Risky Business
'Cause everything you do and words you say,
You know that it all takes my breath away,
And now I'm left with nothing"
-12-
December 3, 2014
It's been...oh, what, a week, maybe less, since I've figured out that I'm not going to fall out of love with Chad any time soon.
Want to know something? Knowing that sucks like hell. I mean, I would honestly give anything for him to just show up at my door one day, let me open it, and him declare his love for me.
And then, we'd share the most amazing kiss that's ever graced the face of this planet ever. The kiss would start out at my door, him leaning in from one side, me leaning in from the other. Chad would then walk me backwards (closing the door behind him), until my back came-to with the kitchen counter. He'd then lift me up, and I'd sit there for a while, kissing him. Eventually, I'd wrap my legs around his waist, and he'd carry me to the couch, where we could lay down and get a little more comfortable. Because, heck, we're both really lazy beings and we both hate standing up with a passion.
After about a hundred kisses and a couple of dozen hickeys later (and a few more whispered I love yous), we'd sit up and watch XXX State of the Union, or some other action thriller like that.
Why? Because we're cool like that.
I mean, My Best Friends Wedding, or When Harry Met Sally are always options…but still. In one, the guy best friend marries a blonde bimbo, leaving girl best friend heart broken (i.e. blonde bimbo is Cameron Diaz, girl best friend is Sonny…no, wait, Julia Roberts). In the other, the two people start out not being able to stand one another, then they eventually become inseparable, and then they eventually fall in love.
Is the last one not Chad and me?
I mean, yes, Chad is, of course, better looking than Billy Crystal. But I'm totally Meg Ryan, minus the blonde hair (side note: Meg Ryan's blonde hair is just fine in this case).
I need Chad, and Chad, one day, will realize that he needs me.
Taylor Swift says so.
And, this is beside the point, but, you know how I used to say that I never pictured Chad naked? Well, now I'm kind of picturing his towel-covered ass on a day to day basis.
It's sad and sickening, but when I try to think of something else, it usually evolves me and Chad having a nice make out session, or something more…Victoria's Secret worthy.
It just sucks.
If Michael Scott were here…
Anyway.
Chad and I weren't watching any cool action movie, nor were we watching a BFFs Get Together: Chadson Inspired Movie!...We were sitting on my couch next to a still pregnant Jill and her husband, watching Miss Congeniality.
There's something about a man (this man being Chad) knowing every single line to a chick flick. And there's also something about a man crying at the end.
But no, we're not at the end.
I just know what's going to happen, because this is Chad's favorite movie, and I've only seen it with him eighteen billion times, m'kay?
As for Jill and Laketon, they decided that it would be fun to let Laketon's mom (did anyone predict that?) have the kids, and come visit Chad and me for a week.
So, Chad being the freaking fabulous fake boyfriend that he is and all, decided that he needed to "move in" to my place to make our freaking fake relationship more presentable…and real.
I'm pure, and I hate it that people think that it's okay to live – let alone sleep together – before marriage. It's just not. If the guy can't respect you long enough to wait, then that's a dead-end relationship as far as I'm concerned.
And yes, I have extremely evil and impure fantasies about my best friend, but that's just…Get a life, will you?
I mean…There's a 100% chance that Chad Dylan Cooper isn't your best friend (because I have that job), and there's also a 90% chance that you haven't seen Chad's ass.
Because, well, Chad's Chad. And as heartbreakingly painful as it is to think about him doing things with another…
Hell.
Anyway, Chad's living with me for the week that Jill and Mother Lover are here, and that's that. Oh, and he's also a wimp because he mouths along to whatever the heck Sandra Bullock is saying in Miss Congeniality.
I am Sonny Monroe. I am not a person who lectures people on what they do or don't do behind closed doors.
Heaven forbid Chad actually fall for me, because I probably will become a hypocrite and…
Well, if Chad falls for me, Chad and I will get married no matter what, soooo…
"I wonder if Sandra Bullock ever goes to Victoria's Secret." This would be coming from Jill, right after good ol' Sandy kicked the male playing opposite her on his ass.
