Soup's On!
As the noon hour approached, The Halliwell Manor was operating much as it did in the boys' own time. Table setting duty had been assigned to Chris and Steve while Lee worked with the speed of 5 chefs to prepare lunch. Having been denied the chance to wow his unsuspecting parents with their favorite breakfasts, he was determined to make it up to them with their favorite lunches.
As Chris and Steve labored, Jared and Lee attempted to console their nervous wreck of a mother as she sobbed sniveled, and blew her nose. Jared sat just across from her at the kitchen table, his eyes awash with comfort and concern. She was just recovering from her nice, long nap after the morning's fainting spell at the ivory fountain. Thankfully, Jared had been strong enough to easily carry her back up to the manor, but he hadn't been quite quick enough to spare her the brief dunk in the water fountain.
"My poor uterus!" whined Piper, blowing her nose.
"Mom, it's really not that bad!" said Lee, not missing a beat of his cooking choreography.
"Nine boys?" Piper growled, glaring in Lee's direction. "And you're the shortest? Six feet tall?"
"Actually I'm..."
"Lee..." interrupted Jared politely.
"Five eleven and-a-half!" snapped Piper, "I know!"
Lee was caught a bit off guard. "Well yeah, but I'm also not the shortest"
"Lee," cautioned Jared, knowing where this was all headed, "maybe now's not..."
"Oh?" asked Piper, "That's good news..."
Lee was glad to be a comfort. "Yeah, Dylan's..."
"Five seven!" Jared interrupted, nervously.
"Five ten!" insisted Lee.
"But he slouches!" added Jared.
"He does?" Lee asked, completely oblivious.
"Does he slouch in the womb?" moaned Piper. "Because, otherwise, he's not helping me!"
"Mom," said Lee, "just because we're tall doesn't mean we were big babies..."
"Lee!" Jared interrupted, with friendly and extreme enthusiasm, "What are you making? It smells really good!"
Though he still wasn't quite sure what was going on, Lee finally got Jared's message. "Sorry!" he said, genuinely apologetic. "Cooking, no talking... Got it!"
Jared was doing his best to prevent Lee from divulging the fact that, though Dylan was without doubt the shortest of them all, his birth was by far the most difficult: Thirty-nine grueling hours.
"Mom, really," said Jared, in his most convincing tone, "we're all really close, we all get along..."
Before Jared could continue, the two glaring exceptions to his argument marched into the kitchen to restock their hands with table-setting supplies.
"All I said," grumbled Chris, "was that the soup spoon went on the other side."
"And Chrissie, I wanna thank you," Steve patronized. "because I never would've found it!"
"Steve, knock it off!" snapped Chris.
"No, seriously. I could've starved looking for the soup spoon."
As soon as the two bickering brothers had re-supplied themselves with plates and bowls, they marched right out of the room again.
"Steve, I mean it!" said Chris.
"YOU mean it? I mean it; I would've been looking under my plate... under my chair..."
The look on Jared's face was one of both pain and embarrassment. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the wind metaphorically knocked out of his proverbial sails.
Piper began to sob and moan. "This isn't happening... This can't be happening..."
"Okay," said Jared, "I know it SOUNDS like they can't stand each other..."
"They're fighting over silverware!" yelped Piper.
"You learn to laugh at it after awhile." insisted Jared. "Believe it or not, Chris spends more time with Steve than with any of us... on PURPOSE even."
Before Jared could continue repairing Chris and Steve's damage, their voices began to ring from within the dining room.
"Chris, you're kidding," teased Steve, "The blade faces toward the plate?"
"It's gonna face toward your neck in a second!" Chris threatened.
"No I mean it, I would've been cutting and cutting with the dull side and wondering why..."
"They're gonna kill each other..." whinnied Piper, letting her head fall to the table.
"You know what, I'll be right back." Jared said, getting up to leave. Before exiting the room, he looked over at the young chef. "Lee?"
Lee raised his hands in surrender. "Nothing too cheerful, I promise!" Lee replied.
"That's my boy!" said Jared and turned to leave, shouting at Chris and Steve as he went. "Okay you two..."
Lee did his best to keep from talking, fully aware that his degree of optimism was a little over the top for the current situation. Instead, he poured Piper a glass of his "jolly juice," a fruit-based tea he concocted for their brother Shane, who was prone to bouts of depression.
