A/N Sorry that it has taken me this long to update. I felt lost for a little bit. It was like I knew where I was going and how I wanted to get there but couldn't get started. Plus since this is a two POV story I wanted to post both chapters at the same time. So double trouble for me! But here they are: the longest chapters yet. And they are only getting longer as I go along. Thank you for your patience and don't forget that lovely button marked review.
I don't own Twilight, more's the pity. But I do so love messing with the character's heads!
Bella
When I woke up the next morning I found several bags of clothes next to my luggage. Inside were several shirts and pairs of jeans. Alice. I think even if she wasn't psychic she would still be able to predict exactly what I needed.
Edward had gone downstairs when I had woken up and I got dressed and went down to join him. I found him in the kitchen, standing next to the stove. It took me a moment to process what he was doing.
Edward was cooking. It was probably the most adorable thing I had ever seen.
"Hey you," I said. I walked over to the stove and saw that he was making pancakes. They looked perfect, of course. Golden brown and fluffy.
"Are you hungry?" I asked, grinning at him.
He turned to me with a frown. "I hope they are alright. I don't think I have ever cooked before." He turned back to the stove with a look of intense concentration. It took everything I had not to laugh. He looked so serious.
"I'm sure they will be delicious." I said, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from giggling.
"Hmmm," was all he said. I watched him as he flipped them onto the plate with extreme care.
I sat down at the table and he put the plate in front of me. They looked delicious. I poured syrup on them and took a bite. They were delicious. Of course. I sighed.
Edward had been watching me with an anxious expression on his angel face.
"Are they alright?" He asked cautiously.
"Wonderful." I said and his face relaxed.
I ate contentedly and when I was done, washed my plate and put it up to dry. Edward had already cleaned up the rest of the kitchen.
We walked into the living room to find Carlisle and Esme. They looked up when we came in and greeted us.
"Bella, we have something to discuss with you." Carlisle said. "We are thinking of going back to Forks sooner than we had originally planned. We have discussed it with the rest of the family and want your opinion too. What do you think?"
I loved that he included me as part of his family.
"I'm ready to go back whenever you are. When do you want to leave?" I asked.
"We were thinking of leaving tomorrow if that is not too soon for you." Esme said.
"That suits me fine." I replied. "Why are we going back sooner than you planned?"
Carlisle looked a little uncomfortable and I understood.
"It's because of me isn't it? Because of Tanya's reaction to me, right?" I sighed.
"Bella, you didn't do anything." Edward said. He sounded exasperated.
"Edward's right, Bella. It isn't your fault that Tanya can't control herself. But we do think that it is better to go now before things get out of control." He looked at my arm as he spoke.
"Before she can hurt me again you mean." I said, shaking my head. Damn, I hated being so fragile. "Well then I guess it is better that we go. I don't want to there to be any more problems. And I would hate to cause turmoil between Tanya's family and all of you. You all have such a good bond. It would be a shame to damage that just because of me. So what time are we leaving?"
Carlisle and Esme stared at me for a moment. Edward just shook his head and sighed.
"We are leaving at eight tomorrow morning." Carlisle said.
"Ok, sounds great." I said. I would have said more but Alice came bounding down the stairs at that moment. I swear, where did she store all that energy?
"Bella! We have plans to make!" She trilled.
"What plans?" I asked, though I was pretty sure I knew what she meant.
"For shopping of course, silly! We need to get you outfitted to go back home." She said.
I sighed. This was going to be a long day.
Alice dragged me out of the house and to the mall in town. We spent the next six hours going to shop after shop after shop. I had to put my foot down several times to keep Alice in check. No to the blue sequined halter top that didn't even come to my navel. No to the four inch stilettos. Seriously? Had she ever seen me walk? I did give in and let her buy me a short black leather mini skirt though. She was surprised for a moment then a huge grin broke out on her face. I knew she was picturing the look on Edward's face if I ever got the courage to wear it. I was too.
