"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness." ~ Chuck Palahniuk (Diary)

Chapter Ten: Yesterday's Papers

Booth sat down at the dining room table and leaned back, one hand over his face. He knew Bones was right, he was being a jackass, but he simply couldn't help it.

He had long ago resolved his feelings of guilt for how he had broken up with Charlie, and by all accounts they both had the lives they wanted and needed…and loved. And to be fair to himself, he had given the relationship an honest try. Some things were just never meant to be, and their current situations bore that out. Booth had absolutely no regrets.

He sensed when the biggest reason he wasn't regretful had entered the dining room without even taking his hand off his face. He took a deep breath and tipped his head forward, a little shocked when he took in Brennan's concerned, not angry, look.

"Booth. Talk to me." She sat down next to him and placed her hand on his thigh, rubbing lightly.

Booth released a deep breath. "Well, I should be glad you're not calling me Seeley. Then I'd know you were really, really pissed."

"Oh, I am."

"You have every right to be, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, Bones." He sat up and grabbed her free hand, linking their fingers. "You know me, babe. When it's work, when it's professional…I can compartmentalize with the best of them. Even when the personal bleeds into it, I've been able to push that aside and get the job done without letting my emotions get the better of me."

"Except for throwing ex-FBI agents-turned-authors down onto tables and threatening their lives?" She smirked.

Booth rolled his eyes. "Two things about that. One, I can't believe Agent Russel told you about my threatening Vega. He is going to get scut work for a month for ratting me out. And two…" He moved closer to her and took her chin in his hand. "You were missing, kidnapped. I didn't know where you were or if we were going to be able to find you. I was understandably out of my mind. Because…when it comes to you Temperance…when you're in danger? I can't compartmentalize that. Never could."

Brennan nodded and leaned forward to kiss him softly. "Alright. But that's still not telling me what is bothering you. Is it Charlotte? I thought you had nice memories of your relationship, Booth. That's what you've always said."

"I do, Bones. I do. But the end…I wasn't completely honest with her, and that's always bothered me. Even if she did eventually figure most of it out on her own."

"Okay. I won't ask for details because that's between the two of you, but maybe you need to come clean with her…and then you both can move past this and work together. We're never going to find Clayton if this doesn't stop, Booth." Her worried look was enough to undo him, and he nodded.

"Alright. I'll apologize to Charlie and clear the air." He kissed her again and stood. "I am sorry, Bones. I'm trying to hold it together, really."

Brennan stood and hugged him close. "That's what I'm here for, to help you hold it together. So let me."

"Deal, gorgeous." He smiled lightly and bussed her forehead, then headed off to make amends with Charlotte.

B&B

Booth found Charlotte outside on the deck, "What is it with you and the outdoors?"

She inhaled slowly, "I like wide open spaces. You know I'm claustrophobic."

"Yeah…" He took a seat next to her on the railing, "I'm sorry about before."

"Are you really sorry or just because your wife yelled at you? And me? And the kid?"

"I was sorry before the words even left my mouth."

"Now that's a real apology." She bumped her shoulder with his, "I'm sorry, too. I'm just trying to keep it together here and I don't need you telling me to get angry when I surpassed angry about four days ago."

Booth nodded, "I know you're not cold. I do."

"I wish I could say you weren't a crybaby but you are."

He looked at her with an amused, open mouth.

"You are, Seel. But it's one of the things I liked most about you."

He smiled, "Oh well, I guess that makes it alright."

Charlotte glanced over at him, "What's your real problem? Beyond the fact that you were wrangled into a classified investigation that involves me and makes you think about the past and has put your family in danger? Because those are all things you can handle like a champ. I think I know but I want to hear you say it."

"It bothers me that I wasn't honest with you when I ended things." Booth explained in one quick breath.

She tried to hide her happiness over being right, "You did the best you could and I don't hold it against you. I never have."

Booth squinted at her, "Really?"

"Seeley, that may have been the best break-up of my life. You compared me to a corvette, that's pretty fantastic."

"You don't need to be so tough all the time, Charlie."

"I'm not being tough, I'm being honest. Was I hurt? Of course but…" She shook her head with eyes closed, "You didn't break my heart. You just reminded me that I had one."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means that without you I never would have taken the chance on a guy like Clay."

"What kind of guy is that exactly?"

She smiled sadly and stared at the deck floor, "The right guy. The one worth changing for because he didn't need or want me to."

"I'm glad I could help." It was his turn to bump shoulders with her.

They sat in silence for several minutes, watching Angela and Sweets search the kitchen cabinets through the window.

"Hey Seel, th-there's something I need to tell you."

"Ok…"

Tucking her hair behind her ears, she breathed deeply, "Earlier, I heard you telling Lance that no one knew about us over there and that's not entirely true."

"Not entirely?"

"Remember how I left for London at the end of October? And by the time I got back in November you had left?"

"Yeah."

"I heard rumblings from the guys about us during the three weeks I was there without you. Nothing scandalous just jokes, I mean it was harmless."

Booth ran his hand through his hair and tried to keep his cool, "Why didn't you tell me before? At the time?"

"Because…." She studied her hands for a beat before continuing, "Because I didn't see you that often, you know? Two or three days every two weeks, I didn't want to piss you off. Especially since you always seemed so angry anyway…."

"When was I angry?"

"You seemed angry a lot when I left and I know now that it wasn't because I was leaving but because you kept asking me to come back and you didn't know why and honestly, I didn't know either."

"But you kept coming back…"

She wrapped her arms across her chest and hugged herself, "Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"Because we had fun and you were sweet and good in bed and made fantastic omelets and it was nice to have a destination at the end of some of those trips."

Booth looked over at her and flashed a grin, "I really do make fantastic omelets, don't I?"

"Yes, yes you do." They laughed together briefly before she turned serious again, "Thank you for choosing to latch onto that instead of what preceded it."

"Eh, I do what I can." He rubbed his hands together, "But still, you should have told me that stuff – about the guys back there."

"It wasn't a big deal. I saw no reason to upset you."

"Well, it turned into a very big deal."

"How was I supposed to know that four years in the future it could have been a contributing factor to Lou being killed and Clay being… My God, Clay…I didn't even know him then. All I knew about him back then was that he was the handsome guy on Capitol Hill."

"Hindsight is…well, you know."

She swallowed hard, "I do now."

April 09, 2011. 6:25PM Sportsman's Liquors, Washington, DC

It finally seems to be over with Cabina.

It's moments like these that make me think there is a God. From my vantage point in the store, I watched him walk her to her car and say good-bye. I'm hoping I'm not the only one who felt the finality of it.

I hadn't seen her since yesterday when she drove herself to Cabina's apartment – she had never done that before. Before she arrived there, I accompanied her from the airport, to the Washington Post offices, to what appeared to be a work lunch and then as she roamed all over this city.

I'm not sure what all of that was about but I do know it's no longer something I need to be concerned with.

~ FYI: In our perfect world, the role of Clay Woods would be played by Jon Hamm :)