Chapter 18-The Opinion of Six
Rossi, Morgan, JJ and Prentiss were all seated at the conference table pouring over the information they had collected from the start to see is there was anything they might have missed that might give them a clue as to where in Fairfax Hotch might be. JJ had decided to rejoin the others after the press conference so she could help find her boss and friend. Her mind only returning for a brief moment to the press conference in which she showed two photos of Jason Armitage: one before and one after he had changed his appearance along with a photo of Aaron Hotchner, and gave the number to an FBI tip line for the public to call in with any information. She had been instructed by Rossi just before she went in front of the media to omit any information about Fairfax as that he was positive Armitage would be monitoring the investigation and watching the press conference, and if any mention was made of Fairfax, he might just move Hotch somewhere else where they might not find him, or kill him immediately then disappear, and they needed all the time they could get to try and find him. So as she spoke to the media, JJ reminded herself not to mention anything about Fairfax, Virginia. Spencer Reid, on the other hand, had gone to Garcia's office to try and help her find an address where Armitage might have Hotch hidden.
After about an hour, Rossi leaned back in his chair and exhaled through his nose before running both hands down his face. He had looked through the paperwork for so long that the information was becoming blurred and boring. Looking wearily around he noticed the others watching him with the same looks on their faces. He quickly realized they didn't have any more luck than he had.
"I gather from all your expressions that none of you had anymore luck than I did," he finally said.
"Looking at this stuff over and over isn't getting us anywhere fast," Morgan agreed shoving the folder with the paperwork away from him. "There's nothing in any of this that even remotely tells us where that bastard's holding Hotch."
"Don't tell me we're giving up?" asked a distraught JJ looking from Morgan to Rossi.
"The hell we are," Morgan replied firmly. "All I'm saying is that we're not gonna find what we need in any of the information we have here."
"So where do we look then?" asked Prentiss as she brushed a long strand of dark hair out of her eyes.
Rossi wrapped his arms around himself and thought for a few seconds. "Well, we have two possibilities to find Hotch. One, Armitage said he would be sending us two more videos. We can hope he will call after sending the next one and that Hotch can give us another clue…"
"Or we can hope Reid and Garcia can find something," Morgan added grimly. "Other than that…I don't know."
"Maybe someone will call the tip line and we'll catch a break," Prentiss added.
Just then, Rossi noticed one of the double doors to the BAU swung open and Reid, followed by a weeping Garcia, entered and quickly approached the others. Reid was holding an envelope similar to the one he recognized from days before and had a nagging fear what it was judging by Garcia's reaction. Reid, looking more stricken than Rossi could ever recall seeing him, handed the envelope to JJ. "This just came about an hour ago addressed to me," he said shakily. "I think you'd better see it."
"What's on it?" Prentiss asked, worried.
"Hotch."
"You all right, baby girl?" Morgan asked Garcia who was wiping her eyes with a hand.
"Yes…no…Derek, I…I can't watch it again. It's too horrible. What he does to Hotch…excuse me, but I have to leave." Garcia abruptly turned and nearly ran from the conference room as fast as she could with one hand over her mouth and tears rolling down her cheeks; her sobs could be heard as she hurried away.
JJ sat back down beside Reid after she had inserted the DVD in the machine and pressed 'play' on the remote.
From the moment the first image appeared on the screen, what the agents saw stunned them more than the actions of any UnSub ever had.
"Don't do this. Please don't do this."
"I can't stop. You're just so damn irresistible, Aaron. I may not be into men, but I can't keep my hands off of you. Now let's show your team some real action."
They saw Hotch's pain from what they all knew was a Heretics Fork and they knew the pain it could cause a person. Then they saw their stoic leader lose control over his own body. JJ turned away from the screen, tears in her eyes while Prentiss covered her mouth with a hand. Reid swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes bright with unshed tears, while Rossi's face remained impassive. Only Morgan was doing a slow burn by what he was seeing; his inner rage knew no limits and was growing by the moment.
"You aren't done performing for the camera, Aaron."
"You like this, don't you, Aaron? I knew you were holding out on me acting like you didn't like it. Well, let's go for the gusto."
"Oh my God!" JJ cried looking at the screen again. "What is he doing?"
