I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE GONIGTO HATE ME!
I lost my papers with my ideas and songs on them! They're probably in my desk drawer but I don't want to go in there… its fuck (Excuse my foul mouth) messyyy.
I remember some of what I wrote for this chapter, so I'll try to do it right.
I also apologise for not updating in ages. I'v- what the fuck (excuse my foul mouth) happened to my iPod? Why did it just restart?
I've been gone away on surprise holidays, and shit long phone calls with friends. Going out, partying with myself, reading till 4AM, waking up at 3, webcam with my ex boyfriend, though I realise its weird, we are almost like best friends, bloging (My tumblr name for any of you that want it is dibidibidis- (dot) tumblr (dot) com I mainly post SHINee. I also tweet. I'm sangheeah – no shit haha. Its used for fanfics, so I have no one following me yet ==;;), applying for FYSFF, and not making it in… you guys did see how awesome my story was yeah? Well apparently it SUCKED!, practising for SMAuditions at the end of this year (Shit, I have to go to singing classes on the 2nd o,o), and I will soon have year 9! Chapters will be erratic from now in, as this year, I have promised I am going to study like a Korean high school student. Extra Japanese classes for September this year, extra maths studying, double extra English studying, as I either want to be a journalist or an author, learn how to use a sewing machine, make more food, study (Just a little bit) science, ect ect. Usually in class I'm a really loud nutty person, but this year, me and my friend have decided to change. We are going to turn into NERDS! (: haha.
OH OH OH! My mom just said that I can dye my hair before school starts again (: So instead of having faded black dyed hair, I'm going to have light brown hair, and growing it out (At the moment its bout shoulder length in a bob-like cut done by my friend (: ) reeeeeeeallllyyy long so I can cut it into Taemin's Lucifer hair (: I've had hair like that before, but I got the front cut off, and my hair dresser fucked up, so I never went and saw her again.
Anyway – reason for my long AN's is because I feel you guys should get to know me, and what I want to do in the future.
K. I think that's enough. Enjoy what I can remember!
OH OH OH! HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD PARK JUNG MIN'S NEW SINGLE! IT COMES OUT TODAY! ITS FREAKING BRILLIANT! I'M CONNING MY MOM INTO BUYING IT FOR ME!
Not Alone – Park Jung Min – Lollipop FT 2NE1 – BigBang – Boku Dake No Value – AKB48 (They're cool okay? 48 freaking members!)
Chapter 4 of Annyeonghassaeo
I didn't know where we were. It was a park though, and had a beautiful rotunda where we sat, and I told him about my past. Everything from not liking my parents, to when they began abusing me, to the exact day I came to live with his family over on Korea. The most he could do was nod. He was so shocked at what had happened to me before the time I had been with him.
We sat in silence for what seemed like an hour. Hyung then asked "What's going on between you and Jung Min?" and I was definitely surprised by this.
"Nothing really" I replied simply. He gave me a look saying he wanted more details. I sighed, and continued talking. "We kissed yesterday, that's all. He's been there in time of need, when you weren't around, but only on this tour. Why do you ask?"
"You two just seem… close" he jealously said.
"Hyung… I can't think of you as anything more than my Hyung. I'm sorry." I said, hoping he thought nothing of it.
"Oh… I see…" he said, hiding his face under his bangs. "I'm sorry I asked." I giggled at this. I couldn't help it. Hyung was embarrassed. "We should probably get you back neh? Jung Min will be wondering where you are, won't he?"
I sighed. Did I have to explain to him again?
"Hyung – I don't know about a relationship with Jung Min. Really. I don't remember much after he kissed me." I looked away, knowing that Hyung wouldn't be happy about Jung Min. I got up and started walking. I didn't know where to though.
