**This story was to have been completed by now, but I received emails from several people who suggested I shouldn't rush through Hotch's recovery. So, I added two additional chapters covering his recovery from his ordeal. Also, I hope I got down how a five-year-old talks.***

Chapter 24-Healing

Hotch lay in the bed gazing up at the ceiling of his hospital room hours after Haley and his team left. A tear rolled down his cheeks from the corners of both eyes. He sensed his wife had tried; had really tried to handle how he looked, but despite the attempt, he could tell by her eyes that she was disgusted by his looks. And he didn't believe a word of the excuse Rossi had Haley give him as to why they were leaving. Their leaving had nothing to do with Strauss. He was positive. It had to do with his face and his losing control on that video. They were all disgusted and frightened by him. "You were a fool to think your wife could overlook how you look now and that your team could either much less what you did on that video," he said softly to himself. "A complete and total fool!" Mindful of the wire connected to the oxygen machine, Hotch wiped at his eyes with his fingers before turning his head toward the window to stare out at the approaching evening. It wouldn't even surprise him if none of them returned.

It was then his mind turned to thoughts of his son. If by some twist of fate Haley brought Jack to see him how would the little boy react seeing his father's marred face? I'll tell you how'd he react, Aaron, Hotch thought, he'd think you look like one of those monsters who hid under his bed that he wanted you to scare away before he could go to sleep. He'd be afraid of you is what he'd be. Hell, to my son I won't be daddy anymore, I'd be a monster! Hotch began to sob quietly and cover his face with a hand. His arms ached to hold his little boy again and tell him everything would be okay. His heart ached knowing that would never be. Armitage had taken his son away as well as his pride, dignity, and self-respect, and left him with self-loathing, shame and humiliation. Not much of a trade-off.

As the evening wore on, one of the hospital orderlies brought Hotch his dinner. The agent was facing the window again and didn't acknowledge the orderly standing there with the tray. "Take it… away," he said hoarsely. "Not…hungry…."

"Agent Hotchner, you have to eat to regain your strength even if it's only broth, juice and tea. Doctor Blandon's orders."

"Don't….care….don't want it…go away."

The orderly turned when he heard footsteps behind him and noticed Dr. Blandon. "What seems to be the problem here?"

"Agent Hotchner refuses to eat his dinner, doctor," the orderly said.

Blandon shook his head sadly. He suspected this would happen when his patient was alone. "Aaron, I'm hoping to discharge you in two or three days so you can go home. But if you refuse to eat, I won't be able to do that. Also, I'd have to order you fed intravenously thereby forcing me to keep you here longer. Don't you want to go home and see your son? Believe you have a little boy, don't you?"

"Yes," Hotch replied continuing to stare out the window. "Jack. He's five."

"Well, don't you want to see Jack, Aaron? I'm sure he wants to see his daddy very much."

Hotch smirked. "After he….sees my….face….he won't. Be scared of me. They're all….scared of me."

Blandon glanced at the aide. "Put Agent Hotchner's tray on the table and leave us please."

"Yes sir." The orderly did as instructed. Once they were alone, Blandon resumed the conversation.

"Why do you say that? Children are able to adapt to any situation, good or bad. From what I know of your son from your wife and co-workers, he sounds like the kind of child who wouldn't let a few scars on your face bother him." While waiting for an answer, Blandon thought he heard a sobbing noise from Hotch and figured the man was crying. He thought he finally understood Hotch's sudden refusal to cooperate. He was afraid to leave and go home because of the way his face looked now; afraid to have his son see him this way, yet very much wanting and needing to see his son.

Hearing a noise behind him Blandon looked over his shoulder and smiled at the trio of people approaching. He looked back at his patient. "I'll be right back, Aaron." Leaving the room, Blandon approached the threesome and shook hands with the two adults. "Agent Rossi, Mrs. Hotchner." He then looked down at the little blond haired child who partially hid behind his mother's legs, looking up at him. "And this must be Jack."

Haley smiled faintly. "I explained to him about his father's facial injuries as you suggested, Dr. Blandon," Haley said. "I told him that a bad man hurt his daddy very badly and that his face was hurt. He said he wanted to see his daddy and I just couldn't say no. So here we are."

Blandon put a hand on her shoulder. "Your timing was perfect, Mrs. Hotchner," he said. "Aaron's a bit depressed right now and refuses to eat."

"What happened since we left earlier, doctor?" asked a concerned Rossi.

Blandon sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. "It seems, Agent Rossi, that Agent Hotchner took you and your team's leaving earlier as a sign none of you wanted to be near him because of his facial injuries. And now he's refusing to eat because I think he hopes by doing that I'll keep him here so he can't go home in two or three days."

"I don't understand," said Haley, deeply worried. "We had such a good visit earlier. Why would he suddenly not want to come home?"