We got back to the cabin with our bags and Alice took them all inside and up to my room. She wanted to get them all packed before we had to leave the next day. She told me to let her handle it and I did. I was exhausted. And this was only our first trip. I knew that she would want to take me again once we got back to Forks. Shopping with Alice took stamina-and courage.
Edward was on the couch when we got back and I went straight over to him. I kissed him hello then I lay down on the couch and put my head on his lap. He began playing with my hair.
"Tired?" He sounded amused as he bent to kiss my nose.
"Alice is exhausting." I said.
He laughed and trailed his fingers down my cheek softly while still playing with my hair. His touch was hypnotic. I felt my eyes close.
I woke up some time later to find myself in the same position. Edward was still playing with my hair and touching my face. I noticed someone had placed an afghan over me. I sat up groggily and rubbed my eyes.
"How long was I asleep?" I yawned.
"About three hours." Edward said.
I laughed. "Sorry. You should have moved me over so you could get up. I didn't mean to trap you there."
Edward just laughed. "You can trap me whenever you want."
I went to bed early that night and at seven Edward woke me up so I could shower before we left. Alice had left out clothes for me to wear and after I put my toiletry bag in my luggage it was all taken downstairs. Edward made me breakfast again, bacon and eggs and toast, and after I ate we were ready to leave.
We all said goodbye to the Denali family and Kate surprised me by pulling me into a hug. She released me quickly, looking at Edward.
"I'm sorry that there was such drama, Bella. But I am very glad to have met you. Thanks for bring Edward back from the dead, so to speak." She laughed and I could not help but laugh with her.
"I'm glad to have met all of you too. I'm sorry about what happened but I hope we can all be friends." I said.
"Me too." She said
I said good bye to Irina, Eleazar and Carmen. Tanya had not come back since the incident with Edward.
We all loaded up into the cars. Carlisle and Esme were in Carlisle's Mercedes. Rose and Emmett rode in her BMW. Alice and Jasper took the rental car and Edward and I were riding in his Volvo. We were all driving back to Forks. I knew that everyone else would beat us back home because Edward had to stop more often than they did. I was still human after all.
I was going to stay at the Cullen's for a few days before Alice, Jasper and I made our return from our "humanitarian efforts". It meant staying in most of the time so that no one would see me but it would give me time to research my trip and of course, more time with Edward.
Edward and I spent much of the drive talking. He wanted to know what the cast of characters at Forks High were up to, how Charlie was doing, what new obsession Renee had started. I told him as much as I knew which admittedly was not a lot. I had really been out of it. He told me a little about what he had been doing while we were apart, the places that he had been and things he had seen. He was editing but I could tell that it was painful for him to think about that time so I changed the subject whenever I saw him become melancholy.
It took us three days to make the drive back to Forks. Edward was very patient and kept the speed to a reasonable-for-him 125mph. I knew he was holding back for me. And I knew that when I was asleep he went much, much faster.
We arrived at the Cullen's home a day after everyone else. When we pulled up into the drive it was early afternoon. We parked in the garage and Edward grabbed our bags. When we walked into the house we were met by Emmett's booming voice.
"Took you long enough Edward! Did you guys stop and sightsee or something? Or were you trying to get out of unpacking everything?" He laughed.
"Funny, Em." Edward said, rolling his eyes. "I assume that you guys left me my room to unpack anyway, right?"
"Hell yes. No one can figure out the weird way you have your music arranged. Besides the fact that it would take forever to unpack all of it anyway." Emmett said.
"I did make your bed and hang up your clothes Edward." Esme said. She had come out of the library with Carlisle when we came in. Edward put our bags down and walked over to her, putting his arm around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head.
"Thanks, Mom. You're the best." He grinned at her and she beamed back.
Edward went upstairs to put our luggage in his room and I stayed downstairs and looked around. Everything looked exactly the same as it had before they had left. I could not even see any dust on anything. I was amazed, though I guess I should not have been, that they were able to settle back in so quickly.
