Spoilers: Rising Part 2 & The Pegasus Project.
Beta: Yes! Thanks so much to Alexis. Any further errors are my own.
Warnings: Mention of suicide attempt.
Summary: Lessons can be hard to deal with.
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"What the HELL is this?" Sheppard demanded, storming into the lab, not giving a damn who was watching as he waved about the paper in his hand.
Rodney's attitude hadn't stopped in the infirmary. He was indifferent, brusque and lacked an ounce of sympathy for anyone who got in his way. People who thought he'd been a bastard before realized just how wrong they'd been as this McKay i really /i didn't care what anyone thought of him and sharpened his razor-like tongue against their emotions with a haunting arrogance.
Without looking up from his current project, Rodney's uninterested tone suggested he thought Sheppard was over-reacting and being stupid. Again.
"That would be my resignation letter from your team, Col. Sheppard. Or didn't they teach you how to read in basic training?"
Across the lab, Sheppard saw Zelenka watching with something like resigned sadness on his face before looking away. Even his hair seemed to droop.
"You're not allowed - "
"Allowed?" That got Rodney to look up but the expression on his face was a mixture of disgust and smug confidence. "It never fails with you small, military-minded drones to think you can simply boss around anyone you want, does it? As it happens, you can't tell me what to do and Dr. Weir has already approved my decision." Those blue eyes grew hard, cold. "Honestly, how I allowed myself to be bullied into taking a place on an off-world team is beyond me but that's beside the point. I'll try and explain in small words, so you're sure to understand, Colonel. I have two years of catch-up work to do in the shortest amount of time possible if I'm to keep this city from falling into the hands of whatever alien race you feel the need to piss off this week. Of course, there is always the Wraith problem to contend with as well, thanks, again, to you. I also find it frighteningly naive of you to consider placing the city in a situation of losing half of its Senior Staff by having two serve on the same team." Rodney straightened even further, eyes glittering with contempt. "And it may come as a shock but I really don't see a reason to put myself in harms way. That's what mindless, military grunts are for."
"Rodney!" Zelenka's shout of surprise stopped the rant but Sheppard was already backing away, disbelief and hurt on his face. "You should not talk to Col. Sheppard in such a manner!"
"Why? Did he give you a lemon to threaten me with it if I don't do what you want?"
The bitterness and contempt in Rodney's voice made Sheppard turn and flee. It followed him through the city and along the halls until he collapsed in an empty, dark room, his chest heaving from the sudden, unexpected exertion. He thought they'd been rebuilding their relationship this last year, he thought Rodney understood that this was his way of teasing him but, apparently, while Rodney had gone along with it, some part of the scientist resented it all.
Running a hand over his face and finding it wet, Sheppard leaned back against the wall and tried to catch his breath. He wasn't sure how Rodney found out about the lemon incident as it hadn't been in any of the mission reports, but it hadn't been a secret either.
If that was how Rodney felt about all their bantering, was it really so surprising he had wanted to leave?
How had he not seen it?
Guilt at all the things that had gone wrong since their arrival gnawed at Sheppard, making his head pound, his chest tighten to make breathing painful, and caused his stomach to churn sickly. The worst, the absolute worst part was that everything Rodney said was true and Sheppard bitterly wondered how one heart could break so much when it had already been thoroughly shattered. He thought it would have been best if Ronon hadn't stopped him from jumping. It would have been best if it had been him instead of Sumner who had died.
The small room was filled with the sound of harsh breathing and as it evened out and sleep took hold, Sheppard desperately wished he would never wake up again.
---tbc