Dylan

Derelyn Perseus Halliwell's full name was a closely guarded secret, as was his birth certificate, the only concrete evidence of his name's existence. Rumor has it that he was given such unusual names partly out of Piper's revenge for his labor lasting 39 hours, and partly because her brainwaves were in somewhat of a groggy and ethereal state due to the steady flow of the drugs she had loudly demanded. As far as the world at large knew, his name was simply Dylan Halliwell, and that suited him just fine.

Dylan was somewhat of a walking paradox. It seemed that nothing about him was quite as simple as it appeared. In nearly all of the family photos, he tended to stand out the most. He wasn't by any means more attractive than the others, he just looked less like his family than they looked like one another. Whereas his brothers were what one would call "beautiful" or "pretty" or "cute" or (according to some) "gorgeous", Dylan was most definitely "handsome" in an earthy, neo-seventies kind of way. Though his straight, medium-length hair was warm brown in all artificial light, it was a deep, fiery auburn in any degree of sunlight. His eyes were a chestnut brown and his creamy skin was adorned with hardly noticeable reddish-brown freckles. The crooked shape of his right eyebrow was identical to his mother's and his knees were bowed ever so slightly.

As for the parts of himself that seemed contradictory, there were many. He had a deep love of humanity, but wasn't particularly fond of human nature. He loved fantasy but hated science fiction. He had strong political convictions but hated politics. He knew all there was to know about religion but he was not particularly religious. He was extremely intellectual but didn't care much for reading. He was a gifted poet but had no love for poetry. The list goes on and on.

Among his most helpful contributions to the world of magic was his love of language and word origins. Rather than despairing at the discovery that some demons were able to intercept long-range spells cast in naturally occurring languages, he merely chose to make up his own. His entire family blessed the language with the power of both the Charmed Ones and The Ring of Nine and, within no time, the entire household could speak it fluently. As luck would have it, it was the strength and power of his own language that had today landed him flat on his back, on the cold marble table in the main hall of the Halliwell Manor.

"Wuzzup, bruthahs?" Dylan groaned in pain.

"Hey! You're not Dad!" said Steve.

"There's that grasp of the obvious I know and love." replied Dylan.

Steve looked at the others. "Well, it's definitely Dylan." he said. "God, I've missed you!" Steve exclaimed, taking his brother's hand and putting it against his own heart.

"It's been an eternity." exclaimed Dylan dramatically.

Steve sniffed and rubbed his eyes. "Worst 16 hours of my life."

Dylan started to look around himself and take in his surroundings.

"Hey you!" said Lee.

"Hey you!" replied Dylan, reaching out and tussling Lee's hair. "Am I in time for lunch?"

"Ya' just made it!" Lee answered with a smile. "How's your back?" he asked. "That portal was a ways up there."

"You'd have to ask the table." groaned Dylan. "My back and I aren't speaking at the moment."

"Dylan," said Chris, walking up to the table, "not that I'm not happy to see you but, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sunbathing, Chris." replied Dylan dryly. "The fact that I'm indoors is just a miscalculation."

"Cute!" said Chris with a slight laugh. "I mean, why are you early? Please tell me you're at least here to tell us something important."

"As a matter of fact, I am." said Dylan in disappointment. "Chris, I'm pregnant; it's yours."

"Dylan..." said Chris, shaking his head.

Dylan put his finger against Chris' lips to shush him. "Now, before you even try to propose to me, just let me say..."

Chris pulled Dylan's finger away from his lips. "Dylan, seriously..."

"No, Chris, I'm sorry. I can't marry you." Dylan interrupted, shoving his hand in front of Chris' face. "We're from two different worlds. It'll never work out."

"Apparently," said Piper, "there are a few aspects of the Birds and the Bees that I forgot to mention."

Dylan swerved his head around in the direction of his mother's voice. "Hello, Pretty Lady!" he greeted. "Piper, is it?"

Piper smiled. "Hello, yourself!" she said, studying her future child. "Dylan was it?"

"Derelyn actually," answered Dylan, a bit embarrassed, "but if you would be so kind as to please call me Dylan."

"Really? You don't like Derelyn?" Piper teased. "I think it's kinda pretty."

"Pretty?" Dylan asked in disbelief. "Maybe for an oil company or a lethal gas, but I do hope we can get around to discussing changing it at some point." he said, nodding like a businessman.

"I don't know," Piper said with a sigh. "Future consequences, ya' know?"

Dylan eyed her inquisitively. "Are you threatening me with a happy childhood?" he joked.

"Well, we can talk about all that later." said Piper, "As for your first question, if you want to sleep under my roof, eat my food, and breathe my air whilst visiting my time, I suggest you call me Mom."

"Mom it is, then!" Dylan agreed and shook her hand. "Ah, it feels good to be home!"

"So who else is here?" asked Dylan, continuing to look around. "Hey, Pretty Boy!" said Dylan to Jared.

"I was wondering how long you were gonna leave me hanging." said Jared.

