(Oh my giddy god's pyjamas. I have been gone for oh so long. Way too long, in my personal opinion. Basically, you can thank coursework. It needs a bloody kick up the arse; I can tell you right now, I hate it! I've changed my name again, it's ShowMeLove94. That's an amazing t.A.T.u song of course! I am so sorry but I have actually been on , and BBC Bitesize, and I've even listened to French radio. My actual GCSE proper this-is-it French speaking test is Friday 7th May. Eek. I'll try and update more. I have got study leave this month! Thanks for the reviews guys! Thankies very much to EVERYONE. Have some grapes. SML94)

Well, there wasn't going to be any point moaning about how all the difficult stuff was left to me; it wasn't going to sort out itself.

Ohh, those first few days weren't very pleasant, especially as I was brooding over Draco. I'd lain in his arms not so long ago, and now I was wondering, was it the right thing to do? He hadn't killed Dumbledore himself. But was he involved now, with Voldemort?

My birthday wasn't much better.

"You got me a can of Coke." I stared down at the aluminium shape.

"And, a Red Bull!" Harry produced it.

"Oh. You shouldn't have." I mumbled.

"And last but not least…" Ron fiddled in his pocket and brought out a packet of condoms.

"They're ribbed for your pleasure!"

Then I got sniffly about Draco because I remembered the first time I had sex with him, I'd run to Ginny for the Pill. Yep. Muggle, I know. But I was just sat there, glumly.

Harry spoke. "Look, Hermione, you gotta understand, between me and Ron we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a chocolate frog. You, however have had the love of a man for half a year. Six months of closeness and sharing at the end of which he ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it."

Pause there. My throat tightened. "I don't think that was my point." Harry added.

"You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one person for everybody, you know? I mean, what if you get one relationship, and that's it?" I asked, shoving the packet of condoms in my beaded bag, and snapping open the Coke.

Ron snorted. I looked up at him, waiting for some sort of reply. It didn't help.

"What are you talking about? One relationship? That's like saying there's only one flavour of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something Hermione. There's lots of flavours out there. There's Caramel Chew Chew, and Cookie Dough, and Coffee. Phish Food. You could get them with sprinkles, or sauce, or whipped cream. This is the best thing that ever happened to you!"

"You have no idea—" I began to protest but he simply talked over me.

"You shagged Malfoy, you were, what, six? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon."

Was it just me or…was this a reference? I mentioned, "I honestly don't know whether I'm hungry or horny." Just to freak them out. And finish the reference. If it existed.

"You can stay out of my freezer." Harry edged away from me, as if I was about to pour cream all over him, and lick it off. Ew. I think a cold chill just ran down my spine.

The best thing, I think, was that I could listen to all the t.A.T.u I wanted. Not all the time obviously, but when the boys were blanking me, which was more often than you might think. I'd make it loud as possible, as if a full blown concert was in my head, and Ya Soshla S Uma started playing for the first time, it was so beautiful and pure and true….I sang. "A oni govoryuat, vinovata sama…ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma—"

"HERMIONE!" Ron bellowed. I think he was slightly concerned about my wellbeing.

"Da?" I replied in Russian, just to scare him.

"I uh, I need to talk to you, really. You know you listen to this tatu?"
"t.A.T.u, you mean. Yep, I listen to it. Clearly." I rolled my eyes as I turned off Mama, papa prosti, ya soshla s uma….

"Look, I'll support you all the way and everything, but you know erm, those girls…they're, erm, you know—"

"Yes?" I asked innocently.
"Lesbians."
"Whut." I actually said it like that, as well.
"They're lesbians."
"Oh God."

Oh God oh God oh God. Was Ron potentially suggesting--

"Are you possibly a lesbian, Hermione?"

I coughed and spluttered and laughed out loud and the tears ran down my cheeks and I wiped them away and then I sighed, "No Ron, I'm not. And actually, Yulia is bisexual and with a man and she's had a child, and Lena is straight. It's called a stage act. You don't have to be a lesbian to listen to ahem, 'lesbian' music." I rolled my eyes once more.

"Right, that's uh, good. I mean, uh, you know. Just that, I was wondering, if you know, that-"

"Ron. I'm not a lesbian. I am not bisexual. I am straight. Now hush." I commanded and started to sing again. "Can you see me now? Can you see? All this weeping in the air, who can tell where it will fall…"

Then. An argument.

"So go then." Harry spits at Ron. The pounding of the rain.

Ron's face flickers for a second between hesitation and anger. The latter takes him over.

"Yeah, maybe I will!" He shouts, and I want to use my wand to use the Body Bind, but my arm won't move.

He's gone, he's ripped out of the tent and it takes me too long to remove my own Shield charm.

"He's gone! Disapparated!" I cried out. It was raining when the world seemed to end. Harry didn't look human as I stumbled into an arm chair and he tossed a blanket my way. It was only 10pm. We usually went to bed at midnight, after combing through plans. But no. Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. So it's a good thing really, that I knew them all and recounted them in my head, embellishing them again and again, at everyone. At Ron, at Harry, at myself. I damned us all.

You know what makes a bad situation worse? Spend it wishing for the impossible.

Wishing for Draco. Wishing for Ron to come back. Wishing for the whole damn thing to have never happened. Wishing, wishing, wishing...

Just then, I had such a ridiculous longing for Draco, I almost screamed. It would be so wrong, especially now, even if it felt right.

It wasn't fair. None of it was. It was an accident to go with Harry and Ron. I should've stayed to help Draco, because now I was crumbling. Neither delicate nor innocent. I couldn't doubt him now. Ron had lashed out and now I was breaking down.

Everything that was good to me was in the past. Never felt so lonely, why couldn't Draco show me love? I wanted him to slide through the tent door.

