AN: Okay, so here is Chapter 4, I really hope you enjoy
Thankyou for everyone who's revewed - and in answer to Chara's review - in this fanfic, yes Yuki's a girl
enjoy
Kaytii/
Hatsuyuki Shinderera
Yuki's POV
All I have ever wanted was to be loved, and understood by another…
But I've known for a long time now that that is never going to happen to me – my fate is sealed; has already been written down for all to see, and I'm stuck, helplessly following the path that has been forced upon me so long ago I can barely remember it…
But I know it's there…
… And I know that I must follow it…
… Because I have no other way to live my life…
… Thanks to Akito…
I will never be free, I will be stuck forever in that dark room that was known as 'mine', trapped for all eternity under Akito's cruel, heartless glare…
… His gaze from which I could never break free.
As the teardrops flooded down my face I slammed shut the door to my room, leaving me consumed in darkness. There were no windows in the room, and Akito had refused to let me mend the light bulb, so it was dark during the day as well as the night. But I didn't mind. The darkness here wasn't evil. It was calm, and soothing…
… Not like in that other room…
… That other room truly stirred up my fears in my heart, and trapped me to the world I hated. The world of lies, and secrets, and illusions…
The world that Akito created as a prison for me to live in with him and the other Juunishi…
Even as I sat there, I could feel the walls moving in on me… closing all around me… dragging me down into the depths of hell…
Why couldn't I just live in the normal world…? In a normal home, with normal people…? And a normal family, any family other than the one I had…
Why…?
I couldn't bare the darkness anymore – I never could. It always made me… uneasy…
So I left the room a mere minute after I had entered it, fully intending just to wander around until I was sent for, or ordered back to my room… until I heard his voice…
Akito's…
"Yuki's received mail…? Yuki-kun never gets sent any mail. Who is it from woman?" His bitter tones cut through me, but it was what he said that I concentrated on this time. Receive a letter? Me? No one ever sent me anything… I didn't even receive a birthday card from my family for goodness' sake… And yet I had received something now…
… But I knew that I would never see it; after all, if Akito doesn't like it, it doesn't happen… but still… someone thought of me… Someone remembered me and wrote to me… I wasn't just invisible to the world… Words can't describe this feeling inside me… it was illuminating… like a star, leading me on… like my own personal star…
"I… It's from Kazuma-san, Akito-sama…"
"Kazuma… Kazuma Sohma… where have I heard that name from woman…?" His voice was thoughtful at the moment, but I knew as soon as he realised who Kazuma was, his temper would reach maximum… But why would Kazuma send me an invite to the event of the year, even if his son didn't know about it…
"Kazuma-san… he… he's the foster father of the cat, Akito-sama…"
"How dare that man think that he has the right to let my precious Nezumi come into contact with that thing? I won't allow it! Burn that disastrous thing and make sure I hear nothing about it!"
"Yes Akito-sama… but what if it is mention at Yuki-san's school… What if he finds out another way…?"
"Don't worry…" I froze as Akito's voice grew hard, and determined, and cruel – the exact same tones that he used when speaking to me… and it made my blood boil in fear – deathly fear… "I shall make sure that darling Yuki-kun doesn't expect anything from it… after all, he hates the cat…"
When had that been decided…?
Sure, I hadn't known for certain that it was the same Kyo that was cursed by the cat… but why did it have to be like this…? All this hatred, and fear… and darkness…?
Did he hate me because of what I was… or who I was…?
Or did he just hate me for no reason what so ever, just to ease his own guilt…?
Was I just a thing to him, as well as to Akito, and the other Juunishi…?
A figurehead for some 'grand plan'…? Well, I would NOT abide to that idea…
Who was I fooling…?
Certainly not myself…
I couldn't stand to stay there any longer, listening to Akito's plans to crush my fragile spirit even more than it was… I was weak enough as it was…
"Yuki-chan… what are you doing on these corridors so late at night…?" I shivered involuntarily as Akito came up to me. Had he seen me near the mail room? I was only two corridors away after all… or did he just want to spend some time with his Nezumi, because that was all I was to him, after all…
"I… I…" I stumbled awkwardly through my sentence, but he just smirked, and stroked my cheek with his ice cold hand once. I froze immediately as he did this, and all I could think of was does he think I'm his pert or something…?
"Never mind, my Nezumi…" Akito almost seemed to answer my thought out question. "Come, let us walk; I'll take you to your room. Young Girls shouldn't be out at this time of night – after all, you don't want to be caught by all those perverts in the night… do you…?"
I hated dearly the way he always patronised me, especially about being a girl. I had been brought up learning self-defence, and could use it easily, and still Akito insisted on those old fashioned courtesies, as if I were a little China doll that he owned, and stared at whenever he was bored.
Because that was why I was here, why all of us were here; to be his entertainment and his companion… to be little more than court jesters for our god's amusement…
And yet still… all the others had managed to get out of the golden cage, even if only just a little…
So why couldn't I?
Why did I alone have to bear all of Akito, and all of the curse…?
Why couldn't I be free for just one measly day…?
Why couldn't I dance, for once dance as a girl… do the one thing that I had always wanted to…?
With dancing I could be free, and in the music I could feel as if I were in a completely different world to this one full of cruelties, and be… limitless…
Never have a place I had to go, or follow a standard I had to be…
Just to be free.
That would forever be my greatest wish… and it would be the one thing I would never be able to have, because I was the Nezumi, Akito's treasured toy.