I spent the next two days looking for information online, spending as much time with Edward as possible and of course, shopping with Alice. We couldn't go to Port Angeles so she drove me to Seattle. The woman was a dynamo, moving from shop to shop, leaving happy salespeople in her wake. We had to go back to the car twice to put the bags away. I was able to keep her in check, mostly. I still felt like she bought way too much clothes. I did keep to my side of the deal and did not complain too much about the things she bought for me. To be truthful I liked most of them, though I would never let her know that. Alice had developed a pretty good sense of what I liked and didn't like.
We had disagreed only twice. Despite my stringent protests she had bought me a floor length cobalt blue dress. I could not see where I would ever wear such a thing. Then she held up what she expected me to wear underneath. I had almost fainted.
"Alice I cannot wear that! Are you serious?" She was holding a corset top with black embroidered flowers with matching panties in the same blue as the dress. The fabric had a soft sheen and laced up the front.
"Of course I am serious Bella," She had sighed. "If you don't wear this it will ruin the whole line of the dress." She said this like it was the worst horror imaginable.
"But Alice-."
"Bella, trust me, you will thank me for this. I promise." She tapped her head meaningfully.
I grumbled but went along. But I pouted so she knew I was displeased. She pretended not to notice.
"Don't tell Edward about this either." She had warned. "It has to be a surprise."
"Um Alice, he's a mind-reader. Or did you forget he can read your mind?" How do you keep a secret from someone who can hear your thoughts?
"I have my ways of getting around him, don't you worry." She had said.
We left shortly after that. Alice of course drove way too fast the whole way, but since we had taken Carlisle's Mercedes the trip was very smooth.
We arrived back home around nightfall. We had been gone the whole day, leaving after breakfast. It was the longest I had been away from Edward in over a week and I was eager to see him. We pulled into the drive and he was out of the house before we made it into the garage. He leapt gracefully as a gazelle off the porch and was at my door in less than a second. I unbuckled my seatbelt as he opened the door and as soon as I stepped out he engulfed me in a hug. I looked up at him and he bent swiftly to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and grasped his hair with my fingers.
I felt him smile against my lips then he lifted his head to whisper in my ear.
"I missed you."
"I can tell." I laughed breathlessly. "I missed you too."
He bent and kissed me again but too soon Alice interrupted.
"Bella, we have to get all this into the house. Come on." She said, tugging on my arm, breaking the kiss.
"Alice! Geez! Be careful! That arm still hurts. How can someone so tiny be the biggest annoyance in the world?"
"Sorry Bella, but I need to sort all this out. You can kiss Edward any time."
"Thank God for that." Edward said as I dragged him into the house with me.
We hauled all the bags upstairs and put them in Alice's room. When I asked why not Edward's room since that is where I was sleeping she looked at me and tapped her head meaningfully. I remembered the dress and realized that she wanted to keep it in her room to prevent Edward from seeing it.
"I'll bring everything to your room once it's sorted out Bella. I am going to have to go over everything with you anyway to make sure you know how to put it all together."
I groaned and flopped down onto the bed. This fashion stuff was way too complicated. Why couldn't we all just wear full body jumpsuits or something easy like that?
"Come on, Bella," Edward said laughing. "Let Alice figure all this stuff out. She will call you when she is ready. I want to talk to you about something anyway." He held out his hand and I grasped it. He pulled me up off the bed and into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my face into his chest, inhaling deeply. I lifted my head and looked at him. He was smiling down at me, his golden eyes soft.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked.
"Let's talk about it in my room." He said, wrapping his arm around my waist and lead me from the room.
We walked down the hall and into his room. I climbed up on the bed and sat cross legged. He sat facing me, mimicking my posture.
"Ok, so what's up?" I asked. His expression was serious and I was anxious.
"I wanted to talk to you about Charlie. We will be taking you home in a few days and I don't know what his reaction is going to be when he realizes that we are back together. Carlisle will go to the hospital tomorrow and ask for his position back and the way that gossip travels he will certainly know that we are here very soon."
