Risky Business

"But his dark eyes dared me with danger,

And sparks fly like flame to a paper,

Fire in his touch burned me up,

But still I held on,

I was already gone"

-15-

December 9, 2014

I woke up with a smile on my face. And…shockingly, I didn't wake up alone. Arms were wound tightly around my torso. My back was placed firmly against Chad's chest, he had one of his legs in between mine, the other on top; his head was resting in the crook of my neck, his light breath on my collarbone.

Altogether, I was more comfortable than I had been in a ridiculously long time. I didn't feel guilty, scared, or sad – I just felt light. I felt happy and secure.

I felt free.

And that Christmassy feeling had finally come and captured me.

I wanted to turn around and burry my face in Chad's chest, but he was sleeping so soundly, so peacefully, that the thought of waking him up nearly pained me. And Chad is beautiful when he sleeps, I might add.

I could be all tacky like Bella from Twilight and start describing Chad skin, muscles, and the contours of his…everything, but I'll refrain.

So, liking the snug-as-a-bug Christmassy feeling, I brought the comforter up to my chin and somehow got buried deeper into everything. With the Christmas spirit came the feeling of winter, which means that, even though this is California, I felt cold. I was suddenly grateful for the cute green-checkered pajamas I had picked up from Target during one of my shopping trips with Jill. I know, the one time that we did not go to Victoria's Secret. Shocker.

After we kissed, I felt blissful, but still unsure, almost insecure, but still, mostly, giddy. Chad and I proceeded to stand in my family room, staring at one-another, embracing one another. Not saying anything. The only thing that Chad asked me was if he could stay.

Considering that, by the time he asked me this, it was three am, I agreed – not willing to let him go; not wanting to.

It wasn't that Chad needed to stay here. He was a grown man, he could get to his house safely at any hour of the day or night. Chad wanted to stay with me, and that made me utterly happy.

Without saying another word, I wandered off to get a shower and change into pajamas. By the time that I got to bed, Chad was in his sweats and a white V-neck that he kept at my house, already in bed. His eyes were closed, but by the way he was breathing, I could tell that he wasn't asleep. He was just giving me my moments of privacy – also getting out of the conversation that I knew we needed to have.

Heat flooding my cheeks, I crawled into bed beside him, and when I got comfortable, he wrapped his arms around me.

Truth be told, I didn't mind in the least.

I blocked out Shae's warning from my birthday night, I blocked out my conversation with Laketon on how I was killing myself by harboring feelings for Chad.

I didn't want to think about those things. I didn't want to dwell on them. I just wanted to remain in the here and now; and in the here and now, Chad's arms were comfortably around me, and I was blissful.

I didn't need to know what he felt, and I didn't want to admit what I felt. Sure…maybe I was scared of rejection; but most of all, I just didn't want to move.

With all of that being said, I felt Chad's breathing convert to another rhythm, and I heard him sigh.

For a split second, I thought about putting on my very own charade and pretend that I was asleep – but I refrained as Chad's arms gripped me tighter. I smiled to myself, almost smug.

Smug, at what, I'm not sure. Maybe Laketon and his lecture…but still!

"Morning," For a split second, one of Chad's arms were no longer around me; he was brushing my hair away from my neck. After a second, I understood the reason why, he placed a kiss on the back of my neck.

I didn't mind. Not in the least.

"G'morning," I sighed happily…happy that Chad was still willing to kiss me the morning after.

"Want some Starbucks?" His voice was hoarse, and, unbearingly (and strangely) sexy. I mean…did he even have to ask?

Chad's arms loosened around me and tightened again as I rolled over so I could look at him. I grinned at the way he looked, and slightly panicked over how I probably looked, but, oh well.

"So that's a yes." If possible, Chad hugged me tighter to him, as I nodded into his shoulder.

I was so happy, so excited, yet so unsure. Because, deep down, I knew that we were both avoiding what we needed to be doing. We were avoiding The Talk.

Ooo000ooO

I sipped my white chocolate mocha contentedly as I walked hand-in-hand with Chad through the park. It was a beautiful, yet somewhat chilly day, yet, I didn't feel that, since Chad and I had kissed, I needed to dress up to impress him.

Therefore, I was wearing jeans and a Colts sweatshirt. Chad, on the other hand, was also wearing jeans and a black sweater. Always more dressed up then me; but Chad is not Kurt.

The atmosphere around us was calm. We were calm. It was like everything was strangely peaceful. I didn't know whether this was good or bad, but, considering Chad was holding my hand (and, I was pretty positive that it wasn't just for show), I aimed for the fact that it was good.

That was, until, the white chocolate mocha that seemed lukewarm before had to go and burn my tongue.

Bitch White Chocolate Mocha.

Bitch Blonde Starbucks Waitress Crushing on Chad.

(Side note: I feel the need to capitalize things that I have dubbed as "bitch.")

