EPILOGUE

Eight Months Later

Aaron Hotchner leaned back in the leather chair behind his desk and closing his eyes, sighed wearily. He had been back to work for two weeks now and he felt as if it were his first day of work and he was a newbie on the team. Opening his eyes, he absentmindedly touched one cheek and momentarily wondered where the scar had gone when his fingers felt the smooth skin, and then he remembered how successful the reconstructive surgery had been on his face and neck. He recalled the day of his meeting with Strauss after she had obtained a copy of the therapist's report and evaluation of his emotional and mental state following his ordeal. He had decided, in the end, to select one of Dr. Blandon's recommendations because to go with the minister Strauss would be unable to obtain a copy of anything and would suspect he might be hiding something. This way, he figured, she couldn't use the report against him.

Staring through the Venetian blinds from behind his desk, he could see his team at their desks busy with various tasks. A small smile appeared as he recalled not only the days prior to his return, but the first day he actually walked back into the office as Unit Chief.

His team greeted him warmly as if he had never been gone; they even marveled how good he looked and Garcia went as far as to remark that he was as handsome as ever. He knew they were doing their best and trying to make sure he felt good about himself after having had the reconstructive surgery and that he again looked the way they remembered him. He even blushed a bit remembering when Garcia threw her arms around him and hugged him while kissing him on the cheek welcoming her boss back before hurrying back to her private little area. Hotch remembered looking into JJ's bright blue eyes while accepting the welcome back wishes, hugs and pats on the back. The way she smiled at him told him the phone conversation was over and forgotten as far as she was concerned, but he still felt a bit guilty over what he had said. The weeks of therapy he attended during the time he waited for his scars to heal didn't totally alleviate that guilt completely although JJ made it a point to remind him whenever he brought it up that what he said didn't bother her so he shouldn't feel guilty. After that, he just didn't bring it up anymore and made certain he hid his guilty feeling from her whenever they talked.

He then massaged his forehead when he then recalled the phone call at ten a.m. from Strauss summoning him to her office prior to his return, and when he showed up she informed him she had received and reviewed the therapist's report; and that he was scheduled for a psych evaluation at nine a.m. the following day and not to be late. He could tell from her eyes, even though she didn't voice it, that she seemed disappointed that the therapist hadn't found a reason for her to terminate his employment with the Bureau.

Hotch arrived the following day an hour before his scheduled appointment, and stopped by to visit Garcia who squealed with joy at seeing her boss and promptly gave him a tight hug even though she knew her boss was not the demonstrative type when it came to emotions. But she didn't care, she was just so ecstatic to see him standing in front of her. After a short visit with his tech analyst, Hotch made his way up to the sixth floor where he knew from Garcia his team was as they were not currently on a case at the moment. The greeting he got from his team nearly equaled that of Garcia. When asked when he was returning, he let them know he was here for his scheduled psych evaluation in less than an hour per Strauss's orders and he only considered it a formality to be tolerated. He then asked Rossi if they could talk privately. Sensing his friend had something he needed to get off his chest before his appointment, Rossi led the way to his office. Once inside, he motioned for Hotch to have a seat. Hotch sat down on the leather sofa and after closing his door, Rossi sat down beside his friend.

"What's troubling you, Aaron?" he asked leaning back on the sofa and folding his arms, looking at his friend.

Leaning forward with arms on his thighs, Hotch rubbed his hands together. "Who said anything's troubling me?" he asked looking at his hands.

"C'mon, Aaron, this is me you're talking to. I've known you for over ten years and I know when something's troubling you. Now talk to me."

Hotch turned his head to look at the older profiler. "Dave, what if I don't pass this psych evaluation? What do I do?"

Rossi exhaled and stretched an arm on the back of the sofa behind Hotchner. "Is there some reason you think you won't pass it?"

"No. Thanks to the therapy I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

"Then where is this doubt coming from?" Rossi asked, eyebrows knitted together.

"I don't know, Dave. I just know I feel doubt."

"Do you want to come back to the BAU? Or have you changed your mind about coming back?"

Hotch straightened up and ran his hands up and down his thighs. "No, of course not. I need to come back. I have to come back. It's just that I have this nagging doubt that I can't seem to shake."

"Okay, let's look at this then." Rossi folded his arms again and crossed his legs. "Do you doubt yourself as a leader because of Armitage and what he did to you? Are you feeling that you can't lead anymore? Because if so, Aaron, this is something I hoped you would have discussed…."

"It's got nothing to do with Armitage per se.…." Hotch interrupted.

"Then I don't….." Rossi began and suddenly it dawned on him what it could be. "It's JJ isn't it?"