"It's called fisting," Morgan answered her in a voice full of rage. The others saw his face twisted with more anger than they ever had before. They all knew Morgan was a volatile individual. He couldn't get the image of the pain on Hotch's face from what Armitage was doing to him; the begging his boss had done in the beginning but to no avail out of his mind. He swore when they found him, Armitage was a dead man.
"You're such a tease, aren't you, Aaron?"
In the end, they saw their leader lose control again. Once the video ended, JJ weakly pressed the 'stop' button, tossed the remote on the table, and put a hand to her head as her lower lip trembled. Tears rolled down her cheeks from what she had just seen. There was silence among the group as each of them was lost in his or her own thoughts over what they had witnessed. Finally, Rossi let out a deep breath and spoke without looking at anybody or anything, his voice completely devoid of emotion.
"When we find Armitage, he won't live long enough to see the inside of a prison cell because I'm gonna break his fucking neck."
"Not if I get to him first," Morgan added with a cold voice but rage-filled eyes.
JJ sat in her office with the door closed and locked from the inside. Right now she didn't want to see much less speak with anybody. She buried her head in her hands and began to cry softly. She could still see the pain, the shame, and the humiliation on Hotchner's face in the video. She could still hear his voice pleading with his captor not to do what he eventually did to him. And she could still see Armitage sexually assaulting Hotch anyway despite his pleas. Pressing her hands together, JJ put her fingertips against her chin and turned towards the window; she stared out not really looking at anything in particular.
"Hotch, I'm so sorry we couldn't find you before this bastard did what he did to you. Please forgive us," she said softly to her own reflection in the glass. She knew her boss and friend couldn't hear what she was saying, but she prayed that at least he would 'feel' her thoughts. Her phone rang but she ignored it after checking the caller ID and not recognizing the caller. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts right now and let the voice-mail answer the call. "Hotch, promise me you won't give up," she said lifting her red, wet eyes to the heavens. "Just don't give up. Please. We're coming for you. Oh God!" She wiped the tears from her eyes and cupped her chin in one hand as she went back to staring out the window. Her phone had stopped ringing and the voice-mail had since recorded the message, but JJ didn't really care. All that mattered now was one Aaron Hotchner.
She began to wonder when they finally found Hotch would he ever again be the man she had worked for the last five years, or would he be just an empty shell never again to be the stoic team leader she and the others all relied on. These were answers JJ didn't have; but what she was positive of was that regardless, when they got Hotch back, she would make sure he knew he could count on her to be there for him and help him find himself again. That was all that mattered to her now; finding her friend and standing by him even if he was too ashamed or humiliated to ask for her help. It didn't matter to JJ because she had made up her mind and would be there for her boss throughout his recovery and let him know she still believed in and trusted him.
Rossi sat alone in his office with the door closed and the blinds pulled in an attempt to shut out the world after seeing that recording of what his best friend who he thought of more as a son had been subjected to. The pain on Hotch's face and the look of complete despair was permanently etched into his brain. Rossi swore as long as he lived he would never forget that look. But he also wouldn't forget something else he saw on Hotch's face; and that was the look of self-loathing.
Leaning back in his chair with folded arms, the older agent stared at a spot on the wall. He had an inkling of what his friend was feeling besides self-loathing; and that was shame, humiliation, and embarrassment of having his team see him lose control over his own body. Rossi knew for a man like Aaron Hotchner who depended so much on being in control, having his control snatched away from him so violently by someone who used Hotch's own body as a means by which to do it, would be something he wondered if his friend would ever be able to recover from. Rossi didn't have to even think about what he would do when they found Hotch because he already made up his mind. He didn't doubt for a moment that he would be there for his best friend even if he didn't want him to. He would be there until Hotch recovered no matter how long it took, and even afterward. As far as he was concerned, he would make sure Hotch knew he still considered him the leader of the team no matter what and that he was just holding down the fort until Hotch returned.
"And you will be back, my friend," Rossi murmured to nobody. "Nothing that bastard did to you will ever change that. You are this team's leader and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure you never forget that. I always promised to watch your back, and I let you down. I let you down this time by not finding you before this slimy bastard caused you to feel what you must be feeling." He exhaled deeply. "And for that, Aaron, I am so, so sorry. I only hope one day you can forgive me because I sure as hell will never forgive myself."