Are we surprised that Jill wonders this? Not so much.
"Yeah, well," Chad puts his empty bowl of popcorn on my coffee table, leans back on the couch, wraps his arms around me, and kisses me on the lips. It's just a little peck, but the thoughts swarming around in my head after he does drown out the rest of what he says.
I mean, seriously. We'd be such a cute couple!
Besides that, have I mentioned that Chad smells sooo much like Tide and Axe? It gives him this really, really manly smell.
And I smell like Ed Hardy, the perfume that Chad bought me. The smells mix. They mix better than Faith Hill and Tim McGraw's perfumes. I mean…we'd honestly be so cute together.
Heck, we are so cute together. If only Chad would wake up and realize that.
I closed my eyes, and burrowed my face in Chad's armpit. And while this might sound disgusting, Chad was wearing a black V-neck (not that I'd mind him in less clothing)…and he smelled good.
Did I mention that Chad smelled good already?
Oh.
"You have to wonder why they never put people's parents in a movie. I mean, they are the reason why they're there, aren't they." I rolled my eyes. Rolling my eyes was kind of difficult, because, you know, my face was snug as a bug up against Chad's pit and all, but still.
Can anyone guess who said this? Anyone at all?
Did someone say Mother Lover…Jill's husband, Laketon?
Ding ding ding, we have a winner!
Being buried in Chad and all, I kind of felt him silently chuckle. Honestly? Coolest feeling in the world.
Lately, I've realized that I really don't mind Chad on top of me, or me being close-slash-buried in him these days…but…anyway.
As Michael Scott would say, that's what she said!
I'm pure though…seriously.
Shhh…Sonny, shut up!
Suddenly, all of the Starbucks that I had inhaled this morning (that Chad had brought me…in bed), began to kick in. Honestly, I have no idea what overtook me. All I know is that I shifted myself to where I was sitting in Chad's lap, placed my hand on the back of his neck, brought his head close to mind, and kissed him.
Somewhere in the background, Jill sighed happily. As did I.
Because, even though Chad thought that I was doing it for Jill and Mother Lover's benefit, I was really pretending that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and I could kiss him just because I wanted to.
Want to know something sad? I sleepwalk. I also sleep-talk, which is oftentimes not a good thing.
Such as, around, let's say three in the morning, I woke up…finding myself standing up in my kitchen, having an in-depth discussion with Laketon.
How in the hell we started this in-depth conversation, I have absolutely no clue. And whatever the hell we were talking about…don't know either.
All I know is that Laketon looked very serious, and very concerned, and this worried me.
"You're going to kill yourself, Sonny." Okay. So, apparently I was talking to Laketon about committing suicide. Fanfreakingmazing.
"Um," I blinked, looking down at my Victoria's Secret pajamas (Jill had bought me another pair), "no I'm not."
"You are." Laketon shifted, and I gulped. What was he, playing some sort of mind-game on me? Was he talking me into killing myself?
I immediately began scanning my kitchen for any weapons. Self defense cannot get you arrested, right?
"When Chad cuddles up to you, you have the happiest expression on your face ever. When he kisses you, you look like the happiest person in the world. And faking this? Sonny, you might be attempting to prove a point to the rest of your family and your friends, but I see that you're falling for Chad. Hard. And it's killing you."
Oh, well isn't this just the loveliest…Wait.
So, in my sleep, I confessed me faking it with Chad to Mother Lover?
Smooth, Sonny. Really, really smooth.
Firstly, I felt like kicking myself because I betrayed Chad by telling Laketon all of this (in my sleep, nonetheless). Secondly, I felt extremely wimpy because I was confiding in Laketon about my hidden feelings for Chad. Oh, joy.
"Um, Laketon, can we, um-" I swallowed the lump in my throat, absentmindedly rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
Honestly, why did I have the right? What made my…subconscious think that it could go ahead, and, while I was asleep, talk to a guy who was so extremely dependant on his mom?
I mean, seriously!
