Van Helsing Parody! Part 8
heyy i am sorry that i havent updated in a while... come on I have a life, social life, family stuff... WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME? Lolz i am just kidding seriously... I AM DEAD SERIOUS! lolz to refresh your memory, Van Helsing,Carl, and Anna has just made it to Castle Dracula and Anna is still denying the fact that she had a secret affair with someone at the All Hallows Eve ball...we all know who she had it with...the dude with the fangs..GAH! How could i make it more obvious to you pplz! ughhh... i want SOUR PATCH KIDS! Well, getting off-topic.. well this is the moment you have all been waiting for...the LAST SUPPER! 0.O sorry got all bibical for a moment...lolz dont listen to this hyperventialting authoress that rocks back and forth in her purple room asking for cookies or she'll threaten you that she'll stick a butterknife up your #!*% ...0.o well review my loves...enjoy..and dont forget to read about me and MissHaileeR's adventure!
Van Helsing: *hums as he chops up carrots* lalalallalala.. I am gonna eat me some vamp-chow...chachacha..you know, I have always wanted to do this...REDDD ROBIINN!
Dracula: Seriously?
Van Helsing: Aw, come on...why be a party pooper... you are supposed to say 'yum'...or else..
Dracula: Or else what?
Van Helsing: I will burn your recent copy of Playboy magazine and chuckle with glee!
Dracula: NOOO Anything but that!
Van Helsing: Alright then...REDDD ROBINNN!
Dracula: *unenthusiastically* Yum...
Van Helsing: Hey... you need to be more jolly next time...here have a snack! *sticks apple into Dracula's mouth*
Dracula: *muffles* aghh stupid Van Helsing..
Meanwhile..
Anna: Go ahead...grab it..
Carl: No, you grab it...one thing I know for sure is not to be the first to put your hand in a viscous material..
Aleera:*does some funky impersonation of Predator* GRRRR...
Carl: Woah, i think i just soiled myself..
Anna: Yuck...
Aleera: Did I scare you?
Carl: #!*% yeah! and phew, when is the last time that you ever brushed your teeth..
Aleera: I think a week ago..
Anna: Talk about feminime care...
Aleera: Shut up...at least i..uh...yeah I got nothing..
Carl: You know it smells like beef jerky in here...
Anna: Yeah thats because of all that corn beef you ate at the ball..
Carl: Oh yeah..I remember
Aleera: I have a feeling that something is gonna happen to me tonight..
Anna: To come to think of it...i think you are right... *pushes glass to Aleera*
Aleera: OWWWWW!
Carl: Viscous material, what did i tell you?
Anna: Why dont you get the stupid antidote already?
Carl: Ok! Geez relax...PMS
Anna: What was that?
Carl: Nothing..
Anna: Thought so...
(Both Anna and Carl are about to leave, but Aleera stops Anna)
Aleera: I didnt say you can go...
Anna: Umm well i gave my self permission to go...so see ya!
Aleera: Dont act smart with me you little...little... tramp!
Anna: Thats all you can think of?
Aleera: Come on it was last minute... Please don't judge me...
Anna: Yeah...because i would totally be your friend...
Aleera: Really?
Anna: I was being sarcastic...
Aleera: I knew that... *throws Anna across the room*
Dracula: Gabriel lets be rational about this...i mean I taste disgusting...ughhh just all that blood mixed together tastes soo icky...
Van Helsing: Were you saying something? I was thinking about using your arms as a taco..
Dracula: Are you out of your mind? out of all my brides, you choose me to eat... why?
Van Helsing: Well, think about it, you are juicy and you seem well...scrumptious...
Dracula: I hate werewolves...they are always so hungry..
Van Helsing: Oh shush...you are just saying that because you dont get to have the meal of your lifetime...
Dracula: I want to ask..just one more time... please..please dont eat me...
Van Helsing: I am not listening...
Dracula: I hate you
Van Helsing: Hmm...i need extra garlic..
Dracula: Wait...garlic?
Van Helsing: Yup..i love me some extra garlic..
Dracula; GARLIC? THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER!
Van Helsing: Ahh this is the best day ever... *pulls out garlic..gets near the Count* Alright stick them in...
Dracula: Huh? *holds his breath from the garlic stench*
Van Helsing: Stuff them garlic in your shirt...
Dracula: How am i supposed to that? I am TIED UP!
Van Helsing: Gee, ..ill do it myself..
Dracula: I got an insanely better idea *evil grin*
Van Helsing: what is it now?
Dracula: Untie me..and i will stuff the garlic in myself...i feel uncomfortable having a man touch me..
Van Helsing: Okie dokie*unties Dracula*
Dracula: Aha! Freedom! I tricked you! how stupid are you?
Van Helsing: *pulls lever,bunch of chains wrap around Dracula* Now, this is why you gotta be prepared...now who is tricked now?
Dracula: Son of a...
Anna: Oww... I am gonna be sore in the morning..
Aleera: Yes because i am so incredibly EVIL! Mwahahhaa
Anna: oh boohoo I surrender...i am so scared *sarcasm*
Aleera: There are those times where i hate you so much that i picture you hung in my closet dead, while i hit you like if you were a mexican pinata..
Anna: o.0 I think that it would be best to keep those thoughts to yourself..
Aleera: I know...my levels of insanity tends to overlap the sane part of me..
Anna: I think that happens more often than you think...
Aleera: #!*% ! I forgot my medication!
Anna: No wonder...
Aleera: Ill kill you!
Anna: *pops out a silver stake, stabs into Aleera* I guess saying and doing it is not on your list...
Aleera: I saw that coming *dies*
Anna: Finally!
Carl: What a relief!
Anna: I thought you were gonna get the cure to Van Helsing...
Carl: I just had to go to the restroom...
