FUUUUUU it's been a while lol. AND HERE'S A NICE BIG SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE WHO DIDN'T REVIEW THE LAST CHAPTER BUT FAVED IT OR ADDED IT TO ALERTS. AHEM. 3taz2, Anna Akhmatova, DancingFanatic217, fuzzybuzz21, JimboSlice, Mandithewriter, penguin0491, snowbell112, sodapopwinchester, Tinkerbella Knight, ToXiCiTy13, YAOI addicted Kat, , iwishicouldbe, and surfcity22. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU. YOU THOUGHT WE WERE LYING DIDN'T YOU. YOU ARE NOW ON THE LIST OF SHAME. To everyone else: this is NOT a feature list, it is a list of SHAME that you do NOT want to be on. REVIEW, GUYS. OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. Thank you.
Here are a few apologies in advance for this chapter: I am sorry it sucks. I am sorry I fucked up the lines to Quiet Please, I feel like the devil- it's my fave Heffron Drive song. I am sorry Bandana Man is making no sense. I am sorry I posted this so freaking late. Oops. I am sorry this whole thing is cussing. Oops again.
With no further ado, I present chapter THREE.
A hurricane of purple, a volcano of purple, a tsunami of purple- he had a serious case of the own virus. There was no one more awesome than him. If a million awesome people lined up and tried to proclaim their awesomeness (like maybe Abraham Lincoln or Admiral Zhao or Stephen Kramer Glickman), all of them combined wouldn't even compare to how awesome he was. He was made of awesome. He made other awesomeness cry because none of it was his awesomeness. He was so awesome he could start a forest fire. He was so awesome he could give babies the power of flight. He was so awesome he could raise the dead, bring back dinosaurs, catch 'em all, foo, and most importantly-
"You should know that you're the something that I hold onto when I'm left with nothing-"
"Agh!" he shrieked in surprise, twisting and searching out his cell phone, eyes landing on a suspicious pile of clothing in the corner of the room.
"I'm saying it poetically in hopes you don't see what I mean so read between the lines-"
"Ahh, dammit where are you?" he hissed to himself, throwing the clothing this way and that in his frantic search. Suddenly the upbeat digital melody flew past his ear as he tossed a pair of pants over his shoulder. There.
"I'm flying agai-"
"Gotcha!" he exclaimed victoriously, lifting the offending object and accepting. "Hello?"
"Where are you?" demanded a pretty impatient-sounding voice on the other end. "You said ten minutes and it's already quarter to nine and we're not gonna get anything done if you-"
"Hey, hey, hey," he interrupted. "Dude, chill. I'm pretty much done. Just doing a- a quick lookover."
There was brief silence on the other end.
"...You're looking at yourself in the mirror?"
"No!" he denied, voice arcing up in panic. He began scrambling through the impossible-to-tame jungle of the room, kicking things around and knocking even more things off the shelves he tried to grab onto for support when he tripped over something on the floor. He cursed loudly. "N-no, no- I'm actually on my way right now, I'm- ahh!" The phone flew from his grasp as he thudded to the ground, another loud swear vacating his mouth. The voice was yelling in irritation, demanding to know "what the fuck just happened and are you still there and get over here right now or you're getting it for sure." He scuttled in an army crawl to the abandoned device, quickly snatching it up and holding it back to his ear again.
"S-sorry, I just- I tripped, I'll be right over."
"Whatever." God, you're such an idiot.
"Hey!" he exclaimed. "I'm not that stupid!" Am I?
"Yes. You are. And what the fuck are you talking about, I didn't say anything about you being stupid." The hell?
"Uh, yes. You did. I heard you loud and clear."
"Well I thought it, but I never said it."
"Oh. Oh okay, thanks dude." Jerk.
Wait. "Wait, I- telekinesis."
The fuck? "What?"
"Dude, we have psychic powers. Did you forget?"
Oh shit, we totally do! "Of course not. I was waiting for you to remember."
"I might believe that if you weren't thinking otherwise."
"Damn you."
"Thank you."
"Why are we even still talking?"
"Right."
They hung up simultaneously.
So where are you? came an annoying voice in his head. He rolled his eyes, sitting up and running his palm over his forehead.
I'll be over in a minute, alright? I'm a little winded.
Alright, but the world isn't gonna wait forever.
Yeah, yeah. Can it.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
I would love that.
God!
He rolled his eyes, trying to rid his mind of the mental images that ensued while making his way back to his feet and slipping the phone into his pocket. It was insane, his situation.
See, he was Bandana Man. Superhero extraordinaire, winner beyond belief, and just simply the awesomest thing to have ever existed. But he wasn't always Bandana Man.
Funny story.
See, his memories weren't always his own. It was like- he shared a life with another person: James Diamond. But it wasn't to either person's consent, it had just- happened. They weren't allowed to exist at the same time, or else the world would end. So they took turns. And it was the weirdest thing ever, because James didn't even remember Bandana Man's memories or that he was Bandana Man or anything. He was just a sad, sad little mortal who dreamt of fame and fortune. And his little fuck buddy Kendall.