I relaxed somewhat. This was a situation I knew was coming. I was worried about it but not as much as Edward seemed to be.
"I can't say for certain what his reaction will be. I know that he is going to be mad at you for sure. He blames you for everything that I went through when you were away." He winced at that and I placed my hand on his face.
"Edward, I know why you left and even though I still can't believe you would do something so selfish I understand. Charlie won't be so easy to convince. Especially since you can't tell him the whole reason."
Edward was frozen. He looked completely stunned. Then his eyes narrowed and turned dark. He scowled at me. I was taken aback by his change of demeanor.
"Selfish!? You think I was being selfish?!" His tone was disbelieving. "I left to protect you! I didn't want you to be hurt any more! I wanted you to be safe and happy! Selfish!" He spat the last word with disdain and glared at me.
"Yes Edward, selfish." I said fiercely. "You took it upon yourself to decide what was best for us. You chose the direction of our relationship, no matter how good your intentions were. You took it upon yourself to decide what my future would be without even consulting me. That is not what couples do. Decisions need to be made together. I get that you wanted to protect me; that you didn't want to see me hurt. But leaving me hurt me more than James or Victoria or even Tyler's van could ever have done. They only would have hurt me physically. You ripped out my heart and crushed it in your hand when you spoke to me in the forest that day." I saw the horrified look on his face and gentled my tone.
"Look, I know you think that you have to protect me from yourself, that you think you are some kind of monster but you're not Edward." He turned his head away from me and shook it sadly. I grabbed him by the chin and turned his face towards mine.
"Look at me." He raised his eyes to mine and they were full of sadness. My heart clenched at the sight.
"You. Are. Not. A. Monster. A monster would have drunk my blood the very moment he smelled it in that classroom. A monster would have let that van crush me because I am just a simple human and what did my life matter anyway. A monster would not have saved me from the men in Port Angeles. A monster would have left me on my own in the baseball field and let James kill me. A monster would not have danced with me at Prom because he thought that it was important for me to be human as much as possible. A monster could not have fallen in love with me or held me and kissed me with such gentleness. Everything you have ever done towards me just reinforces how very unlike a monster you are."
He stared at me opening and closing his mouth repeatedly. I had so rarely seen him speechless and it amazed me.
"Listen, Edward. I know that above all else you value my safety and wellbeing. And I appreciate it, I really do. I have the worst luck in the world and having my own Vampire Superhero has its advantages." I saw his lips ghost into a smile.
"But you have to realize that hurting me to keep me from getting hurt is counter-productive. If we are going to be together-really and truly together-we have to be partners, equals. You can't decide what is best for me. We have to decide what is best for us."
"I'm sorry Bella." His tone was sad. "I didn't think of it that way. All I could see was how exposure to me and my world-the reality of what I am-was hurting you."
"I know that. And I know that you think I am in more danger around you than I am when I am away from you but you are wrong. I can't even count the number of near death experiences I had before I even moved from Phoenix. I am so pathologically clumsy it is a miracle I ever made it past ten years old. Add a heaping dose of bad luck on top of that and it is lucky that you ever met me at all." He looked aghast at the thought.
"All I am saying is when you chose to leave me you took it upon yourself to decide my future. And no one has that right except me. I might make mistakes, do things that hurt me physically or emotionally, but those are my mistakes to make. As much as you hate it you have to let me make those choices."
He wrapped his arms around me and held to his chest.
"Bella, I never wanted to do that to you. I only wanted you to have a happy life. If that meant I wasn't in it then I was prepared to make that sacrifice. Nothing is more important to me than your happiness. I want to give you everything; I don't want my presence in your life to deprive you of all those human experiences."
I pressed my face into his shoulder for a moment. I understood what he was telling me. But he didn't understand how much my life had changed since he came into it. I would never be able to have a normal life again after meeting him.
