A/N: I wanted to dedicate these next two chapters to Sassy18 who always takes the time to write me great reviews. She keeps me writing with her funny and insightful comments. Thanks for the encouragement girl! Check out her profile for an amazing list of quotes that will keep you laughing.
I also want to warn you about the huge tumbleweed of a fluff ball headed your way. Major McGillicuddy of the Fluff Brigade showed up and told me that his regiment was not receiving enough story time. He then proceeded to beat me about the head and shoulders with a large teddy bear. A pink one. With a red bowtie and heart shaped dimples. I was truly terrified *shiver*. So I decided that after the two-ton anvil of angst that I dropped in the last chapters that we would have some fluffy time. The angst will be back (this is Bella and Edward after all) but they deserve some fun right now.
Thank you to everyone who continues to read my story. I appreciate all the reviews and thanks to everyone who added me to their favorites list.
Bella
Edward and I sat side by side on the couch as we continued to talk to the rest of his family about the wolves. He never stopped touching me and I found it very distracting. His fingers were either running through my hair or tracing small patterns on my neck or the back of my hand. He placed his icy hand on my leg and I jumped slightly at the contact. I looked down at his hand and remembered that I was still wearing my fishing clothes. Ugh. Edward noticed my sudden frown.
"What's wrong?" He whispered.
"Nothing really. I just remembered that I really need to take a shower and change my clothes." I felt my cheeks pinken slightly. I looked like a ragamuffin. Edward noticed my blush and grinned his crooked grin at me.
"You are beautiful no matter what you wear, silly girl. But if you want a shower go ahead. I am sure Alice can find you something to wear." He looked over at Alice who was smiling at me.
"Oh yes Bella, I have plenty of things for you to wear. Come on. Let's go upstairs and I will get something for you while you shower." She was in front of me instantly, pulling me up and off the couch. I kept forgetting that even though she was so tiny she was incredibly strong.
I followed her as she skipped up the staircase, while I took a more sedate pace to make sure I didn't fall and kill myself on accident. What can I say, it is always a possibility with me.
She stopped at Edward's room.
"You go get in the shower and I will get something cute for you to wear!" She said excitedly, practically pushing me into the bathroom.
I turned on the water and undressed quickly. The hot water felt good, washing away all the grime from my fishing expedition and relaxing my muscles. I could feel the fatigue catching up with me. I turned off the water and stepped out. I dried myself off with a soft and fluffy towel and combed out my tangled hair. I looked around and realized that I had nothing to change into. I could not put my dirty clothes back on. Alice must have left my clothes in the bedroom. I secured the towel around me and opened the door, stepping into the coolness of Edward's bedroom.
Then I froze.
Edward was standing in the middle of the room, completely unmoving. He was staring at me, mouth agape. I watched as he closed his mouth and his eyes darkened to black. The look in his eyes was hungry, almost predatory, but not in a way that made me afraid. In a way that aroused me. It was not desire for my blood that I saw in his eyes but desire for me. He had never looked at me with such intensity and I felt my body respond to the lust in his gaze. He inhaled deeply, his eyes becoming hooded. He took two steps towards me and I took one towards him.
"Bella!" Alice's voice rang out as she walked into the room.
And like that the spell was broken. Damn! Edward seemed to shake himself then turned without a word and left the room. I wanted to follow him but I was still in a towel and Alice stopped me anyways.
"I have your pajamas, Bella." She said, holding up a pair of soft blue pajama pants and matching tank top, seemingly unaware of what she had just interrupted. I mentally shook my head at her timing and took them from her, going back into the bathroom to change.
I stood there for a moment, trying to get myself under control. I was still shaken by the lustful look in Edward's eyes when he had seen me in only that towel. He was always so careful around me and seeing that he desired me as much as I desired him gave me hope for the future. It had always seemed so easy for him to pull away from me in the past and it had always left me feeling so undesirable. But the look in his eyes a few minutes ago had me thinking.
Maybe it wasn't so easy for him after all. Maybe it was his old-fashioned sensibilities that were holding him back. That and the thought that he might physically hurt me. But I honestly did not think that he had it in him to hurt me.
He was worried about losing control with me. But maybe, just maybe, he did not understand how much control he really might have. He had never allowed anything more than kissing so he did not know what the depths of his control were. Maybe we could work on that, try to test his boundaries. I just wasn't sure how to go about it. I would have to talk to Alice. Though I am quite sure that would be one of the most embarrassing conversations of my entire life. But I loved Edward enough to endure it. I would talk to her in the morning, away from the rest of the family.
I changed into the pajamas and walked back into the bedroom. To my surprise, Edward was already there. He was sitting on the bed waiting for me. The covers had been turned down on my side and he sat on top of them. I walked over and crawled up next to him. I laid my arm over his stomach and rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped one arm around me and the other was drawing small patterns on my forearm. I don't know why but I felt the need to apologize to him.
"I'm sorry about before. I didn't know you would be in here and Alice didn't leave my pajamas in the bathroom for me." I could feel the burn in my cheeks. I was less embarrassed about him seeing me in only a towel than I was about him thinking that I might have done it on purpose.
He brushed his cool fingers down my hot cheeks.
"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have waited before coming upstairs. I didn't mean to catch you in that state of undress." He rested his cheek against the top of my head and his voice was soft in my ear.
"It's okay. It's not like I was naked." My cheeks felt hot again and I had to stop for a moment as thoughts of both Edward and I naked flashed in my mind. I gave myself a mental shake and continued.
"Besides, some of the things that Alice tries to put me in are more revealing than that towel." I laughed a little to dispel the tension. Edward laughed a little too.