Rossi sadly shook his head as he massaged his forehead. Even if by some miracle Hotch forgave him for failing to watch his back this time, the older agent wasn't sure he could ever forgive himself. He would never forget how he and Morgan were sitting in an SUV outside the home of the widow of a murdered attorney, and Armitage had taken Hotch within the fifteen minutes he was inside the woman's home. Fifteen minutes! Fifteen minutes for which Rossi knew he would never forgive himself for no matter what.
Derek Morgan sat at the table alone in the conference room with his head in his hands. He knew what he saw on the video would stay with him the rest of his life. He would never forget the look on the face of his boss and friend; the look of humiliation and despair and one other thing, his pain-filled eyes staring into space. He knew he was to blame for Hotch even being in the position he was in. All because he and Rossi were waiting for their supervisor outside a house in an SUV instead of going inside with him. Morgan could never forgive himself for not accompanying his boss into the house, especially since he had been threatened by an UnSub and he knew it at the time.
"Hotch," he murmured softly to the open air. "I will never forgive myself for what Armitage has done to you." He wiped at something in his eye not caring at the moment if anybody saw or said anything. It hurt more than he could ever imagine it would. He recalled the smug grin on Armitage's face on the video while he was all over Hotch. "I promise you, man, if it's the last thing I do, that sick, twisted, fucking bastard is gonna pay for what he's done to you. I let you down by not going with you into that house when you were to meet with Mrs. Brennaman. I made a mistake and now you're paying for it." He hung his head and massaged his eyes. The guilt was overpowering and ran deep.
Clenching his jaw until he could feel his teeth grinding, Morgan made a promise to himself. When they got Hotch back, he wasn't going to let him out of his sight again. And another promise he made to himself was that he would be there for his boss no matter how long his recovery took, and would make certain Hotch knew that what was done to him in no way, changed Morgan's opinion of him. That he was still the man he wanted to emulate and make proud. Also, as far as he was concerned, Hotch was still this team's Unit Chief and leader, and nothing or no-one would ever change that. And he would make certain that he made his boss aware he still had his utmost respect and that there was nobody who he wanted for a boss but him; no matter how long it would take. That and owing him an apology for letting him down.
Garcia was sitting at her computer table but wasn't paying any attention to what was showing on the screen in front of her nor on the screens of the other monitors around and near her. She couldn't concentrate right now, and wasn't sure when she would be able to. She had always tried to find the good in people, even the UnSubs she knew her team confronted. But Jason Armitage had no good in him; he was pure evil inside and out. Even though she wasn't a profiler, Garcia had had a bad feeling when the door to her office had opened and the man who delivered their mail, noticing Spencer Reid sitting beside her, mentioned he had an envelope for the young genius, and handed him what appeared to be an insulated envelope and left.
Opening the envelope, Reid removed a diamond case containing a DVD and put it inside the slot of the computer in front of her, and pressed 'play.' The minute the first image showed, Garcia nearly became sick to her stomach. Eventually the more she watched the more ill she became. To see her boss, friend, and a man she both admired and had the deepest respect for treated the way he was broke her heart. She knew, hell, they all knew how proud a man Aaron Hotchner was and how in control he was. And to have that control ripped from him so violently and by using his own body as a means of ripping that control away, was more than she could stomach. Seeing him looking so helpless, so vulnerable, so defenseless, so…so broken, forced new tears to start falling down her cheeks. She wiped them away only to have fresh ones replace them. And what Armitage did to Hotch at the end made her want to lose the contents of her stomach but somehow managed not to.
She wondered two things: one, would they be able to get to him before something worse happened, as if something worse could happen after what she saw. She had never even heard of 'fisting' before. And two, would he ever be the Hotch she loved and admired again after this? She told herself no matter what he still had her respect, always would, and she would never abandon him.
It was then that Penelope made a promise to herself. Once her boss was safe, she would be there for him even if he told her to 'go to hell and don't come back.' She would be there for him and whether or not he allowed it, she would hug him, kiss the top of his head, and hopefully make all his pain and fear go away. She could only imagine what he must be feeling and thinking knowing his team was going to be watching him being broken. But despite all that, he was still the only boss she wanted to work for, and would see to it that he knew that even if she had to remind him every day for the rest of his life.