"Edward, you have given me everything, just by being with me." He scoffed and sat back, looking at me like I was crazy.
"Just listen. What do you think my life would have been like if I had never met you? I can tell you. I would have come here, tried to fit in with everyone, tried to be normal though I have never felt like I was. I would have lived with Charlie, graduated high school. I would not to college because I would never be able to afford it. I would have ended up working at some dead end job that robbed me of brain cells and ended up marrying someone like Mike and been miserable when he cheated on me with a waitress and ran off with her. Is that the type of life you would want me to live?" He simply stared at me, dumbfounded.
"You see, I have thought about it. That is not the type of life I would want to live, not what can make me happy. You make me happy. Having a life with you, whatever that life entails-good or bad-is more important to me than anything in the world. I don't have the words to make you understand that my life began with you." I looked up at him helplessly. He tipped up my chin and placed a soft kiss on my lips.
"I do understand what you mean. Because I feel exactly the same way. I could never go back to my life the way it was before. I don't know how I ever existed at all before I met you. I don't even think it qualifies as an existence. My heart hasn't beat in ninety years Bella but being with you makes me feel more alive than I ever did when I was still human. I just can't stand the thought of you being hurt just because of your proximity to me. If something were to happen to you, if you"-he made a choking noise -"died, I would not be able to exist. I could never exist in a world where you did not." He looked pained. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and turned his head into the caress.
"Then I guess you better stick as close to me as possible Edward Cullen, because the only time I am ever truly safe is when I am with you." His eyes snapped open and I smiled at him.
He gave me his crooked grin. "I am never ever going to let you go again. I can't see how I did it the first time. And I know that not having you in my life is the worst torture imaginable." He kissed me softly before pulling away. He laughed at my pout before looking serious again.
"And I'm really and truly sorry for trying to take your choices away from you. I honestly never saw it that way. I want us to be partners-equals-in our decisions. But please understand that I will slip up from time to time. I doubt you truly understand how obsessively overprotective I am of you. You are everything to me, my whole life, my reason for living and I want to keep you around. That will lead me to do some things you find high-handed or overbearing. Just tell me when I am and we will talk about it. And I promise to listen." He smirked at me but I could tell he meant it.
"Don't worry," I said laughing, "I will. And I promise to listen when you are being high-handed and overbearing. Just don't expect me to always agree."
"Deal" He kissed me again to seal our bargain.
"So, where were we before we decided what a selfish idiot I am?" He was smiling.
"Talking about how to deal with Charlie I think." I said, smiling back at him. He took my left hand in his and played with my fingers, looking down.
"I don't see how we are going to reintroduce you into my life without him being angry, Edward. But I am a legal adult and I can make my own choices." He smiled at that.
"I just don't want him to be angry with you for taking me back." He said.
"I can handle it if he is. I just want you to be prepared because I am sure he will say some very-well-uncomplimentary things about you and to you."
"I understand, and I deserve them anyway. Have you thought about what you are going to tell him about how we got back together?"
"Actually I have. I will sound it out on you and we can make changes if we have to."
He looked at me expectantly.
"Well, I had planned on telling him that while I was in Brazil with Alice and Jasper you came down to aid in their humanitarian efforts. But through some crazy miscommunication you didn't know that I would still be there. You thought that I was back in Forks. We meet up, get to talking and realize that everything that happened was a big misunderstanding and we sort it out and get back together."
"It actually sounds pretty good." He smiled at me before continuing. "What is the misunderstanding that we had?"
"You thought that we were getting too serious too fast. You wanted to make sure that what you felt for me was real and not just infatuation. You knew your family would be leaving to go to L.A. and decided that the time apart would be good for us. I, on the other hand, thought you were telling me that you didn't love me and didn't want to be with me. So I didn't call you and you thought that I didn't want to be with you so you didn't call me either."
"Deceptively simple and devious, my love. Enough truth in there so you won't have to use your atrocious lying skills. I think it will work. I will of course have to apologize to Charlie for what I put you through. But I think we can do it." He was grinning.