Suna No Oshiro – Kannon Wakeshima – Korean Dream – G-Dragon – Sorry Sorry – Super Junior
(AN – There is where I start from memory ==;; I know I'm hopeless)
I looked around me. I didn't pay attention to where I went, and I now felt scared I was lost. I looked behind me, noticing the little ramen shop from yesterday. I cross the road, and quietly walk in. I seat myself and order. I replay everything that happened with Hyung in my head and pull out my notepad and start writing. I didn't know what I was writing, but it was a song. They usually just come to me, I don't think of them.
(Innocent Starter – Nana Mizuki – I do not own)
Hiza wo kakaete
Heya no katasumi
Itsumo fuan de furueteita
"Hontou" wo shiru
Koto ga kowakute
TOBIRA wo tojita
Yasashii uso ni
Ibasho mitsukete
Yume no naka ni nige konda
Dare mo shiranai
Kodoku no umi wo
Fukai ao ni someteku
Sabishisa kakusu
Ichizu na omoi
Kimi no KOKORO wo
Kizutsukete iru
Hitomi no oku no himitsu
Suikomare sou na
Egao no ura no shinjitsu ni
Yawaraka na ai
Boku ga todoke ni yuku yo
Furetara koware sou na
Nukumori ga ima
Kako wo hanare afuredasu
Zutto soba ni iru kara
Kanashii kage ni
Madowanai de
Kodomo no you ni
Tada akogare wo
Motomeru dake ja
Nani mo mitsukaranakute
Taisetsu na mono
Miushinau dake
"ATARIMAE" toka
"Futsuu" no naka ni
Kazarazu aru shiawase wo
Mamoreru chikara
Te ni iretai to
Massugu ima wo ikiteku
Mayou koto nai
Shisen no saki ni
Ukabu kotae wa
Sou "hitotsu" dake
Yoake no akai sora ni
Niji wo egaite
Yami mo subete tsutsumikomu
Chiisana yuuki
Kotoba wo koete yuku
Mirai ga torawarete mo
Tooku kiete mo
Kono inori wa hateshinaku
Ari no mama no kimochi wo
Kimi no moto he
Tsutaetai
"Hajimari" kureta kimi ni
Sotto sasayaku
Futari dake no yakusoku wo
Kawaru koto no
Nai eien no mahou
Mirai ga torawarete mo
Tooku kiete mo
Sunda koe ga oboeteru
Boku no namae wo yonde
Ano hi no you ni
Warai kakete
I looked down at what I had written and gasped.
Let me tell you a bit about my writing.
It usually pops into my head, and I sometimes don't know what it is.
If its not about the past, its about the future, unless I had help writing it
It can be a heap to think about. I mean come on, "Hiza wo kakaete Heya no katasumi Itsumo fuan de furueteita "Hontou" wo shiru Koto ga kowakute TOBIRA wo tojita" (Translating from Japanese to English as "Hugging your knees in the corner of your room You've always shook with anxiety You were scared to learn the 'truth' So you closed the door to it") I mean, that's pretty intense is it not?
When I first write it, it most of the time doesn't make sense, so I have to re-edit it, and re-edit it and re-edit it. Eventually, it'll come out more intense than planned when I firstly read it over.
Anyway. This one felt different, lets say that. It felt as if it meant a bit from the past, and a bit from the future.
I shoved my note pad back into my purse when my ramen came. "Arigato gozaimasu!" (Thank you very much) I say to the waiter, and he nods. I pick up my chopsticks and begin eating. I ate very slowly, wanting time to think.
About 20 minutes later, without realising it, I had finished eating. I stood and went to pay the man, but he refused to take my money.
"You are Kim Sang Hee, there is no need to pay. Eating a meal at my ramen shop is enough." He then bowed.
"Arigato – Ookiku Kansha!" (Thankyou – I'm grateful) I said cheerily. I then walked out of the shop and went to explore Tokyo.
Our Songs – Buono – Everyday Zekkouchou! – C-ute – Rebellion Anthem – Yousei Teikoku (AN Purpously listening to JPop, though I prefer KPop (: )
I walked out of a small Gothic Lollita store, with 3 bags with 4 garmets in each. I now totalled to having 5 bags of clothing. How I loved shopping, especially in pleaces where I haven't been before.
