Risky Business

"You're everything that I ever wanted,

And this kind of thing doesn't just come around

Every time you go looking for it."

-13-

December 4, 2014

I had no complaints for about two seconds, because, of course, Chad pulled away from me after that. He then pulled me to him in this bear hug-thing, and mumbled a "Thanks for being my best friend, Sonny."

I mean…really. Where does he get off?

Call 911 and Laketon, because Chad is killing me, slowly but surely. Not softly, either. It's more like a swift kick in the butt each and every single time he breathes.

Thanks for that little conversation we had last night, Laketon. It really helped me to feel nice and cheery today! I mean, I'm not overlooking anything at all. I was totally okay when Chad pecked me on the lips! I mean, he can go ahead and keep kisses like those coming, because they certainly don't rip my heart out at all.

Okay. So the above is a lie.

But I swear, next time he decides to up and peck me on the lips, I'm going to slip him the tongue. Then, afterwards, the finger, because he deserves it. And we'll see just how well he likes that (because, trust me, he won't).

By the time that I woke up...like really woke up this morning, Chad was out of bed, out of the apartment, filming his little surprise appearance on a new television show that I had already forgotten the name of, because a) it dealt with zombies and b) Zac Efron was not in it.

So, there.

Oh, did I fail to mention that Chad had left me a sticky note on the fridge? It said, and I quote "Sweetie, there's a Starbucks caramel macchiato that has your name on it in here. Love you! Chad."

Of course, I melted a little. But then Jill had to come up behind me and "awww" loudly, which ruined the whole thing. I could dream that Chad really did love me and all, but really, it was just a show for Jill and Laketon.

Well, now, technically it's just a show for Jill. The ship of deceiving Laketon has sunk already. …Actually, it didn't sink, so much as an iceberg hit it at three am, and crashed Chad's and my plan (and my heart). You see, Chad and I have this movie coming out in the spring, it's called Titanic 2: Chad and Sonny's Adventure: Irony is a Bitch, and Taylor Swift's Songs Don't Help That Much. Looking forward to it? I know I'm not.

Laketon soon came up to stand behind his wife, read the note, and shot me a disappointed glance. Ignoring him (and pouting), I yanked open the fridge, pulled out my iced caramel macchiato, and proceeded to blow bubbles in it.

Why?

Because, a) my heart leaped into my throat and then smashed into a million pieces when Laketon double-reminded me that my little sticky note was just for Jill, and b) it's still fun to blow bubbles in anything that has milk in it.

I've learned that once you get past the age of twenty-one (where you act like a stupid drunk…constantly), you can act like a kid again. Chad more than me, but still.

Could you just imagine Chad and me with a kid of our own? That kid would have the funnest parents ever. Like, in the history of fun parents…we'd be the bombdiggity of those. Besides, the kid would be gorgeous. I mean, haven't I heard this before? I know that whoever said we'd have a cute kid in the past is right now. Why? Because I've discovered that I'm in love with Chad.

Maybe Pregnant Cousin was wearing me down. I mean…I can't have a baby with Chad. To have a baby, you have to be married (or, at least the Jonas Brothers and I do). To be married, you have to be in love (you both have to be in love); and to (both) be in love, you have to go out on dates and be a couple.

…I know what you're thinking. You and Chad are a couple! But no, we're a fake couple.

You wanna know what the definition of a fake couple is?

Def: Fake Couple (noun)- One person who likes putting on a charade for people, while the other person falls hopelessly in love with said charade-liking person.

Use it in a sentence?

Fake couples suck.

I mean…I swear I'm the next Merriam Webster. I'm actually a cross between good ol' Webster and UrbanDictionary.

Moving on.

Let's skip to how Jill is standing in front of me, rubbing her belly, while I'm sitting on the barstool in front of my kitchen counter licking the caramel out of my Starbucks cup. Laketon left about an hour ago, hoping to catch up with some dude he went to college with.

This dude…strangely…is not his mother. Just thought I needed to add that one in.

"So Sonny," Jill holds a hand over her mouth, belches, and then goes back to massaging her stomach (ah, the joys of pregnant people), "what's the best part about being in love with Chad?"

Why, Jill?

