I've finally worked out a time I can keep this fanfic going. I am free 1pm-2.30pm Friday afties at college and I can write fics then and type em up, yaay! Anyway, it gets worrying here, are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

I'd fallen asleep as he headed for a shiny sword because Snape sent a Patronus which by the way was a doe because he was in love with Lily awww. I'd had a dreamless sleep, thank wizard god. When I woke, Ron had joined Harry. They were soaking wet and obviously freezing, but grinning. That wasn't going to stop me from chucking leaves at Ron and calling him an arse though.

"Hermione, it's not you, it's me." Ron moved towards me slowly.
"Wait, what?" I stopped, dropping my icy snowball to the ground, where it collapsed into crumbly slush. I raised my eyebrows. We had never been together.
"I was going to be there for you after Draco, but there's uh, there's somebody else." He mumbled, staring at the ground.

"Are you indeed the son and the heir of a guilt that is criminally vulgar because to be honest you look very bloody guilty right now Ronald."
His face looked up at me, rosy from the cold.

"I shall quote you Hermione, to explain. I am human, and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does."

Then Harry glanced at Ron in a way I hadn't ever seen before.
OH.
Oh.
Oh my god, was Ron coming out?
Was Harry? Was the universe collapsing? Maybe somebody else was in control. The way it's supposed to go is Ron ends up with me, and Harry marries Ginny and has kids. But it was almost like a sadistic teenage girl had taken this into her own hands. Then, that made me wonder who I would end up with.

I looked the two of them up and down. Ron was wearing skin tight jeans and Harry's heart was indeed racing. And they were holding hands. I should probably just confirm this, do my uh, research. I am after all, Hermione Granger. "Guys, could you tell me your sexuality by any chance?" I asked.

"Bi curious." They both chorused, beaming, utterly beaming.

No big secret left unspoken, then. Then they asked me the same question. "Heterosexual!" I sang in the campest way ever.

"I'm sorry Hermione." Ron took my hand.

"Look, guys, I've got to be blunt here. I was never going to go out with either of you. You're my best friends. Harry, when you found out Cedric was taking Cho to the Yule Ball you cried and you were in the bath. Ron? You just remind me of Rick Astley! It's the ginger in you."

Shall I try again? Draco pops the question.
No, don't. Bad idea. Blaise mutters, exhausted.
Oh come on guys, don't give up. Luna chastises.

And that is when Harry conjured a microphone for Ron and a keyboard for himself out of nowhere.

"We're no strangers to love…you know the rules and so do I!" Ron started. I began to feel feverish. Wings and haloes, five to seven…

"I'm never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around, and
Desert you!" Ron belted.

I had a different song in my head however. Nowhere to turn, no one to help, it's almost like I don't even know myself…he loves me, he loves me, he loves me not, me not…

Was it too late? We used to love one another. I found myself sprawled over a black plush sofa, with green and silver hangings all over the place. I was even in green pyjamas. My bedsocks had little snakes on them. I bet Blaise did that. Sure enough he was grinning, proud of his handiwork. Draco reaches into his pocket. Marlboro. "Aww, you're not addicted to something Muggle are you dear Draco?" Blaise teased.

"HA!" I leapt up without a thought, and rummaged in Blaise's bag. Luna asked Malfoy the mentalist who fucks with my head, "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?"

"You have no idea," He closed his eyes, stretched and his top lifted. Blaise poked him. "Allo, allo!" I smirked, finding some Smirnoff Triple Filtered.
"Nein!" Blaise shouted, embarrassed.

"Pochemu?" Draco asked in a droll voice.
" Parceque il n'est heureux pas. Tout le monde boire ?'' Luna suggested with the perfect accent.

'Why are we all now speaking in different languages?" I said, astounded.
They all rounded on me, equally shocked. "You started it!" the trio shouted.

"So, the word we're looking for here is, anyway…"

Soon enough, Draco had lit up a couple, one for him and Blaise, he didn't want me smoking. Vodka mixed with pumpkin juice. We talked utter bullshit, drunken logic.

"They say money talks but it never answers me." Luna admitted in a hushed voice.
"Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian." Blaise says.
Silence.
"Did I say that out loud?"

Draco laughs, "Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I'll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself."

I sing, "Fine, fresh, fierce, I got it on lock!"
"Sing Hermione!"
"Ha, how about no."
"It's not hard!" Luna says, and then of course, the boys have to shout, "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and high five.