I thought came to my head… Hyung… My smile immediately faltered. Where was he? What happened to him after I left. I could feel my tears welling up in my eyes.
I held my head down, my bangs hiding my eyes. I knew people everywhere recognised me, and I got a lot of discounts on my shopping trip. Though I was out here thinking of Hyung, I couldn't leave the city without a few pairs of shoes. I sniffled and giggled to myself. That's what shopping does to you. I started to walk towards a shoe shop that I had seen earlier down the street, and walked into it.
Not surprisingly, the store clerk squeeled out "Sang Hee Sama!"
I quickly put my finger against my mouth in a "Shh" gesture. The store clerk, acting like a child, copied me and put her finger over her mouth and whispered "Oh… you don't want anyone t know you're here… I see… Gomenesai!"(I'm sorry!) "Please! Look around!" She gestured to the shoes and I nodded in thanks.
I walked over to the back of the store, looking at a pair of black heels. I put them down again, and walked around. Then I saw them… the prettiest shoes in the whole world… I ran across the store to a pair of flats. They were red and had a black rose on the front. I showed the store clerk if she had them in my size. She walked around the back of the store and pulled out a shoebox. She came back over, and flipped her long, curly hair over her shoulder. I pulled out my purse and gave her the money for them. She took it, then have me half of it back. "I'll give you them half price" she winked like a child, and I bowed my thanks. Some days I hated being a celebrity, and some days I loved it. This was one of the ups, getting free things, or discounts, and the bad, was paparazzi.
Of course I was caught by them in Shibuaya square, 7 bags of clothes and shoes in my arms. I smiled, and continued walking. I found a cute accessory store and walked in. Before the store clerk (Who was extremely cute!) could squeel my name, I put my finger over my mouth again. She just nodded her head and I looked around the store.
I ended up buying a lot from this store. I got a plush toy that supposedly named "Domo-Kun", I recognised him as a TV Station mascot. I got a pair of black ray bans with clear lenses (I do not own), a "Totoro" phone charm, and a set of mechanical pencils that I did not ask for, as the Store Clerk gave them to me for free, and still discounted the whole price. I smiled, bowed, and thanked the cute lady, then took my leave. I was again bombarded with paparazzi as I left. I ran this time. Trying to get as close to the Hotel as I could without leading them there directly.
I tricked them into thinking I turned a corner, but I just hid in a phone booth (Think Austin Powers – I think it's the first one). They continued running, thinking that's where I was, and I sliped out of the phone booth with great difficulty due to the 7 or so shopping bags. I crossed the road, quickly and silently, before slipping into the hotel.
Stand By Me – SHINee – Copy And Paste – BoA – Tell Me Goodbye – Big Bang
When I got to my room, Jung Min was sitting on the couch, watching whatever came on the TV. I noticed it was anime, a child's anime. The TV blared with young Japanese girls singing
"Pyon Pyon! Fumu Fumu! Yeah Yeah!
Howa Howa! Kira Kira! Yeah Yeah!
Tamago wa nani iro? yeah yeah yeah!"
Then, two lines of Japanese words came up onto the screen. I giggled. This was one of my favourite anime's back when I was a child. Jung Min then noticed me, and stood. I smiled at him brightly, and went to walk into my room. Jung Min blocked my path by holding his arm across my door. I frowned at him.
"How much did you spend? Why did Hyun Joong get back way before you? Do you realise how scared I was when he came back all upset, and you were nowhere to be seen? I'm-"
"Shush you! I didn't spend much as every store gave me an unwanted discount. Joongie got back before me because he left straight from the park because I walked off, needing space to think, I just ended up shopping…" I giggled. "I haven't seen Joongie since the park, nor heard from him… though some… things came up in our talk…" I put my head down, and Jung Min lowered his arm from the door allowing me in. I waked in, grateful to get away from Jung Min.