"I won't let that creepy person take you from us, my liege," she murmured staring at the now blank computer screen in front of her. "You belong to us and I'll be damned if I let him do that. So be prepared to do battle with the Goddess of the all-knowing, Aaron Hotchner. I'm gonna be by your side every hour of every day once you're back, until you believe you have nothing to feel sorry or ashamed about, and you're back where you belong….with us."
Spencer Reid had found a vacant office on the sixth floor to occupy and closed the door and pulled the blinds shut. He needed time and space right now, and this was the only way he could think of to have them. He didn't want to use the vacant office beside David Rossi's only because there was always the chance one of his teammates would walk in and inquire as to how he was, and right now even he didn't have an answer to that question. To Reid at the moment it didn't really matter how he felt; it was a matter of how Aaron felt and was feeling. He could never forget the look on the face of the man he considered a father figure after Gideon had left. He still felt that except with one difference now. He thought of Hotch as the father figure that he needed to be strong for and to take care of when they got him back.
Wrapping his long arms around himself, Reid let out a deep breath and felt the moisture on his cheeks. He didn't bother to wipe it away. All he could think about was seeing how lost his boss and friend appeared on that video; how ashamed he seemed, and the look of complete and utter despair on his face. This was a different Hotch from the one he had known. This was not the strong, stoic and in control Hotch; the Hotch he saw on the video was broken, humiliated, and having his control snatched from him through the use of his own body. Reid couldn't even begin to imagine how using his own body against him to snatch away any and all control he had would feel to him. But to someone like Aaron Hotchner, who was use to being in control, it probably broke the man.
"We'll get you back, Hotch," the young man said practically to himself as he wiped his face. "We'll get you back and no matter how long it takes, we'll make sure you know you still have our support and respect, and that we still believe in you. Just don't give up on us or yourself. Don't let him take away your belief in yourself that you can overcome what he's done to you. We're going to get you back and I'm going to make certain you know you are Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief of the BAU and the only boss I want." Reid then let out a deep breath and swallowed the large lump that had built up in his throat. "I managed to recover from Tobias Henkel with your support and caring, and you can count on having mine. Whatever you need from me you got; I promise. Just don't give up on yourself. Please Hotch."
Emily Prentiss sat at her desk with her chin pressed against her clasped hands, seemingly staring into space. In her few short years with the BAU, she thought she had seen every abomination, every depravity, every cruelty a person could do to someone; but until she saw this latest video, even she couldn't believe the new low's a person would go to to inflict pain on someone. Only this time it wasn't just someone; it was Aaron Hotchner, her boss and her friend. She couldn't even begin to imagine what Hotch was feeling right now, but if the looks of shame, humiliation, and self-loathing on his face in that video were any indication….
Sighing, Prentiss ran her hands down her face before swallowing hard and staring around the office. What Armitage had done to Hotch this time was beyond description. She was more determined than ever to find him and save him before this UnSub inflicted the ultimate punishment on Hotch and that was the taking of his life.
"We're not going to let you die, Hotch," she murmured partially to herself. "We may not have been able to stop him from hurting you as he did, but we will not let him kill you and take you away from us, Haley, and especially not Jack." Licking her suddenly dry lips, Prentiss breathed out through her nose. Hotch, despite what had been done to him, still had her respect and loyalty. He was still the only boss she wanted to work for. But she did feel sympathy for him, not pity as someone else probably else, because she knew Hotch would never want anybody's pity.
Blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall, Prentiss told herself when they got Hotch back, she would make sure she would be there for him regardless of whether he wanted her there or not. He needed to know she still believed in him and his ability to lead his team regardless of what happened to him. As far as she was concerned, he was their Unit Chief and leader, and if anybody had a problem with that, she would just sic Garcia on them as she knew how protective the technical analyst was of her teammates. She forced a small smile to appear at the thought. Even she didn't want to tangle with an angry Penelope Garcia.
Laying her hands and arms on top of her desk, she hung her head and shook it. As angry as she was right now over her boss's treatment by Armitage, two thoughts permeated her mind: one, they would find and save Hotch, and two, she would let Hotch know that the entire team wanted, needed, and believed in him. And she didn't care however long it would take.