Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but if I had enough money I might rent it! Just for a day!
Two months later…
Bella
I sat at a small table under an umbrella. The air was warm though the sun was hidden behind a deep layer of clouds. There was a fountain behind me, taking up a generous portion of the courtyard I was sitting in. The water burbled in a peaceful way, mingling with the conversations of the tourists and locals who sat, watching passersby. The courtyard was large. One half of it was filled with tables like the one I sat at. Only about half of those tables were full. The other was open, making room for street performers who entertained groups of tourists. The courtyard was busy but not crowded and the atmosphere was almost festive. It was early afternoon.
I watched my surroundings but I saw none of it. I was trying to keep myself calm, to listen to the soft sounds of the fountain, tried to keep my thoughts from running rampant; trying to focus on why I was here. I was here to find Edward. I had been here for a week, looking for him, hoping to find him, to see his face one more time.
Just the thought of seeing him again made my heart swell with anticipation and panic. I was panicked at the thought of him seeing me, wondering what his reaction would be. Would he be angry? Would he be mad that I had followed him here? He had made it clear that he did not want me. Alice had told me that Edward had his reasons for telling me goodbye but that he had never stopped loving me. Could I believe that though? What if Alice was wrong? What if he had stopped loving me and I was just an annoyance to him now? Would he turn me away? Maybe not even speak to me at all? I didn't know the answers to those questions.
I did know that my courage was faltering the longer it took to find him. I was not sure I could face that same cold face that I saw that day in the forest. The more I sat and thought about what his reaction would be the more I felt like a fool. I had not changed since his absence. I was still nothing special and he was still the most amazing person I had ever met. Why would he want me now? The decision to come here had felt so right when I had first made it after the accident. The need to see him, to either confirm what Alice said (and my heart so desperately needed) or to see once and for all that he did not want me, was so strong that it had propelled me to do something I never would have thought I had to courage to do. To come here to find him after he had turned me away. Now my resolve was wavering. Was I strong enough to have my heart ripped out again? Was I brave enough to give him that power again?
I had just about decided to get up and go back to my hotel and pack when I saw him. He was about twenty yards away, walking into the courtyard from my left. He was walking slowly, shoulders hunched, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He was just as glorious as the first moment I had laid eyes on him in the cafeteria all those months ago. His gorgeous bronze hair was still as disheveled as always and the long, lean line of his body was emphasized by the dark t-shirt he wore. His pale skin seemed to glow even under the cloudy sky. I looked closely at his face, rememorizing his features. My memories did not do him justice. He was still so beautiful it hurt to look at him. My eyes took in the strong line of his jaw, his angular cheekbones and full firm lips. The circles under his eyes seemed darker than usual and I wondered idly when he had hunted last. I realized as I stared at that he looked…sad? His angel face was drawn into a scowl and the few people who looked his way looked away quickly, unnerved by him in a way they did not understand but instinctively feared.
I sat, frozen. I wasn't sure what I should do. Call out to him? Wait for him to notice me? In a few moments he would be on the other side of the courtyard, where I could not see him. What if I was not able to find him again? I panicked, trying to decide what to do, when the decision was taken out of my hands. To my right there was a loud up-swell of voices as two men argued. Their fight got louder and louder until it came to blows, one man pushing the other over the low edge of the fountain. My eyes remained fixed on Edward, not wanting to miss even a moment of him and I saw his head turn towards the commotion, seemingly without thought. He took in the sight of the two men and then his eyes flickered to the left, in my direction, as if bored. His eyes caught mine and he froze and I felt the blush warming my cheeks.
I don't know how long we stared at each other, time seemed to stop, and without conscious thought I felt my mouth curve up into a smile and my eyes soften with welcome. This seemed to shock him, his mouth actually fell open. I was about to get up, to move towards him when I saw him blink hard and lock his jaw. He turned his head and continued to walk quickly across the courtyard.
I sat there, frozen, unable to move a muscle. What did that mean? Was Alice wrong? Did he really not want me after all? Was he angry that I was here, stalking him as it were? What should I do now? There seemed no point in staying now. He didn't want me, he would never want me. Alice was wrong, I was wrong, coming here was wrong. I should leave now. That idea caused me pain even as I thought it. I could not bear leaving now that I had seen him again. I wanted to sit here forever, just for the chance to see his face again. But what if he left Rio? Would I follow him all over the world, just for a glimpse of him? In my heart I knew that I would even as I understood that I couldn't. So where did that leave me now? Should I stay or should I go? These thoughts swirled around in my head as I sat there.
I don't know how much time passed. I was numb with shock and pain, trying to decide what to do. That Edward didn't want me was obvious; what I was going to do now wasn't. Going back to Forks, seeing Alice again and having to explain; I shuddered at the thought. Alice had been so sure. I realized now that I had been confident of her confidence. I thought this would work because she was so sure that it would. I knew that even though I decided to go it was her words that had propelled me to leave. I didn't blame her though. Even though she knew Edward better than anyone, even with her special ability she could not always predict his actions. She could only see what path he was on while he was on it. Since he never intended to see me again there was no way to see what the outcome of this was. He couldn't make a decision about something he never thought would happen in the first place, right?
I knew also how much this was going to hurt me when I got back home. It had not really hit me yet. Being here, in a strange place, there was no way to process the feeling into reality because everything seemed so unreal. But back under the rain clouds of Forks, in my own home, in my own room, I knew the dark pain would return. It might just swallow me up this time.
