My Hero

Chapter Four

Carlisle's POV

The day had been an extremely long one and I sat at my desk, mindlessly filling in some paperwork and desperately trying to focus on my task. It was difficult, though, with Bella on my mind all the time. I felt extreme guilt burn through me but, deep down, I also felt the need to see her face again. To hear her voice, see her wonderful brown eyes; I wanted her to be pleased to see me...

I shook my head forcibly and reminded myself why such thoughts were forbidden. If I saw her again, I'd probably end up hurting her; that would break me apart. And I had a wife and family. Surely they were more important?

After wasting my efforts at concentration, I placed my pen down on the desk with considerable force and exhaled heavily. This was all becoming very difficult.

Earlier, I had tried to reschedule my appointments and working hours after what had happened, but the receptionist had politely told me that it was impossible. I had managed to compose my face at that moment and somehow smiled at her, but when I headed back to my office I felt all my disgust and anger at myself boil over.

There hadn't been this much on my mind for decades. It was disorientating, distracting and...

I half wanted somebody to erase my thoughts and memories. But then, the idea of forgetting Bella was oddly painful.

Snapping out of that idea, I glanced at the clock; luckily, my shift was over. Maybe it'd be good to get out of here. Going home to my family could put everything into perspective.

When I shut the office door, I was a fraction more optimistic.

Bella's POV

Maybe I just shouldn't talk to anyone at all. I never knew I had such an effect on people. Perhaps my behaviour was the reason why Mark... I sighed, my thoughts trailing off.

No. That was ridiculous.

As I travelled down the busy road in my truck (which Mark had strangely dropped off at the hospital; perhaps he didn't want to see my face or something like that), I noticed a fairly large queue of cars forming ahead, and I groaned heavily. A traffic jam – just what I needed.

My truck ground to a halt and I flicked on my radio out of frustration. A familiar, soothing song began playing and I felt my tense body relax. I sunk back against the chair and waited for the cars to clear, carefully shielding my thoughts from Dr Cullen. I couldn't form a strong enough wall, though, for it soon began to crumble and his face began flooding back into my mind. Did he really think of me as a bad person? Maybe he'd just gotten a bad impression of me. Surely that could be corrected?

I closed my eyes and longed for the traffic to disappear.

-MH-

Half an hour later and I was, ridiculously, only a few more metres from the hospital. This was enough to make anybody's blood boil. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, my nails digging into the tough fabric, and glanced at the other cars travelling down the driveway; I felt sorry for them having to enter this blockage.

The frustration slowly disappeared and became replaced with gradual fear as some realisation kicked in; Mark didn't like it when I was late home...

My cheek prickled and I touched my cheek instinctively; it was still sore and tender. I sighed and looked out of the window, completely and utterly bored, mixed together with a bundle of anxiety. I wanted to slip away to sleep and escape from what was happening, but it was that moment when I saw the sleek black Mercedes which contained a very pale Dr Cullen pulling up opposite me.

My heart hammered instinctively and I looked away jerkily, half relieved with being able to see him and half desperately wishing to move forward.

Carlisle's POV

As I headed out of the hospital, clutching my bag of work which I had to finish at home, I noticed a large traffic jam forming outside of the grounds. I sighed heavily and considered running home, but I did need the time to think, and I didn't particular like leaving my car in the hospital, so I dismissed the idea quickly.

I dumped my paperwork carelessly into the back seat and sat down, starting up the engine. I edged out of the driveway and progressed slowly forward, my eyes staring forward all the time but my thoughts journeying several miles away.

I looked up after a slow twenty minutes and my thoughts cleared with sudden shock; in her familiar truck ahead of me was Bella Swan.

Please no...

I felt a strange pleasure that I wanted to ignore as I edged my car forward and stopped it on the opposite lane to her. She was inches away from me in her truck and I was failing to control the urge to look at her.

I watched as she began rubbing her cheek and I looked down guiltily – it seemed like I couldn't avoid the pain I had caused her. I began staring at my hands, willing my eyes to stay away from hers. I didn't last very long, though, and my eyes were dragged towards hers and we locked eye contact for a long moment. My body became completely tense and absorbed.

Her face seemed troubled again, like it always was, and I looked away, startled by the intensity and guilt. I pretended to gaze ahead, trying to ignore the uncontrollable desire to look in her direction.

This was almost unbearable.

Bella's POV

We stared at each other for a time that I couldn't even begin to measure; my mind was too preoccupied to think of anything but him. He looked back at me, his face full of a strangely sad and regretful expression, and he instantly glanced ahead, leaving me unsatisfied. I wanted him to keep looking at me... this irrational thought shocked me and my mind flickered back to Mark and his fist connecting with my jaw. What would he say if he knew my feelings? Worse still, what would he do?

I shuddered and moved my own gaze forward, trying to ignore the beautiful man inches away from me.