"Well terrible lying skills aside, it will be hard to convince him but I think you are right, we can do it. Together."
"Together always, my love." He said softly, before kissing me breathless.
We decided that since Carlisle was going to go back to the hospital the next day, we would wait until the day after for me to come back home. It would give Charlie a day to come to grips with the Cullen's return before I showed back up on my doorstep. Alice and Jasper were going to bring me back, in keeping with our charade. Edward wanted to be there but we all decided that it would be too much too soon for Charlie to have me back and the inevitable confrontation with Edward at the same time. Part of me wanted Edward with me when I told Charlie that we were back together but the rational part of me knew that it would be better to tell him by myself.
The next day I called Charlie at work to tell him that I would be coming home.
"Forks Police Station". Charlie said as he answered the phone.
"Hey Dad, it's me." I said.
"Bella! Hey baby! How are you? What have you been up to? When are you coming home?" Charlie asked.
I laughed. "Sounds like you missed me dad." I teased.
"Well you do cook better than I do." He teased back.
"Everyone cooks better than you do Dad. And I'm fine. I wanted to tell you that I was coming home tomorrow."
"That's great, Bells. What time?" He sounded excited.
"About two I think if the plane is not late." I couldn't tell him that I was already in Forks.
"Well, I will take off from work and be there when you come home. I'm glad you're coming back home Bells."
"Me too Dad. See you tomorrow." I said
"Alright, see you then." He hung up.
The next day Alice, Jasper and I pulled up in front of my house. Charlie's cruiser was in the front yard as well as my truck. Jasper grabbed my luggage from the trunk and we all walked up to the front door. I had barely made it to the top of the steps when the front door flew open and Charlie came out, engulfing me in a hug. Charlie and I were not openly affectionate and his greeting took me by surprise.
"Well hello to you too, Dad." I laughed into his shoulder.
Charlie was laughing too.
"I guess I missed you more than I thought." He said, letting me go. "Hello Alice, Jasper." He said, nodding to them. "Come on inside."
We all walked inside and I looked around. I knew that I had been gone less than a month but I was really glad to be home. It felt good to be in familiar surroundings. Everything looked the same as when I had left.
Jasper walked up the stairs and put my bags in my room. Alice stayed downstairs with me and Charlie. Charlie was looking at Alice questioningly.
"So how long are you staying in town for Alice?" I was pretty sure that he knew the Cullen's were back and was testing Alice.
"Oh Charlie I have great news. We are moving back to Forks!" Alice said excitedly. "Esme really hated living in the big city and really wanted to come back. The hospital gave Carlisle his old job back and everything. Isn't that great?" Alice was practically bouncing up and down in excitement.
Charlie did not look excited at all. His lips had formed into a tight line. He looked over at me for a moment.
"Are all of you coming back to live here?" he asked in an even tone. It was the tone he used when trying to keep his temper in check. Jasper came back downstairs as Alice answered.
"Well Rose and Emmett are still at Dartmouth but the rest of us will be here."
Charlie stared at me for a long moment. I stared back, knowing what he was thinking.
"Well Charlie I am sure that you want to catch up with Bella." Jasper said calmly. "We will be going now."
Charlie just nodded, still staring at me. Jasper took Alice's hand and dragged her towards the door.
"I'll call you later Bella." Alice said. I looked at her and she gave me a thumbs up. I knew she was trying to tell me that everything would be alright. I hoped she was right. I heard the door close behind them and looked over at Charlie.
"Bella?" He asked.
"Dad, it's okay. I have something to tell you anyways. Come on into the living room." I said. I took a deep breath and sat down on the couch. Charlie sat in his usual recliner, staring at me.
"Ok Bells, spill it. What is going on?" He asked sternly.
"Alright, I suppose you can guess that Edward is back in town." Charlie's hands fisted as I said this.