"Can we, uh, keep this between you and me?" Yes, Laketon, even though you can go out and make millions of dollars by feeding the news that Chad and I are faking it to one magazine, I totally expect you to keep this news a secret.
Your mother would be seriously disappointed in you if you didn't do me this favor.
"Yeah, Sonny, I won't tell anyone." Laketon gave a sleepy sigh, and took a gulp from the glass of milk that was in his hand.
Seriously, who drinks milk in the middle of the night? I just thought that it happened in dumb books and movies.
But then again, this is Laketon. He's a mother lovin', baby producing…cousin-in-law of mine (I really would've liked to have ended that statement with 'Cousin Bitch' but I decided to practice a little self control.).
Wow, I'm spunky at three am. Seriously, I amaze myself.
"But Sonny," Laketon sat his glass down on the counter, "I really think that you should tell Chad about your feelings for him, at least. It's killing you. Please, Sonny. Jill is the love of my life. I couldn't imagine one moment without her. And the day that I told her I loved her, I had no idea that she would return the feelings, but she did. And here we are."
Yes, Laketon, here you are. Four kids and a million dollars wasted at Victoria's Secret later. Bravo.
"Jill is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want what we have for you and Chad. Because, honestly, if anyone could be as happy as me and Jill, it's you guys. But, as for now Sonny, you're just killing yourself and your relationship with Chad."
Seriously, Laketon? I'm killing myself? That is brand new information!
I had about fifteen billion snarky comments that I wanted Laketon to hear, but I held my tongue, offered Laketon my thanks for his awesome advice (note my sarcasm), and trudged back to my bedroom that Bitch Best Friend was currently residing in.
When I slammed the door shut, Bitch Best Friend was sitting up in bed, his white V-neck was wrinkled, and his muscles were just…
Yeah. Anyway.
Hi Chad, I love you. Can we please get married? I'd take you looking like that in the middle of the night every single night. And that concerned frown that you're giving me right now? It's kind of a turn on, so please stop it. Or continue it and then kiss me, either way.
I hopped into bed (this one was a King-sized, thank goodness), and buried myself under the covers. Chad was looking at me, biting his lip, obviously exhausted because of the time, and confused, because, well…
But he wasn't speaking to me.
So, since I was already awake and more than doing my share of talking tonight, I decided to open my mouth first.
"Needed a drink." This would be a lie. Laketon needed a drink. I, obviously, felt the urge to exercise both my legs and my mouth in my sleep. However, it was my life's goal to not let Chad no this bit of information.
"Are you feeling alright, Sonny?" Chad's voice was muffled, but…Oh. He started shuffling towards me, somehow ended up on my side of the bed, and wrapped his arms around me.
Snuggling Bitch Best Friend.
"Um-" Yeah, Chad. I'm doing great, thanks! I just really want to kiss you right now, is all. Oh, and if you could tell me that you loved me, so I didn't have to tell you first, that'd be great too!
(I find that it's necessary to use lots of exclamation points early in the morning)
"I'm fleepy." Okay. So that's a new word. Definition: (adj) A combination of both 'falling for you' and 'sleepy'. Luckily, the last word had the dominance in my new word. Let's be thankful, and have a moment.
Chad gave me an incredulous look, obviously not having a clue as to what the hell I meant.
"Really? Fleepy?" His voice was hoarse. His voice is always terribly sexy when it's hoarse.
"Yeah." Taking advantage of the position that Chad had put me in, I snuggled deeper into his chest, smelling in the Axe and Tide. I swear, those smells will be the death of me.
"Sonny, you're too funny." Chad somehow managed to pull me closer to him, as we both rested our heads on the same pillow.
I was none-too-thrilled over this latest development. Okay, so what now? I'm a clown.
I mean, yes, Nick rhymes with dick. Clearly, all of the Nicks out there have the worst name in the world.
But why does Sonny have to rhyme with funny? Shouldn't I be insulted about this? Can I whack my best friend on his cute blonde head?