"Bella?" It was his voice, calling my name softly. It sent a thrill through me. My head shot up and I looked in the direction of the most beautiful sound in the world.
He was standing there, not five feet from me. I was surprised at the uncertainty in his tone but I was relieved and happy that he had at least decided to talk to me. I knew that the sound of his honeyed voice would haunt me if he turned me away but there was no pain worth missing the beauty of it.
"Edward." I was hesitant to say his name, hoping he would not disappear.
"Bella, what are you doing here?" His voice was soft and incredulous.
I was suddenly terrified of his reaction. I bit my lip, trying to find the courage to say what I wanted and needed to say. Just do it! I thought.
"Well," I paused and gave myself a mental shake. "I came to find you, to bring you back home."
He stood there, looking almost stunned. Then he pulled himself together and asked, "Why?"
I looked up at him and blushed. Would I be able to say the words? I had to. This was the reason I was here. I had to do this now or regret it forever. I took a deep breath.
"Edward, I want you to come back to Forks. I-well I," I stopped and took another deep breath. What would he say? Could I bear that rejection again? I felt my heart start to race at the remembered pain. I had to say this, get it out of the way and let the chips fall where they may. My words were rushed in an effort to say them before my courage failed me.
"I miss you and I love you and I can't bear to be without you anymore. I know that you said you didn't want me but I was hoping that you might change your mind because I still want you, now and forever." I felt the hot blood rush to my cheeks and looked down. I had said what I wanted to say at least. I could only wait for his reaction.
The seconds ticked by and he didn't say anything. I looked up. His perfect face was frozen, immobile. I looked at his expression carefully, trying to read his reaction to my words but there was nothing. He held himself perfectly still. It didn't seem to be a happy reaction. I guess I had been kidding myself all along. He really didn't want me, like he had told me in the forest. It was only me, my pathetic hope that he might change his mind that had brought me and held me here. Well I had no one to blame but myself. I took a deep breath against the pain and let it out in a sigh.
"That's what I thought," I shook my head. If only I had kept this whole scheme a thought and never put it into action. "I knew it I guess, but I was still hopeful." I didn't realize until that moment how hopeful I had been. I felt tears in my eyes but held them back. My lips trembled with the effort. "I'm sorry that I bothered you." More than you will ever know, I sighed to myself.
There was nothing I could do now but leave. I felt my heart burning with the pain but I knew I had to hold it together, at least until I was alone. Then it wouldn't matter. I turned to leave, ready to be gone from here, to go back to my hotel room where I could suffer by myself.
Suddenly I felt an ice cold hand on my shoulder. I was turned around and could only gasp before I was pulled up against his marble hard body. He bent his head toward me and pressed his perfect cold lips to mine. My head was spinning, I forgot how to breathe, how to think. I could only concentrate on his lips moving on mine. I felt my arms go around his neck and my fingers found his soft silky hair. I didn't want this moment ever to end; I could kiss him forever and it would never be enough. I pressed myself against him, trying to move closer, though I didn't see how that would be possible. He held me tighter in response, running his snowy cold hands up and down my back. He pulled his mouth from mine and trailed kisses down my jaw, my throat and into the curve of my neck, whispering my name.
It felt like he wanted me. Surely he would not kiss me this way if he was going to turn me away. The Edward I knew would never be that cruel. So he must still feel something for me, right? I allowed myself to hope more than ever.
"Oh, Edward," The words were almost a sigh. I could never catch my breath when he was kissing me. "I've missed you so much."
He put his hands on both sides of my face. I felt his cool hard thumbs caressing my cheeks.
"I've missed you too," He whispered. "More that you can ever know."
My heart swelled to twice its size at his words. He kissed me softly once more then pulled me up against him. I pressed my face against his chest, listening to the ragged sound of his breathing. He seemed just as affected as I was. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I couldn't believe that this wasn't a dream and I didn't want him to disappear. His arms came around me and I felt him press his face into my hair.
We stood that way for a long time, neither of us speaking. I didn't want to move, to break the spell of his arms around me. I felt him press his lips into my forehead and I looked up at him, into his glorious topaz eyes. They were burning down into mine with such intensity I had to catch my breath. I could read the love and joy swirling together in the melted gold depths. Desire too, though that may have been wishful thinking on my part. I couldn't help but to touch his face, to make sure that he was real, make sure I had not lost my mind or that I was imaging all this. He turned his face into my fingertips.
"You are just as beautiful as I remember, more even." said he said in wonder. "I can't believe that you are really here though. Are you really here or have I lost my mind completely?" He really did sound unsure. Unbelievable.
I laughed. I couldn't believe that he might be experiencing any doubt about my existence when I was so awed that he was here with me. I wrapped my arms around him again. "Don't I feel real?" I teased.
"Yes you do." He stroked his smooth fingers down my back. Heaven. "But I don't understand how you got here. How you came to Rio in the first place."
I looked up at him. I wasn't sure how much of Alice's involvement I should tell him, or how angry he would be at her interference. I also was wary of telling him about the catalyst that brought me here. He had always been so overprotective of me; I was sure hearing about the accident would upset him.
"Well, that is kind of a long story and I would rather not go into it here." Better to have him react in private, I thought. "I have a room in a hotel not far from here, maybe that would be better?"
"Of course, let's go."