"Well, when I was in Brazil with Alice and Jasper he showed up. He didn't know that I would be there." I proceeded to tell him the story that Edward and I had agreed on. Charlie turned several shades of red as I spoke. I was worried about his health for a moment until he took a deep breath.
"So you are just going to take him back after everything that happened?" He said angrily.
"Dad, it was as much my fault as his!" I hoped that he would not ask me too many detailed questions. I was really bad at lying and I knew that if he looked hard enough he would see right through me.
"So while he was off gallivanting in L.A. having a grand ole' time you were here walking around like a zombie and that is not his fault?" I flinched when he said zombie. I had tried to keep my depression from Charlie as much as possible but apparently I had not done as good a job as I thought.
"He was not "gallivanting" around Dad. He was miserable too. Alice told me that he completely shut himself off from his family, that he stayed locked in his room or off by himself away from everyone else. He was suffering just like I was."
Charlie did not look completely convinced. He remembered too well how bad off I was.
"So are you two back together?" His voice was still angry.
"Yes, we are. Dad, I know that you don't want to hear this but I love him and he loves me. Being apart was really hard on both of us."
Charlie let his breath out in a huff, muttering under his breath. It sounded something like 'damn over-emotional teenagers'. I knew that he was still angry but was closer to accepting this than I thought he would be at this moment. His next words surprised me.
"Bella, please understand that I only want you to be happy. You do look better than I have seen you look in months. You have color in your face and your eyes are alive for the first time in a long time. Seeing you the way you were when he left almost broke my heart. I don't want to ever see you that unhappy ever again. I will kill Edward if he ever causes you that kind of misery ever again. No one hurts my baby." He meant every word.
I was taken aback. Charlie had never said anything like that to me before. I was grateful that even though he didn't like that Edward and I were back together that he seemed somewhat accepting of it.
"Dad, thank you. I know that this is hard for you but being with him is what makes me feel alive. And as difficult as it is to believe right now after all that has happened but Edward will not leave me again. This was way too hard on both of us to go through that again."
"Well you may not believe me but I was young once too. I fell in love with your Mom when we were just kids like you and Edward so I do know how crazy and out of control it can make you feel. But I mean it when I say he had better never do anything like this to you again. And I want to talk to him within the next few days. I have some things I want to say to him."
I just nodded. I knew that Edward wanted to talk to Charlie too but I was terrified of what Charlie would say. Not because I thought it would drive Edward away but because I knew that he would blame himself even more than he already did. Which was a lot.
"Just please don't be too hard on him, okay? He feels really bad about what happened. He didn't know that I was suffering as much as I was."
"Just tell him to come talk to me soon, alright?" Charlie said, standing up. I stood up too and walked over to him. I took him into an uncharacteristic hug.
"Thanks Dad. Love you." I whispered.
"Love ya too Bells." He said hugging me for a moment before letting me go. "So what does a man have to do to get a home cooked meal around here?"
I just laughed and went into the kitchen.
I found the kitchen was woefully under-stocked. I would have to make a trip to the grocery store soon. I settled on making a simple pasta dish though Charlie seemed to enjoy it. I decided to unpack tonight before going to the store in the morning. I told Charlie what I was doing and he settled in to watch television. I went upstairs and into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I turned around, stifling a gasp when I Edward standing in the corner.
"Geez, you startled me. I didn't know you were going to be here. I thought you were going to come over later." I said, walking up to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist. He didn't hug me back.
"Edward? What's wrong? Are you okay?" I looked up at him. He was staring back at me, with sorrow in his eyes. I stepped back from him. He still didn't speak.
"Edward, please tell me what is wrong. You are scaring me." What was wrong with him?
Suddenly he stepped forward and engulfed me in a hug, resting his cheek on the top of my head. I hugged him back tightly. I was startled to feel him trembling.
"You have to tell me what is wrong, Edward. Please, I can't stand to see you like this. What has happened? Please, please talk to me." I could hear the anxiety in my voice.