Chad must've caught me scowling because he laughed. I was a little taken aback, because this was the only thing that he had done…with sound, since this morning when he told me he'd pick me up after he went back to his house to change.

(Side note: ever since Chad and I've kissed, we've been ridiculously quiet around each other – if you haven't picked up on that already.)

"White mocha got your tongue, Sonny?" His tone was playful, and I felt like whacking him.

"No," I pursed my lips, lying horribly. "Well, kind of."

"Then why'd you get something warm?" (This would be coming from the man who ordered a strawberry frap on a California-cold day.)

"Because I'm not warm blooded like you."

"But…" This time, Chad looked confused. Chad Dylan Cooper…the one who flunked out of Biology twice.

"Ever heard of the term 'cold blooded killer' Chad?" He looked at me pointedly.

"Are you," Chad coughed, "trying to hint at something, Sonny?" He gave me a mock-frightened look, causing me to laugh.

"No. You know that humans…"

"I know."

"And mammals…"

"I know."

"And the other animals…"

"I know. Sonny," Chad elbowed me in the side, "I may be blond, but I'm-"

"How do you drown a blond, Chad?" I bit my lip while he rolled his eyes.

"Stephenie Meyer, Sonny? Really?"

"To be fair, I'm quoting Jake." At this, as if God wanted to prank me somehow, from somewhere in the park, we heard a dog howl.

This caused Chad and me to jump a foot, only to bump against the other, and cause our drinks to spill all over this.

Either God was pranking us, or He was getting sick of Chad and I dancing around our kiss, and He wanted us to go home, change, and talk about it.

Blegh.

Ooo000ooO

I could get used to this.

Why?

Because I'm in love with him.

Does he know? Does he feel the same way?

No…I don't know.

As Chad's hands ran along my back, stopping when they got to my hips, I bit back a frown. What was this?

Was it God who was nudging-slash-arguing with me for making out with Chad, or was it my conscious. Either way, I didn't know, nor did I care. Chad's kisses were too good – nearly intoxicating; and, yet again, I was completely content with blocking out any thoughts other than the fact that I liked Chad's lips (and his hands, and his scent, the way he held me, and the way he said my name).

It was all so unfair. Because, Chad didn't know. Neither did I.

Chad wasn't holding back anymore. He was gentle, but he was also aggressive. It was like he didn't take a breath. If his lips weren't attacking mine, they were moving across my neck; my collarbone, my cheeks, and my forehead. If his hands weren't on my back, they were in my hair, on my cheeks, trailing down my sides. At one point, Chad grabbed the back of my thighs, surprising the life out of me…not that I minded. His intentions were rather pure. He wanted to lift me up and carry me to the couch, so we could be more comfortable. I complied, throwing my arms around his shoulders, and wrapping my legs around him.

And me? I liked placing my hands under his shirt, so I could rub them against his stomach. For some reason, being able to touch him…at his core, made me feel safe. Also, he was well toned…so, all the more benefits, the better.

Once we'd gotten to my apartment, I ran into my room to change. Chad had his stash of clothes in the guestroom, strangely enough, so he changed in there. Coincidentally, we walked out of the bedrooms at the same time. We met in the middle of the family room, and started kissing.

And after two and a half hours, we hadn't really stopped. Except, things were slowing down. Not that I was tired. I could never get tired of Chad.

I just hoped he wouldn't get tired of me either.

But, I knew that it had to end eventually. I knew that I was being nudged. I knew that I needed to talk to Chad.

He's not just anybody.

He's not just a random guy that I've gone on a few dates with, or a boyfriend. He's my best friend. He's been my best friend for years.

And here we were, kissing.

"Chad," I finally pulled away from the kiss, placing my hands on his chest. He seemed to get the hint, and pulled back a little…only keeping his mouth inches away from mine.

"We need to…"

"I know."

"But-"

"I know."

"And-"

"It's okay."

(Translation: We needed to talk, and he knew; but I didn't want to talk, because then we'd have to face reality…And this plan, this charade that we were putting on for everybody else would eventually come back to bite us in the ass. And I was scared, and Chad knew this, and he lied saying that it was okay, only to make me feel better.)

See how best friends work? See how Chad and I know what's going on in each other's minds without saying anything out loud?

We both knew that we needed to talk, but we didn't. Instead, Chad rested his forehead against mind, planted a kiss on it, and pulled me onto his lap so he could hold me.

Discussions could come later; I just wanted to embrace life as it was for now.

Lyrics: Bush, K; Nettles, J; Pinson, B – Already Gone by Sugarland

A/N: Can I just take the time to say how much I love my readers? Because I do. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you read this story! And as for the chapter…what do you think of Chad? Is he scared to verbalize his feelings for Sonny? Is he scared of rejection? After all, he doesn't have a problem with the physical things. ((wink)).