"Anyways, it doesn't matter. So, what did you do today?" I asked to change the subject.
"You mean before becoming completely panic-stricken when I could not contact you and then angering you with my lack of faith in you?" He teased. I was glad that he could make jokes about it instead of brooding about it.
"Yes, before that." I teased back.
"Well, after I left you this morning I went hunting and then went to talk to Carlisle."
"Oh, what did you talk about?"
He paused for a moment.
"I took your advice and decided to forgive myself about what happened between us but I wasn't sure how to go about it. So I talked to Carlisle and he helped me." He shrugged nonchalantly but I could see that whatever Carlisle had said affected him a lot. He seemed lighter, as if a burden had been lifted from him. I was glad.
"What did he say?"
"Hmm, well he basically told me that if I didn't let this go it would poison our entire relationship. And that I needed to focus on us now-right now-and let everything else go. He pointed out all the ways that we have both grown and changed and that even though it hurt us both so much, our separation has actually strengthened our relationship. That there will always be things that remind us of that time but that we should use those things to remind us how much better we are together than we are apart."
I was stunned for a moment by Carlisle's insight. Then I could not help the grin that overtook my face. I raised my voice and called out.
"Carlisle, you are officially my new favorite person!"
I heard laughter erupt from all over the house. Then I heard Alice and Edward say at the same time in mock outrage
"Hey what about me?!"
I could not help the laughter that overtook me.
When I quieted down I looked up at him. He was smiling down at me with such love and tenderness I almost gasped at the intensity. I smiled back up at him, trying to convey the same thing with my eyes. It must have worked because I saw his eyes begin to twinkle with joy. He bent his head and kissed me softly, our lips expressing everything our hearts wanted to say. He raised his head and I snuggled deeper into his arms. He began to hum softly and I was soon asleep.
I woke up the next day wrapped in Edward's arms. I felt so safe and loved and happy and I wanted to wake up every single day feeling like this. Not having to worry about Charlie in the next room, not having to sneak around rules to spend time with Edward. I wanted to spend every moment with him. I wanted to see his smiling face looking down at me, see the love twinkling in his eyes knowing it was reflected in my own. I wonder if this is what real marriage is like? I thought. Wait. Where had that thought come from? Marriage? Was I really thinking about what it would be like to marry Edward? I gasped at the thought.
"Something wrong my love?" He asked, a frown marring his brow.
"Uh, no. I just, uh, need a human moment." I said shakily.
Edward released me at once and I practically bolted into the bathroom. I knew he must be wondering what was wrong with me but I had to have a moment alone. I gripped the edge of the vanity and stared at the reflection in the mirror. The woman looking back at me had the strangest expression on her face. It was halfway between terror and wonder. Her eyes were wide and overly bright and her face was flushed. Her chest was heaving with deep gasps.
I splashed my face with cold water, trying to calm down.
Marriage. I tasted the word in my mind. I was surprised at my reaction to it. Not the complete horror I had thought I would have. I was not exactly raised to have the best opinion of marriage. My parents had shown me how painful it could be when they ended. I knew that Charlie was still in love with my mom and I wondered how their marriage would have fared if Renee was not so flighty and if Charlie was more emotionally available. They might have made it work. And mine and Edward's marriage would not suffer the same problems. We were much more grounded and open with each other.
Whoa. Mine and Edward's marriage? When did I start thinking like that? Like it was a possibility? I was only eighteen. Well almost nineteen now. But still, wasn't that a little early to begin thinking about marriage? But Edward was only seventeen, physically anyway. If we were going to get married I would have to be changed, soon. Wow. I had not thought about that in a while either. It had been so long since it was a possibility. Now the thought of growing older while Edward stayed perpetually seventeen came crashing down on me again. If Edward and I were going to be together the way I wanted I would have to be changed and changed soon before I started to look too much older than him for it to work. If he wanted to be with me forever that is. We had not talked about it. Well we had but he had always shot down the idea of me being changed as soon as it was brought up. We had a lot to talk about but I needed to get this right in my head. And I needed to talk to Alice. Damn. This was too much to think about after I had just woken up. I needed a cup of coffee.
I heard a soft rap on the door.
"Are you alright?" Edward asked.
"I'm fine thanks." I replied in as normal a voice as I could manage.
"I'm going to go downstairs. I'll see you when you come down." Edward called through the door.
"Ok, I'll be down in a minute." I replied.
"Alice left you something to wear on the bed." Bless her.
"Tell her thanks for me." I said.
"Alright, see you in a few."
I gave myself a mental shake and tried to get myself together. I brushed my hair into ponytail and walked out into the bedroom. Alice had left me a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a lightweight dark blue v-neck sweater. The material was soft and knowing Alice was probably cashmere. I got dressed and walked downstairs
I walked into the kitchen and found Edward, Alice and Jasper waiting for me there. Edward walked over and kissed me on the cheek before he handed me a cup of coffee which I took gratefully.
"Alice said you would want that." He said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. I knew it probably smelled terrible to him but it was heaven to me right now. I needed its rejuvenating effects even though I knew my low tolerance for caffeine would catch up to me later.
Edward was looking at me quizzically, probably thinking about my low tolerance for caffeine as well and wondering why I wanted it this morning. I looked over at Alice and she smiled and winked at me. Of course she knew that I wanted to talk to her today. I was also pretty sure that she had already come up with a way to get me alone.
"What would you like to do today, love?" Edward asked as he leaned against the kitchen island. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his posture pulled his shirt tight across the muscles in his chest and emphasized his long legs. Mmmm.
Jasper cleared his throat and I looked over at him. He raised an eyebrow at me and I apologized to him with my eyes. He grinned at me and winked.
