Risky Business

"

"All the right friends in all the right places

So yeah, We're going down"

-8-

November 24, 2014

"Seriously, Sonny, why don't they put barf bags on roller-coasters? I mean, they're a lot worse than airplanes." I shot my best friend a dubious look and let out a lingering sigh. Welcome to my life. Or Chad.

When we go to restaurants, he talks about deers' asses, and when we're on planes, he fiddles with barf bags and wants to have conversations about them.

It's wonderful, let me tell you.

"Probably because they'd fall out, Chad." I checked my watch, desperately praying that the flight would land soon. But nope, we had a good two hours to go.

"Oh," Chad nodded, "totally. And think of it this way, Sonny." He twisted in his seat to look at me better, shoving his large M&M bag in the pouch of the seat in front of him. "People probably get sick when the roller-coaster goes upside down. So when they do, it just falls to the ground anyway." He shrugged, grinning absentmindedly to himself. "That actually makes a lot of sense."

No, Chad. No it doesn't. And please, quit pulling me into these disgusting conversations, okay? I mean, seriously. Ew.

This time, I was the one shifting in my seat, trying to get as far away from Chad's curious glance as possible.

Then, I sighed.

We were heading to Wisconsin, so we could, in Chad's terms "kick it up a notch". Or would that be that chef dude from TV?

BAM!

…Anyway. Chad thought that it would be just dandy if he and I flew to my hometown to have Thanksgiving with my family.

My personal opinion? Dumbest idea ever.

But whatever suits Chad.

This plan has been kind of boring since the day we started, anyway. I mean, it does have its thrilling moments, which make me second-guess my relationship with Chad and all. But, in the long run, it's just been boring.

So when Chad came up with this plan, and I called my mom (who was utterly delighted, by the way), my dad was none-too-happy about it.

And his none-too-happiness got me to thinking that, when I brought Chad home, my dad would give him a swift kick in the balls, which is exactly what Chad needs.

I mean, while I'm being an excellent, reliable fake girlfriend and all, Chad's being an ultra-sucky fake boyfriend.

It started with that Paris-lookalike Taryn. He since moved on to Bredni, Becki, Mindy, and Wendy.

I mean, seriously. Who names their kids those names anyway?

…Oh, and that drunken kiss that Chad pulled me into on Halloween night?

After puking (the irony…) his guts up that night, he completely forgot about it the next morning. So, I was just left assuming that my Drunk Chad was mistaken by the moonlight shining on my hair, and I looked blonde, so he had to kiss me.

And all of that second-guessing that's been going on in my mind? Well, I'm pretty sure that it's strictly one-sided. Chad wouldn't know a serious relationship if it slapped him in the face. And, with me?

He'd probably rather die. I mean, I am his best friend. Nothing more.

We're just pulling this thing to fool the world and its mother.

And really, I don't have feelings for him. That would just be wrong.

"Hey, Sonny, do you think that flight attendant likes me? Because, I swear, she's looking at me like she's hungry."

I looked in the direction that Chad was looking, and caught sight of the flight attendant. She was, indeed, looking at him.

She was, indeed, blonde.

I just bit my lip, patted Chad's leg, and swallowed up that little feeling of jealousy that was currently coursing through me. I mean, seriously, I'm not jealous of Chad and his bimbos.

Anyway.

I think that my cousin Amy was the only one on the planet who hadn't heard that Chad and I weren't together. That, and my other cousin, Jill.

They both knew and loved Chad, and, clearly, they both knew and loved me, so when Chad and I walked up to my parents' house, hand-in-hand, they immediately pulled me away from Chad and escorted me up to my bedroom.

That's where I was interrogated.

And you think Natti, Dani, and even Nick's wife are bad? Meet Amy and Jill.

"Is he a good kisser?" (Amy)

"When did he kiss you? Was there tongue involved? Did you get any hickeys? Did he feel you up?" (Jill)

"Are you two in love?" (Amy)

"When did he tell you that he loved you? Was sans-clothing involved? Did he feel you up?" (Jill)

I looked between my redheaded cousin and the blonde-headed one and smirked. Amy is twenty-five and has been planning her wedding for two years. Jill is twenty-six and is on her fourth pregnancy.

Really, it's hard to wonder why.