"I think he's afraid he'll frighten his son with his injuries despite very much wanting to see his son. How Jack reacts to him will go a long way towards Aaron's recovery."

"Can we see him?" she asked.

"Of course," Blandon replied. "Please go right in. I hope seeing Jack will cheer him up."

Haley started to walk forward and suddenly stopped looking back at Rossi. "Dave? Don't you want to come with us?"

Rossi smiled warmly. "You and Jack go ahead. I'll wait out here and talk with Dr. Blandon. Good luck."

Haley smiled at Rossi. "Thank you," she said before grabbing Jack's hand and walking toward her husband's room while Rossi and Blandon both sat down on chairs up against the wall; Rossi with legs crossed and arms folded, and Blandon leaning forward with arms on his thighs; both men watching closely as they had a view of Hotch's room.

Haley didn't say anything as she stood in the doorway of her husband's room; then slowly, she took a few tentative steps inside still holding her son's hand tightly. She noticed her husband still had his head turned facing the window and had to have seen her reflection in it. When he didn't respond to Jack's presence she began to suspect that perhaps he had his eyes closed. "Aaron, honey…."

"Go away….don't come….closer," he murmured shakily. "I know….you don't….can't stand….to see….my face. Disgusts you."

Haley wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall. "That's not true, Aaron. I love you so much." She got no response. "Aaron, somebody here wants to say hello to you."

Hotch still didn't reply. He surmised it was probably Haley's sister, Jessica. "Haley wouldn't subject our son to his freaky father," he told himself. Sobbing could be heard and Haley's heart began to break. She took another step forward. Looking at her son she released his hand and motioned with her heard toward the bed.

"Hi, daddy," Jack said softly as he approached the bed, his eyes on his father.

Hotch's eyes which had been shut the entire time he faced the window, now opened, and he turned towards the door. He was glad the only light into the room was from the fluorescent lighting in the hall so Jack didn't have a clear look at his face. The corners of his mouth turned upward. "Hey, buddy. I sure missed you. How are you?" He hoped his son wouldn't come any closer.

"Fine," he said his eyes never straying. He came closer.

"Don't come closer, son," Hotch responded. Jack froze.

"Why?" he asked sadly with a puzzled look.

"Daddy was hurt by a bad man very badly and….well….his face was hurt." He saw his son looking up at him sadly.

"What happened, daddy?"

Hotch swallowed the lump in his throat. He ached so badly right now to hold that little body in his arms but he just couldn't subject Jack to him as he now was. "Who are you kidding, Aaron," he told himself glumly. "You're permanently scarred and you're going to look like this forever. And there's nothing anybody can do." He smirked. "Something else Armitage ripped away from you."

Jack looked over at Haley for a minute. Thinking she understood, she stepped forward and picking Jack up, sat him down on the bed beside Hotch who did his best to shield his face from his son's sad eyes. But when Jack Hotchner made up his mind about something, he would not be deterred. Scooting closer to his father, he grabbed his father's hand, and gently pulled it away from Hotch's face and tilted his head as he studied the scars. Tentatively reaching out a small hand, he touched one of the scars on his father's face with a finger.

"Does it hurt, daddy?" he asked sadly his eyes looking directly into his father's face with no fear whatsoever.

"At first," Hotch replied. "Not….so much….now." Dare he hope?

"Daddy, I gots a present for you," Jack replied as he searched through his pockets until he found what he was looking for. Finally finding it, he pulled it out and held it in a closed fist. "It's a surprise. You gotta close your eyes first, then hold out your hand."

Hotch did as Jack instructed, and soon felt several small things dropped in his hand.

"You can open your eyes, daddy." Hotch did and saw several Spiderman band-aids in his palm. He looked questioningly at Haley who shrugged her shoulders. Hotch then looked at his son who was smiling widely. "They're really nice, Jack…but….what are….they for?"

Jack put his hands on his small hips and pouted. "They're Spiderman ban aids, silly. They'll cover your boo-boos."

Hotch could feel his eyes brimming and noticed Haley cover her mouth with her fingers, her own eyes brimming.

"I loves you, daddy, Jack said wrapping his short arms around his father's neck and hugging him with all his strength. He then kissed one scarred cheek. "Evrything's gonna be 'k."

Hotch embraced his son's small body in his strong arms and held him tightly against him, mindful of the IV cannula in the back of his hand, squeezing his own eyes shut and letting his tears fall unashamedly. Haley came closer and embraced her son and husband together, resting a cheek on her husband's head. "I love you, Aaron," she said softly. She kissed his temple then lay her cheek on his head again. "Our vows said 'for better or for worse', and we're going to get through this together. A few scars won't scare me away."