"Oh, Bella." He said, his voice cracking slightly. "Bella, I am so, so sorry. I didn't know-I mean I had no idea-I didn't expect you would-that it would be so hard on you." His voice was hoarse with pain.
"Edward, what are you talking about?"
He released me and pulled me over to the bed. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my hair, inhaling deeply.
"I could hear in his thoughts what you went through while I was gone. I had no idea that you would suffer so much. That I was leaving you so broken. I would never have left if I had known how much you would have to endure." His voice anguished and I felt tears form in my eyes. I reached up and took his face in my hands.
"Listen to me." I said, forcing him to look into my eyes. "You cannot keep doing this to yourself. Seeing you in pain like this hurts me more than your leaving did. You have got to stop tormenting yourself with this." His eyes looked so sad I had to reach up and kiss him.
"Yes, it hurt me when you left. Yes, I was disconnected from my life for a while, until I had that accident. You feel like you are to blame and in a way you are. I am not angry about the reasons why you left, only they way you did it. You only had the best of intentions. I understand that. But you have to stop this self-reproach. You feel guilty, I know that, but you have to find a way to get over it. I can't stand to see you like this."
"I deserve this pain Bella. The one thing that I never wanted to do was hurt you and in the end I hurt you more than anyone else ever could." He said sorrowfully.
"And I forgive you for it Edward. Completely and wholeheartedly. You have my full and free forgiveness. I want to live in the present, not dwell in the past. We cannot move forward in our life together if we have this dragging us down."
He looked me in eyes, searching for something. Whatever it was he must have found because he smiled softly and kissed me.
"Why do you love me so much? What did I ever do to deserve you in my life?" He asked in wonder.
I smiled back at him. "I could ask you the same question."
He just shook his head and laughed, pulling me into his arms.
A little while later he was stretched out on my bed, watching me as I unpacked. Even though my bags were packed to the brim there were still more clothes of mine at the Cullen's house. I had told Alice that I could not leave with two bags and come back with five. She had agreed to bring the rest of my clothes over later.
"I'm sure you know but Charlie wants to talk to you in a few days." I said, breaking the comfortable silence.
He sighed. "I know. I am surprised that he took it so well. Even though his thoughts were still angry with me he was resigned to the fact that we are back together. I will call him tomorrow."
"You know, school starts in a week. Are you ready for that?" I asked apprehensively. I knew that if hearing Charlie's thoughts were painful then school was going to be hard on him. He understood what I meant. Seeing memories of my suffering multiplied in everyone's minds would be difficult.
"Yes, I think I can handle it. It will be hard but having you with me in all my classes will help."
"What do you mean all of your classes? How do you know that?" I was puzzled.
"Well, Jazz is a computer genius and he hacked into the school database and changed my schedule." He was grinning. I was too until I thought of something. He saw the blood drain from my face and became alarmed.
"Bella? What's wrong? Are you ok?"
"All my classes? Even Gym?" I squeaked. Oh God please do not let me have to endure Gym class with Edward. It was bad enough that everyone else had to see me almost kill myself and others on a daily basis. Now I would have to do it in front of him. Him. The epitome of grace and perfection. Please let the Earth swallow me up now.
"Well, yes." He said hesitantly. "Is that a problem?"
I looked at him as if he had lost his mind. Of course it was a problem. I would have to ask Jasper to change his schedule for me.
"Edward, I cannot bear to have you see me in Gym class. It is bad enough to have you watch me through everyone else while I am in there. To have you there with me would be beyond humiliating."
"Bella, you are being silly." He laughed. "I think everything you do is adorable. There is no reason to be humiliated. I think your clumsiness is endearing." His eyes were dancing with love and humor.
I opened my mouth to say something when my cell phone buzzed. I picked it up and saw that I had a new text message.
Jasper is changing his schedule now. He will have gym first period and you will have it last period. Knew Charlie would be ok with things. Talk to you soon! Alice.
I loved that little pixie.