"Rumor has it you're the new Mother Nature." said Dylan.

Jared shrugged his shoulders modestly. "Technically I'm still in training, but I have it on good authority that the job's mine if I want it."

"I always knew you'd make a great mom someday." chided Dylan.

Jared folded his arms and smirked. "Hey, don't mess with Mother Nature!"

A high series of beeps echoed from the kitchen.

"Ooh!" Lee exclaimed. "Oven timer! I'll be right back!" he said and scurried toward the kitchen.

"By the way, what're we having?" asked Dylan.

"Lots of stuff!" called Lee as he disappeared out of the room.

The brothers and their mother conversed for a short while, mainly for the purpose of bringing Dylan up to date on all that had happened thus far. Then, the conversation returned to the most pressing matter.

"So then, Dad's missing?" asked Dylan.

Chris answered: "That's actually who we were summoning."

"Really?" asked Piper. "You mentioned your Dad in the tongue-speech back there?"

"Well," Chris began, "in The Language of Shadows, Dad's name is Calyanu."

Jared added: "It's the formal name of the Sun also."

"It's from his "Sun-God" hippie days." explained Steve.

"Sun God?" asked Piper both surprised and delighted.

"Oops!" muttered Steve. "He hasn't told you about that yet?"

Piper mischievously rubbed her hands together. "Ooh! I am gonna have some fun with that one..." she said, before reality quickly set back it. "That is, if we can ever get him home."

"Maybe if we figure out why we summoned Dylan instead." Chris suggested. "How did you get here anyway?"

"It was strange." said Dylan, his tone becoming more serious. "I was actually upstairs putting a spell in the Book of Shadows when I got this compulsion of some sort. I've never felt anything like it." he said.

Jared began to consider the possibilities. "Our spell must've somehow made it possible for your spell to bring you here." he said.

"It's possible." Dylan replied. "I certainly don't have any better theories."

Chris looked suspicious. "Dylan, was this one of your own spells you were putting in the Book of Shadows by any chance?"

"Why do you ask?" inquired Dylan, eyeing his brother inquisitively.

Chris grinned. "So... I have to know, what was the rhyme?"

"Uh... Gee, I forgot." answered Dylan, a guilty look on his face. "You know what Time Travel can do to a guy's memory."

Steve picked up on Chris' vibe. "Forgot huh?" he taunted. "Well, we have ways of helping you remember..."

"Forget it," clipped Dylan. "it's not gonna work!"

Steve raised his hands toward Dylan and wiggled his fingers. "Uh oh! Somebody wants to visit you..."

"You wouldn't!"

"It's Mister Tickle Fingers and he wants to know what the rhyme was."

Dylan went as stiff as a board. "Wild horses couldn't drag it from me!" he insisted.

Piper let her inner mother take over. "Oh, this is too cute! I'm getting my camera!" she said, and ran upstairs.

Chris, Jared, and Steve exchanged glances with one another, preparing to target Dylan's one true weakness.

"Bruthahs!" exclaimed Chris, as they all attacked Dylan, tickling him wildly.

Dylan twitched and squealed. "No! No! Okay! It was offering...OFFERING!" he confessed.

The brothers stopped tormenting their victim and shrank back a bit.

"Huh!" exclaimed Jared, a bit surprised. "That actually doesn't sound so bad."

"I agree." said Chris, thinking there was more to the story. "It must've been the rhyme before that..."

Steve gasped in excitement. "Ooh! Good call!"

"Well, Dylan?" asked Jared, putting his hands accusingly on his hips.

"I've said all I'm gonna say." insisted Dylan.

Chris raised his hands and wiggled his fingers again. "Okay!" he threatened. "Looks like tickle torture then."

"You sadists!" yelled Dylan.

"I'm sorry Dylan," said Steve, also wiggling his fingers. "We tried to spare you but... you've give us no choice."

"No! No! Please!" Dylan pleaded, as his brothers resumed their torturing.

"HEY!" shouted Piper from the stairway railing. All of her sons looked up in her direction. "Say cheese!" she said as the flash from the camera went off. "Thanks!" she said, and ran back upstairs to put her camera away.

"Mom! Wait! Help!" cried Dylan.

"Mommy can't help you now! You're all ours!" Steve taunted. "Mwahahahaha!"

Just before the three sets of tickling fingers could reach him again, Dylan decided to cave. "Okay, you sadistic pigs! It was 'alterbring'!" he confessed. "Happy?"

Jared winced. "As in sacrificial table?" asked Jared.

Chris patronizingly shook his head. "It's a bit dramatic Dylan, don't you think?"

"It was a metaphor!" Dylan explained.

"For what?" Steve chided. "Cannibalism?"

"No Clarice." returned Dylan. "It was a verbal metaphor, not a place to silence lambs."

"Dylan," Chris began, "I get really worried when you do this; metaphors are really not safe when writing spells."

Dylan looked at Chris in awe. "This from the man who trapped Ashby in a human cocoon?"