"Why didn't you answer my phone calls then?" Jung Min asked and I froze. I placed my bags on the large double bed. I reached my hand into my purse feeling for my phone, but it wasn't there.
"Fuck!" I screamed. Jung Min came running in, murmuring comforting words to me, but it didn't help. "Not that dickhead! My phones not in my purse!" I screamed at him. His eves widened in slight alarm. I ran over to the bed, and emptied all my bags, except one, knowing that Jung Min didn't want to see what was in it (Lingerie)… I blushed, but continued looking through everything that was strewn over the bed. "Fuck… fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Where's my phone!" I screamed.
I heard the door of the hotel suit bang against the wall, and jumped. Joongie, (AN – I was about to write HyunSeung from B2ST, and YoungBae (TaeYang) From Big Bang .) and YoungSaeng came running in. I was still screaming and throwing the clothes everywhere looking for my phone that I didn't notice when Joongie looked into the lingerie bag. when I looked up, he had a light blush covering his cheeks. I giggled at this, and he pulled my cell phone out of the bag. I squealed and glomped him, continuously thanking him for looking in that bag and finding my cell-phone. He chuckled, and left.
I was so embarrassed by this, and sat on my bed, wishing Joongie didn't have to look in there, but I was embarrassed to have to empty that bag, and throw it everywhere. I sighed and walked into the suite room, sitting on the small couch in front of the flat screen TV hanging off the wall. The Anime was only half way through. I remembered watching this episode once… I was still five years old, when I was with Shou…
-Flashback-
"PYON PYON! FUMU FUMU! YEAH! YEAH!" I had sung. Shi-koi was laughing at me singing to this anime. It was catchy. I had stopped singing when the song had stopped. My eyes were glued to the screen. Shi-Koi was 7 at the time, and I was 4, almost 5.
"NO AMU!" I had shouted at the TV screen. "DON'T FALL FOR TADASE! YOU CAN ONLY BELONG TO IKUTO!"
"Oi! Honami! Shup up! Mommy is busy!" My mother screamed at me from her bedroom upstairs. Like usual, I heard banging from the ceiling, and squeaks too. Shi-Koi covered my ears and let me cry. Mother was always doing this. Cheating on my father whenever he was at work. She was supposed to look after me, not abuse me. but I couldn't stop her from doing so, I was only 4 remember?
That was the day I had planned to run away… I didn't tell Shi-koi though, not until the month after, when I actually left.
-end flashback-
I sighed. Tadagay was hitting on Amu in the most childish way. They were only my age remember? Plus, Amu is supposed to be Ikuto's. I turned off the TV, not being able to watch it.
"Ganbatte… Ikuto…" I whispered to myself. I sighed, and walked towards the tiny kitchen like section of the suit room.
Jung Min snuck up behind me like usual, and hugged me.
"Who's Ikuto?" He asked and I went stiff.
"Ikuto… is a character in the anime that was on TV just before." I said shakily. He chuckled and nodded. I looked down, tears flooding my eyes at the memory of Shou and I watching that episode. I sighed, and shrugged Jung Min off me, and walked back to my room. I cleared off my bed of the new clothes I had bought, and flopped back onto the mattress. I sighed, and closed my eyes. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I realised was that I was being shaken awake by Hyung.
"What do you waaaaant?" I mumbled half awake.
"Sang Hee ah, you have a concert in am hour!" He said.
"Shit!" I yelled, and jumped out of bed and got my purse, grabbed Hyung's hand, and ran like shit down the stairs to the Limo that was waiting for us out the front of the hotel.
"Took your time, Sang Hee Ah!" Hung Jun laughed at me.
I frowned. "Shut up unless you want to lose you chance of ever having kids in your whole life"
"Ohhhh! You were told Hyung Jun!" Jung Min laughed.