Fame could never beat fighting crime.
Bandana Man just figured that only he could remember because he was a superhero and he got all the cool perks. Like telepathy and the power to remember his other life that wasn't his at all. James just knew that Bandana Man existed, but he had no idea of the truth. And may he never ever find out that truth, because Bandana Man was pretty sure that if he found out the world would end.
There were a lot of ways the world could end.
Bandana Man had a crime-fighting partner- The Iron Eyebrow Lad. Of course, unbeknownst to him, The Iron Eyebrow Lad was obviously Bandana Man's sidekick- he was just in denial. But that was okay, he'd figure out the truth eventually.
Anyway, the two of them had a mission, because James (and his little fuck buddy Kendall) was having a serious problem, and, of course, the only way to solve such a serious problem was to call on the most awesome superhero to ever exist, right? So James summoned Bandana Man (for he was the only one capable of doing so) and was now popped out of existence. But that was okay. He would come back eventually. Once everything was solved. Once Bandana Man had arrived, he had immediately contacted The Iron Eyebrow Lad- one couldn't just go off to destroy evil without a trusty sidekick by his side.
For a sidekick, The Iron Eyebrow Lad sure did have a lot of equality against Bandana Man. A fluke in the time-space continuum. It was okay. Someday that would have to be fixed. Today, however, was not that day.
So it is now eight forty-nine in the morning, we have made no progress, and-
I'm coming, goddammit! Bandana Man huffed as he headed outside into the chill-but-warming-up morning air. He wished James could have waited until, like, noon or something. It was way too early. Apparently not early enough to cancel out the millions of cars in the roadway.
"Traffic!" he cursed, clenching a fist.
Just teleport.
Shut up!
Bandana Man had forgotten how to teleport. In fact, he had forgotten he could. It was crazy. Like James' memories were interfering with his own. It was irritating. He wanted it to stop.
So. Teleporting. Fun. How...?
Wait! He could just use his Magic Carpetandana (The Iron Eyebrow Lad thought that was a dumb name for it, but what did that douche bag know?)! Duh.
It took Bandana Man roughly two minutes and forty-seven seconds to arrive to the gas station, where The Iron Eyebrow Lad was waiting.
"Teleporting is instantaneous, you know."
"You're instantinous!" Bandana Man snapped as he flicked his wrist to roll up his Magic Carpetandana and stow it away in his Amazing Utility Beltandana.
"Instantaneous, ge-ni-us. Let's go- Kendall and James gave us a few leads before they completely handed the mission over to us."
"Shut up!" Bandana Man huffed angrily and shook his head. "What leads."
"Gustavo's at Rocque Records. Kill him." The Iron Eyebrow Lad stuffed the sticky note into his D-belt, Bandana Man scoffing at the "originality" of that particular gesture. He got a mental image of a middle finger in his mind's eye.
"F- Stop it! We're supposed to be working here!"
"Sorry, your majesty. Let's get to Rocque Records and kill that fat bastard pedophile rapist fucking little I'llkillhim..." He trailed off into evil sounding death threats and Bandana Man raised his right eyebrow at his partner. After a moment The Iron Eyebrow Lad shook himself and finished, "And wrack up the cash."
"We work for free," Bandana Man informed him, eyebrow still raised. "True justice is always reward enough." The Iron Eyebrow Lad wiggled both eyebrows at Bandana Man, who stomped his foot and turned away in a furious huff. The Iron Eyebrow Lad laughed.
"Chill. It's all cool, dude."
"You know I hate it when you do that!"
"But Bandana Man... you know I don't mean it anyway, right?"
"Shut. Up." Let's just get this overwith so I can get the hell away from you.
"Ooh, harsh. Wanna go kick some fat mangerine ass?"
Bandana Man remained still, and The Iron Eyebrow Lad sighed, grinning slightly. "Aw, honey, did the mean Iron Eyebrow Lad make you mad? Does Bandana Man need a little... relaxitude?"
Bandana Man stiffened, back still turned to The Iron Eyebrow Lad. "You wouldn't."
"Try me!" The Iron Eyebrow Lad cried as he leapt forward, colliding with Bandana Man mid-pivot. Bandana Man shrieked as they crashed to the ground, then let out several more hysteric ones as he thrashed and kicked beneath his partner, who had him straddled and was fiercely running his spider fingers rapidly up and down Bandana Man's sides, his stomach, his neck, his armpits, his back- it all flashed past extremely quickly as the purple superhero beneath him was reduced to writhing, screeching ferocity. "Who's laughing now?"
"N-no, stop it, st-top it! Fu- goddam- agh!" Bandana Man twisted and turned, but The Iron Eyebrow Lad's weight was too much for him. All dignity ruthlessly stripped away, Bandana Man fell into coughing, choking, pained laughter, wriggling around futilely until The Iron Eyebrow Lad saw it fit to bestow mercy upon the poor, degraded soul.
They stared at each other with complete and utter silence, eyes locked, Bandana Man's chest heaving.
"You... you goddamn... asshole..."
