Van Helsing Parody! Part5
Sorry for the wait! Halloween lasted a long time for me! lolz i really need to chill from CANDY! Don't ask me how much more candy I have left...let's just say that I have three bags...o.0 Speaking of Halloween,the parody will have a Halloween scene (masquerade is set on All Hallows Eve). As i had said before, plots will change...Why keep the regular plot? It's a parody for goodness sakes! I DO NOT own any VH characters...except the Midgit. Enjoy!
In Castle Frankenstein...
Igor: Dammit! The fricken machine broke down! What do I do?
(Dwergies shrug)
Energizer Bunny: I keep going and going and going...
Igor: *grabs bat and hits bunny on head* Yeah, I gonna have to use you...
Dracula: Ahh...Velkan, how is your full moon?
Velkan: Hmmm...pretty bad. That stranger mistaken me for a goat,Anna says I am Sasquatch,and I almost got shot. So, did you give Anna the invite?
Dracula:*evil smile* Yes...the plan is all set.
Velkan: I don't like this plan..
Dracula: And why not?
Velkan: You already have three brides. They'll kill her if they found out about your ''plans''.
Dracula: Correction, I have two left. Besides, with Van Helsing there, Aleera and Verona will be gone!
Velkan: Anna doesn't even like you
Dracula: Nuh-uh. That's what you think...
Velkan: I can't take this anymore! I am not letting my sister be your prostitute!
Dracula: *blinks,winces* Well, if you put it that way...
Velkan: And, I am not being your dancing boy,sending telegrams with a kilt on!
Dracula: Aw, come on! You just look adorable as your furry self in a kilt! Not that I am gay or anything! *says this quickly* If you don't like me calling you Puffy, then I'll call you Chewy or Chewbacca,whatever is best for you!
Velkan: I'd rather die than be a stupid beast who dances with the name, CHEWY!
Dracula: Don't be boring! Everyone who says that dies.
Velkan: I am not boring!
Dracula: Sure you're not...Why can't you just play along? Chewy is a funny name! *puppy dog eyes*
Velkan: Uhh..no
Dracula: *shows body on guerney,electric thingie that goes up* Look familiar?
Velkan: Father? What the-
Dracula: Yeah, he didn't have much gigawatts so yeah...
Velkan: Huh?
Dracula: Gigawatts, oyu Valerious's have them... Including the monster... I can't explain it...
Velkan:?
Dracula: Well,maybe since you have werewolf venom in you,maybe things might work...
Velkan: This isn't gonna end well,is it?
Dracula: Nope I am sure it isn't
(Velkan tied up,going up on guerney thingie)
Velkan: Anna will never fail! Not as I did!
Dracula: I do have confidence in your sister,but she is..after all...in my mind...*laughs evilly,dances by himself (have no clue why he does this)*
Meanwhile...
Van Helsing:*whistles*
Anna: *Is annoyed* Can you please stop whistling?
Van Helsing: Sure,madame. *hums*
Anna: *rolls eyes* don't make any sounds of any kind, Mr. Van Helsing!
Van Helsing:Fine! Geez, you're no fun... *drinks from random chalice*
Anna: Umm...Van Helsing where did you get that from?
Van Helsing: Get what from?
Anna: That chalice!
Van Helsing: Oh, I grabbed it from that table right there.
Anna: Ugghh...are you kidding me?
Van Helsing: Wha-What's so ''ughh'' aboout it?
Anna: You don't even know how old that is...
Van Helsing: *spits drink out* Yeah, tasted a little rusty...
Anna: *ignores him* What is that?
Van Helsing: Offspring
Anna: When did you get that intelligent?
Van Helsing: Well, think about it, a man with three gorgeous women for 400 years,obviously getting jiggy with them is an option...
Anna: I think I regret asking...
Van Helsing: Well, ladies first...
Anna: Yeah, ladies first,Van Helsing... *smirk on her face*
Van Helsing: Huh? HEYYY just wait a minute I am not a lady...
Anna: *laughs* Yes you are...don't try to deny it,Van Helsing
Van Helsing: I am not denying anything...You know very well about my gender..
Anna: Yup...I sure do... You are a woman
Van Helsing: *gasps* Well, if I am a woman then that makes you a MAN!
Anna: It certainly does not!
Van Helsing: Then, get this to your head...I am a man..
Anna: Suree...you are...sureeee...oh by the way, nice haircut,Myrtle...
Van Helsing: My name is not Myrtle...and this haircut happens to be in style
Anna: *keeps laughing* Whatever you say...