"Don't fuck with Sang Hee when she's tired guys… She attempted to murder me last time I did that" Joongie said.
I laughed and grumbled "I wish I did succeed…"
The rest of the trip to Tomodachi Stadium was in silence, as SS501 were scared of being killed by me.
Remember – Big Bang – Omakase Guardian – Guardians 4 – Naichau Kamo – Morning Musume
Manager Hyung was already at the stadium when we got there. I was shoved by him into my dressing room, to get my makeup on. Whilst my hair was being done, I told him about the two songs I had written, giving him the papers. He nodded at them and replied with "We'll record them next week." I smiled, and he left. I sighed deeply. This was the second last concert in Tokyo, I was somewhat thankful for that.
-time skip – to end of concert-
I flopped down once again on my bed, tired from singing again, but I knew I had to pack up to leave in two days. I sighed and grabbed the dresses from the bed, shoving them messily into my suitcase, not caring. I was too tired. Stupid Joongie, waking me up.
"Yah! Sang Hee Ah!" Jung Min called. I walked over to his room, and leaned on the doorframe.
"Whatchya need Minnie?" I nicknamed him, and giggled to myself. He shot me a "WTF?" look and continued talking.
"Maybe you should go see Hyun Joong, after today, I think you may need to." He said concerned. I nodded and went to leave, but Jung Min stopped me, pulling me into an embrace. I hugged him back sighing. When he let go, he quickly, and very sneakily, touched his lips to mine and whispered in my ear "To make sure no one steals you from me."
I still wasn't sure about a relationship with Jung Min, but I now knew he wanted one. I nodded, my head spinning, and left. I walked down the corridor down to Hyung's room. I hesitated before knocking on the door.
YoungSaeng answered, making me more nervous.
"YoungSaeng ah" I said quietly. "Is Hyung here?"
He nodded and allowed me in. I couldn't see Hyung in the suit room, so I presumed he was in his bedroom. I walked over and knocked on the door. He took his time answering, and when he did, he didn't talk, he just let me in.
"Hyung…" I say. I hesitate before saying any more. "Hyung, did I do anything wrong?"
"What do you think" He spat at me. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks, so I put my head down.
"Hyung, tell me what I did wrong! Tell me! I've grown up with you! I just told you everything from before I joined your family! And now your not talking to me… Why?"
"Damn it Sang Hee. Why are you so… Why are you so…" he struggled for the words.
"Is it because I might be going out with Jung Min?" I ask, my head still down.
I don't see when he nods, but he continues talking.
"I know you can't think of me as anything more than a brother, but I see you as more." My eyes widen. Well hell.
I stand to leave, but Hyung stops me. my head snaps up, and he kissed me.
I was alarmed. The kiss was forceful, and I didn't like it. I squirmed in his grip attempting to get away. When I finally did, I slapped him hard, across the cheek.
I probably looked horrible. My hair is probably a mess, and my face will be red from crying. I ran out of Hyung's room crying. I couldn't be there. not then.
I ran until I was at the front of my hotel suit. Tears were still pouring down my face. I couldn't go I and face Jung Min. I slowly placed my hand on the door knob, hesitating to open in. When I did, I slammed it shut and ran to my room.
Watashi No Mirai No Danna Sama – Berryz Kobo – Lucifer – SHINee (Top played song in my iTunes :D)
"Oh come on Sang Hee Ah!" Jung Min was calling through my door. "Just let me in, and tell me what happened!"
"No! I-I don't want to see anyone." I called. I was packing my things. Well, I wouldn't call it packing. I'd call it throwing things together like I was running away, though I wasn't.
I left one of my new dresses out, to wear tomorrow, with the shoes I got. I closed my suitcase, and kicked it. Aish! Why did Hyung have to do that?
Jung Min was still banging at my door asking what was wrong. I opened the door, to let him in. Aish! He's getting on my nerves.
I had stopped crying, but my face was bright red from doing so. My eye makeup was all over my face, and my hair was worse than before.
