"God what the hell is wrong with me?" Kate almost shouted to herself. She had been repeating that very question in her head for the last three days.
She had three years of planning of what she was going to say to him if there paths ever did cross. She was going to ream into him for being a horrible father and how dare he think that he could just write off their daughter and she bet if it was one of his precious sons he would have kept him in the family, but because Gracie was a girl it was okay to let her go. Then she was going to preach to him how badly the servants were treated while the Shepherd family lived like kings, but did she say any of those things?
"No! What I did was act as if I were a stupid love sick little girl and tried to make him feel better. God why did you have to let his tears get to you like that, you're weak and pathetic!" Kate said out loud even though no one was around to hear. She was scrubbing the kitchen floors and yelling at herself at the same time. If anyone walked in on her they were bound to think that she was crazy person. One thing Kate had promised herself over the years was never to become that weak complacent little again girl again. If there was one thing that she learned being a mother on her own was that she was strong enough and she most certainly did not need any help from one Jack Shepherd. She also wanted to set a good example for her daughter and show that she did not need a man to decide her life for, which had happened to her on more than one occasion.
The event that happened three days ago came back into her head for the billionth time. She was not sure what caused her to do it, but whatever it was it came from a deep force that was beyond her control and it caused her to move her hand up to his cheek as a form of comfort. She could feel his hot tears running on to her hand. He was just so sad and broken weeping almost as if he was a child. Out of no where he brought his hand up to hers holding it in place, just touching him after all these years made her want to run and hide away, because the connection was so strong and still very much alive, but it also made her want to wrap her other arm around him and never let go. If weren't for a sleeping Gracie in her arms Kate was not sure if she would have had the will power to hold back. Then suddenly his eyes broke open and the moment was gone. Jack seemed to gain knowledge of where he was and whose hand was on his face and then he ran without any word of goodbye. Since their encounter Kate has been consumed with punishing herself for doing something so stupid.
To make matters even worse today was the day that she went to the market.
There were two matters in life that reminded servants how low they truly where in the hierarchy of the world. One was when their Masters treated them no better than the dirt that they walked on. The second was when they went to the market. Even the hard working class treated them like rats. Name calling and having objects thrown at them was a regular occurrence. Kate would not allow Gracie to go with her. She never wanted her own daughter knowing that kind of shame.
The servants went to the market twice of month to get supplies that they needed at the Shepherd estate.
Rose went one of the times with a group and then Mr. Locke went the other. Kate was not sure why she always had to go with Mr. Locke, but that man really pissed her off. Anytime she tired to talk to someone else at the market he would yell at her. Then tell her to keep her head down and do as she was told. Besides making her life miserable he did look out for as if she truly was one of his own. Whenever someone would harass her at the market, because she was a servant girl and everyone viewed them as cheap whores, Mr. Locke would always be right there by her side telling the man that he better back down no matter what his social class was. If the man refused, he would calmly go up to the man and whisper something in his ear. Kate could never hear what he was saying to these men, but what ever it was it caused them to get a look of terror in their eyes and back away.
Today was no different than any other market day, but by now Kate knew that she better just keep her head down and do as she was told. Not saying a word to anyone. She would just let the men, woman and even children of the market call her names or even worse act as they were not even there. The worst of all was when mothers would hide their children from even looking at them.
The market was a tornado of people, yelling, gossiping and trading all around. Mr. Locke did all the buying and trading the others where just there to help carry the items back to the carriage. As Mr. Locke was talking to the meat vendor Kate felt a tug at the bottom of her wore and dirty dress. It was a little boy no older than two years old that was trying to get her attention. Kate knew that she should just ignore him, but he was probably lost and needed her help.
So Kate went against the unwritten code that servants should not talk to anyone and went down to little boy's level. "Hey little guy did you loose your mommy?"
The boy just nodded his head and had giant tears forming in his eyes.
"Hey don't you cry, we will find your mother, but I need you to be a brave boy for me, can you do that?"
With his small hand the little boy wiped away the tears and nodded his head. Kate then held his hand and went back up to look around for a mother looking for her child.
From behind she felt a hand jerk her own out of the little boys. Kate turned around to see his mother slap him across the cheek, "I don't ever want to see you talking or touching these people again! Everyone knows that they carry diseases." The mother sternly told her child.
