Suddenly shaken from his deep slumber to the view of Rose's rear end and the sounds of her cleaning up the havoc that he had created the night before.
She was picking up the millions of papers and books that he had thrown everywhere. The book study was a disaster and he was sure that he was going to have to replace most everything.
Shame came across him, when the memories of his rage fit came back to him. He had cried himself to sleep on a paper covered floor.
He slowly sat up and looked over at Rose who was busy cleaning up the mess. He knew that she was aware that he was awake now, but Rose would not even look or talk to him.
Jack cleared his throat, "Rose."
"Rose!" Repeating himself in a stern voice telling her that she better address him.
Rose turned around slowly to her Master. She could feel the seed of hate growing deep down inside her over what he had done to Kate and Gracie.
"Yes, Master."
" Did you take um…" Jack could not even finish the statement without getting chocked up.
This caused Rose to look down at her Master. He looked horrible, his brown eyes where bloodshot form all the crying he had down the night before and he had deep dark circles under his eyes.
Rose's anger was soon replaced with pity and sorrow at the sight of her usually strong and posed Master who now just looked weak and pathetic.
Jack finally worked down the tears that were threatening to come out. "Did you take them last night to the servant quarters?"
"Yes I did Master just like you ordered."
The words stung him. That he was the one sending Kate and Gracie away, but she had given him no choice. He could have and has done much worse for lesser crimes against him, but no matter how horrible the crime was he could never physically hurt them or throw them out on the street.
"Very well then." Jack paused a moment running his hand through his hair.
"Rose did they seem ok?" He looked up at her with his red puffy eyes that told her that this was tearing his heart apart on what he was doing to his wife and daughter.
"Kate is strong a girl and I could tell that she was scared, but she held it together for her baby girl."
"Thank you Rose for looking after them." Jack then got up to leave to wash away the real shame that he felt, over what he had done to his little girl and his beautiful wife.
Jack emerged from the shower still feeling just as guilty has he had before, the only difference was now that he was clean or at least on the outside.
He was mentally preparing himself before he went to the shipyard where he would have to face everyone and how they were going to deal with the business hit they took and how they could possibly gain back all the trades that they were planning on having. If Shepherd Shipping was not on top anymore less and less business would come there way and it would all go to Sawyers new company that he worked for. God did that really piss him off to the fact that Sawyer could possibly be on top and above him.
There was only one matter that he had to attend to before he left to deal with the crisis at work. Jack was not sure why he felt compelled to do this, but he was going to feel uneasy in till he did so.
He found himself in his horse stable looking for his head male servant Mr. Locke who had been with the Shepherd family since Jack was a little boy. He had taught Jack all the things that his own father never had time to teach him. Jack knew how to hunt, ride, and fish all, because of Mr. Locke.
There he was getting the horses ready for Jack to go into town with.
"John." Jack said in a friendly manner.
" Why Hello Jack. What can I do for you today?" Mr. Locke was the only servant that was allowed to call him by his first name. Since that is what he called him as a boy and all those years he worked for his father. Once he began working for him instead of his father, Jack felt wrong about him referring to him as Master.
"I need to ask you a favor."
Mr. Locke stopped grooming the horses and gave Jack his full attention.
" I need you to look after my wife Kate and my daughter. I don't know if you have heard the recant change in my third wife's status, but she will now be working for me and living in the servant quarters."
" I see" Mr. Locke remaining blank in expression to the new found information.
" I want you to go and move my daughter's baby carriage to their new living area. I also want plenty of warm blankets for my daughter and Kate. Then replace there wood stove with a much bigger one. That smaller one will not do the job. I can't have them being cold at night. I am understood?"
Mr. Locke simply nodded letting Jack know that it will be done.
Jack then moved to one of the saddled horses and jumped on.
" Not riding in the carriage today Jack?"
" No I think the cold wind in my face will do me some good."
Jack rode to the entrance of the stable and then stopped his horse and turned to face Mr. Locke.