Neither of them noticed Dr. Blandon and David Rossi quietly standing outside the room having heard part of the conversation between father and son. Blandon smiled as he wiped at something he believed was in his eye. "I'd say Agent Hotchner needn't worry about his son's reaction to his scars even if they should be permanent," he said in a low voice.

"Told you he was a smart little boy," Rossi added with a delighted grin on his face. "He somehow always knows what Aaron needs and when he needs it."

After Haley and Jack had left promising they would visit again tomorrow, Hotch began to relax. He had even informed Dr. Blandon he was hungry; the doctor had no problem with seeing that the now cold food on the tray from earlier was removed and a Styrofoam bowl of hot broth, juice, tea and jello was brought to him right away. After the doctor left, Rossi entered the room and sat in the chair beside the bed. He smiled at his friend.

"Feeling better now, Aaron?" he asked.

"Yeah….I do. Jack doesn't….hate me. Isn't….scared of….me." The corners of his mouth curled up into a smile.

Rossi grinned. "I know. Dr. Blandon and I heard most of it from outside the room. I'm very happy for you, Aaron. You deserve some happiness after what you've been through the last few days." He noticed his friend's eyebrows knit together looking like something was on his mind. "Something you want to ask me?"

"Curious…how did you….find me?"

"It wasn't easy, believe me," Rossi began leaning forward in the chair with his arms on his thighs rubbing his hands together. "Reid figured out the anagram for the names you gave me and that led Garcia to find the info on her computer for a Brenda Scoop."

"What….ana….gram. Only gave….you one."

Rossi 's face turned red with embarrassment. "Uh, I was sleeping in your office and you appeared to me in a dream. I asked you if there was some clue you could give me so we could find you." He saw Hotch's eyebrows arch in surprise. "You said to think of Shane and Brandon Cooper when I thought of you. Reid figured out an anagram for a B and S Cooper which was Brenda Scoop who dated Shane Cooper for awhile. The house we found you in was bought, for cash, under her name in Fairfax after she died. When we got there, the place was already on fire."

"Wait. You had….a dream…'bout me?"

Rossi smirked. "It was either you or Strauss," he said with a chuckle. The older agent paused when two orderlies entered the room carrying separate trays, putting both on the table leaning over Hotch's bed. Hotch eyed both trays curiously before looking at the orderlies, both of whom were smiling.

"Courtesy of Dr. Blandon, Agent Hotchner. Agent Rossi, since you're here, Dr. Blandon thought you might want to have dinner with Agent Hotchner."

Rossi and Hotch exchanged grins; then Hotch looked at the orderlies. "Tell the doc…tor…thank you."

"Yes, sir. Enjoy your dinner." They left leaving the agents alone.

Rossi lifted the cover off the broth. "Bon appetite, Aaron," he said as he picked up the Styrofoam bowl and began to eat as did Hotch. Neither man had realized how hungry they really were. It didn't take either of them long to finish the broth. Hotch grabbed the red jello while Rossi grabbed the juice.

"How….did you…Morgan….get me out?"

"That was difficult," the older agent said tiredly. "The firemen weren't going to let us go inside because by the time we got there the house was nearly fully engulfed; but you know Morgan. Well, once we were inside the ceiling started to collapse around us. We decided to search upstairs and were able to locate you strapped on a bed. We got you untied and put you on the floor where I took a blanket from the bed and soaked it in water and wrapped it around you. Then Morgan and I tried to get you to your feet so we could leave, but the flames by then were spreading into the room, and part of the ceiling over the bed collapsed and landed directly where you had just been on the bed. Anyway, when we tried to get you out you passed out so Morgan carried you in his arms." He saw Hotch give him a dark look which wasn't in anger.

Rossi smirked. "I told him you'd hate it. He said you could fire him later for it. Anyway, the flames were blocking our way out. That's when several firefighters appeared and sprayed us both with water and then led us out while spraying water around us making a path to the front door. Shortly after we got out the entire building became engulfed. JJ made sure an ambulance was waiting for us and Morgan and I rode to the hospital with you." His face clouded suddenly. "I don't have to tell you, Aaron, how afraid we both were when we lost you twice on the way here; fortunately, the EMTs were able to bring you back both times." He kept his eyes focused on his friend. "Aaron, I am never letting you out of my sight again."

Hotch sat the empty jello cup on the tray and grabbed his juice. There was a question he needed the answer to while at the same time was afraid to hear the answer.

"Armitage escaped…didn't he?"

Rossi finished his juice and after tossing the empty container onto his tray, looked at his hands unable to meet his friend's eyes. "Yeah, he did," he said softly. He then looked up and noticed Hotch staring into his juice container.

"I thought so," was all he said grimly.

"We found a burned body in the house and we were hopeful. But the M.E. had to identify the body through dental records and it turned out to be that of….

