Series/Sequel: Yes, this is the third in the Lessons Series
Beta: Yes! Thanks so much to Penny and Ellex. Any further errors are my own.
Summary: More fallout from lessons learned.
------------
"Rodney, we need the bomb deactivated now!" Sheppard's voice was angry and bitter.
He didn't bother responding as his fingers danced over the controls of the alien ship, racing the countdown on the bomb that would wipe out everyone on Atlantis. But his heart squeezed a fraction tighter, because did Sheppard honestly believe he wasn't trying his best? Why was his best never good enough? Gritting his teeth and fighting the cramping in his fingers, Rodney knew the truth. Sheppard believed Rodney was dragging the situation out to the last minute on purpose, in order to stroke his ego. It never occurred to any of them that he'd passed that landmark so far back it was a distant and fuzzy dream. Each passing crisis grew more complex, more dangerous, and none of them understood that he was hanging on by his fingernails, never knowing if this time, he'd lose his grip.
He'd tried to warn Weir and Sheppard not to trust the Sheely, that they brought to mind shadows that played at the edges of one's vision, but he'd been ignored. Without proof, Weir and Sheppard were unwilling to risk a valuable trade agreement with a race that was the most technologically advanced they'd come across yet. It seemed Rodney McKay wasn't allowed to have intuition when it came to people; he was just expected to pull off miracles when things inevitably went wrong.
There was no miracle this time, there simply wasn't sufficient time and Rodney wasn't nearly familiar enough with the Sheelian technology to deactivate the bomb. The Sheely had left a gift behind in one of their visiting ships, a bomb that would destroy all life on Atlantis but leave the city intact. Why trade when they could simply kill everyone and take what they wanted?
Looking down at the readout, he knew there was only one solution to this problem. The memory of Griffin's face as he sacrificed himself flashed in front of Rodney's eyes.
Rodney felt oddly disassociated from everything around him as part of his mind raced through the calculations at hand in a cold, clinical manner. Another part was cataloging all the regrets he carried and there were so many, so damn many, it was hard to keep a clear head. Ironically, it was the fact that he'd never win back Sheppard's trust now that struck the deepest chord despite the knowledge that such an endeavor was unattainable.
Stopping the bomb wasn't possible, but it was a simple matter to access the ship's engines and open the star drive. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Rodney wondered if this was how Griffin had felt as the doors closed and the glass shattered. Calm, numb, screaming inside his own head at how wrong it all was, but not being able to do a damn thing to stop it.
Voices pierced the odd bubble of isolation around Rodney and he slapped the radio on. "Good luck, Atlantis." With that, he quickly jerked the radio from his ear. He tossed it towards some dark corner of the room, ignoring the rumbling protests that issued forth, letting the noise fade into the background. Moving to the controls on the bridge, he quickly activated the engines and watched with mild curiosity as his fingers shook as he entered the destination coordinates. The ship shuddered as the engines fired and moved forward. In a flash of light, Atlantis disappeared and was replaced by a field of unending stars, far from any worlds that might be endangered from the explosion.
Looking at the readout as the time counted down, Rodney whispered softly to himself. "So long, John."
--end