This is a funny little mishmash. Its not exactly what I set out to write but it just ended up this way! Serena's softer, and Olivia is… well… Olivia (FTVW, I do believe the word is 'stroppy') and this is 'Sunshine' thanks to a prompt from Emily92.

Note - Could be slightly triggering in places.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

Sunshine

If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm - Frank Lane

The last time she'd been this terrified was when he raped her. Brutalised her. When he'd held her by the throat and forced himself inside her. Quite literally actually, given her current predicament.

But this, she had to keep telling herself, wasn't like that. That was something that should be frightening. This wasn't. This was just a small hurdle towards something wonderful.

She lay on the trolley, gripping its cot sides, staring up at the ceiling. Telling herself not to be so scared. Then her doctor approached her, peering down at her and she started to feel terrified all over again.

"Are you ready? Its time."

She nodded, but as the anaesthetist approached she had to fight the urge to scream. She didn't know if she WAS ready. She'd been living for this moment for so long, and now it was here she didn't know if she could do it.

All those harsh words her parents had thrown at her came back to her. The times they'd told her she was making a mistake, that she'd never cope with being a mother. And actually, it was good that they came back, because rather than compounding her fear, they made her rise up against it. She WAS ready. She could be a good mom. And she would be.

Soon.

She nodded again, more firmly the second time, more committed to what she was agreeing to and the anaesthetist placed a mask over her nose and mouth.

"Just relax Miss Benson…"

Relax. That was a good one. The most significant moment; well most significant good moment of her life so far, and she was being told to relax. Impossible. She was too keyed up with the anticip…

That was as far as she got with the thought. And then it all went black.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

She was on campus. Walking. She had her books in her arms. She looked down at herself, at her clothes. Purple mini, little white top, purple boots.

She wanted to scream, but she couldn't.

She knew those clothes. She remembered them all too well. How they'd looked before and how they'd looked after. The top had ended up ripped, stained with blood from her nose when he'd hit her, and the skirt.

Oh God, the skirt.

Covered in him. From where he'd pulled out of her, even though it was too late and they both knew it.

This couldn't be happening. Not here, and now. She didn't even understand what she was doing back there. She shouldn't be there. She should be somewhere else. She had something else to do, something important.

Was she even there at all? After all, she didn't remember getting there. Maybe she was imagining it, or dreaming. Yes, dreaming made sense. She tried to force her eyes open before she could hear the footsteps, that she knew were due, coming up behind her, but she couldn't do it. And then, it was too late…

"No!" she cried out as she felt him grab her, but no sound came out, the scream was an internal one, deep inside her. And then, it began to unfold, just like she remembered. He pulled her into an alleyway, yanked her thick fabric hair band down from her hair to her face, and tightened it, using it as a gag to stop her screaming. He ripped the buttons from her top, pushed her bra aside, biting at her flesh as his knee was already pushing her knees apart.

She didn't fight it. There was no point. She knew what was going to happen. She'd been here before.

The pain. Her insides feeling like they were being ripped apart.

It hurt. It hurt so badly.

And then, nothing.

The darkness again.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

Light. Bright light. Light like she'd never seen before. It hurt her eyes so she screwed them up tightly, a natural reflex that made the light go away.

She didn't know where she was, or what was happening. She'd been ok before. In the warm, in the dark. She'd felt safe. Protected. She missed where she'd been. Missed the special sound that used to send her to sleep. It was a constant humming. It was always there. And then sometimes, there was singing too. Pretty songs that made her sleepy.

And now they were gone. She was cold and scared. She didn't like the bright lights or the unfamiliar sensation of being held.

It felt wrong. It made her want to cry out.

And so, she opened her mouth, and as she took her first breath in the 'outside world' Olivia Benson began to scream.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

The darkness was replaced with images. Still pictures that she just looked at like a bystander. Her body, laying battered and bruised in the alleyway. Waking up in a hospital bed. Her parents disapproval.

Her parents always disapproved. They disapproved of her rape - as if she'd approved it - but then that figured. They'd disapprove of anything that made the neighbours talk.

That jogged her memory, the neighbours talking. She'd done something else to make them talk. But what? It must have been bad, real bad, because her parents were barely talking to her anymore. She was alone. She'd been alone that day when she'd arrived…

Where had she arrived?

She wracked her brains, trying to remember. She needed to know. Needed to know so she could shut out the bad things. She was sick of the bad things. Sick of her life being a never ending round of thunder and rain clouds. She needed something to make it better.

There was something. But what? What the Hell was it?

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

She opened her eyes to find sunlight beaming into the room. The hospital room. Last time she'd woken up in one of those it had been raining, but not today. Today the sun was shining.

A nurse came over to her, smiling down at her. That was different too. Everyone had been so serious and solemn after her rape, but now they were smiling.

"Miss Benson, congratulations."

Suddenly she remembered. The baby. She looked around and saw a small plastic cot beside her bed, and inside was the tiniest, most perfect looking baby in the world.

Her baby. Only hers.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

Olivia was pissed. She was lying in a goldfish bowl, wrapped in a rough blanket that hurt her skin. She'd not signed up for this. She wasn't sure what was happening or what the people thought they were playing back but she wasn't having it. She wanted to go back where she'd came from. Immediately.

Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse she was pulled from the goldfish bowl and back out into the cold air. Which was, she thought, getting boring.

She opened her mouth to scream again, which even at just a few hours old she'd decided was very satisfying, when she found herself being placed in a nice warm pair of arms. She cuddled closer and she could hearing the humming sound again.

It was like coming home.

There were other sound too though. Words.

"You don't look like him."

She didn't know them though. Didn't understand what they meant.

Then came words she did know. A tune she knew.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away."

Oooh. Nice. Too nice. They made her sleepy. She closed her eyes, and then it was dark again.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

She couldn't believed how quickly the baby had fallen asleep when she'd started to sing. How quickly Olivia had fallen asleep.

Olivia. Her baby.

She couldn't believe she had a baby either really, not when she thought about it. After everything, all the hurt, all the pain, she had a baby.

Finally, after all the storm clouds, the sunshine had arrived.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **