Bex paused for a moment outside the school office. She grabbed a chunk of hair in each hand and scrunched it in her fist so it looked as curly as possible, and then checked her appearance in a small mirror. She'd definitely transformed herself; her long, straight, dark blonde hair was now bleach blonde, short and messy. Her round face now had cheekbones like knives, and there were dark smudges under her eyes.
But Bex wasn't convinced. It had all seemed so simple when she was thinking it through, but now she was here, probably less than 5 metres away from her mum, the whole thing seemed silly and childish.
She raised a shaking hand to the door and knocked lightly, twice.
"Come in," called Janeece. "What do you want?"
"I was, er, meant to come up and see Mrs Fisher," said Bex quietly.
"Name?"
"Hannah Smith. I'm new."
"Says 'ere you were meant to meet Miss Fisher at eight thirty. It's nearly quarter past nine now. She won't be happy," said Janeece bossily.
"Sorry, er…"
"She says go in."
***
Bex's stomach did a somersault. She'd spent hours planning everything out, tracking down her family and working out how to get to know them again. What she really wanted was to knock on the front door of their house and run straight into her mum's arms. But it wasn't that simple. Too much had happened, too much had been said, and Bex was afraid her mum would just kick her out. And she couldn't let that happen. Because right now, Bex Fisher really needed a mum.
A voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Hannah Smith? Come in and take a seat." Karen was knelt down at the filing cabinet, sorting out the chaos Janeece had caused trying to put the files in alphabetical order. She stood up and turned around.
For the second time that day, her blood froze in her veins and her heart was wrenched apart. She had to pull herself together; the grief was actually turning her insane. This girl hardly looked like Bex at all, and it was silly for the thought to have ever crossed her mind. Bex had been a curvy size 12 like her sister Jess when she had left and this girl looked barely a she was the wrong age. And had a different name. And a different mum. The woman she had spoken to in the phone a week ago had the privilege of having a beautiful daughter. Not her. And then Karen felt terrible as she remembered Jess.
Bex started when she saw her mum's face. It had aged about twenty years in the last two, but she had the same warm face and motherly smile. Her eyes had faded a bit, but their loving twinkle was still there, just as it always was even when Bex shouted some of the terrible things she had said. Some of the cruel, irreversible things that would be etched like stone onto Karen's heart forever.
Tears spilled down Bex's cheeks are sorrow and regret engulfed her entire body. She was shaking with the effort of trying to control herself, and the immense feeling of remorse. She would give absolutely anything to turn back time, but it was too late.
"Hey, are you OK?" Her mum's voice brought her back to earth.
"Sorry," gulped Bex. "I'm just… nervous."
Karen moved to sit next to her on the sofa and placed a hand on Bex's shoulder.
"It's only normal to be nervous on your first day, but you really don't need to worry. Waterloo Road is a great place, and the previous head told me that there is a great sense of family. One of my… I mean my own daughter, Jess, is in your form and I'll get her to look out for you."
These words stung Bex with physical pain, and she battled to keep a straight face.
"Thanks, Miss, sorry."
But inside, she was crumbling, and all the confidence she had felt the previous day about reuniting herself with her family broke with her heart. Karen clearly didn't want her back.