In this single moment of words Kate's heart grew even more callous than it already was and the only part she was able to leave open for love was for Gracie.
It took the whole day to do the market, but they finally returned back home and back to her little girl.
Just seeing the little girl made her forget everything else in the world, Gracie ran up to her mother and gave her a huge bear hug.
Kate hugged her back as if it would be the last hug between the two lifting her up in the air they continued on to their daily journey to the pond.
As they approached Kate slowed her steps and she could not believe what was before her eyes.
There he was sitting on blanket with a picnic basket. Was he waiting on them? Surly not Kate thought he probably just wanted to be by himself.
Then he turned his head and smiled at them. "There you two are. I have been waiting for you, Rose told me that you come out every day. So I just thought I would meet you."
Kate was at a loss for words, the only thoughts that she could form were how much she missed seeing that smile.
" Mommy who is that?" Gracie said in a shy tone. She was hiding behind her mother and had her arms wrapped around her legs.
" Umm….That's." Kate was not sure how to respond, she sure as hell did not want to tell her the truth about her father at the moment. Yet at the same time it was so much harder to hide the truth when the truth was standing right in front of you.
Kate did not have to worry for to long, cause Jack saved her.
" Hello it is Gracie right?"
She then peeked her head around her mother's legs and nodded.
"Well my name is Jack and I have heard so many wonderful things about you. Why don't you come over here and join me for my picnic. I have something just for you Gracie. " Jack then pulled out a cookie from the basket.
Before Kate could get a word in edge wise, Gracie was off.
Both Gracie and Kate enjoyed the food very much. Gracie had never eaten that well in all her life, not even on Christmas. Kate had not had such a feast since she lived in the mansion, now all she did was prepare it for the Shepherds and their guests.
Kate and Jack's interaction was all done through Gracie. As she had them play games with her and tell stories to her.
Now that dusk had come upon them Gracie had gone into the field to catch fireflies, leaving the two adults by themselves and a heavy silence had come over them. They were sitting side by side neither one dare looking at the other, both just staring at Gracie. It almost became a power of wills between them on who would be the first too speak.
Jack then let out a huge breath that he must have been holding and finally he spoke to her. "She is great. Gracie I mean."
"She really is something special. It's too bad that you have missed out on so much of her life." Kate let out without any real emotion, but inside she wanted to scream at him.
Jack then turned his head to look at her and he quickly turned his eyes back to Gracie, almost as if looking at her burned his eyes.
The silence then took over again.
" Did you get my gifts?"
" Yes Jack we got your gifts if that's what you would like to call them. They are more like a slap in the face. Sorry Gracie I can't be your father, but here is a nice doll. What she needed was you in the flesh in blood, but I guess you would not have time for a daughter especially one that was mothered by a low-life servant." Kate said in one breath.
"That is what I trying to do now! I want to get to know my daughter better. I would like to continue seeing her. " His expression showed that he was taken aback by her outburst.
" Well I guess I really don't have a say in the matter?" She huffed out.
" No Kate you don't! Last time I checked you were just a servant girl and I am your Master."
" Oh this is just rich, after tossing us out like dirty clothes all those years ago without a second thought. Now, you want to get to know your daughter!"
There faces were only inches apart now and she could feel his hot breath on her face. Kate was not sure if she wanted to hit him or kiss him. Her heart was pounding and she was not sure what his next move was going to be.
Jack opened to move his mouth to speak, Kate was not sure if she felt disappointed that he did not move into kiss her.
"The only reason that I have not been able to see her all these years is, because of what you did! So don't you dare try and play the innocent victim here!"
Kate backed away from him, the closeness was too much for her. She then let out a laugh.
" I can't believe this! Yes, Jack I'm a horrible evil woman who wants to destroy your company!"
" Well that is exactly what you did!"
" Jack I could give two shits about your company and you know I wished you felt the same way! It is just one more piece of evidence that you don't love us."
At this point Kate's anger had been replaced by tears.
" Kate…" He said in a sympathetic voice.
" No don't Jack." She raised her hand to tell him not to come any closer.
They both saw that Gracie was headed back to were they where sitting.