Hotch rubbed his hands together again and looked at his hands, unable to look at his friend. "I can't forget the things I said to her on the phone. Just now, when I saw her in the bullpen, I could barely look her in the face. I think the reason I have this doubt is because when I come back there's no way I can avoid JJ and I can't bring myself to look her in the face either. It might be better if I don't pass the psych evaluation. Then Strauss won't let me come back and I won't have to worry about JJ having to work with me anymore."

Rossi listened closely. "Aaron, look at me." He waited until he got Hotch's complete attention before continuing. "Have you discussed this with JJ at all?"

"Several times."

"And what did she tell you each time?"

Hotch exhaled. "She told me it didn't bother her. That she wanted me to say those things to her because it kept Armitage from injuring me further by doing it."

"Aaron, JJ didn't repeat what you said to her verbatim, but she said enough that I had a rough idea what Armitage forced you to say to her. You know he did that solely because he knew it would humiliate you which was his goal. JJ told us given another chance she would still have you say what you said to keep you from getting hurt. It was her way of feeling she was helping you in some way."

"But in helping me I humiliated and embarrassed her," Hotch straightened up again and faced his friend.

"Fine," Rossi said sternly. "Then you go out there and tell JJ that she should have just let you die rather than trying to help you because that's basically what you're saying. You're saying it would have been better for her to possibly hear you being killed over the phone rather than do what she did. Am I right?"

Hotch fell back on the couch and exhaled deeply. "No I wouldn't have wanted that for her. I wouldn't want that for anybody. How could you even ask me that?"

"Then I don't see what the problem here is," said Rossi. "You can't have it both ways, Aaron. Either you skip the psych evaluation and let Strauss know you don't intend on coming back to the BAU; or you learn to forgive yourself for what Armitage forced you to say just as JJ forgave you and learn that you do what you have to in order to stay alive."

Hotch sighed and then chuckled. "Forgiving myself is something I've never been good at. I'm much better at blaming myself for everything that goes wrong."

Rossi chuckled. "A trait your father probably instilled in you at a young age; that you're to blame for everything that goes wrong. It's time to break that pattern, Aaron."

Hotch checked his watch and noticed the time. "I have just enough time to get to my appointment." He smiled slightly as he looked at Rossi. "Thanks, Dave, for listening to me rant. And thanks for everything."

"My pleasure. Now, go get 'em, tiger," Rossi urged with a wide smile. He watched as his friend got to his feet and walked out of his office heading for his appointment which would decide his future and whether it would include the Bureau and the BAU.

Hotch sighed as he straightened up in his leather chair and returned to his paperwork. He was so absorbed in reading the case file in front of him he didn't hear the knocking on his door right away. The knocking came again, louder this time.

"Come in," Hotch ordered not looking up until he heard the door open and smiled when he saw the blond media liaison standing in the doorway, her face impassive. He noticed she was holding a file folder in her hand.

"We have a case," she said. "Atlanta, Georgia."

Hotch, sighing, stood up. "Should have known things were a bit too quiet around here," he quipped putting on his serious face as he looked at JJ.

She managed to grin weakly. "You've now been officially welcomed back, Hotch."

He smirked. "Gather everybody in the conference room. I'll be right there."

Ten minutes later the team was gathered around the conference table and watching their Unit Chief as he approached the table looking stoic and confident as usual; he sat down. But before JJ could stand up and begin her presentation of the case they were going to take on, Hotch's cell phone rang. Sighing with apparent annoyance, he reached inside his jacket and removed his phone looking at the caller ID to see who the caller was. He suddenly turned pale.

"Hotch? What's wrong?" asked Morgan, eyes narrowing.

Hotch pressed a button and put the cell on speaker so everybody could hear.

There was a familiar laugh that made the agents cringe. Morgan immediately grabbed his own cell and placed a call to Garcia to attempt to trace the call; but she quickly reported it was impossible as it was a disposable cell. Morgan mumbled something incoherent under his breath.

"I know you put me on speaker, Aaron. But I'm not worried as this cell is disposable. I'll be waiting for you. I'll be waiting, and watching." There was a click indicating the call had been disconnected.

For a full minute it was so silent in the conference room one could hear breathing. Hotch, swallowing hard, stuck his cell back in his inside jacket pocket and taking a deep breath in an attempt to regain his composure and let his team see he was in control. He looked at each team member and saw them looking at him with concern.

"We'll get 'im, Aaron," Rossi announced. "We won't let him get to you again."

Hotch opened the file in front of him indicating the subject was now closed. "I know," he said calmly. He then looked at the media liaison. "JJ, what about this case in Atlanta?"

With those words, the team followed their leader's example and got back to work.

THE END