Edward looked back and forth between the two of us but Jasper must have been blocking his thoughts because he was wearing a slightly frustrated frown. Before he could comment though, Alice came to my rescue.
"Actually Bella and I have an appointment in Port Angeles. We are going to have to leave soon if we want to make it there on time." She smirked at me behind Edward's back.
"An appointment for what?" Edward asked suspiciously.
"An appointment at a salon. Bella needs a haircut before we start school and I want us to get a manicure and a pedicure too. We are having a girl's day!" Alice's voice was bubbling with excitement.
Edward looked over at me and I could only nod in agreement with Alice. I did not trust my voice not to betray me.
"Oh, I thought we might spend a little time together before you have to go home." Edward pouted at me. I almost gave in but I knew that I had to talk to Alice about all the things rolling around in my head.
"I want to have a little one on one time with Alice. She is my best friend after all." Alice beamed at me. I was glad that I was able to answer back with the truth.
"Why don't you and I do something tonight, just the two of us?" I offered in compromise.
I knew giving him the opportunity to not only be alone with me but also the chance to spend money on me like he loved to do would make him happy. And if it appeased him enough to allow me and Alice to go off alone I would do it.
Edward's face lit up with boyish excitement.
"Like a date?" He asked, his eyes sparkling. I smiled at his enthusiasm.
"Yes, like a date." I said and he grinned. I could not help but grin back.
"We have never really been out on a real date before. It might be fun." I said.
I heard Alice gasp and when I looked at her she was grinning.
"Well if guys are going out on a date tonight we really have to get to the salon. Come on, Bella. Go get your shoes on so we can go." She half dragged half pushed me up the stairs. I put my shoes on and made my way back downstairs. Alice was waiting for me at the bottom step with Edward behind her.
He scooped me up into a hug as soon as my foot touched the bottom step and kissed me enthusiastically. As usual I forgot where I was and wrapped myself around him, tunneling my fingers through his silky hair. The sound of someone impatiently clearing their throat behind me brought me out of my daze. I slowly pulled away from Edward and saw the twinkle in his eye as he reveled in the effect he had on me. Impulsively I reached up and kissed him fervently, nibbling on his bottom lip before pulling away quickly and turning for the door.
"See you later!" I called. When I looked at him his eyes had darkened again and his arms were halfway extended, as if reaching for me.
Alice and I made it to the garage before we looked at each other and burst into giggles. When we had calmed down we climbed into the newest edition to the Cullen Car Lot. A Mercedes GL550. I didn't know what the numbers and letters stood for but it meant something to Edward and Rose so I didn't push it. It seemed like any other SUV to me but when I had said that out loud the looks of shock, horror and disbelief on their faces, not to mention the detailed reasons why it was not just "any SUV" had convinced me to never voice that opinion again.
Alice waited until we were down the driveway onto the main road before speaking.
"Sooo…" She started. "What do you want to talk about first? Having sex with Edward? Getting married to Edward? Or being changed by Edward?" She was grinning.
I felt my face burn as red as the stop sign we were stopped at.
"Well, geez Alice. Why don't you get to the point already?" I said sarcastically.
She laughed her bell-like laugh.
"I know you want to talk about all of them. I just wanted you to pick which one first."
I bit my lip for a moment, trying to decide which one I wanted to talk about first.
"Well, I guess start with which one is most likely to actually happen."
"That's the thing, Bella. All of them are going to happen. It is just the timing that is a little off right now."
I sucked in a harsh breath. All of them? All of them. I was going to have sex, get married and be changed. Though maybe not in that order. My heart skipped several beats.
"Can you see which might happen first? How soon they are likely to happen?" I asked.
"Hmm, well it depends a lot on Edward. I can't see what he will decide right now. But I think all of them are in the near future, possibly this year." She looked over at me to gauge my reaction to her words.
I was stunned. The near future. This year. The words kept rolling around in my head. By this time next year I could be a vampire. A married vampire. A married sexually active vampire. The thought had me grinning. I looked over at Alice and she was grinning too.
"Really?" I asked. "Really? This year? I could be one of you this year? And married? Really?" My voice was bursting with excitement and disbelief.
Alice rolled her eyes. "Yes really. Is that something you are ready for? Marriage? Being a vampire? Just one of those is a huge step. Are you ready to take both?" She asked seriously.
Was I ready? Ready to give up my family and friends? Was I prepared to leave everything I knew behind when the time came? My life, as it were? For Edward? For Edward. Yes, for Edward I would do anything, go anywhere. He was my other half and I would do whatever it took to stay by his side, forever. Even if that meant getting married. Marriage might not as bad as I was making it out to be. I know my parents had not been able to make it work but there were billions of people out there who did everyday. I had already committed myself to Edward in my heart and was willing to give up everything to be with him. Marriage was another way we could connect, a way to bind us closer together, forever. When I thought about it like that, marriage seemed like a much more pleasant idea.
I set my jaw and looked at Alice. "Yes. Yes, I'm ready. I love Edward. I want to be with him forever. I know it will hurt to lose Charlie and Renee and my friends but I'm ready. I know what my life is like without him and I never want to go through that again. Ever. I want to marry Edward. I want to be a vampire." I said with conviction.
Alice looked at me for a long time, which was slightly terrifying since she was still driving, before nodding her head at me.
"I know that Edward has avoided this conversation with you Bella and I know why he has. This is not an easy life. Even for me. I know that I seem so content all the time but really that is only since you came into our lives. It is hard to have to cut yourself off from people. We can never really be close to anyone outside the family for fear of exposure. I love Jazz with all my heart and would go anywhere, do anything, be anything he wanted me to be but it wasn't until you came into our lives that I became really and truly whole. I didn't realize just how lonely I was until I met you. You are my best friend Bella. I love you."