" Oh and John Kate is off limits in every way possible to your stable boys and anyone else in town for that matter. I want you to warn them if they try anything with her that they will be severely beaten and then thrown out in the streets left to fend for themselves. In fact the only way they are allowed to interact with her is if she needs help with any of her duties, but otherwise they should not even be talking with her. If they try to do worse and force themselves on her in anyway the punishment will be a heavy-handed affair, one that they will not want to find out. She is not allowed to go into town without your supervision and if anyone in town tries anything with her I trust you know what to do and you must tell me at once if anyone crosses the line."
"You can count on me Jack; I will keep an eye on her and make sure everyone knows that she is off limits."
"Thank you John as always."
Jack then rode off into the cold.
That first week that she was gone, Jack poured himself into his company trying desperately to save them for falling from the top. He barely came home to sleep. By the end of the week Desmond practically forced Jack home one morning after finding out he had stayed up all night working and was going to try and work the whole day as well.
As Jack headed home he was met with a surprise. As he handed his horse to Locke, Jack peered into the stable there she was looking lovely as ever, but she seemed tired. Then Jack took note of what she was doing, she was shoveling horse crap while his other servant just stood there and watched her.
" What is going on? Why is Kate assigned to the stable duties? She should not be doing such hard and dirty labor!" Jack yelled at Mr. Locke which is something that he never did to the older man.
"Jack I'm in the dark just has much as you. You know that I am only in charge of assigning work duties to the male servants. This is Rose's department."
Without saying another word Jack was off to find Rose.
Once he found her in the kitchen her back was to him and he was about to ream into her, but then she turned slightly and he saw that she was holding his daughter.
Just the sight of Gracie made him step back. He could even look at his baby girl without having the guilt flood over him.
Looking away from Rose and Gracie, Jack cleared his throat to get Rose's attention.
Jack spoke in a low voice to not disturb his baby girl, "Rose what is Kate doing working in the stables?"
"Oh, you scared me Master. I did not see you there."
Rose looked at him, but she noticed that he would not return her gaze and she looked at Gracie. Then she knew that the son of bitch could not even look at his baby girl.
That anger that she was feeling before began to emerge again.
She answered him in a cold manner, "Esther told me that she would show Kate the ropes. Plus she is getting to old to be doing those choirs all by herself. I just thought Kate being young and all could help her out."
Jack turned his head to the floor, turning his eyes anywhere, but at his daughters. "Well I don't like it, not one bit. From now on Rose, Kate will work with you. I want her only doing duties that involve normal tasks such as cooking and cleaning floors, clothes, and silver. I am understood?"
" Yes Master." Her flat tone not going unnoticed by him, but he choose to ignore it. He just could not be in the same room as Gracie without breaking. So he fled the room, leaving his daughter's care to Rose.
A whole month went by before he saw them again.
Jack was running late this morning due to the fact that his son Joseph was sick with the flu. He stayed a little later to make sure that he had everything that he needed for the day and that Rose would take care of him while he was gone.
Jack remembered being sick as a child and how his own father and mother would not pay him any attention. When he needed them the most, just wishing for something as simple as a hug even. Once Jack had children of his own he promised himself that they would never have to know the feeling of having a father that did not care when you were sick.
He was headed down to the kitchen to tell one of his many maids to make a soup for his son.
When he became closer he heard a sweet song filling the hallway that was coming from the kitchen.
It drew him in as light would draw a bug. Once he saw the source of the music he did not move any further for not wanting to be seen, but he also could not move away. He was stuck by the beauty of her and the beauty of the moment.