"Mom, here... drink this!" said Lee, handing a tall, thin glass to his mother.
"Thank you, Sweetie." she said, taking the glass and looking at the amber colored liquid. "What is it?"
"You'll like it; I promise!" Lee said.
Piper felt like her entire self... body, mind, and spirit, was being given a warm, honey-flavored hug as she took in the entire glass of juice in one big gulp.
"Oh my God!" said Piper, sighing with relief. "What is in this?"
Lee grinned from ear to year. "The usual... sugar, spice..."
"Where'd you come from, anyway?" asked Piper, regaining her equilibrium. "You're all smiley and stuff."
"Ya' noticed?" grumbled Chris as he slumped into the kitchen.
Piper eyed him suspiciously. "Who stole YOUR broomstick?" she asked.
Chris stopped and stared at the floor, looking like a guilty little boy. "I've been sent in here for a timeout." he said, clearly embarrassed.
Piper was visibly amused. "Your younger brother sent YOU...in HERE... for a TIMEOUT?" she asked, unable to stifle her chuckle.
"Jared's just getting a lot of mileage out of Chris' guilt," answered Lee, enjoying the vision.
Chris' stuck his lower lip out and looked at his mother. "Steve started it." he mumbled.
Suddenly a crash of thunder shook the entire house.
"Lee?" asked Chris nervously.
Lee's eyes glazed over as he concentrated. "Living room. 9 mutts. 2 dark lighters."
"Any soup ready?" asked Chris, a gleam in his eye.
Lee smiled. "Yellow pot right in front of you."
Thunder shook the house a second time.
"Better get in there!" said Lee. "There might not be any demons left."
Chris grabbed the handle of the yellow pot and smiled. "Hope they like tomato!" he said and scuttled out of the kitchen. "Soup's on fellas!" Chris shouted, just before a series of explosions.
"Shouldn't we go in and help them?" asked Piper anxiously.
"For just eleven?" asked Lee, sounding genuinely surprised. "Steve's taken 7 on his own before, and Jared could take five even before he had his powers" he said. "They probably won't even break anything."
"Talented boys!" said Piper, clearly impressed.
For the rest of the battle, Piper and Lee listened from within the kitchen.
"So, what was that stuff that Chris took?" asked Piper.
"Oh," answered Lee. "I always keep some vanquishing stuff on the dinner table just in case we get attacked while we're eating."
"Huh!" Piper said, a bit beside herself. "Glad I found out before I ate any."
Before Lee could reply, Steve's voice came ringing into the kitchen from the battle in the other room.
"Hey ugly!... No... the one next to you... No.. behind him... No, next to him... You guys, come on! Get with it!"
"Lee, Sweetheart," said Piper, "can you please hand me the phone?"
"Sure, Mom." Lee replied, handing it to her.
Lee went back to his culinary activities as Piper dialed.
"Paige," said Piper, into the receiver. "Yeah... when you come home for lunch... which, by the way, be sure to ask what explodes and what doesn't..."
Lee smiled to himself as his mother rambled on in her Piper-esque manner.
"Long story, Honey... Just trust me."
As she continued to speak, Steve sped into the kitchen and over to Lee.
"Any gravy?" he asked, breathing heavily.
Lee pointed to a silver container on the counter. "Already in the boat." he answered.
"You guys," Steve said, taking the gravy boat and scurrying out of the kitchen. "Jared took out a Dark Lighter by electrocuting his arrow with a lightening bolt! Dude, it was AWESOME!"
Lee laughed, shook his head, and went back to work as Piper went back to her phone conversation.
"No..." she said. "It's a demon attack, apparently the boys are all over it... Uh, huh... Are you driving?... then I'll tell you how many there are when you get home... No, they're not all here yet..."
The lights flickered as the explosion from Lee's "gravy" ignited in the other room.
"No, Sweetie, we're fine" continue Piper. "Listen, I need you to get me some index cards on the way home... Because I need to memorize my children... YES, I'm serious... No... No, I need bigger than the three-by-fives... See if they've got any five-by-sevens... Yes, lines would be good... Yes, I'm feeling fine... Paige, I'll explain it all when you get home... Okay, bye!"
As she hung the phone, Piper noticed the disturbed look on Lee's face. "What is it, Sweetie?" asked Piper, concernedly. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Lee looked at his mother timidly. "You're still gonna have all of us... right?"