"Okay, that was one time!" Chris said.

"You're just lucky you got him out before his... What did you call it?... Oh yeah! METAMORPHOSIS was completed."

"Point made Dylan." sighed Chris.

"Let's just be glad that his 'personal growth' wasn't a second head." added Dylan.

"All I'm saying," said Chris, his hands up in compromise, "is that they just have to rhyme, not win the Nobel Prize."

"Oh, quit your nagging!" said Piper, coming back down the stairs. "There's nothing wrong with trying to be creative."

Steve chanted. "You got in trouble!"

"Unbelievable!" exclaimed Chris, both smiling and sighing in defeat. "Taking his side already?"

Lee rushed back into the room and joined the circle. "Sorry! Ten more minutes and lunch should be ready," he said, catching his breath. Having been in the kitchen, next to timers and measuring cups, Lee had a couple of questions and ideas regarding their father and how to bring him home. "Dylan," he began, "I was wondering, does the number 5 have any symbolic significance that could help in casting a spell?"

"Ooh!" exclaimed Jared. "Good question, Baby Bro'!"

"Well, according to Jung, 5 is the number of creating life and erotic love." explained Dylan.

Piper laughed. "Erotic love, you say?"

"Yeah." answered Dylan, a curious look on his face. "Why?"

Steve gave Chris an encouraging pat on the back. "Sounds like a 'sperm provider' activity, don't it?" he teased.

Chris blushed, folded his arms, and stared at his feet.

"What am I not getting?" asked Dylan.

Jared explained: "Somebody got a little less than wholesome with his line of the spell."

Steve said to Chris: "I'll bet 'alter bring' is startin' to sound not so bad about now, huh Perry?"

"Okay, you guys," said Chris. "Make fun all you want, but I'm pretty sure my line doesn't have anything to do with Dylan showing up instead of Dad."

"Ooh! I know!" shouted Steve. "Five is the traditional number of members in a boy band!"

"Oh Honey," said Piper, putting an arm around Steve, "I'm pretty sure your brother didn't cross time and space so you guys could form a boy band."

"But, you don't know that for sure... right?" Steve asked, a bit put out.

Dylan mused aloud. "I do think Lee's onto something though." he said. "The number 5 is heavily associated with the 'Five Fundamental Virtues, and they're all very significant in terms of spell casting."

"That's right!" Jared exclaimed. "What are they again?... There's wisdom, love, truth..."

"Goodness, and justice." concluded Dylan.

"So then, why is Chris here?" asked Steve, scrunching his eyebrows and scratching his head.

"He represents 'Love', right?" Lee suggested, in complete sincerity.

Everyone in the room looked at Lee in silent surprise, including Chris. It's not that the word didn't apply. It's just that Chris wouldn't have been such an obvious choice to most people. For Lee, he didn't need a moment's thought.

"What?" asked Lee, confused. "Who's got a bigger heart than Chris?"

Chris blushed a bit and pointed at Lee. "You! Here! Now!" he commanded. "Mwa!" he said, putting his arm around his brother's shoulder and playfully kissing the top of his head. Lee's cheeks blushed rosily as well. "See! Somebody thinks I can do this!" said Chris.

Jared was again focused on the matter at hand. "There's also the four elements." he added. "Before Dylan got here, we only had three."

"You're right." agreed Chris. "Having all four would prevent any spell from being intercepted."

"You guys," interjected Piper. "Please tell me at some point you're going to explain all this element, tongue-speaking, sperm-providing..."

"MOM!" shouted all five brothers simultaneously.

"What?" she said cheekily. "Maybe now it won't be such a popular phrase."

"Ain't that the truth!" moaned Steve, disgusted. "Blech!"

"So..." said Lee. "Where should we do this? The table still?"

"Sure," answered Dylan, hopping off. "I've already warmed it up for him."

"I really hope this works." said Piper, trying to suppress her desperation.

"So..." said Chris, as the five brothers encircled the marble table. "Everybody ready?"

"Let's catch us a White Lighter!" said Steve.

"In turn then." said Chris, nodding.

All: Of the brethren three by three

Dylan: One born of earth

Lee: And one of sea

Jared: One of wind

Chris & Steve: And two of sun

All: Bring the father to his sons

With a graceful slowness, Leo's body gradually appeared on top of the marble table, first as shimmering light, and then as flesh and bone. He was drenched in water and unconscious.

"Leo!" cried Piper, fearing the worst.

"Dad!" gasped Chris, rushing around the table to his side. He leaned in to support his father's head with one hand, patting his cheek to awaken him with the other. "Dad, can you hear me?"

Eventually, Leo's eyelids trembled subtly, and his tired eyes began to slowly open. "Am I dreaming?" he asked wearily, smiling at the sight of his living son.

Chris smiled softly, and he gently shook his head in response.

"You didn't give up." whispered Leo, remembering the last words he and his son said to one another.

Chris let a single tear fall onto his father's cheek, whispering, "You either."