I felt the tears prick my eyes. Except for Edward, no one had ever made me feel so special, like I was important to them.
"Thank you Alice. I love you, too. I feel the same way. I never really had any real friends before. I never felt like I fit in anywhere. But from the moment I met you I felt comfortable. Like we were two pieces in a puzzle. Other pieces may interlock around us and make a whole picture but we will always be together because we fit. You are my best friend too. Except for Edward there isn't anyone I would rather spend eternity with." I said sincerely.
Alice pulled the SUV over to the side of the road and reached across the console to hug me. Her eyes were bright and I think if she was able to she would have been crying.
"Oh Bella! That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!" She exclaimed.
I laughed in her arms. "Alice I need to breathe, honey."
She laughed and released me. She turned and pulled the vehicle back out onto the road.
"Ok, well onto the important stuff." She said. "It isn't clear how all these visions come about. I know you said you would be willing to marry Edward but you haven't made the decision to do so. So the vision I am seeing is kind of fuzzy right now. I see you in a white dress but your back is to me and I can't see if you are human or vampire. I think you are human though. Then I see you and Edward together and you are both vampires. So I am thinking that you get married first then you change."
I bit my lip and blushed. She sensed it and looked over at me, eyes twinkling mischievously.
"Was there something else you wanted to ask about?" She teased.
"Aa-li-cce!" I said. I knew she knew what I wanted to ask her and she was tormenting me on purpose.
"Come on Bella. If you can't ask me, how are you going to bring it up to Edward? Hmmm?" She raised her eyebrows at me expectantly.
I took a deep breath and huffed it out.
"Ok, fine. What about me and Edward having sex? When does that happen?" I grated out, my cheeks burning like fire.
Alice laughed. "See was that so hard? Just be lucky that it is me and not Rose. She would be tormenting you six ways to Sunday if she were here." She laughed again and I felt the blush flaring brighter. I didn't think I could handle Rose's blunt manner about sex just yet.
"Then I am very grateful that it is just you and me Alice." I said.
"Me too. Well as far as actual sex goes I can't pinpoint it. But I do see you and Edward becoming more intimate. I'm going to hazard a guess and say you guys haven't done too much yet?"
"Just kissing. Touching from the shoulders up, that kind of thing. We haven't even made it to second base yet." I hated the term but it seemed easier to talk about sex when you used euphemisms. At least for me anyway.
"Really? He hasn't tried to cop a feel or anything? Geez, no wonder he is so uptight all the time. Jazz says Edward is always radiating so much lust when you are around I figured you guys would have gotten farther than that at least." She seemed genuinely puzzled.
"Lust? He feels…lust when he is around me?" I had seen the look in his eyes last night but that was the first time I could recall him looking at me with such hunger. I knew that he would get a little worked up when we kissed but it never seemed to be as strong as what I was feeling. How could he feel something as powerful as lust and pull away from me so easily?
"Oh God, yes. Jazz can hardly be around him since the two of you got back together. He says the only thing that he feels coming from Edward that is stronger than the lust is the overwhelming love Edward feels when you are around. Sometimes all that emotion gets to be to much for him and he has to leave the house and drag me away with him." She grinned, winking at me. I rolled my eyes. I did not want to hear about her and Jasper's sex life.
"It was really bad in Denali." She continued. My eyes widened and she nodded at my expression. "Oh yes. Jasper said the whole time we were there Edward was utterly consumed with it. I'm surprised he could keep his hands off of you."
I blushed hard remembering the steamy kisses he had given me in the room and outside up against the tree after my temper tantrum.
"Well, if what you say is true then maybe it won't be as hard as I thought to get him to, uh, go farther." I stammered. "But, um, what do I do? He always pulls away when things seem like they are going to get serious. I'm not strong enough to hold him down you know." I said.
Alice laughed. "No, but you have a lot more weapons in your arsenal than you think you do. I don't think you will have to worry about holding him down, only holding him off. Especially when I am through with you. You are going to be too much of a temptation for him to resist you." She had a scheming gleam in her eye and I was frightened.
"Alice, you know I can't pull off sexy like you and Rose can. I am too uncoordinated to strut and I could never pull off anything really brazen." I had a horrible vision of breaking a leg in a pair of sky high heels while Edward laughed at me and shivered.
Alice gave me an impish smile. "Not to worry, Bella. I know those things don't work on Edward. No, we are going to use more subtle weapons. We are going to have him panting after you and you will hardly have to do a thing. Trust me, he will never know what hit him. Now come on, we're here."
I looked up and saw that we were at a very ritzy looking salon. We got out and went inside.
We spent the next two hours being pampered. Alice insisted that I have a manicure and a pedicure. My fingernails were a soft pink and my toenails were painted a pretty purple-red color.
"I like this color Alice. What's it called?"
Alice gave me a devilish grin. "Vamp." She said, winking at me.
I burst out laughing, drawing the gazes of the other patrons.
"Perfect." I said.
Alice decided that I needed a more up-to-date hairstyle and had them give me a more layered cut and side-swept bangs. I had to admit the style really brought out my eyes, making them really pop.
When we were done and Alice had paid we climbed back into the SUV.
"Ok, now we shop!" Alice said.
"Shopping? I have enough clothes Alice. Why do we need to shop for more?" I would never understand Alice's never ending fixation on clothes.
"Bella, these are not just any clothes we are going to buy. These are your "Seduction of Edward Cullen" clothes we are going to buy. It is completely different. The stuff you have is fine for school or lying around the house. But if we want him chomping at the bit we have to step up your game a little. You'll see. When have I ever steered you wrong?"