Anna: ugghh CARL!
Carl: Sorry...
Dracula: I hate my life...I am afraid i have lost my mind...the wall is my new friend..How ridiculous is that?
Van Helsing: Alright, ovens warm...and ready to go!Vamps tenderized and...
Anna: Whats going on here?
Carl: It smells like chinese food in here..
Dracula: I know right..
Van Helsing: Have you come to eat dinner?
Anna: Uhmm no..I am afraid that i already ate before we got here
Carl: *randomly* I wish that the whole world was made out of bacon...
Van Helsing: *gasps* That would be terrible!
Carl: Why?
Van Helsing: I am Jewish...
Anna: You're Jewish?
Van Helsing: Yup...
Dracula: For the love of GOD! *screeches as his skin sizzles* I forgot that i cant say that name!
Anna: Stupid...
Van Helsing: Oh no! the food is gonna spoil.. now it smells burnt...Oh wait thats a good thing...its COOKING!
Dracula: Ugghh...I hate the world... *pats the smoke out of torso* Phew..i felt like I worked out for 3 hours!
Anna: I bet...
Carl: Mhmm.. maybe i can go for some vamp meat..
Dracula: WHAT?
Van Helsing: Alright! how about you Anna?
Anna: Like I said before...I already ate... and I am not a cannibal
Van Helsing: Awww...you suck...
Anna: Besides...would you really want Dracula inside you?
Carl: You know what, Van Helsing, I think shes right...wouldnt that be awkward..
Van Helsing: Pshhh if he's dead, he's cooked, and burned, he aint gonna be possessing you or anything...
Dracula: I dont enjoy people talking about me...
Anna: People talk about you all the time...crappy stuff..
Dracula: Especially you...all the time...
Carl: Yeah she does...like all the time.. she loves talking about you..
Van Helsing: About how she hates your guts...and sometimes slips in the handsome part..
Carl: Wait, i didnt notice that...
Anna: *feels that she wants to kill herself*
Dracula: Really? How interesting *grins at Anna*
Anna: Oh lord... when can Tweddle Dee and Dumm keep their mouths shut?
Van Helsing: Who are those nicompoops?
Dracula: *shrugs chains off* Wow how ignorant are you?
Van Helsing: Thank you
Carl: Van Helsing, you do know that he meant stupid, right?
Van Helsing: Who? Wait, wheres the food?
Anna: I am pretty sure he is standing merely five feet across from you and is dressed all in black...
Van Helsing: *sees a Dwerger five feet across him* Oh yumm!
Dwerger: Huh?
Anna: *slaps hand on forehead* Not there!
Van Helsing: *throws Dwerger in pot* Making some delicious turkey! *stirs pot*
Dracula: Well, there goes another dwerger..
Anna: Poor dwerger..
Carl: May he rest in peace
Van Helsing: Yummm it tastes like guacamole!
Dracula: *dials cell-phone* Yeah, Bob? Interview Jim...
Dwerger(Bob): What? JIM? No one likes Jim...he throws the worse...
Dracula: JUST BRING ME THE LITTLE TWERP! *hangs up*
Anna and Carl: o.0
Dracula: Business call...
Van Helsing: I have the feeling that I am missing something..
Carl: And what would that be?
Van Helsing: Dracula is still here..
Dracula: I have been here for the last hour.. Was i invincible or something?
Van Helsing: oh hi Draconut..
Dracula: Oh gee..
Van Helsing: Get in the pot..
Dracula: No..
Van Helsing: Get in the pot..
Dracula: NO!
Van Helsing: GET IN THE DANG POT! ohh SQUIRREL!
Carl: I am going to #!*% for this... *shoots Van Helsing*
Anna and Dracula: O.O
Carl: I definately needed to get that off my chest...
Anna: I am gonna hate myself for saying this...THANK GOD HE'S GONE!
Carl: Yup...
Dracula: what kind of friends are you?
Anna: who says that we were ever friends with Van Helsing?
Dracula: Well... i just thought that..
cubanagurl: CUTTTT!
Anna: what now?
cubanagurl: Carl, what did you do?
Carl: I am sorry...I..
cubanagurl: YOU ARE AWESOME!
Carl: wait what?
cubanagurl: You just got a promotion...
Anna: Why does he get a promotion..
cubanagurl: He did something none of you accomplished...
Dracula: And that is...
cubanagurl: he killed Van helsing...
Carl: But i didnt mean to..he was just soo annoying...
Anna: I wish I killed him...
Dracula: Me too.
cubanagurl: No need to worry friends...I am gonna give everybody a treat..we are going to STARBUCKS!
Anna,Carl,and Dracula: YAY!
(cubanagurl and the two characters leave...Van Helsing stays bleeding and weak)
Van Helsing: Hey...where ya goin? I am still here...bleeding...weak...ughh...OH SQUIRRELS!
THE END
I hope you liked the parody...stay tuned for the credits!
Van Helsing: Hugh Jackman
Anna Valerious: Kate Beckinsale
Carl: David Wenham
Dracula: Richard Roxburgh
Gravedigger: I forgot!
Midgit: You'll never know...
Aleera: Elena anya
Marishka: Josie Maran
Verona: Silvia colloca
babies: Gremlins...
Villagers: Random pplz
THANKSS FOR READINGGGG
Special thanks to Starzilla for helping me with a suggestion...Veronagrrl for inspiring me to write, MissHaileeR for helping me and suggestioning the random Carl bits...
AND TO ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED MY STORY... THANKS FOR BELIEVING IN ME
I DO NOT OWN VAN HELSING OR THE CHARACTERS..THEY STRICTLY BELONG TO STEPHEN SOMMERS AND TO UNIVERSAL PICTURES..
I love you guys...and REVIEW.. or my dreams will be crushed! lolz- cubanagurl 33