Jung Min threw his hands around me in comfort, and I clung to him.
"Minnie, Why did Hyung have to do that?" I asked him.
He shrugged. "I don't know what he did…"
"he kissed me, Minnie" I said and he stiffened.
"He did what?" Minnie said, with a slight threatening tone in his voice.
"Don't hurt Hyung, Minnie. I don't want to hurt him!" I said, fear oozing within my voice. If Jung Min hurt Hyung, then this tour would be over. "Just… Just don't worry about it okay? You guys need to stay together. Just… just don't worry about me… I may be young, but you've seen my threats, and Hyung's told you what I did to him…" I giggled slightly to myself, despite how I felt.
Jung Min looked down at me, confused at why I laughed. I just shook my head. He then let me go, and grabbed my hand. He then pulled me into the suit room, and placed me on the couch. He say down next to me and places his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled closer to him. It felt right to be in that position. I rested my head against his shoulder, and closed my eyes.
Jung Min turned the TV on, and watched the news. I was surprised at what came on half way through.
"Korean superstar Kim Sang Hee is not who we all think she is." Said the news reporter. I snapped open my eyes. Beside the woman, was a picture of a five year old me, a picture of one of my recent photo shoots in Korea, and a photograph of my Mother in tears.
"Fuck!" I said. This added to the heap that was already on my back.
"Its all so surreal… my daughter… she's back… and she didn't tell me… but she's back as someone new…" My mother had said.
"14 year old Korean superstar Kim Sang Hee, or birth named Mizuki Honami, ran away from her mother and father when she was only 5 years old. No body had seen her since recently." They showed a photograph of Shou and Mimori. "17 year old Suzuki Shou, and 15 year old Suzuki Mimori, were her childhood friends."
There was then an interview with Shou. "I saw her… when I was playing my violin at a park near the forest. She had come up, and I didn't recognise her as Kim Sang Hee. She sung along with my violin to her song Wahrnheit It was afterwards when I realised it was her. Mainly because she asked me a question. She then explained to me that she was Kim Sang Hee. I was extremely confused by this at first, mainly because out meeting was much too quick. A person, I recognised as Park Jung Min came up and dragged her away before I could get anything else out of her."
They showed a clip from my first concert in Japan, and lowered the sound so the news reader could talk. "We all know Kim SangHee for her brilliance in music, and her youth, but now we see a side we never knew. Kim Sang Hee's missing persons report was stopped on the 10th of October, 2002, as no one had seen or heard from her."
"I just can't believe it. Its unheard of. She was such a good little girl… Honami-chan! Honami-chan come back to Mommy! Your father and myself miss you dearly! We know your in Tokyo right now. Just please come and see us!" My mother broke into tears as she said so, and the report finished
"Fuck!" I screamed. Why did Shou and Mother have to do this? Why can't they keep to themselves. I hit the wall next to the couch over and over. My knuckles began bleeding, but Jung Min didn't move. He was petrified that I was found out by everyone in Japan, and probably in Korea too. "Aish!" I screamed again, and fell down the wall. I couldn't believe this had happened. My career was probably over.
Beginner – AKB48 – Déjà Vu – SS501 – The Beautiful Name – Alice Nine – Love Love Shine – DDR
Okay, so this one was a bit longer.
I'm going to have a quiz to guess what anime was on the TV at the time.
It's a 10-15 year old's kind of anime, but the characters are 12 or so.
Its kind of scifi-ish I suppose. Its Japanese.
The song was called "Minna No Tamago" but I won't tell you who its by,as it'll pretty much tell you the anime.
The main character is called Amu. I said that before in the flashback and when I said "
Just review with your answer, and if in the next chapter no one has guessed it, I will post more clues.
Put your guess in a review, and I will give cyber hugs and endless cyber cupcakes to whoever gets it!
ARIELLE YOU IS NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE, AS I ALREADY KNOW YOU KNOW!
kThanksbye.