Never before had I understood the term 'felt the blood drain from my face' until then. I mean, this is Jill we're talking about. If she had asked me about negligees, body lotion, or other Victoria's Secret products, I wouldn't have been surprised at all. But this question happened to frighten me. It was deep, scary, and mother-ish, if that makes sense.

And, well, Jill's a mom, I know. But I don't think of her as one. I just think of her as the cousin who used to help me sneak out of the house when we were really little, and we'd talk about what it'd be like to kiss a boy. What's sad is that we're grown up now. We're not innocent anymore. Jill's deep and I'm heartbreakingly in love with my best friend (and it sucks).

Jill gently tapping her pregnantly impatient (it's a term!) foot against my tiled floors drew me away from my miserable thoughts.

Oh, she wanted an answer. That's nice, Jill. I want answers too. Such as, why can't Chad tell me that he's in love with me too?

You know, that's the unanswerable question in life.

Some people wonder why the sky's blue, but the answer to that is simple. It's not because of some scientific hoopla thingy, it's because God made it that way.

God made it that way…actually, He made the whole earth in seven days. You'd think that it'd be really simple for Him to reach down, press a button in Chad's head, and make him realize that he's in love with me, but no!

Anyway, where were we?

Oh, right. The pregnant cousin needs an answer. I racked my brain for thousands of excuses…for something cliché to say. And while it might have been cliché, I told Jill the truth. I told her that, somewhere, somehow, I must've always been in love with Chad. It just took me a painfully long time to realize it. And the best part about being in love with Chad? The answer to that question? Chad's my best friend. Being able to be in love with your best friend is the greatest thing ever.

Jill smiled a half smile, and her eyes grew misty.

You know how I was irritated with Perverted Jill before? Now I missed Perverted Jill and quickly wanted to ditch Motherly Jill.

"You know, Sonny, I have three little girls at home," Jill still kept rubbing her belly absentmindedly, and I smiled to myself, thinking about little Maddie, Lori, and Hannah, "and I'm expecting this little boy." She sighed, her hands pausing their rubbing motions for a split second. "And I know that not every moment's going to be perfect for them. Hell, sometimes I feel like pulling all of my hair out. Sometimes, things just get so demanding and overwhelming that I wish I could just flee…for like a whole year. But then I take one look at their sweet, innocent faces, and I know that that's the reason why I'm here. I wake up in Lake's arms every morning, look at his face, and realize that he makes my life. And then when I feel the three little bodies of the sweetest kids that we made together cuddled in our bed between us…it makes my world go around, Sonny. And I know that it's my duty, it's my mission in life to make the world a better place for my husband, and my kids." Jill stopped, drawing in a deep breath, and looked at me pointedly with her crystal blue eyes.

I nodded gently, knowing that she had a point; understanding her point. She didn't know that I wasn't dating Chad, but she did know that he was my best friend…she did know that I was in love with him, so, therefore, she presumed that I was going to marry him. And for some reason, she thought I was having doubts about Chad and me, but she wanted to reassure me. That, in the long run, it would all be okay.

If she only knew.

Ooo000ooO

Five hours later, I found myself sitting in Burger King, watching as Chad blew bubbles in his soda. Just…don't ask.

"So," Chad said between slurps, "what do you want for Christmas, Sonny?" You. Under my tree. You can/or can't be wearing wrapping paper and a bow ('cause either way would be utterly sexy and adorable). Thanks for asking, Chad!

"Er…a Starbucks gift card." Because, really, when you make millions a year, it's really a pain to dish out four bucks every morning on something as delicious as a coffee. That, and I'm on a first name basis with all of the people at Starbucks. I think they hide their smirks as I fork my money over to them every morning. A gift card would say that someone cared enough about me to pay for my coffee. Therefore, the smug jerks from Starbucks wouldn't be able to smirk, and I could walk away with an extra bounce in my step. And yes, I know that Chad was kind enough to go out and buy me a macchiato this morning, but still. My reasons for wanting a stupid gift card are logical, okay? (Side note: my reasons for wanting a shirtless – an extra bonus- Chad under my Christmas tree are much, much more logical…)

"That's dumb. I'd at least ask you for something more reasonable. Such as, I want you to get me a dolphin, okay?" Sad thing? He's serious. I just nodded my head and stuck a fry in my mouth. "By the way," Chad continued on, "what are your plans for Christmas? If it's anything like Thanksgiving, and we're still keeping 'us' up, I think we should spend it together." And here's where I melted, just a little. Truth be told, I wanted us to still be keeping whatever we had up…No Michael Scott "that's what she said!" jokes there, please. I just wanted Chad and I to be together, for real. And the fact that we weren't was slowly but surely…Actually, Laketon already covered this. I'm killing myself. Woo-hoo!

