Van Helsing Parody! Part
We are backkkkk for more humor! Grab your popcorn,Sour Patch Kids (or whatever you peoplez eat at the movies) and grab an extra pair of pants! (just in case of pissing your pants) I do NOT own any VH characters...except the Midgit...Enjoy!
At Valerious Manor
Anna:So here is my crib...do you guys like it?
Van Helsing and Carl: *muffled sounds,crunching and whatnot* Yup...
Anna: *looks suspicious* You do,huh?...What are you eating?
Van Helsing: *mumbles* Nothing...nothing at all... *stuffs something in his mouth*
Carl:*gulps* Yah nothing at all...its not like we are eating some of your cookies...
Anna: my cookies... How do you guys know about my cookiesss? *Steps closer behind the two men*
Carl: Um...uh...we-uh...saw them back there...
Anna: But ,my cookies were hidden in my room...hmmmm *taps one heel of her boot on the floor* Turn around...let me see your faces...
(Carl and Van Helsing slowly turn around. Van Helsing is seen with crumbs on his face with his mouth full,Carl has nothing in his mouth,but some crumbs on his robe)
Carl: *jabs Van Helsing in the chest*
Van Helsing: *spits out cookie at Carl's action,and chokes* Oww...
Anna: Aha! So you guys sneaked in my room and snatched my cookies... so they are good,huh? *hands on hips*
Van Helsing: oh yeah...scrumptious...delicious...had some icing on top and...
Carl: VAN HELSING!
Van Helsing: Wha- whattya want?
Carl: *glares at Van Helsing* You do not admit that it was good...don't you know that it is rude to say that,especially if we had just confiscated Anna's cookies...
Van Helsing: Well,sorry...monk...And don't use big words around me...what does confiscate mean anywho?
Carl: *rolls his eyes,says a prayer in his head* I am not a monk,for the last time! FRIAR...F-R-I-A-R got it? And i meant that we had just stolen Anna's cookies and you are ok with that? She'll probably kill us!
Van Helsing: o.0 Gee Carl...no need for the crankiness...we are in a beautiful enviroment...where people are nice.. they drink,party...and...
(There is a snort from Anna)
Van Helsing: Wot? what's so funny?
Anna: *nearly dies laughing* You really think Trannsylvania is like this? Did you already forget when the vampires attacked and that poor cow got thrown?
Cow: You know,sympathy isn't necessary...I mean...I am alright
Van Helsing: *jumps into Anna's arms* OHHHH CRAP! A talking Cow! KILL IT KILL IT! The fiend!
Anna: * legs shaking from Van Helsing's weight* It's alright Van Helsing,it's just a cow...
Van helsing: *screams like a girl* It moved! Its blinking! Oh god! help me!
Cow: oh..gee
Van Helsing: *calls animal control*
Cow: Oh is it that time again? Oh I gotta go...*nervously says this,walks away*
Anna: *drops Van Helsing* Back to our talk...this place is filled of those nightmarish creatures...like the ones in the town square today...one of them which you killed...
Van Helsing: *scratches his head* i don't think I recall doing that...
Anna: Do you have short-termed memory? Or are you just acting stupid?
Van Helsing: No...definately not the stupid part...though I was told that I am ignorant...
Anna: That's the same thing...
Van helsing: Huh? What's the same thing?
Anna: *sighes* Never mind...
Van Helsing: Well,anyway...I am here to help you kill Drackonut...I guess...
Anna: It's Dracula
Van Helsing: No it's not
Anna: Yes it is...
Van Helsing: No I remember it is Count Chocula
Anna: But...you just said it was Drackonut...you are confusing me
Van Helsing: I did not...I said it was Captain DracuCrunch
Carl: WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP! Anna, we are here to help,and was wondering if we were to hunt him tonight or rest...that's what he *points at Van Helsing* wanted to say.
Van Helsing: Wow Carl, you got the words outta my mouth! You are pyschic...
Anna: i did promise you both a drink,the bar is right down the hall...so I guess hunting starts tomorrow...
Van Helsing: That's it? Drinking for the night?...AWESOME!
Anna:*starts walking away* and as for me, I am going to find Dracula and kill him...
Carl: I thought you said hunting is tomorrow...
Anna: For you...but I am going tonight...and that's final
Van Helsing: You can't go all alone...what if you get killed? *finally makes sense*
Anna: If I do then I 'll die with dignity...
Van Helsing: why would you die with dignity? It's soo scary to die..
Anna: I'll see my family again..We Transylvainians always look at the brighter side of death...
Van Helsing: There is a brighter side to death? You gotta be joking...
Anna: I am not...It's just harder to see... *turns for a sec,but then looks back* Oh and by the way,are there any cookies left?
Van Helsing: o.o... well...uh...*gases Anna in the face*
Carl: Now,Van Helsing,why did you do that for?
Van Helsing: She was questioning too much...she would have found out that there wasn't any cookies left...
Carl: Oh well,true...
(Van Helsing takes Anna to her room...then goes to the bar and drinks)
A few minutes later...
Anna: *wakes up* Ugh...stupid Van Helsing...when i find him...I oughta...
(low growls are heard)
Anna:Someone is here...
(Anna searches the house, finds werewolf,shoots at it. then sees Velkan)
Anna: Velkan! You are alive!
Velkan: Shut up...he'll hear you...