The Iron Eyebrow Lad leaned in close to his face.
"You know you love it."
"God!" Bandana Man used his remaining strength to shove the other off of him, rolling away and leaping to his feet with ninja skills only he possessed. "You're so- fucking-"
"Irresistible?" The Iron Eyebrow Lad waggled his eyebrows, their tails waving out to their ends. Bandana Man gave an exaggerated roll of the eyes and placed his hands on his hips.
"No." His partner chuckled.
"Let's go."
"Alright."
The Iron Eyebrow Lad then did the Macarena in hyper speed before doing a ballerina spin and disappearing into thin air. Bandana Man stared at the spot he'd been in disbelief, immediately slapping his palm to his forehead. Oh yeah, that was how you teleported!
Dumabss.
I'd rather take my Magic Carpetandana any day.
After arriving to Rocque Records late and meeting a very irritated The Iron Eyebrow Lad, they strolled inside the building, together, oblivious to the multiple stares they were attracting. When they arrived to their destination, they both stopped in front of it right at the same time, each expecting the other to proceed. When neither did, Bandana Man spoke:
"Go ahead."
"You first."
"What? No, preposterous. I wouldn't want to be too forward."
"Ladies first."
"Go ahead."
"Teach me your courageous ways, oh wise leader!"
"Fuck no, you're my sidekick and I order you to get the fuck in there now!"
"Sidekick this!"
The Iron Eyebrow Lad swung his foot out and around to Bandana Man's shin in a wide arc, effectively crippling the latter of the two.
"Goddammit! You little-" Bandana Man lunged at The Iron Eyebrow Lad, who yelped and jumped away; Bandana Man grabbed hold of his ankle and pulled him back, bringing him crashing to the floor, where Bandana Man proceeded to kick him violently in his own shin. "That's what you- Fuck!"
The Iron Eyebrow Lad yanked him down with him, causing him to land on his elbow in the least funny way possible, making the spot of impact ring painfully. "I'll kill you!"
"Not if I kill you first!"
And the two forgot completely about their mission in their continuous efforts to get back at the other and get away with being the one to throw the last punch. Their screeching and yelling death threats did not go unnoticed, however; the door to Gustavo Rocque's office creaked slowly, slowly open, two beady, squished eyes peering out to behold the scuffling, spitting pair. The eyes continued to stare for another minute or so, apparently amused by the quarrel. At some point The Iron Eyebrow Lad caught sight of this and immediately snapped upright, completely forgetting about his competition with his partner.
"What the-"
The door instantly slammed shut, attracting the attention of Bandana Man, who apparently hadn't noticed his sidekick's lack of participation. "The hell was that," he commented in a low, still-angry voice.
"Dunno," The Iron Eyebrow Lad answered back. Cautiously he stood, stepping lightly to the door, while Bandana Man slowly followed, keeping well behind.
"Careful," he advised, making The Iron Eyebrow Lad roll his eyes and take the last big step forward, wrenching the door open harshly. He smirked in satisfaction when he heard Bandana Man gasp loudly behind him, pointedly stepping inside the room.
"The Iron Eyebrow Lad!" Bandana Man whisper-yelled. "Get back here, now!"
The Iron Eyebrow Lad waved him off over his shoulder and advanced. Bandana Man threw his hands up in exasperation (defeat) and followed his annoying sidekick into the room, pushing aside his fear that was in actuality nonexistent. He came right up behind The Iron Eyebrow Lad and placed his hand on his shoulder, the other tensing up slightly before relaxing when he glanced behind and saw it was only his partner. Together they warily crept to the chair, which had its back facing them. Tension and suspense built within the two with every step they took, getting closer, closer, closer...
They reached the chair- still unmoved- and in a random burst of courage, The Iron Eyebrow Lad swatted it so it spun around towards them, jumping back and nearly knocking Bandana Man over in the process. Both held their breath, ready to attack, but alas- the record producer was nowhere to be seen. In his place, sitting on the chair, was a- a cake. Bandana Man and The Iron Eyebrow Lad exchanged perplexed glances. There was something written on the cake's surface with pink icing that clashed with its otherwise blue exterior. They simultaneously leaned closer to read more clearly.
404 Error
Gustavo not found
"We're gonna need some backup."
I am officially a huge dork. LOL. Yes you have to capitalize "The" in The Iron Eyebrow Lad's name. Anything less is blasphemous. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last two chapters, we hope to see you again soon. As for the rest of you... WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I sound like a douche bag today. Sorry.
If anyone was confused by The Iron Eyebrow Lad's apparently wavy eyebrows, here's a picture of him: ht tp:/ /www. flickr. com/photos/58477961N06/5364982555/in/photostream/ (remove spaces) YEAH. And I'm guessing everyone knows what Bandana Man looks like. Ho's coming up with the next chapter GOOD LUCK YOU GET TO WORK WITH THIS CRAP. I love you.
REVIEW OR LIST OF SHAME FOR YOU.
ps the link doesn't work OOPS. 'Til next time, my friends. *salutes*