Naruto Returns to RAW
By: DMEX
Nothing is mine! I'm not looking for a lawsuit and be sued by Harvey Birdman
-Backstage Hallway-
Sasuke: Where's Naruto?
Sakura: Wasn't he with you?
Sasuke: I thought he was with you.
Sakura: He better not be doing what I think he's doing!
-Green Room-
Edge and Naruto are reading Vickie's Diary that she "inadvertently" left back on Friday Night Smackdown!
Naruto: I can't believe this! Listen what she wrote about me…!
Edge: Can't be worse than what she wrote about me…?
Naruto: "Nayruto and his stupid friend/my ex Edge spray painted my car with vandalism and put an embarrassing photo of me on the car. But my boyfriend showed Nayruto and hit him with the Zig Zag. But as for Edge, I'm going to save my wrath for him next Friday on Smackdown…"
Edge: I never did trust her…!
Naruto: And she didn't even write my name right!
Edge: I think we stumbled upon something, keep reading!
Naruto: I will, but first I make sure the coast is clear.
(Naruto opens the door a little bit, pokes his head out the door, looks both ways and then shuts the door)
Naruto: I think we're still good.
*: Good on what, Naruto?
Naruto: Kakashi-Sensei? When did you get in here!
Kakashi: Is there something you'd like to share?
(Takes the diary and reads the last page)
Kakashi: Well this is interesting… Boys you've discovered some juicy information!
Edge: No kidding!
Naruto: Are we gonna blackmail her!
Kakashi: Yes, in a way… And boys; in the event Vickie wants to kill you, I'm not responsible for what happens and I saw nothing.
(cartoon clonk is heard as "Screwed" appears and Naruto and Edge have the Anime version of "We're Screwed" look on their faces)
-RAW ZONE-
Cole: How cruel can Edge and Naruto be…?
King: Are you kidding Cole; Vickie's got it coming!
Cole: Oh how convenient! You're even dressing like Naruto!
King: What can I say, I'm a Narutard!
Cole: He's worse than Hercule!
Vickie: EXCUSE ME!
(crowd boos intensely)
Vickie: EXCUSE ME!
King: I can't wait!
Vickie: NARUTO AND EDGE! GET OUT HERE AND BRING MY DIARY!
Cole: You tell 'em Vickie! Tell 'em like it is!
R*O*C*K*S blares on the arena and the crowd is on their feet for Naruto and Edge
Naruto: Why do you want it anyway? It's not like there's some secret in it that could embarrass or ruin you forever?
Edge: He's got a point. What's in it for us?
Vickie (tearfully): I'll do anything you want! ANYTHING! Just give me back my diary!
(Edge and Naruto glare at each other with sinister grins on their faces, crowd starts cheering)
Cole: C'mon Vickie, don't lower yourself to this trash!
Naruto: Okay, Vickie; first your strip into your underwear!
(Crowd "ooh's!")
Vickie: NO!
Edge: You said and I quote: "I'll do anything you want!"
Cole: Smart-ass!
(undresses down to her bra and panties)
Edge: That wasn't so hard was it?
(Crowd cheers as crowd turns chibi and chibi flags with Naruto's face pop up everywhere)
Meanwhile, Sasuke and Sakura are watching from the monitor in the catering area
Sasuke: It's official, Naruto has taken an interest in blackmailing.
Sakura: He read her diary! A woman's second most precious thing!
Sasuke: I thought your hair was the second?
Sasuke: If it has anything to do with CM Asshole!
Sasuke: Then what's the first?
Sakura (embarrassed): We're not going to get into that, now…
Sasuke: Hopefully Naruto won't take it too far…
Sakura: If I know Naruto, he'll make her cry.
Sasuke: Good, she deserves it. After what she wrote about me…
Sakura (shocked): SASUKE! YOU DIDN'T!
Sasuke: I'm betting you want to know what she wrote about you…
Sakura: Really?
(pans to the hallway for 10 seconds then Sakura scream in anger)
Sakura (angry): THAT BITCH! I'LL KILL HER!
Demon Sakura (Extremely Angry): I'LL TEAR HER APART! CHA!
-Back in the RAW Zone-
King: Let her have it!
(Lights go off for a moment. Undertaker's Death March (Attitude Era mix) blares as the lights turn back on and Gaara has Dolph Ziggler in his signature Sand Coffin)
Cole: Don't do it!
Gaara: SAND COFFIN!
(The sickening thud is heard as the crowd cheers, Gaara had already dealt with Layla and the mystery GM)
Cole: YOU BASTARD! YOU CAN'T-
(Gaara puts Cole in the Sand Coffin but through the announcer Table)
Gaara: SAND COFFIN!
(the thud is heard the crowd cheers more even King is happy)
Vickie: YOU SON OF A-
Gaara: Shut up or I'll kill you…
Vickie: Don't kill me-
Gaara: Then shut up! And forget the person behind the scenes, they can't help you now! I dealt with "him" already!
Naruto: Are you out of you mind Gaara?
Edge: I didn't do any of this!
-Catering Area-
Kakashi: Did I miss something?
Sasuke: Once again, Naruto inadvertently cause anarchy.
Kakashi: Really? Let me take a look.
(Sees the destruction that Gaara did)
Kakashi: It might be a long time before we're allowed to come back…
Kakashi (thinking): Not to mention how Vince will chew me out for this later.
-Kohona, 4 days later-
Naruto: Edge! We made the front page of the Kohona Newspaper!
Edge: Let me see that!
Naruto Uzumaki and WWE Superstar Edge Uncover Corruption in WWE.
Monday Night RAW in Anarchy.
Konahamaru: WOW BOSS! You really destroyed that loud mouthed bitch Vickie!
Naruto: Wasn't just me, Edge helped.
Konahamaru: Can I have your autograph Edge? Besides Naruto, you're my biggest role model!
Edge: Sure why not?
After everything was said and done, that Monday Night RAW was all good, despite the War Zone. Oh, and Vickie? Well, Vince and Kakashi decided to have her fired and Vickie was forced to undergo Kakashi's Secret-Do-It-Yourself Torture Training
END!