"Do you have an 'our song'?" (Amy)

"Of course they do." (Jill rolls her eyes) "Clearly, it's that Wonderland song by John Mayer. I mean, have you seen Sonny's legs lately? Especially with stilettos? I bet Chad and her could spend their whole Thanksgiving vacay in the sack-"

Okay. Ew.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

I mean, seriously?

I glared at my cousins, huffed, and stomped my foot. Right now, I was longing to flee with my fake boyfriend and find a really, really good screwdriver. Heck, even a cosmopolitan would work. I'd even take a margarita, as long as the alcohol was doubled.

"You know what song I really like?" Jill gave out this sleazy little sigh and rubbed her cute little baby bump. "Sex Therapy by Robin Thicke. Now that boy can-"

I squeezed my eyes shut and stuck my fingers in my ears.

Why?

I mean, I know. Robin Thicke is absolutely one heck of a delicious looking man…but he's married. And yes, I'm jealous. He has a wife, and a son (Robin says he's going to teach him how to talk to girls…Clearly, if the kid listens to one of his dad's songs, he'll have no trouble.).

Anyway.

I needed to end this now.

"You know what," I clapped my hands together, gathering my cousins' attention. "Chad and I do have a song. It's…"

Think, Sonny, think. What's a damn good song that could relate to two friends falling for one another?

"It's Anticipating by Britney Spears." Oh for the love of Robin Thicke's body! I mean…seriously? That was the first thing that popped into my head?

A song that has the lyrics of 'let's do this tonight' in it?

Good grief. Let me tell you, letting your mouth yak before your mind comes into gear is not a good thing. I mean, at least it could've been Hero by Enrique Iglesias, or Collide by Howie Day. Now those two guys? Flipping geniuses.

But, of course, my cousins had to give their opinions. Jill nodded in approval (who would've guessed?), and Amy gave me a curious look. I just shrugged in return, pushed passed them, and ran down the stairs to find Chad.

When I finally rounded the corner, I found Chad…with my dad behind him, pointing a shotgun at his head.

Yeah.

Not having a heart attack or anything remotely like that at all.

And you know those nightmares that you have where you need to scream and try to scream but find that you can't get a sound out?

That's what was happening to me. It was damn terrifying.

"And then, when you're right up on them like so, you just pull the trigger..."

I swallowed hard, said a silent prayer, and screamed bloody murder. My dad dropped the gun and Chad spun around, looking horrified.

Well, of course.

I rushed over to my best friend's side and threw my arms around him, shooting a glare at my father as I did so.

Now, I know that we're supposed to be dating and all, but seriously?

Why would dad kill Chad?

It's like that song Joey, that Rachel sang in Glee. You know, where the dad attempts to shoot the guy, but shoots the girl instead?

Anyway.

Chad and I were alive, just barely.

"Hey, Sonny," Chad squeezed me lightly, and my father chuckled. "Your dad was just showing me how to shoot a turkey."

Oh.

Oops.

Of course.

Shoot me with a bean pole, no pun intended.

You know how all families have whacky traditions? Well, my father's grandfather came up with the grand idea of using a shotgun to slaughter turkeys for Thanksgiving instead of a normal rifle. Brilliant, I know. And, apparently, my dad decided to pass this tradition down to Chad.

CRAP.

I blinked, persistently rubbing my eyes, and scowled at my father. Out of all of my boyfriends…out of everything, he has not approved of one. Yet here he was, acting like Chad Dylan Cooper was his own son!

Was my family ganging up on me or something?

I mean, this shotgun deal meant that he had given Chad permission to marry me…practically.

Chad had said something conniving to my father, while I was up with my perverted cousin and my normal cousin.

Hell.

You know what? I should've been happy. I should've been rejoicing. But all I could think about, was that Chad and I finally gave up and told everyone about our charade my dad would be disappointed with me for forever. That's a really, really sucky revelation.

November 25, 2014

I woke up to Chad's hand in my face, and his leg across my torso. Why, you might ask? Because stupid Sonny led stupid cousin Jill to believe that she and stupid Chad were in love. And, well, according to Jill, sadly, in love means liking to cuddle. Therefore, cuddling in the same damn bed. A twin sized one, nonetheless.

And, of course, my father had to give us 'the talk' before we went to bed.

You know…If Chad had any ideas about doing anything with me (ew), my father would wedge it in a tree (again, ew), poor gas around the stump, and light the forest on fire.