"Shane Cooper. I know."

Rossi's eyebrows knitted together this time. "How did you know?" he asked.

"Armi….tage told me. Killed him….after he helped….him set up….trap for me."

Rossi sadly nodded and went back to staring at his hands. "I don't want you to worry, Aaron," he said. "We will move heaven and earth to make sure he never gets near you or your family. We'll find him. I promise you we'll find him."

Hotch let his head fall back on his pillow and swallowed hard as he stared up at the ceiling. He sighed wearily. After a minute he turned his face toward his friend. "Dave….whatever….happens….just make….sure that….Jack and Haley….are safe. Don't let….him….get to them."

"Don't worry. I give you my word as your best friend we will find him. Also…" Rossi checked his watch. "As soon as we heard from the M.E. I made a call to Strauss and explained the situation to her and suggested she have security here to keep watch over you until you're discharged from the hospital just in case he shows up. There will also be security watching Haley and Jack. After you're discharged, the security will continue until Armitage is either captured or dead, whichever comes first."

Hotch arched an inquisitive eyebrow and smirked. He knew Rossi only too well.

"Suggested, Dave?"

Rossi chuckled. "Okay. Suggested. Insisted. Threatened. Whatever. I was prepared to call in some favors if she refused which she didn't. Plus she knows if she refused she could very well be fired; especially if the higher ups found out. Security should be here in a few minutes. I already explained things to Dr. Blandon while Haley and Jack were visiting. He'll make sure the staff is made aware as well."

Hotch exhaled deeply. "Dave…I need….to know….two things. Be….honest."

"If I can. What do you want to know?"

"My face. If scars are….permanent….would you….take over team….for me. New Unit Chief." Seeing Rossi about to argue, Hotch held up a hand stopping him. "I'm not...being vain. Permanent scars will...be constant reminder I...lost control. Confidence to do job...would be gone...couldn't...lead team...that way."

"Aaron, let's not assume anything at this point. Let's just wait and see what happens. You're still fighting an infection in two of those cuts. Give yourself a chance to heal and go from there."

"I will. Just want to….have…option. Will you?"

"If it'll shut you up yes. But let's see what happens first. Okay?" He noticed his friend smile. "Now what's the other thing?"

"Last tape. My….reaction on it….I..." he saw Rossi hold up a hand.

"Hold it right there, my friend. I know what you're gonna ask. First, nobody thinks less of you for what happened. You can't control everything, Aaron, no matter what you'd like to think. Nobody can. Everybody on your team still has the highest regard and respect for you. I hope you believe me because if you don't, I'm going to keep saying it until it penetrates that thick skull of yours that nobody blames you in any way. If anything, we all feel rage that he would do that to you simply to degrade and humiliate you. Between you and me, Aaron, if I catch the bastard first, he'll never see the inside of a jail cell."

Hotch's eyes widened hearing an anger in his friend's voice he had never heard before, and he'd seen Rossi angry several times in their friendship. It made him aware of the depth of Rossi's feelings for him. "Dave….gonna pretend….I didn't….hear that."

Rossi looked at his hands again. "Good. Because Morgan feels the same way I do. I suspect so do Garcia, Emily and JJ. Reid, I think, has ideas of his own as to what he'd like to see happen to Armitage for what he's done to you."

Hotch momentarily closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened them again, he noticed Rossi's expression hadn't changed.

"Dave….I understand how the team feels….but I don't….want anybody….taking the law…into…their own hands when….catch Armitage."

Rossi sighed. "Aaron, don't worry. What we'd like to do or see done to Armitage is just that. What'd we like to see happen or like to do. But your team will do everything by the book."

Both Rossi and Hotch looked around as one of the hospital security guards looked in. "Agent Rossi, the security people you've been waiting for are here."

"Thank you," Rossi replied tiredly. Exhaling, he got to his feet and patted Hotch's good shoulder. "I'm going to give security their orders, then I'm heading home. Sleep well, my friend. Since you're alive and apparently on the road to recovery, Strauss figures it's a matter of time before the locals find Armitage, so she's ordered us to stand down for a week. So we'll all be here tomorrow for a visit after I check with Haley about the security for her and Jack. Goodnight." He started to walk away when Hotch reached out and grabbed his wrist. Rossi looked over his shoulder.

"Dave….thank you, team….for everything….and for not ….giving up on me. I owe you all…my life."

"You don't owe us anything," Rossi replied with a grin. "But if you insist, you can pay us back by not making any rushed decisions and waiting to hear what the doctor says, and then think long and hard as to whether or not you want to come back to the BAU. If you decide not to return, let it be because you honestly believe you can no longer be effective in your job, and not because your face may be permanently scarred. Just promise me that, Aaron."

Hotch smiled. "I promise."