I sighed in defeat. After all, there was a reason you didn't bet against Alice. She was almost always right.
Alice dragged me through shop after shop, tossing clothes at me to carry. I had found a way to get out of having to spend hours in the dressing rooms trying them on. I would "decide" to buy the outfit and Alice would get a vision of me in it. She would then tell me whether or not she liked me in it. It actually worked out pretty well and saved us a lot of time and me a lot of aggravation. Hyperactive psychic vampire pixies were a lot of fun to be around, once you learned a few tricks to keep them calm.
We were in the last shop when I heard Alice gasp and squeal.
"This is it Bella! This is the dress for your date tonight! Oh this is going to be great! Edward is going to die when he sees you in this!"
I raised a brow at her choice of words but didn't say anything. Chuckling, I took the dress into the fitting room since Alice said this one I had to try on. It was very simple, demure even. It was navy blue with off-the-shoulder cap sleeves and a twisted neckline. There was a skinny belt that matched the dress and it hit at my knees. I felt sophisticated and elegant.
I stepped out in the dress and Alice was bouncing with excitement.
"Bella you look amazing! This is going to be great!" She cried.
"I like it too Alice but it seems a little tame compared to what I thought you might put me in." It seemed a little too subtle for Alice's taste.
"That is exactly why it will work." She said knowingly.
I wrinkled my brow in puzzlement and she sighed.
"Ok Bella I am going to explain my plan. Right now Edward sees you as Sweet Innocent Adorable Bella. Adorable is all well and good but it is a word you would use to describe a teddy bear or something. We want him to think of you as a sex kitten. We want him to see you as Sweet Innocent Sexy Bella. Your sweetness and your innocence are the things that draw Edward to you in the first place. So we keep those and amp up the sexy."
"But I don't know how to be sexy Alice." I didn't. It was something I had never thought about. Awkward and clumsy didn't scream sexy to me.
"Trust me it won't take much. And you won't have to do anything blatant. You are not that good an actress anyway." She grinned evilly and I rolled my eyes.
"Edward is already burning up when you are around, now we add the gasoline and watch it turn into an inferno."
I looked at her skeptically. How could I seduce Edward? I was so plain and boring how could he ever really see me like that? I heard a deep sigh and looked over to see Alice shaking her head at me. My doubts must have shown on my face.
"Bella I think the time has come to stage an intervention. As your best friend I think there are some truths you are going to have to face. Come over here."
She dragged me over to a large full length mirror and stood me in front of it. She stood shoulder to shoulder with me, her hands on my arms. She caught my eye in the mirror and locked me in her gaze.
"You seem to think that you will never be beautiful enough or sexy enough or simply enough for Edward. I am going to tell you all the reasons you are wrong and you are going to stand there and listen. Got it?" I nodded my head mutely.
"First of all, Edward loves you. You. He is completely, utterly, irrevocably in love with you for all of eternity. Every single day of eternity. To him you are the most beautiful woman in the world. To him there will never be another woman who could ever stand next to you and not be in your shadow. In over a hundred years you are the only woman that he has ever wanted to be with. Think about that. With everywhere he has been, everything he has done, every beautiful woman he has ever seen, you are the one that he chose. You are the one whose beauty called out to him. It will always be you. Forever."
I stared at Alice's reflection in the mirror. I could not speak. I had never thought about it that way; never thought about Edward that way.
"And if that were not enough Bella, you are beautiful in your own right. You just don't see it. And that is something that Edward loves about you. That you can be so completely lovely and not even know it." I looked at her skeptically for a moment and she huffed and rolled her eyes.
"Look at yourself in the mirror Bella and I will tell you what I see, what Edward sees." She raised her hand to my hair and pulled it from its ponytail, spreading it around my shoulders like a cloud.
"Your hair is gorgeous. Soft and silky and thick. It smells amazing and I have seen how he runs his fingers through it. I know he loves your hair."
She grabbed my by the chin to look into her face.
"You have the most beautiful big brown eyes. You could drown in them they are so deep. Your skin is the color of fresh cream and is so flawless. And remember that I have better than average eyesight so when I say flawless it means something completely different." I blushed at the compliment.
"And that blush makes your skin even more perfect. I know you hate it because it reveals so much about whatever you are feeling but I know that Edward is completely entranced by it." I remembered all the times he told me that he loved my blush and realized she was right.
She moved to stand behind me and placed her hands on my hips. She was not tall enough to look over my shoulder so she leaned around me to meet my eyes in the mirror.
"You have a very nice figure. You are so slender and delicate and I know that Edward loves that about you too. How delicate you are. He has to control himself because you are so breakable but I know that he loves your daintiness. Look how long your legs look in that dress. I know from prom how much Edward likes your legs. The rest of you is so proportional and it all just comes together to make one very stunning whole."
She moved around so that she stood in front of me and waited until I met her eyes.
"You. Are. Beautiful. Inside and out. All the beautiful things on the outside are emphasized by all the wonderful things on the inside. You are smart and funny and sweet and caring and terrific. Edward loves all those things about you and you need to learn to love yourself Bella. Become more confident. Confidence is sexier than anything you can find at Victoria's Secret. Stop dismissing it when Edward compliments you. That is just another way for him to express how much he loves you. So chin up, beautiful girl, you have a totally hot guy panting after you and we are going to send him on a merry chase. Okay?" She looked at me to see my reaction to her words.