Anyway, after watching Chad explain to my father that he had no intentions of sleeping with me that way (and me telling my dad that I'm still…clean), we went to bed.

I built a wall of pillows. Within five minutes, Chad was asleep on his tiny side of the bed (which is, technically, only supposed to fit one person). Within an hour (and me…still sleepless), Chad had somehow subconsciously knocked down the pillow wall. Within three hours, Chad somehow had his entire body wrapped around mine. My breathing supply felt cut off, and I was feeling certain parts of Chad that I liked to pretend didn't exist.

But…they existed, alright.

But…back to the basics. The guy had obviously never been told that he was a certified bed-pig before, and I was stuck there, not really knowing how in the hell to wake him up.

I mean, seriously. What should I do, lick his arm?

I settled for attempting to wiggle out from under his grasp. My attempts failed, seeing as how that only encouraged my friend, and he somehow flung his other leg over on top of me.

This was…just lovely.

Also, Chad's knee was shoving into my bladder, and I really had to pee.

"Chad!" I attempted to yell quietly. Does that make sense?

Well, if it does, it definitely doesn't work. Hell.

Chad moved his knee around, massaging my bladder, and my urges came worse. I silently reminded myself never to drink a glass of water before bed.

Oh, that's right.

Don't drink a glass of water before bed. Don't lie to your family. Don't imply to your cousins that your Anticipating (BS style)…doing things with your fake boyfriend. Don't sleep with your best friend.

I mean…BLAH!

I whimpered, and, in turn, Chad whimpered. I couldn't see very clearly, but I think that an obnoxious little grin spread across his face, and he attempted some sort of move in his sleep that was definitely rated R.

I mean…what the hell?

I had had enough. Chad Dylan Cooper was trying to dry-hump me in his sleep, and, in the meantime, his knee thought my bladder was a punching bag.

"Boobs." (I.e. The word that wakes all men up.)

Chad sprang up, looked at me in shock, looked at our position, and rolled off of me…Onto the floor.

Not that I cared, or anything. I just really wanted to pee.

But one thing that I realized? Despite how horribly irritating it was to be held captive in bed by your best friend, Chad smelled really good. And, in truth, he was a really, really good cuddle-buddy.

Around midnight, Chad and I were finally back in my room…alone. Chad had been out hunting with dad all day (heh, picture that). I, on the other hand, was out shopping with my mom all day.

Of course, I had lunch with my cousins. Amy was on the phone with her fiancé half the time, and Jill was giving me tips on…Ew. Just…Yeah.

So when everything was settled, when Chad and I were finally alone, we decided to have a glaring contest.

Obviously, he was pissed at me, and I was definitely irritated with him, but I just didn't understand why.

And then:

"I miss you, Sonny." Chad sighed, giving me that pouty-lip look of his.

But...what?

"Chad, we're sleeping on top of each other, now. How in the heck can you miss me?" Chad gave me a pointed look, and I shut up.

I then proceeded to sit on my half of the bed, and Chad plopped down on the other, throwing a very lacy bra out of the way.

Huh?

Oh, yeah. Jill. Trying to make things happen with Chad and me.

"Ever since we started this plan, things just haven't been the same." Chad started, and I nodded, in agreement. "We used to be so carefree…so careless. We didn't have a care in the world." I bit down on my lip to keep from saying anything. Chad's brilliant most of the time. The rest of the time? Thesaurus. That's all I'm saying, Chad.

"I know." I mumbled, but he gave me a look, so I shut up.

"This charade's getting exhausting, Sonny." Chad let out a yawn, scooted closer to me, and wrapped me in a hug.

I smiled, nestling my face in the spot between his neck and shoulder. He smelled of Tide and Axe which was just fine with me.

"Do you wanna quit?" I offered, ready and hoping.

"No, Sonny," Chad stroked my hair gently, and I pulled back, giving him a curious glance. "I think that we should…" Chad swallowed hard, and I copied his pattern. "Make this thing more real."

Lyrics: Tedder, R - All the Right Moves by OneRepublic

A/N: First off, thank you to EVERYONE who submitted a review last update. They blew me away! It's always a huge compliment to know that you guys take time out of your day to read my little story.

…And, with that said, I'm curious to know your thoughts on Sonny's family. I also know that this is a huge filler chapter (and they can often be boring), so, once again, thank you for reading!

-Aly