Clearly Chad didn't even notice the fact that it rhymed, because he's exhausted. Me, on the other hand? When I'm exhausted, I have a bad case of…things.
But still, I probably should have been more focused on the fact that Chad was holding me, over the fact that my name rhymes with funny.
"Chad," Okay, so I apparently wasn't done talking, "What do you think would happen if we were to ever date?"
Okay. So tonight's my night to say stupid things (obviously).
Chad didn't even pull away. His chest didn't even tighten up. I did feel him smile though, which was odd. Can you actually feel someone smile?
Well, I can feel Chad smile, because, obviously, we're supposed to be together. Because, Chad and I together are just better than Chad and I not being together. After all, two is better than one.
Okay, Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift need to enter this conversation now.
Maybe it's true, I can't live without Chad. Maybe Chad and I are better than one. There's so much time to figure out the rest of my life, but Chad's already got me coming undone. I'm thinking Chad ought to kiss me now.
Do you see what I did there?
What do you think?
I agree, too.
Anything involving Taylor Swift is right, after all.
But seriously, it was about time that Chad answered my question.
"I think that we'd…" Chad started, and I (im)patiently waited for him to continue. As a matter of fact, I tugged on his shirt, hoping that it would strangle him just a little bit until he finally said that we would be fantastic together. "…we'd probably never go out after the first date."
I felt the urge to pull back (and whack Chad…Chaddywhack), but Chad held me to him.
"Because," Oh goody, Bitch Best Friend had a reason for us not to date. "We already know each other so well, so why date? We'd probably just order a pizza, sit on the couch, watch a movie, and have an amazing make out session in the midst of it all. And after that went on for a few months, I'd probably propose. And then, we'd go on to get married, have amazing sex, and some really cute kids."
Chad…
What can I say? THANK YOU! YOU ROCK!
I mean, that's the dream. That. Is. Da. Dream, Man!
I mean…Chad must've been reading my exact thoughts. This is because Chad and I know each other so well, and…I mean, woo!
Before I could confess my harbored feelings for Chad, Chad started laughing.
I wanted Chad to stop laughing. I did not appreciate him laughing.
Why, you might wonder?
Because Chad laughing means that he's not serious about pursuing my dreams.
"Why, Sonny, what do you think would happen?" Oh, that's nice, Chad. I mean…he did stop laughing long enough to know my opinion.
Which had changed drastically after he started laughing his butt off.
"We'd probably kill each other before the date ended." Kind of like I wanted to kill him right now. You know, he already stabbed me in the heart and all, so I might as well return the favor.
Wait… Wait a minute. We're not Romeo and Juliet. Clearly, I'm still Juliet, but Chad's just that one dude who was determined to keep Romeo and Juliet separated. What's his name? Bitchad or something?
"You know what," Chad started, drew in a deep breath (I swear, he was smelling me hair…which smelled really good, thanks to Herbal Essence). "You're probably right, kid."
For some reason, his voice cracked. Not that I had any idea as to why.
But before I could give him a taste of my sarcasm, Chad's fingers were underneath my chin, slowly tilting my head up towards his. And before I could ask what in the world he was doing, his lips were on mine.
For the first time all day, I had no complaints.
Lyrics: Johnson, M; Swift, T – Two is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls feat. Taylor Swift
A/N: Hi guys, how's it going? I just want to say that I'm sorry about this once-a-week update thing, but I'm starting classes now, and everything's busy, busy, busy. Once it settles down, then things should get better.
I really hope that you liked this chapter. The flashback (last chapter) was a pain to write, but…I love Jill, and I love Laketon, and I love how Chad's voice cracked at the end, so this chapter's all good with me. : )
If you've gotten this far with it, thank you so much for reading! I always love to hear your thoughts on the chapters, by the way.
And, off subject, but did any of you watch CR2? I haven't had time yet, and…Chloe Bridge's mouth kind of frightens me, but I plan to soon. I'm also getting great fanfic recommendations by some of you reviewers, so if you have anymore, let me know, and I'll find time to read them!
And, last but not least, have a great holiday weekend!
-Aly