Kate was breast feeding Gracie and sweetly singing to her. When moments like this one happened before Jack would have gone up to them kissed them both and then he would hold Kate with such care and love just as she would be holding their daughter with care and love, but now there were so many reasons he could not do any of those things. For starters he could be not seen in public interacting with a servant in that way, sure every man had his relations with the help, but always in private having to hide the fact. If you got caught having affairs with a servant it was viewed as a dirty affair by all, even by the men that also had their own affairs with the servants. Jack had already been caught with Ana once their son Sam came out looking just like him, he could not afford to get caught again. Juliet and Sarah's family would most likely hang him. Then there was the fact that she was a trader. Not just a trader to him, but the whole Shepherd family and not to mention the family shipping company. Most of his family members wanted her thrown out on the streets and some even thought death would be an appropriate punishment for what she had done to the family. Jack held them at bay telling them that she was his responsibility and that he would be the one in charge of her punishment and this is what he saw fit. After hearing this most of them dropped it.
Here he was stuck, the logical side of him telling him to run as far away as possible and the other side was so drawn to her and his daughter that it nearly killed him not to be able to hold them. So instead of doing either he just stood there watching from a far.
Then suddenly a door opened and another maid entered the kitchen disturbing the special moment for not only Jack, but also for Gracie and Kate as well.
Jack heard the door open he bolted running far away as he could.
Through out the rest of the week they were all he could think about. Where they okay, did they get scared at night without him, did they even miss him at all? These questions and many more kept running through his head. On top of the questions running through his mind, he was also over come by this urge of wanting to be with them. This feeling scared him more than anything. That is when he decided that he could not see them at all, it was just too painful and Jack did not trust himself to hold back next time he saw them. Jack was going to do everything in his power not to run into them again. Even if that meant practically living away from his own home and only coming in late at night to sleep.
Once Jack made the decision to completely cut them out of his life he turned numb inside, all that was left of him was an empty shell.
Jack became obsessed with work and was constantly trying to one up the competition. Since the hit that the company had taken three years ago they have been at a constant battle to stay on top. In a sick way Jack loved the fight, in fact besides his sons it was really the only other joy he found over these years.
It was Sarah and Juliet that had the hardest time adjusting to this ghost of a person. He barely even touched them for the past three years and when he did make love to them it was cold and mechanical making them wish that he had not touched them in the first place.
Sarah had gone into a great depression. Not only was she unable to get pregnant again, having to bare through her seventh miscarriage this past year, but her son Joseph was constantly sick. At first they thought nothing much to him having the flu, but then as the years went on and Joseph kept swaying back and fourth from health to illness Sarah began to worry. The doctor was no help and could not give her a real reason as to why Joseph kept getting sick. One day he would seem like his old self healthy and happy, then the next he could be so weak that he could not move out of bed. Jack was wonderful with him, making sure that he was cared for and had everything that he needed before he went to work and on the days that he came home before Joseph was asleep he would read to him. Sarah was not sure why, but this made her jealous of her son and the attention and care that her husband showed him, when he was nothing, but cold and distant to her. She was unable to give him anymore sons and then adding to the fact that the one son she did give was sickly made Sarah feel that much more pathetic.
Juliet hated this change in her husband. She hated even more that the reasons for his change was all because of that dirty servant girl not being his wife anymore. Juliet had not told a soul of what she had done three years ago. It was secret that was just between her and James and it was going to stay that. Not even telling her own cousin and most trusted friend Sarah. On the days that Jack was really bad where you could not even tell if he was breathing or after he made lifeless love to her and just rolled off her with out a second thought in these moments she began to rethink her choice in disposing of the girl. Then in this moment she would weigh out the pros and cons that each outcome would have brought. In one scenario she was stuck with corpse for a husband who could not show her the attention that she loved. In the other if she had not changed anything yes her husband would have not been dead inside, but that would mean that she would no longer would have been the first wife and that girl would have gone on to have more children replacing all of them in the top spot of the Shepherd household, hell if this had played out that farm girl would be the one going to the parties while she stayed at home. That is when Juliet knew she had made the right choice, not being the number wife and not having your son take over all the power and money was far worse than a lifeless husband.
Today was like any other day at the office it was all business everyone running around trying to make deals and get the lasted shipments ready. Before Jack would not only love to work with these gentlemen, but also play and socialize as well. They were his most trusted friends, but ever since he turned off his heart, Jack did not have the energy or will to talk or joke around with them. The only socializing he would do was about business. Sure his body still played the weekly poker games and went to the parties, but his mind and heart were not.