Kate began to wipe away her tears, "Jack you know you truly are an idiot!"
" What is that suppose to mean?"
Just then Gracie walked up.
" Mommy look at all the lighting bugs I got." She then opened her hands to show the bugs that she had.
" Wow that's great Gracie." Kate then rose to leave.
" Hey sweet pea why don't you tell Jack goodbye, we have to go."
Gracie let the bugs go and went up to her new friend and gave him a huge bear hug. Kate could not help herself she looked down at the two.
Jack looked as if he had not had a hug in years and he was holding onto Gracie has if she was his life line. The scene in front of her broke her already broken heart into more pieces.
Kate was not sure how she managed to get up and face the day, with this feeling of nothingness taking over. The only real reason she had to live anymore was Gracie and if she did not have her little girl she was not sure what she would do.
On her walk to the mansion carrying a sleeping Gracie who was not quit ready to wake up, looking down at her daughter Kate wished that he had just stayed away and not entered their lives again. Now, that he had it made her feel ten times worse and brought up feelings that she thought she had buried a long time ago. It pissed her off even more that he showed up on her and Gracie's special time.
Once arriving in the Kitchen Rose was moving around like a crazy person getting everything ready to cook. Rose shouted something to Kate about going clean the china, even though she did it yesterday. Juliet has ordered for it to be done again, because she was having a party or something to that accord and she demanded that they be cleaned again.
Now, Kate did not like doing her chores in the first place, but when Juliet ordered her to do so it went for not enjoying to despising. If there was one person in this world that Kate hated it was Juliet and she was not the only one all the servants did as well. They had a secret code to let each other know if the witch was about to strike or even if she was about to enter the room.
She would have the servants clean the floors over and over again even if there was not a spec to be found on them.
One time Juliet's sons had been playing out in the rain and their clothes had become mud covered. Juliet ordered that Kate clean all of them and all their clothes even though it was not her duties. Ana who was not Kate's biggest fan at first stepped in for her told Juliet that it was her duties that day to clean all the clothes and she would do it. Juliet demand that Kate had to do it and then later when she caught Ana trying to help her wash she became irate and told Ana that she was not allowed to help Kate and that she had the rest of the day off that Kate would finish all her choirs. Kate wished that this was the only time that she had made her do tasks that where uncalled for, but It seemed that not only did Juliet hate all the servants, but she saved a special hate that was just for Kate and would take it out on her whenever the mood struck her.
What Kate did not know was that whenever Juliet felt the desire to punish Kate it was not on random, but in fact correlated whenever Jack would ignore Juliet or make her love to her that had no feeling or really anytime that he treated Juliet badly.
Finally Kate finished polishing the already clean china and she could now go back into the kitchen and help Rose cook for Juliet's dinner party.
" Hey Rose I just finished with the china, what do you need me to do now?
"Okay that is good, because the witch is in a real mood today and I feel like it is only going to be a matter of time before she beheads one of us. Lets face it Kate we all know that your in first in line." Rose said making the two woman laugh not just because of the humor of the situation, but the truth in it as well.
"Well Kate it looks like I'm going to need some more firewood for cooking would you mind going to get some for me?"
"No not at all Rose, I will be back in a few minutes."
The wind had a slight chill to it has it hit her face when she stepped outside to get the firewood.
As Kate was loading her arms full with fire wood, she thought heard someone call her name in the faint distance and she brushed it off as nothing, but then it became louder and clearer it was not just her name , but it was a name that she had not been called in a long time since her youth.
" Katie" she turned to face whoever was calling to her. There he was looking older and more of man than she remember, but he still had his boyish good looks.
Without really being aware she dropped all the fire wood that was in her arms and began running towards him tears flowing down her cheeks and her heart was racing fast.
She wrapped her arms around him and he lifted her in the air and twirled her around.
" Tom I have missed you so much." Kate just let him hold her as she wept into his chest. Finally she felt as if she could let her guard down and just cry at least for a moment.
Getting hold of her self Kate brushed off her tears. "Tom what are you doing here? How did you know where to find me? If your mom finds out that your not at the store helping your father she is going to kill you."
" Shhh Katie none of that matters. All you need to know is that I'm here for you and to bring you back to where you belong. No matter how much money or time it may take."