Carlisle's POV

I stared ahead for a long while, but my eyes were pulled back eventually, landing once more on her glorious face. To my despair, she was looking away this time, and a wave of frustration flew through me. I knew I should be trying to avoid her, but this experience had made me realise that I couldn't. Considering everything that had happened in the past few minutes; the aching and longing to be near her, the need to see her eyes on mine, I suddenly knew I couldn't function without her.

I didn't even know her yet; I've hardly spoken to her... why was that? Maybe I should try and get to know her and-

But then my feelings would escalate and grow out of control; I knew that.

I thought back to Esme and realised that she'd be waiting worriedly for me. I felt my face fall and sighed heavily; I couldn't let my children down because of my ridiculous feelings. Then again, they weren't ridiculous; Bella Swan was something special.

I groaned internally; my thoughts were flowing in endless circles. I was making decisions, convincing myself that I was right and then feeling guilty again, changing my mind. It was enough to drive me insane.

I stole another glance at her and watched as she peeked casually at me from the corner of her eye. Well, at least that's what I thought I saw. Maybe I was imagining it... but when I saw her cheeks flush a beautiful pink, I knew that it was real and I smiled, but watched unhappily as her eyes darted away again. Even though she did that, the brief moment when her eyes had landed on mine pushed away my troubles and worries. I longed for it to happen again.

The traffic ahead suddenly disappeared and I unwillingly drove past, glancing back subtly in the mirrors as she grew smaller behind me.

Bella's POV

Dr Cullen was most definitely ignoring me; once the traffic dissolved, he drove ahead speedily, leaving me behind in the jam. I watched as his wonderful car became a black dot in the distance and eventually disappeared. My heart involuntarily throbbed and I felt alone all over again.

The cars eventually dispersed around me and I drove forward, heading back home with my heart hammering nervously all the way.

All of me hoped this wouldn't become a daily routine.

I quietly closed the door behind me and tried to sneak upstairs to get some rest; I was completely exhausted from a tough day and really needed sleep. More than that, I longed for the escape.

Just as I thought I was safe, though, my foot landed on the one creaky step and the sound echoed throughout the quiet house, betraying me. A few seconds later, Mark's booming voice filled my ears.

"Bella?" he said in a taunting voice. "Get in here, now."

It was best to do as he said, so I turned obediently on the stairs, nearly losing my balance and tumbling down to the bottom. My arms shook against my sides as I walked slowly downwards and opened the door to face him. He looked even more terrifying than this morning, if that were really possible.

"You're late," he stated, and I remained frozen. His lips curled into a horrific smile.

"You know I hate it when you're late home..." His fingertips trailed along my neck and I held my breath, waiting for the moment they would tighten. "Don't you?"

I nodded frantically, close to begging him. "I-"

"Ssh." His clammy hand moved to cover my mouth and I stifled a cry. "Don't you say another word."

I could feel him staring at me but kept my eyes off his, afraid of the evil I might see.

"Tell you what, get upstairs," he ordered. I didn't move. Couldn't move. "Now."

He pulled me up with him when he saw that I was still and I hated his urgency.

Please, please don't hurt me.

Carlisle's POV

"Hi Dad!"

I was greeted by Alice, our youngest adopted child, as I stepped through the doorway, and a smile somehow returned to my face as she hugged me. It soon disappeared as everyone else came to join me, including Esme, and I hoped she didn't notice how rigid I'd become.

"Hello," I replied quietly, looking at the floor and scanning the wood. I walked over to the sofa and sat down, with everyone following after me.

"How was your day?" Esme asked caringly; I avoided eye contact with her out of guilt.

"A bit stressful," I sighed, closing my eyes. It was the truth. I felt her arm on my shoulder and I winced away involuntarily, something I was doing a lot lately. I hoped no one would be too observant.

I opened my eyes after a while and everyone around us had disappeared, resuming their own activities. I sighed with relief; they were apparently oblivious to my actions.

Esme held me closer and I sat stiffly, trying to think of an excuse to leave. Any excuse.

What was I turning into?

However, she suddenly began talking to me in a cautious, quiet tone. I began to wonder if there was another reason for everyone's departure; perhaps for some privacy? Some time alone to talk?

"Carlisle?" she asked in a low voice. I reluctantly turned to face her and the look in her golden eyes made me panic; she looked very troubled, probably a reflection of my own face.

I thought of Bella.

"Carlisle?" she repeated, in a harder tone. "Is something... bothering you?"

It struck me how observant she was after all. Then again, my actions must have been very obvious and clear. It was too difficult to conceal everything constantly.

"What makes you think that?" I asked after a long pause, avoiding the question.

She shrugged. "You just don't seem very happy of late..."

I contemplated telling her the truth at that precise moment. It would remove myself out of my misery...

But then Esme would be heartbroken and what it would do to my family? It would be completely selfish and everybody would be affected. My thoughts froze with indecision.

I had already been lying to her, though, more lies couldn't hurt, surely? Then again, I was being incredibly disrespectful treating her like this...

I sighed in desperation. Should I tell her the shameful truth, or lie once more? Unsure of what to do, I took another deep breath and waited for the right words to flow out.