Jack was going to leave the office early today; Joseph had been really sick all week and seemed to have taken a turn for the worse this morning. Jack had this gut feeling that he should be home with his son.
When he got home he went strait for Joseph's room and all around was the Doctor, Rose, Juliet and Sarah.
" What is going on in here?"
All at once Jack had four sorrow stricken faces turn his way. Then he moved his eyes quickly down to his son's bed were Joseph lay all the color from his face gone and Jack did not need any speeches from the doctor to know that his son's life had been taken from him.
While his head moved from side to side, Jack was not sure if the words he was saying were in his head or out loud to the room, but either way he kept repeating the words, "This is too much. This is too much."
Then he heard Sarah call out his name and begin moving over to comfort him, but Jack put his hand up in protest to tell her to stop, "I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with this right now."
Jack was off to the one place were he could just be alone and weep for the loss of his son. All along the way silent tears were streaming down his face. Once he arrived at his haven he was stopped dead in his tracks at the sight before him. It had been three long years without having seen a trace of them. What was first brought to his attention was how big and what a beautiful girl Gracie had become. She was every bit her mother's daughter. Their pale white skin made a striking contrast against the clear blue water of the pond. Jack silently cried while watching Kate try to teach Gracie to swim and splash around with her. Jack was not sure why, but spite his current state this scene before him brought a small smile to his face, but the tears never letting up. As Gracie began to calm down and settling into her mother's embrace, Jack watched as Kate swayed back and fourth bathing their daughter and soothing her to sleep. This act made him cry even more. God he had missed so much of his daughter's life he did not know anything about her, what her favorite book was, what games she loved to play, what made her sad or what caused her to go into a fit of laughter. Now, he had a dead son that he knew all those wonderful facts about, but none of it matter anymore, because he would never make his son laugh again or play his favorite game with him and Jack could never again read his favorite story to his son. He did not have guilt or shame overcome him in not knowing his daughter, but what he felt was a need to get to know her and he was going to do just that and he did not see why she should be punished for her mother's crime she was just an innocent child. Joseph would have wanted him to get to know his only daughter.
On that note with a new found determination to get to know his only daughter Jack turned to leave, but he was unable to leave silently. Stepping on a branch Jack caused a sharp cracking noise. He turned his gaze to see if they had heard and he was met with those fiery green eyes that he had only seen in his dreams for the last three years.
Once overcoming the shock of seeing those green eyes, Jack broke the connection that he and Kate held, looking to the ground trying desperately to wipe away the tears that he kept shedding. He was trying to get a hold of himself, but it was so hard he was loosing his grip and he was not sure that he could get it back. After a while the tears stopped and he was breathing heavily at slow steady pace. As he looked back up he half expected them to be gone as if it had been one of his many dreams. While he was getting hold of himself Kate had gotten herself and Gracie out and dressed and she was now up-close and in front of him.
Jack was shaken aback by this stunning creature that was so close to him. Her curls were damp from the water and he could see every freckle on her angelic face. God it had been so long since he had seen her and he did not think it was possible, but she was even more beautiful than before. She had lost her girlish fresh features that were now replaced with a stunning look of young woman who seemed to have more confidence and a better understanding of the world around her. She was still holding Gracie who was sleeping away in her mother's embrace.
" I'm sorry I did not know anyone was here", hating the sound of his own voice. It came out weak and shaky.
All she offered was a simple, "it is okay", but it was in her eyes that Jack could tell that she was worried for him.
God he felt like finding the nearest hole and just going inside it to die the thoughts of his precious Joseph's death coming back now and in full force.
All he could do was close his eyes and let the tears fall. Then he felt it her small hand come up to his face wiping away his tears with her thumb. Jack was not sure why, but just with this simple act caused him to feel a jolt in what he thought was his lifeless heart. He grabbed onto that spark, by bringing his own hand to hers and holding it there and not showing any intention of letting it go.