Van Helsing: *sees moving egg sac* Woah...check this out!
Anna: what is it now? EWWW gross...it smells like ass in here...
Van Helsing: Oh...sorry
Anna: *looks disgusted at Van Helsing*
Van Helsing: Hmm let's see what's inside... *opens egg sac*
( Furry animal thing pops out,looks like a Gremlin)
Anna: Awww.. it is sooo CUTE! Who ever thought that such an evil thing would be soooo adorable?
Vampire Baby/Gremlin: Mama?
Anna: Huh? No... I am not your mommy...
Baby: MAMA!
Van Helsing: *chuckles* Come on,Anna, take care of your baby...
Anna: *glares at Van Helsing,looks back at baby* i am not your mother,but ummm if I could...I would like to be...
Baby: *just blinks innocently,holds Anna by legs* Mommy so pretty..
Van Helsing: Aww...its first word...
Anna:It is sooo adorable... But it is a vampire...and...
(One more bolt,and all babies hatch,all see Anna)
All babies: MOOOMMMMYYYYY!
Anna: 0.o Oh my goodness...
Van Helsing: Good luck with all of them *turns to walk away*
Anna: *grabs Van Helsing by shoulder* What am I gonna do? they all think that i am their mother...
(All babies tug on Anna's legs)
Van Helsing: Don't worry I have a solution! *shoots one baby in the head*
One baby: *cries,bites Van Helsing's leg*
Van Helsing: OWWWW That really hurt! Bad Gizmo,bad! *squirts water on baby's face,and apparently reaches to every single one*
all babies: *eyes turn red,multiplies...eats snack*
Van Helsing: Umm...Anna what time is it exactly?
Anna: Just after midnight...
Van Helsing: Oh crap...
(babies turn to ugly bat form thingies from movie)
Anna: Oh boy...
( Vampires come to see the babies flying)
Verona: Aww our babies! Come here you cuties!
(babies ignore the brides)
Aleera: Why aren't they coming to us? *shrugs flies with Verona and babies to village*
in Valerious Manor
(Carl is reading something at the tower,vampire babies are outside)
Carl: Hmm...Paris Hilton...another plastic surgeory? Oh...how horrid, so is Heidi from the Hills...
Vampire baby: Yeah, ROCK AND ROLLL,BABY! Mwahhahahahhaha I am soooo EVIL!
Carl: oh dear! Must warn somebody!
Back in Castle Frankenstein...
Van Helsing: Oh gee I need some action! This is where I come in!
Anna: WAIT! You idiot! You are gonna get yourself killed!
(Van Helsing shoots babies with crossbow,Dracula sees Van Helsing)
Dracula: wtf? *growls,swoops down*
(Anna tries to runaway but door closes on her)
Anna: Shit!
cubanagurl: woah woah woah...arent you supposed to make it out so that you can save Velkan?
Anna: Its not my fault that I run soo slow!
cubanagurl: *sighs* Just continue...rookie...
Dracula: *morphs back to insanely gorgeous self* I can tell the character of a man by their heartbeat...Usually when I approach it is a beat that I can dance to...strange that yours is so steady... Hmmm...I can hear another heartbeat though...it is soo fast that I can do the cha cha in my boxers...(o.o interesting...)
Anna:*looks down at cell phone,has heartbeat ringtone* shoot...stupid phone always gives me away...
Van Helsing: Well, gee Anna, thanks for giving both of us away...*comes out of hiding spot* and..uh...heellooo *grabs stake,tries to stab Dracula*
Dracula: *sighes* Is this your so called ''silver stake''?Or should I say T-bone steak,medium rare...
Van Helsing: Oh...woops wrong pocket...
Dracula: Hello Gabriel
Van Helsing: What did you say,ya chump?
Dracula: I said heello Gabriel
Van Helsing: No you didn't...stop lying...lying is for dogss.
Dracula: You think that was funny?
Van Helsing: What's funny?
Dracula: Never mind...you are soo slow
Anna: Yup he sure is...Trust me,I have to deal with him
Dracula: My,Anna isn't it just pleasant to see you...this is a small world...
Van Helsing: Oh my goodness...I just LOVE that song! *sings* It's a small world after all,its a small world after all...
Anna: *slaps hand on forehead* Please shut up Van Helsing
Dracula: Yes,Gabriel shut up please!
Van Helsing: shut up is such a naughty word...