"Does this exist? Any of this? Cause I'm not so sure. Has a sadistic teenage girl written what I'm going to say just before I say it? Is someone controlling my mind?"
I'm confused all of a sudden, with a heavy head. Then, suddenly Draco's face goes utterly blank and innocent.

Well then.

"I have lost my mind." I sigh. "Draco, I uh, need a hand with um, something." I suggest which makes Blaise snort but I swear Luna can read my mind and she whispers in my ear, "I'll miss you. I'll see you soon though."

Then I'm in the boys' bedroom. Just me and Draco.
Sudden déjà vu.

"I should have known you were messing with my mind. Oh, I know what's going on." I snarled, looking right at him, so he was pressed right into the wall.

"What? Hermione, you drank too much."
"Don't you dare patronise me you self absorbed git. You could have killed me! Or was that the plan? I bet it bloody was. Why did I listen to myself and not Harry and Ron? I'm certainly not the brightest witch of my time or anything. Those two are much smarter than me. I should have known when you poisoned Ron. This is just like then. Yes, it was for Dumbledore, but Dumbledore is dead now, anyway isn't he Draco? You were there!" Shouting wildly.

I go to hit him but he catches me so I writhe furiously in his grasp, kicking out.

"Don't you like escaping here?" he demands.
"Not if you're being a twat and making me dream without me knowing! I thought I was going insane! You have no idea what it's been like—"
"NO idea? You completely heartless bitch, remember I have the Mark?" he yells hysterically and shoves it in my face. "I was chosen!" he says sarcastically, "This is my moment! Ha, don't bother killing me or using Crucio, it's not like I'm not used to it if I put one foot wrong, I've been made to do that thing!"

In the beginning, it was the profanity that made an immediate impact. It was so vehement and prolific. Every other word was either Cunt, Bastard, Wanker, and then he called me a whore.

"HA! Bullshit. Dickhead, you seemed to like it when we were having sex!" I screamed at him, and then that's when I kicked him. Hard.

I had a punctured heart; he had beaten lungs as he lay on the ground. Tears stuck to his face. He wasn't crying. The tears had been beaten out of him. He was the crazy one who had created inception and mindlessly rebelled against the Death Eaters. I was the clever one without the knowledge. I'd said it before and I'd say it again, Draco Malfoy at face value, was your typical teen bullshit artist. And I was not going to stand for it. I would leave him be now. I kicked him as he laid there, the two sides.

Inter house co operation, ha. No. In the end we were just too different. I was the heartless one, staring at the tearful boy on the floor who had met his match. One of us would live and one of us would die. He was scared but he still had the Mark. He would still fight against us. He'd fight for death, we'd fight for life. I was deprived of all emotion, like a robot, but I wouldn't tell anyone, and he mouthed, "How did we get here?"

"Did you actually believe, were you truly stupid enough to believe that you stood a chance against us? We will beat you Malfoy, make no mistake about that, you pathetic little boy. You say we should be truthful to each other. Well, all I can say to that is why the hell not? Why not tell the truth? Otherwise there's no bloody point really, is there? Trust. Well, this is me being truthful. I can't do this Malfoy, I can't. It was never going to work, was it? You can't do this in real life."

"You can do anything when it's not real. When it is real, nothing breaks your fall. Nothing gets between you and the ground." His voice rasps.

Robot, robot, robot. I wanted to ask him how the same boy could be so ugly and so glorious, and his personality so damning and brilliant. "We shall not meet again. Goodbye, Malfoy." I say. Then the words How did I get here? Spring to mind. Then I get the 'kick'.

I'm awake, and Harry and Ron are sharing a tiny bunk together.

I think they might be holding hands.

I am a robot. Nobody, never, will understand anything. Robot, robot, robot, I love you, we wanted it so much. I love being a robot. The sky is gleaming. The stars are shining. The moon is rippled with its silver dents. Why was I with him?

Robot, robot, robot.

Oo er guys. Could this be the end of Draco and Hermione…dare I say it…for ever? Well, let's keep hoping, but you never know. Since Harry will accidentally say Voldie's name soon, we'll see what's occurin'. Plus I am still loving t.A.T.u. obviously. Plus Laura (LemonCheese) and I were chatting about AVPS a few weeks ago and the Scarf of Sexual preference sitch and I just thought, what if Ron was bi? Clearly I extended that a tad, but I thought hey, we've got Luna/Blaise and Draco/Hermione, let's slip another in there, a man on man one yaaaay. Anyway, let me know what you think and predict what happens next. Anyway, that's what you missed, on Friend or Foe. Lemme know. Meg xxx