I felt tears welling in my eyes but I willed them back so I could look at my reflection in the mirror. The dress, though subtle, emphasized the curves of my body. I would never be a swimsuit model but I could admit that I had a nice body. I saw how my dark hair brought out my skin tone and my eyes were sparkling in my face. I had a nice mouth and good skin. I was not a supermodel but I had to admit that I was attractive. And Edward thought so too.
Edward thought I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He had told me that many times but I had never really grasped what that meant. I realized now that he must have met plenty of gorgeous women over the course of his ninety years as a vampire. And as amazingly handsome as he was I am sure that he had more than his fair share of them throwing themselves at him. But he didn't choose any of them. He chose me. He picked me over every other woman he had ever met. I felt a warm glow flow through me that had nothing to do with the blush on my cheeks. Edward wanted me. Edward thought I was beautiful. I grinned at my reflection and when I caught Alice's eye in the mirror she grinned back at me.
"Ok, ok I see what you mean Alice." I reached over and pulled her into a tight hug. "No one in the history of the world has ever had a better best friend and sister than I have. Thank you Alice."
She hugged me back then released me. "You are quite welcome. Now get out of that dress and let's get you home. Edward can't stand to be away from you for too long. And I need to tell you the rest of the "plan"."
I changed quickly and we bought the dress and left the store. Alice waited until we got into the SUV before filling me in on the details of her scheme.
"First of all we know that subtlety is the key with Edward. If you suddenly started prancing around in stilettos and micro mini skirts he would know something was up right away. So we are going to dress you in ways that seem demure but emphasize all those things I told you that were beautiful about you. Like the date dress. It seems subtle but it brings out your skin and shows off all the right things. You are completely covered but it shows off your curves. And your shoulders and collarbones. And that is your assignment for tonight Bella. Shoulders and collarbones."
I looked at her dubiously.
"Shoulders and collarbones? What in the world are you talking about Alice?"
"Tonight when you are out with Edward I want you to draw attention to your neck, shoulders and collarbones. When you are talking to him, trace the line of your neck or shoulders with your fingers. Do it slow and with a soft touch. Make it look like you are doing it absentmindedly; like you are not even aware you are doing it. It will drive him wild. You watch and see; by the time the night is over there is no way he will be able to stop himself from touching you."
"He already touches me there though Alice. How is this going to be different?" I could not see how this was progress.
"First of all, the more comfortable he is touching you anywhere the better. Desensitizing as it were. Second we have to move slowly because this is Edward we are talking about and he can be pretty uptight about things as I am sure you well know. And third, no man can resist when a woman caresses her own body, even in a very innocent way like we are talking here. Tonight is about understated seduction. When you are touching your skin all he will be able to think about is how soft your skin is, the way it smells and tastes and how much he wants to be touching you too. But he won't be able to because you will be out in public. So he will have to wait. And the anticipation makes it that much more intoxicating." She stated with confidence.
I could see what she meant. And I would not have to do much so there was less chance of it being awkward. I could do this.
"Ok, I think I can pull this off. Is that all I have to do?"
Alice looked over at me before responding.
"Not quite."
I swallowed before I spoke. "Not quite? What else do I have to do?"
"It's more about what you have to wear to bed." She said tentatively.
"What do you mean?" I was not sure I was going to like this.
"Do you remember those blue pajamas I packed for you in Brazil?"
I could only grin in response.
We had just passed into Forks when Alice spoke again.
"Bella, there is one more part of the plan and I think that it is going to be the hardest part for you." She was looking at me anxiously and my heart beat faster in response. What would I have to do?
She heard my heartbeat increase and broke the silence.
"It is nothing too terrifying but you are going to have to be bolder than you have been in the past."
"What do you mean? What do I have to do?" I asked with trepidation.
"You are going to have to help Edward touch you. Tonight, when he kisses you and it gets a little "hot and heavy" so to speak, you need to take his hand and place it on your breast."
I felt the blood rush out of my face and then surge back in until my entire face felt as though it was on fire. God, would I be able to do that? I wanted to but I had no idea if I could be that bold. And what about Edward? How would he react? What would he do? I felt dizzy for a moment and realized that Alice was trying to get my attention.
"Earth to Bella. Wake up Bella. Look, don't worry. It will all work out fine. And no, you will not be having sex tonight. But you have to break the touch barrier sometime and you know that Edward would never be the one to do that. You are going to have to take charge tonight. And really you are going to have to take charge during this whole process. You just have to let Edward think he is the one who is making all the moves. If you can get him to touch you tonight it will be a major breakthrough and you can get started on really breaking some barriers."
"I want to break some barriers Alice, but God, I can imagine the look on Edward's face if I do that. What will he think of me?"
Alice just laughed at me. "Bella, trust me, he wants to touch you too. But he is too much of a gentleman to do it. If you are the one to initiate contact he will have fewer qualms about it. And knowing that you will not actually have sex can help cut down on the jitters you are probably feeling. And keep you from feeling the disappointment when he pulls away. And unfortunately he will. But this is only step one. After this it will be a lot easier. I promise."
I wanted to believe her. I wanted to break down the walls that Edward had built up. I needed him to show me that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I would have to find a way to get over my nerves and just do it.
"Ok Alice, I promise to try. That is best that I can do."
"Alright if that is all I can get I will take it but Bella, remember this is as much for your own good as Edward's. Pushing these boundaries will ultimately strengthen your relationship. So when you try, try as hard as you can, okay?" She looked at me with a serious expression.
"I will, I promise. And thanks a lot Alice. I knew that I could count on you to help me with this." I said. It was true. There was no one else I felt comfortable discussing this with. I knew that Alice would always have my best interests at heart.
