an: This baby is dedicated to ALL of you, for staying faithful to my story and prompting me to go on. I did not plan to leave it on hold for so long, but some very serious problems within my family prevented me from focusing on anything. thank you again and here we go...

And You Didn't Even Know My Name

Ch. 6. Hell Bent On Living, Walking A Wire.

"I am no parent material and much too cynical to play at it". Severus Snape was sitting in a leather armchair, brandy glass in hand, thinking over the last 48 hours of his life, a life one Lucius Malfoy had turned upside-down in mere seconds. He didn't need that aggravation. How was he supposed to care for a child that small and helpless? Feed him, offer shelter, toys… that he could do, but affection, guidance, a home? He did not have the faintest idea how to give. One final glass of brandy and he was going to sleep.

He was sweating as he woke up from yet another dream of hurting and yelling and pain… yet another nightmare. He listened carefully for any unnatural sound. Nothing. Good! That meant he had woken nobody up and THAT meant he was safe to breathe. People did not take kindly to being awaken at the crack of dawn in somebody's piercing screams and small Harry had learned it the hard way. Despite all the pain he was currently feeling, the boy jumped out of bed and yelped as his small feet touched the cold stone floor. No sound came out. He shouldn't have worried about getting anyone up… he was mute… a tinge of fear crossed through him but he squashed it quickly and hurried all the way to the kitchen.

"What to make? What to make? There's no list! And I don't even know what father likes?!" Father. The word rolled in his brain, washing over his mind. Harry got a bittersweet feeling at saying it over and over again while he made breakfast. He had dreamed so much about having a family and now that it had finally come to be, he was scared. Scared it wouldn't last, afraid his new father would tire of him being a burden, terrified he wouldn't prove worthy enough. Soon, through pain and fear and exhilaration, breakfast was ready and a great horned owl flew inside. It put a letter on the table and motioned for Harry to take it. Despite himself, the child reached for the old looking envelope and gently traced the jaded crest. The owl hooted impatiently. It seemed urgent. Perhaps he should go search for his father…

His head was pounding. Damn it to all nine hells and back, he'd known it was a bad idea to drink last night. No, cross that. It had been a TERRIBLE idea. And the bloody noise wouldn't stop.

"Merlin's fucking beard, cut the racket!" Severus snapped without even opening his eyes. For a moment there was silence, then an owl hooted; low and vibrating, sending waves of pain through his brain. Severus ground his teeth. He felt it approaching.

"Go bother someone else!" grunted the Potions Master before making to turn over and almost fell. He'd fallen asleep in the damn armchair. He was hung-over, tired and angry. Something reached to either steady or wake him and he lashed out. Yet, instead of whatever he'd been expecting, his hand met flesh. Something made an impact with the floor then there was a freezing silence. But Severus Snape had frozen also.

To Harry it seemed like a century until his father opened his eyes. Of course he wasn't looking at the man any more, he knew better than that. If only the owl hadn't been so insistent… it kept hooting and ruffling its feathers and pointing to Harry and then Harry went in search of his father to find the man passed out in the armchair. He ran back to the kitchen and added black coffee to the breakfast then went for his father again and rest was history. As it stood, he kept his eyes on the floor trying to make himself as small as possible.

"Look at me!" bid his father's low voice and it had a hard edge to it. He was so scared but did not dare disobey.

As Harry raised his head Severus found himself drawn to the boy. It was not the offending bruise forming on his chick, nor the pitiful stance of the obviously cowering child. No. It was the look in those tormented green eyes. There was no fire, no rejection, no anger, in the lost gaze he was being given, but plain acceptance. And fear.

"Come!" he commended and the boy dutifully obeyed, hurrying to stand in front of him. A snap of his fingers and Severus had a vial of Hangover Potion in his hand, which he drank in one gulp. Headache gone, he allowed himself to look at the child frozen in front of the armchair. The scene was way too familiar, yet the roles were wrong. He stilled as the reality of what he'd just done crashed over his head like the winds of a hurricane . He would not become his father!

"I did not mean to hurt you." Severus bid out awkwardly and watched in satisfaction as the poor child turned startled, confused eyes on him.

"Let me have a look. I believe some salve will do." Harry felt his father's hands going incredibly smoothly over the now darkening bruise. Treacherous tears rolled from the corners of his eyes. Never before had anyone been so concerned over his well-being, never before had he received apologies.

A strong hand was gently applying the salve on his chick.

"The pain shall cease in a matter of seconds. Do you hurt anywhere else?"

Harry shook his head, but could not get away from the constricting feeling in his chest. The owl huffed and dropped the letter in his father's lap. Severus picked it up and unsealed it. As he read on, all color drained from his face. Albus Dumbledore was coming over in less than half an hour. At least he had had the grace to announce himself. He had to do something about the boy…

"Lucius Malfoy?"

"No, mister Severus Snape Sir! But I gets him immediately Mister Snape Sir!" Snape would have laughed at the house elf's attics had he not been so desperate.

"Severus, my friend! How are you faring?" Lucius walked slowly into his study. "Do come over! It must be quite uncomfortable to talk from a fireplace."

"No time, Lucius! I need a favor." Oh, how he hated having to ask something of this man. But there was no time.

"Glad to be of service! However may I help?" Lucius grinned, bending in a mock bow. This meant he'd have one on the Potions Master and THIS was the very reason Severus hated with a passion. His lips thinned and he all but ground his request.

"I need you to take care of Harald for a few hours. Dumbledore's paying me an unexpected visit."

"That, my dear Severus, is not a favor..." Lucius paused. "That is a pleasure. Send him over."

"Thank you." Snape nodded once then turned and Lucius could clearly hear him calling the boy. Soon enough young Harald Einar Snape stepped utterly terrified out of the fireplace. "Behave yourself." was all the Potions Master told the child before closing the connection. Tears kept falling from his eyes and he had a hand over his chest in a feeble attempt to stop his heart from hurting.

AN: That would be it for now... healthy bit of a cliffhanger, huh? your turn now. (^.^)