Anna: Who?
Velkan: Dracula...he is after you...I am making sure he doesn't harm you...
Anna: Why is that son of a bitch after me? What does he want?
Velkan: i can't explain right now! All I know is that he has a cure...for...uh...
Anna: For what? Velkan? what is going on?
Velkan:*chokes,then coughes up hairball* Sorry,hairball...
Anna: Yuck...how would you get a hairball in your mouth?
Velkan: You don't wanna know...*then screams as her turns to werewolf*
Anna: Oh my goodness...its Sasquatch!
Werewolf Velkan: *rolls eyes,growls*
Anna: A very mean...Sasquatch... Velkan...hang in there,aright?
Van Helsing: Hello...*gasps* ITS A COUSIN OF THE COW!
(werewolf runs away)
Carl: *sniffs* Why does it smell like wet dog in here?
Van Helsing: Its a goat...
Anna: No, it was Sasquatch I think...
Dracula: ITS A WEREWOLF! *silence* I mean...uh...hoot hoot *mimicks owl*
Van Helsing: Did you hear that? A talking owl! What kind of place is this?
Carl: Forget about the owl! We need to track down that werewolf...here are silver bullets
In the village
Van Helsing: Marco!
(No answer comes back)
Van Helsing: come on,Mister Wolf,you are not playing the game right...you are supposed to say Pollo
Meanwhile...
Anna: *looks out window* Why is Van Helsing such an idiot? yeah I probably should go and help Velkan...
Dracula: Hmm...perhaps...you should my dear...
Anna: Shit! what are you doing here?
Dracula: Such language,coming from a young woman like you...
Anna: Like you would deserve words of kindness anyhow.
Dracula: True...true...So hows it going? who is this,Van Helsing?
Anna: Why would you want to know?
Dracula: Why shouldn't I know?
Anna: It is perhaps none of your concern!
Dracula: sharp tounge...sharp tounge...I just wanted to give you an invitation...and i was planning to have this Van Helsing come with...
Anna: Oh how lovely *sarcasm* And you expect me to come...
Dracula: Why certainly,my dear...It wouldn't be as wonderful without you being there... besides, you have been always on my mind..
Anna: Yeah,your dirty mind...
Dracula:*inches from Anna's face* I am not the only one who has a 'dirty' mind...* caresses her sheek,then to neck*
Anna: stop that...Stop...
Dracula: why would I?
Anna: I am tickilish! *giggles when he touches her neck*
Dracula:o.0 *stops touching her* Perhaps this doesn't tickle *kisses her lips*
Anna: *is very mad about this,but then enjoys it*
Dracula: *lets go* So do you consider the invitation?
Anna: *still shocked by kiss* I dunno...
Dracula: *gives her invitation* Its a Masequerade,so you must wear a mask...
Anna: No dip,Sherlock...
Dracula: *glares...flies away*
Anna: That was awkward...Well,gotta save my annoying brother..
Back outside
Van Helsing: Marco...
Gravedigger: Pollo!
Van Helsing: Woah! Dude you scared me!
Gravedigger: To death I assume? *points shovel at Van Helsing's chest*
Van Helsing: Err...no..*puts shovel aside* What are you doing?
Gravedigger: digging graves...
Van Helsing: Isn't it late to dig them? Scooby Doo is out there...
Gravedigger: Scooby who?
Van Helsing: yeah...Scooby Doo...the one who uh...seems to be Anna's bro...wait how do I know that? *shrugs*
Gravedigger: I have no idea what you are talking about...but I think you mean the werewolf...
Van Helsing: No,I mean Scooby Doo...*hears growls jumps out of way*
(Gravedigger gets killed by werewolf)
Midgit: Damn! That werewolf got him good... *sees werewolf about to leap* RUNNNNNNNN!
Van Helsing: *about to shoot at werewolf,Anna stops him* Aw...man he escaped...I was gonna give him a scooby snack (you can tell now that he is retarted)
Anna: wtf?
Van Helsing: *slaps Anna* why did you stop me?
Anna: You slapped me! (hahaa still had to add a captain obvious like the film)
Van Helsing: Sorry...i just realized you needed a V8...but uh..yeah you do know that monster is not your brother anymore...
Anna: You knew?
Van Helsing: Yuppers...somehow...
Anna: Before or after I stopped you from shooting him?
Van Helsing: Don't hurt me when I say this...but uh...before
Anna: And you still tried to kill him!
Van Helsing: Well, he wouldn't play the game fair!
Anna: what game?
Van helsing: Marco and Pollo
Anna:*rolls her eyes* You do know that the game is played in a pool,right?
Van Helsing: Who cares? You are not the rule maker...
Anna: Just look at us...arguing about a freaken game! my brother is cursed..and you don't seem to care!
Van Helsing: look,I never said i didn't care...We'll try to look for him...
Anna: I assume that Dracula is in Castle Frankenstein,I doubt Velkan is now his servant...and they say that Dracula has a cure...this would help Velkan...
Van Helsing: Then,off to Castle Frankenstein we go!
CUTTTT! I hope you enjoyed it! The cow and Dracula made a special appearance even though they aren't supposed to be in these scenes! Lolz...I had to add the Drac/Anna part for a reason...the plot will change from the movie...DUN DUN DUNNNAHHHH! Review and I'll update!