"Ok we are nearly home. It is noon. I will give you four hours to relax before you are mine again. Try not to spend them all with Edward. We should build up some anticipation for tonight so he is even more eager to have you to himself. So spend some time with Emmett and Jasper or with Esme until it is time to get ready."
"Alright that sounds like a plan. Do you know where he wants to take me tonight?" Of course she knew. She would have seen it as soon as he made the decision.
"I do and I am not going to tell you. You will enjoy it though so don't pout. Edward loves to surprise you and you need to be a little more gracious about it. It is something that gives him pleasure."
I grumbled and agreed. There was nothing I could do about it anyway so I might as well accept it with as much good grace as possible.
We pulled up into the garage and took the shopping bags into the house. Emmett and Jasper were sitting on the couch in the living room and looked up as we walked in. Jasper's gaze went immediately to Alice and there were no words to describe the tenderness in his eyes. Alice stepped over to him and placed a soft kiss on his cheek then looked deeply into his eyes. I had to turn away from the intimacy of the moment. I looked over to see Emmett smirking at me.
"Belly! Welcome back. I see Alice roped you into more shopping but I am digging your new 'do."
I could help but laugh. "Belly? Really? Thanks Emmykins." I said sarcastically.
Jasper burst out laughing and I saw the gleam in Emmett's eye.
"How about Belly Button then?" Emmett said laughing.
I giggled. "Yeah that one is so much better Emmypoo."
Emmett's eyes widened and he burst out laughing.
"Alright Belly Bean, come over here and let me kick your ass on the Xbox."
I walked over and Jasper scooted to the side so I was sitting between him and Emmett. I looked around.
"Where is Edward?" It was strange that he did not come out to greet us when Alice and I got home.
"He said he had some errands to run before your "date" tonight." Jasper said. "You guys sure are going backwards. Having your first date after all this time." I looked at him and he was smirking.
"It seems that way doesn't it? But the only "date" you can say that we have been on is when he saved me from those men in Port Angeles and then insisted I eat something. Not quite what a girl expects from her first date. And I know that Edward loves this kind of thing." I shrugged.
"So are you going to put out on the first date, Bella Butt?" Emmett asked innocently.
"Emmett!!" I felt my cheeks burn scarlet.
"What!?" He said, eyes wide. "It is just a question. Why are you so defensive? Unless you were planning on turning in your v-card tonight? Hmmm?" He asked with a gleam in his eye.
"I am not planning on turning in anything tonight Emmett. Not that it is your business in any way, shape or form. Geez, like I would ever discuss my sex life with you!" My cheeks were still burning and I knew I looked like a tomato.
"Aww, come on Bellywelly, I would share with you!" Emmett said.
"Eww, Emmett. Just eww. Like I want to know what kinds of things you and Rose get up to! No way, bub. And there is no way I would share with you either so just drop it." I said, exasperated.
Emmett sighed deeply and turned back to his game. "Try to open up to people and this is what happens." He grumbled.
I felt a warm wave of tranquility and looked over at Jasper and found him smiling slightly at me. I mustered up a large dose of brotherly affection and aimed it at him. Jasper's eyes widened and he gave me a big smile. Probably the first real smile I had ever seen from him.
He leaned towards me. "Thanks sis." He said quietly. He gave my hand a quick squeeze and still smiling went upstairs to find Alice.
Emmett and I played Xbox for an hour before I had to give up in defeat. My reflexes were just too slow to match Emmett's no matter what game we played. Esme had wandered in while we were playing and sat next to me on the couch. Alice and Jasper had come downstairs and were wrapped up in each other on the loveseat. I offered the game controller to Esme and was shocked when she actually took it, smiling slightly. Emmett let out a soft groan and Alice and Jasper laughed. I didn't understand their reaction until I saw Esme beat Emmett in every single game they played. I stared at her in shock when Emmett threw the game controller down and stomped out of the room. She saw the look on my face and laughed out loud.
"There are a lot of hours in the day to fill up when you don't sleep, Bella." She said.
"You are officially the coolest mom ever Esme." I said. She gave me a bright smile.
Alice wanted to watch a movie and everyone put in their opinion about which one they wanted to see. I sat, curled into the arm of the couch, not caring which one they put in. As soon as the opening credits of the movie started to roll I felt my eyelids start to droop and I knew I was crashing from my caffeine binge this morning.
I woke up to see the closing credits of the movie moving up the screen. I was no longer leaning on the couch but instead I was wrapped in a soft blanket and sitting on Edward's lap, my face pressed against his hard chest. I looked up to see him smiling down at me tenderly.
"Hi." I said softly.
"Hi." He said back just as softly.
"Did you get your errands finished?"
He smiled. "Yes, thank you. And you? Did you have fun with Alice today?"
I felt my cheeks pinken as I recalled everything Alice and I had discussed today. Edward's eyebrows rose at my blush.
"Yes, we had a good time. Lots of girl talk. And shopping, because I think that is just inevitable when you are with Alice."
"Hey!" Alice cried. "I do more than shop you know." Everyone in the room turned to look at her incredulously.
"Well, I do." She grumbled and everyone laughed.
I sat up straighter and brushed my hair out of my face.
"I like your new haircut." Edward said, running his fingers through it. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply. I caught Alice's eye. She grinned at me and seemed to say "See I told you so" with her eyes.
I smiled back at her before replying to Edward. "Thanks, I'm glad you like it."
He lifted his head and brushed a stray strand out of my face.
"I love everything about you. From the top of your beautiful head to your now-painted toenails."
I wiggled my toes at him. "Thanks, Alice picked out the color. It's called 'Vamp'."
Edward burst out laughing.
We all sat around talking for another hour before Alice jumped up and came to stand in front of me.