Well, a bath might help. I thought. Okay, it probably wouldn't, but it'd take me away from Harry for a while. I lay on the floor though, and cried some more, practically hysterical, so many thoughts thudding in my head, and it sounds obsessive but I could swear I heard music, even though nothing was playing. I'd gone mad, clearly. I'd lost my mind, Shut up Hermione, you sad girl, you're a fucking lunatic. It's a stupid mind game; forget it all, you're pathetic! My mind whispered.

I pulled myself up off the floor, and trembling, I went into the bathroom and closed the door. The bath water was hot, and I was glad of it. I yanked off my clothes as fast as I could, tossing them into the middle of the floor. The loneliness was sinking in again, and I was going to start crying again. No, no.

As soon as I stepped into the sizzling liquid, my feet turned pink, but I didn't care, it was, let's say… a random act of mindlessness.

I was still going to lose the battle, but for now I could have a nice bath.

I slid in, too fast but nobody cared, least of all me.

I needed Draco, I needed him to walk in right now, and scoop me up and do whatever he wanted to me.

Show me love, show me love, show me love, show me love, show me love 'till you open the door!

My hands were wringing now, and I was insane, rocking back and forth in the bath, moaning for someone who wasn't there, someone who was probably killing Muggles at that very moment, or helping to stalk Harry.

Show me love, show me love, show me love, show me love, show me love, 'till I'm up off the floor!

Curled up in the bath, letting the steam open my skin, I ran my fingers over my skin, and the hard material of the bath bit into my side. "Draco, Draco, Draco, Draco..." I mourned.

Show me love, show me love, show me love, show me love, show me love, 'till it's inside my pores!

He'd left me longing for him, so very much. In the night, there was only the candle light. I reached for the candle to be lit, but couldn't quite reach. He'd taken my self control as I gripped myself, living for the nights. "Draco!" I almost shouted.

Where was my will to find him? I needed him, to find him, so he could show me love after all of the events. My hands were scratching at my legs, leaving great red marks from pure longing. How could I, Hermione Granger, famous bookworm who lived in the library, ended up through a chain of events, in a hot bath, almost sobbing because I needed Draco?

Show me love, show me love, show me love, show me love, show me love, 'till I'm screaming for more!

"Draco!" I screamed now, here and now, simply a collection of thoughts, frustration, agony and sadness.

"Hermione?" Harry knocked on the door. I rocked again, mumbling something.

"Hermione, are you okay?"

Was I okay! How stupid. I didn't even reply to that, rocking more in the water, Draco was always on my mind, always in my head. I'd wait night after night if I had to! No lights, only shadows. Harry had said he really knew me, he wasn't afraid to say it, but he didn't know the torment in my mind right now. Was it lies? No way.

"Hermione!" He hit the door hard, but I'd locked it, the Muggle way.

Harry was worried about me, he was slowly starting to panic, wondering what was happening, wondering if I'd harmed myself, or indeed drowned myself.

I knew all of this, but still, I did not care. I needed so much to feel the cleansing water flow over myself, to know the biting heat wash away my dirt, my grime, and everything that had built up after the argument, and it was all inside. I felt dirty from all my contact with this world, and tired, so tired. Draco made me feel so fine. The rhythm in my heart was painful. I'd wake up, and live my nightmare endlessly: without Him.

Feels like, there's no way back!

"Hermione, if you don't answer me in thirty seconds, I'm breaking down the door!" Harry pleaded and threatened at the same time. Would he really do it? That was the question.

Show me love, show me love, give me all that I want…

I patiently counted down. Show me love, show me love. Show me love, show me love.

I remembered laughter. I remembered good times. Banter. Witty conversations. I remembered love. I remembered it all, whilst entirely forgetting Harry was about to bring down the door. My weeping; who could tell where it would fall?

I had a cross I needed to bear. An emergency for Harry.

The door began to rattle and my eyes fluttered open. Could he see me now? Could he see?

Music permeated the air, and Russian accents attacked my ears, making me hear the music, and I couldn't hold on, I had secrets now, that I wouldn't share.

"I'm coming in now, Hermione!" he warned. Give it five seconds.

I lay there, on my side, away from him, as a simple magical charm gave him access to a very distant, very naked, very frustrated Hermione.

"Oh shi—Hermione! Hermione, talk to me!"

I can imagine the music.

Can you see me? Can you see me now? Can you see?
And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed…
Mama, papa, prosti!
Ya soshla, s uma!
I will forget my dreams, nothing is what it seems, I will affect you, I will protect you, from all the crazy schemes…

"Hermione!" I can tell he doesn't want to touch me. Just the wariness of his eyes, shielded behind the concern.

The water, still burning perfectly, vanished, and Harry chucks a towel over my body, averting his eyes.

He wraps it over the bits he isn't supposed to see, and makes me sit up. I glare at him. Despite everything, he looks guilty.

"I was worried!" he insists.
"I was going to answer you." I lie.
"Yeah, sure. If you were going to answer me, then Dumbledore's gay."
"Dumbledore is gay."
"Well, that's not the point! Let me see your wrists."
"Um…why?"

He seizes my wrists, which are normal, a flesh colour, and you can see the veins if you press them gently.

There are no slashes. Duh.

"Happy now?"
"Look, come here." He sighs at me, and so I step carefully out of the bath and he waves his wand. I'm suddenly in pyjamas, and slippers too. I don't question it, but Harry pulls me gently onto my bed and looks deep into my eyes.

"Hermione, I know just the thing. I know what you're going through."
"Do you? Do you really?" I retort.
"Yeah, I do, actually. It's Draco, and, well.." he coughed, self consciously. "You ah, you want him."

I stare.

But that's not all. "I know how I can help."

Oh God.