Dracula: I do have such naughty words in my mind right now... *looks at Anna with a seductive wink*
Anna:*rolls her eyes* Gross...
( Brides come in shrieks, Van Helsing and Anna find a way to escape)
Dracula: WAIT! I didn't get a chance to introduce myself! I am Count Vladislaus... Aw forget it!
A Few minutes earlier...
(Vampire babies invade village)
Midgit: Run for it! The mutant Ninja turtles are coming!
Carl: ? Woah! They sure are scary!
Barmaid: HELP ME! *baby grabs her by legs*
Carl: *looks heroic* I'll save ya! *hits baby with bat*
(baby comes after barmaid and Carl,but blows up randomly)
Carl: Wow...
Barmaid: What happened?
Carl: I guess they are all dying
Barmaid: *kisses Carl on cheek* How can I repay you?
Carl:*whispers into Barmaid's ear*
Barmaid: You can't do that! you are a monk!
Carl: Actually, you are pretty lucky I am just a friar...
Windmill
Anna: A SILVER STEAK? How much more stupid can you be?
Van Helsing: Well, excuse me your highness, but I actually tried to kill Dracula
Anna: *laughs* barely... *sighes* We didn't find the cure...
Van Helsing: I am sorry,Anna but I don't think that there is a chance to save your brother...*sympathy*
Anna: *smiles* You know, sometimes you can really not be all that bad..
Van Helsing: I guess not...*sniffs* Do you smell fried chicken?
Anna: *mumbles* And there are those times when I would like to take back what i say...
Van Helsing: You look upset,here wear my hat.
Anna: That is supposed to make me feel better,why?
Van Helsing: Hats help me think about stuff...and it cheers me up...
Anna: Helps you think...* about to say something mean,but takes it back and smiles warmly* You are funny, Van Helsing,and I just want to say cheers *grabs bottle of abinsinthe*
Van Helsing: That is some strong stuff ya know...*about to drink from bottle*
Anna: Don't let it touch your tounge...it'll knock you on your...*falls before says rest*
(Windmill collapses)
Anna: *gets up* Geez...what th-
Van Helsing: *covers her mouth* shhhh...something human is in here...
Anna: Really?
Van Helsing: It happens to be tall,injury at leg, and uh golden grills
Anna: How do you know that it has golden grills?
Van Helsing: Cuz,umm he is standing behind you...
Anna: Omg, the Frankenstein's monster!
Frankenstein's monster: You're toxic now! *sings*
Anna: o.0
Van Helsing: It seems to be singing Brittney Spears songs...I think I am gonna like this guy!
Next day...
Van Helsing: *to Carl* Whatever you do,don't look at him...
Carl: Oh my goodness! I am looking at him! what kind of creature is this?
Van Helsing: Some weird ass one...seems to sing Brittney Spears
Carl: Well that means it's not going to be soo bad...
Thirty minutes later..
Frankenstein's Monster: And they say! She's soo lucky! She's a star...but she cries cries in lonely heart again ( forgot the lyrics! lolz this is the song ''Lucky'')
Carl: Get me outta here! I can't take 3 more days of this!
Anna: Shut up!
( Van Helsing is riding casually in carriage)
Van Helsing: Well, nothing is going on here...
(Brides come and attack...Verona gets killed with stakes from carriage,Anna rides other carriage with the monster and Carl)
Carl: Nice decoy,eh?
Frankenstein: Its my- *carl closes his mouth*
(Carriage crashes Van Helsing gets killed...RIP Just kidding! He's not dead! Tricked ya! hahahahha)
Anna: Oh my God,Velkan you are dead for real! *sobs* I never thought it would come to this...
Van Helsing: *comes out* oww...
Anna: *runs,pins VH to tree* YOU KILLED HIM! You BASTARD!
Van Helsing: Now you know why they call me murderer
Anna: I never knew they call you murderer...
Van Helsing: Oh...never mind...*hold on to chest*
Anna: *sees bite* You are bitten...*walks away,gets knocked out by Aleera*
Van Helsing: ANNNA!
Carl: Oh no!
Van Helsing: Ah well... she is useless anyway...
Carl: Van Helsing!
Van Helsing: What?
Carl: *glare*
Van Helsing: Fine,we'll save her! Yup...What's this? *picks up paper from floor,it's invitation from Dracula* Masquerade...huh? Well, a masquerade it is!
To be continued...
Sooo it's breaktime! Hope you enjoyed it! REVIEW! Halloween scene is next soo don't worry! -cubanagurl