"All right Bella, time to get started." She held out her hand to me. Edward stood up with me in his arms and set me gently on the floor, making sure I had my balance. He bent and kissed me softly on the lips before releasing me.
"Have fun, love." He said, giving me his crooked grin.
I rolled my eyes and allowed Alice to drag me upstairs to her bedroom. She practically pushed me into the bathroom, reminding me to shave my legs, before closing the door behind her.
I quickly got in the shower, letting the warm water relax my muscles. I needed this. Alice and I had talked about a lot of things today and the shower helped calm me down. I shaved my legs as bidden and got out of the shower. Alice had left a soft bathrobe for me and I put it on and went out into the bedroom.
Alice spent the next hour and a half fixing me up. She would not allow me to look at myself while she worked. She applied my makeup and put my hair up on top of my head, cursing softly at how many pins it took to keep the heavy mass of hair up. She brought me a black lace strapless bra and matching panties to wear and left me so I could dress. She warned me not to look at myself in the mirror until she got back. The expression on her face spoke of dire consequences if I disobeyed.
I quickly put the undergarments and my dress on. When I felt it slide over my skin I felt the same feelings I'd had in the dress shop. I felt more elegant than I had ever felt in the past. I put on the shoes Alice had given me to wear. They had a low heel, only about two inches, and had delicate straps that crossed over my toes and around my ankles. I practiced walking in them while I was waiting for Alice to come back. I was gratified when I saw they were surprisingly easy to walk in and also felt comfortable on my feet.
Alice knocked on the door and quickly came in and closed it behind her.
"Oh Bella you look amazing! I knew you would! Ok now you get to see what you look like." She grabbed the large cheval mirror that she had turned around earlier and brought it over and placed it in front of me.
I was shocked by the woman in the mirror.
She had an elegant mass of dark curls on her head and bangs that swept softly across her forehead. Her make up was a study in understated drama. Her eyes very subtly smoky, making them seem brighter and more sparkling. She had just a hint of blush and pink lip gloss. The dress she was wearing softly hugged her curves and the neckline of the dress combined with the up-do made her neck seem longer and more graceful.
I giggled when I realized I had been thinking about myself in the third person. The beautiful woman in the mirror was me. I felt for the first time like I could stand beside Edward and be his equal.
"Thank you Alice." I breathed. "I feel so beautiful."
"That's because you are silly. Now let's go downstairs. Edward is waiting for you."
I felt my breath quicken in anticipation. I realized I was actually excited to be going out.
Alice pulled open the bedroom door and quickly looked left and right. Apparently satisfied that no one was lurking in the hallway she motioned for me to follow her out. Before we came to the top of the stairs she called out downstairs.
"Ok we are coming down now. Turn around and stay out of my head!" She waited a moment before pushing me softly towards the stairs. I got a sense of deja-vu when I realized that we were playing out the same scene we had done for prom.
I felt butterflies fill my stomach as I walked to the top of the stairs and looked down. Edward had his back to me and I saw that he was wearing a dark jacket and dress pants. The cut of the jacket emphasized the line of his shoulders and his beautiful hair was in that same amazing disarray I loved.
I carefully made my way down the stairs, watching each step to make sure I didn't fall. As I reached the bottom I looked up and saw Jasper and Emmett standing off to the side. Jasper grinned at me and gave me a thumb's up and I heard Emmett let out a low whistle. I blushed and smiled back.
"Ok you can look now Edward." Alice said.
No sooner than the words were spoken, Edward spun around and looked at me. His eyes widened and he stared at me, eyes roaming over me. I took the time to do the same thing to him. He was wearing a narrow black tie and a blindingly white shirt under his dress coat. He looked so elegant I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and never let him go.
He finished his perusal and captured my eyes with his.
"I have never seen a more beautiful woman in my entire life." He said with quiet sincerity. His words were so similar to Alice's in the dress shop and I realized that he meant them whole-heartedly.
I blushed under his regard. "Thank you. You always make me feel that way. You look amazing too."
He gave me his crooked grin and gallantly offered me his arm. I smiled and looked up at him, conveying with my eyes all my love for him and blinked when I saw a bright flash in the corner of my eye. I looked over to see Esme lowering a camera.
"You both look so wonderful. I hope you have so much fun tonight." She said.
I looked back at Edward who had a small smile on his face.
"Speaking of, where are we going tonight?" I asked.
"Ah ah ah, that is a secret, my love." Edward said, grinning at me and drawing me out of the house. He led me down the stairs and I saw his Vanquish parked out front. I raised my eyebrows at him and he smiled.
"A special occasion calls for a special car. It would be an insult to how beautiful you look tonight for you to be seen in anything other than a car like this."
My lips twitched but I managed to keep from giggling. Only Edward would think of something like that.
I allowed him to help me into the low-slung car and before I could manage to get my seatbelt buckled he was around the car to the driver's side and sliding inside.
We backed out of the driveway and drove down the lane to the main road.
"Where are we going?" I asked again.
Edward hesitated for a moment and looked over at me.
"Port Angeles. I wanted to try to recreate the best part of our first "not-quite-a-date" date if that is agreeable to you?" He seemed nervous of my reaction.
"Oh! I'd like that very much. It would be almost like starting over again, only better." I thought it was a very sweet idea.
The tension seemed to melt from him. "That is what I thought too. Go back to where it started and do everything right this time." He smiled and took my hand, raising it to his lips and staring deeply into my eyes. I felt my mind go fuzzy and my breath stopped. I snapped myself out of his gaze and took a deep breath.
"Dazzler." I grumbled in mock irritation.
Edward laughed. "The feeling is mutual I assure you, my love."