it. We eat watching the movie and at some point, I feel Justin sliding towards me to find his head resting on my shoulder. I'm not sure that he's aware of doing it because when I look down at him, his eyes are glued to the television. He quietly moves his lips, following the movie's dialogue and I have to bite my own lips to prevent a smile.

It's not until we both have finished eating and the movie is over that we start talking.

I go grab two beers from the fridge and we lay down on the carpet, something that I've only ever done with Michael. I tell him about my family, about Michael and Deb, about my dream of having my own ad agency and not once do I feel like I shouldn't be telling him those things. He doesn't say anything when I tell him about the days I used to spend over at Deb's because my father would have beaten me up.

He looks at me in the eyes just once and I don't find pity there. All I see is concern and I briefly wonder if I would have been different if I had met him before. He stares up at the ceiling for a few seconds before closing his eyes and starting to tell me about his life. He tells me about when he was a kid and lived here in Pittsburgh, his family and how much he always loved his sister; how he hopes that she will come soon to visit him. Then he tells me why he left for Seattle and what was it like to be with Seth. He even tells me about his first meeting with Dean; how they ended up in the same dorm and about the first time they fucked.

I've always thought that having picnics on the floor, talking about life and all those things, was something pathetic that only the hetero-wanna-be's could ever do... but as I lay on my side watching Justin's profile, I don't feel like I expected to feel. I'm not bored, I'm not annoyed... I feel like all I want to do is ask him everything that comes up in my mind. I feel like I want to know every little detail of his life before me.

I don't even look at my watch once because I honestly don't care if we have spent ten minutes or ten hours talking.

"I miss him," he finally says when he has opened his eyes again. He doesn't look at me and I'm sure that it's because he doesn't want me to see the tears in his eyes. "I just realized it now," he quietly says still looking up at the ceiling. "He is my best friend and probably the only one I have left." The anguish in his voice goes straight to my heart and before I can stop myself, I'm holding his hand.

"What happened to the friend that was in the car with you and Dean?"

When my eyes lock with Justin's, I can see that he didn't expect for me to know and I understand that it wasn't just a coincidence that Justin never mentioned him. "How do you know?"

"Mikey told me the first day you were working at the Diner."

A few minutes go by in silence and I wonder if he's going to talk about it or not. Then, in a quiet voice, he starts speaking again. "I met him during my first year of college. I was Dean's roommate and Frank was in the room in front of ours." He quietly laughs shaking his head a little. "Frank's roommate was straight and used to fuck a different girl every night. When Dean and I met him, he was wandering around at midnight and we were just coming back from a party where Seth had taken us. Dean was drunk out of his mind and was trying to kiss me, Frank came over because he thought that he wanted to rape me." He laughs full force this time and his eyes are sparkling a little. "He tried to take Dean off of me but even drunk and high, Dean was stronger than him and they ended up wrestling on the grass. I tried to separate them and Frank hit me on the nose." He takes my hand and brushes my fingers over his nose. "See? It's a little bit crooked."

I smile at him and nod. "I didn't notice before."

"That's because Dean thought that since he had watched all ER's episodes, he was as good as a doctor. He pushed Frank away, stood up and took my nose in his hand and set it straight. It hurt like a motherfucker but at least it was helpful." We laughed together. "Frank started apologizing and when I told him that it was nothing, he said that he had to do something to make me forgive him and since that day, he started hanging out with us. The night he died, they were taking me to a club. Dean and Frank weren't the type of guys that wanted a real relationship so they didn't understand why months after Seth and I broke up I wasn't going out every night fucking as many men as I could. So they took me to a club and on the way home, we had the accident."

"You were drunk?"

"No. I wasn't having fun so we called it a night and left the club. The driver of the other car was drunk and stoned and hit us. There are times, when I wonder what would have happened if I just did what they wanted and we would have stayed in the club even a second longer."

"Hey, it wasn't your fault."

Justin turns his head towards me and I see that his eyes are full of tears. "I know, but I can't help it."

I pull him to me and kiss softly his lips. I feel his arms coming around me holding me tightly. I don't know how long we stay like this, but after a while he stops shaking and I know that he isn't crying anymore. He pulls away and looks up at me. I wonder if he's going to say anything.

Justin takes a deep breath before closing his eyes. "I was thinking about going back to Seattle," he says quietly and I don't know why, but I feel my body tense up. Well, maybe I have a slight idea about why I'm reacting this way. I mean, I've almost gotten used to the fact that I want him around and now he's talking about leaving for fucking Seattle. Before I know what the fuck I'm doing, I'm whispering, "Stay," and Justin's eyes snap open, looking at me surprised. Suddenly, the idea of lying down on the carpet talking looks like the worst idea I've ever had.

"What?" he asks. I tell the little voice in my head, screaming at me to run away, "fuck you" and look into the deep blue eyes that are staring at me expectantly. I know that the best I could do is telling the truth for once.

"I said stay. I... what's so special about Seattle? Pittsburgh is way cooler than..." and I'm cut off by Justin's lips on mine. He kisses me desperately, but slowly at the same time. The kiss becomes more intense, passionate and when he pulls back, his lips are swollen and his eyes are shining. A bright smile creeps on his lips.

"I can't believe you said it," and he's genuinely stunned. I laugh at him.

"I can't believe I said it," I tell him and he laughs.

"So you're serious about this?" he asks and I know what he's talking about. But, am I really ready to take this step? To become monogamous, tell him that I love him, that I don't like not seeing him? He stares at me intently for a long time, searching for something I guess. After a while he bites down on his lower lip and sighs before lying back down on the carpet. "I guess I was out of line. We said we'd take things slowly and I asked you..." he trails off and shakes his head. "Never mind. I don't know what I was thinking." He glances at the clock on the wall and we both see that's it's three in the morning. "Fuck!" he shouts standing up. "I have to go. I have the morning shift at the diner." He sits down on the sofa putting on his shoes and then stands up picking up his jacket. He looks down at me and smiles.

"Can't you tell her that you'd like to take the day off?" I ask him as he's walking back towards me. Justin shakes his head.

"No I can't." He bends down and softly kisses my lips. Well, at least I know that he's not upset about me not answering his question. I grab his jacket pulling him down because I won't let him leave with a kiss that I would give Debbie. He laughs before letting me kissing him in a proper way and when I feel his tongue entering my mouth, I gently shove him back. "Go home." I tell him laughing. "I'll see you at breakfast."

Justin nods and quickly leaves the loft.

I look at the container of foods spread out on the coffee table and think back about our date. If this is what is it like to have a date with him, I might just do it again. Maybe I should have told him that I'm serious about what we're doing, but he's right about taking it slowly. I want to be sure that I can give him what he wants before I tell him.