But the sad thing is that Jamington emailed me this morning about me spending Christmas with them, because she already planned on Chad being there.

Sad thing? Chad must've forgotten what he was doing for Christmas. This would be why Chad does not do well with serious relationships.

So, my mission here was to subtly remind Chad that he was going to his sister's for Christmas; and I was also to let him know –subtly- that I had already been invited.

Life is totally fun living a charade.

Actually, let's scratch that. It's pretty damn risky living a charade. Risky business, Alex DeLeon style.

Okay.

So, if this whole thing with Chad flops and he doesn't fall in love with me, I'd totally take Alex DeLeon (from The Cab) under my Christmas tree. I like his hair…his eyes…his voice. Definitely acceptable.

Anyway.

"Chad, weren't you invited to Jamie's for Christmas?" He glanced up from his Whopper, looking at me dubiously.

"Well, duh. That's where we'd be having it. And I told her to send you an email-"

"She already did."

"Well, why didn't you just say so?" For a split second, Chad glowered at me, and I did the same for him. Too much for my subtle plan.

"I-"

But before I could come back with a sarcastic comment of my own, Chad had to be such a good best friend and all, place his hand over mine, and say, "You know, Sonny, I really think this plan is working. Jamie's inviting you to her place, because she thinks that we're really close…Well, scratch that, she knows we are, because we're best friends. But she thinks that we're closer than that. Like, in love, or something. I mean, she already thinks of you as a sister and all; and her dreams are probably coming true, because she thinks that you're eventually going to be her sister-in-law, and, oh hell, what am I trying to say?"

I looked at him pointedly, trying to telepathically communicate to him that he was supposed to say that he's in love with me. For real. Right here.

And, Chad, Jamie's invited me to her place for Christmas for the past three years, when we weren't (fake) dating. I've just politely turned her down (because I wasn't in love with you then), so I could spend more time with my family. But seeing as how I think that I'm somehow going to win you over over this Christmas, I'm going to your sister's place. Does that make sense?

Chad didn't reply though, because he's an idiot who can't read my mind.

"You were saying that our plan is working."

"Right," Chad took his hand off of mine (and, sad fact, my hand immediately missed his), and clapped his hands together. "Jamie believes it, the Jonas wives believe it, Ryan Seacrest believes it, Jill and Laketon believe it, and, oh Sonny, did you read the comments on all of the gossip sites? It's wild. They're for us!"

Chad, they're for us because we are p-e-r-f-e-c-t together, okay? Now, if you would just receive that little fact, the whole wide world would be happy. Then we really could go on to get married and have pretty babies. We wouldn't have to pretend.

But then again, we're both actors. And here I am, playing an Oscar worthy role. I'm double-deceiving. I'm putting on a charade for the world with Chad, and putting on a fake-guise in front of Chad.

And there are only two people who really know the truth as to what's going on. Me and my Mother Loving cousin-in-law.

Lyrics: Blue, M; Reeves, J – Just Friends by Jason Reeves

A/N: Over the past two weeks, I've written at least 30 pages…all for my classes. I've never written so much for academic purposes in my life and it stinks. On that note, I am SO sorry for not updating in such a long time! Once I get my research papers out of the way (if it ever happens, my deadlines are October and November), things should settle down. I'd like to get this story done before that, but writing it has been murder lately. Anyway, thank you for putting up with me! And I hope that you like it. I enjoyed writing this chapter. : ) I also cannot believe that we're over 200 reviews! THANK YOU!

Side note: Go try the new toffee mocha from Starbucks – it's the bomb!

Another Side Note: Nick J is jailbait no longer! He's a man. And his muscles are better than Joe's. Just sayin'. (this comes from exhaustion due to writing boring things for school).

Last Side Note: If you haven't guessed it already, the title from this story comes from "Risky Business" by The Cab. The band is awesome, and Alexander DeLeon is amazing, even though he could use a haircut.

-Aly