Liesel Meminger: Well, now I can sleep again :D
Ok, since I believe in keeping my promises here is the next part- well, two parts actually because I thought someone MIGHT think the first one is too short ;)
Thanks for the review, enjoy!
addlogcon: Thanks a lot- lol, yeah, smart guys, the only one who´s a little clueless is our favorite girl but she´ll wise up... :D
JUJUChick16: Thank you very much, I´ll update right away, hope you´ll like the next part too, I´ll post two parts actually, the cliffhanger of the first one was simply too cruel ;)
"Today you will start learning how to dance" Clarisse announced with the air of someone who was offering a huge treat but Mia´s face fell all the same.
"Dance?" She gasped, her eyes widening in horror.
"I´ve only just learned that I can´t walk properly and I havn´t really worked that out yet and you expect me to dance?"
Clarisse was grateful that Charlotte choose that precise moment to walk up to them and ask the queen to sign some papers, her patience with her granddaughter was once again running thin.
Josef, who had parked the car, entered the room and led Mia to the middle of the dance floor while Clarisse positioned herself behind the small table that held the CD player and a waste amount of the paper work Clarisse would have to see to before dinner.
She watched her granddaughter´s attempts to follow Josef´s instructions for a while, then she tried to concentrate on her papers until Amelia excitedly announced that she had managed to spin without hurting anyone.
"That´s very good news" Clarisse smiled, "Now you may go home."
The girl literally ran from the room and the queen sighed, standing up and pulling her glasses off while saying "Thank you, Josef."
To her surprise he didn´t answer but stepped up to her and reached in front of her, pressing the play button on the DVD player again.
She looked at him, seeking his dark eyes for an explanation and he gave it go her: "You´ve been wearing black too long."
She couldn´t help but smile, perhaps he was right, perhaps it was time to try and get over Phillippe´s death and move on and a little dancing certainly couldn´t hurt- or perhaps it could but she didn´t want to think about it right now, not when Josef´s arms were around her and he was looking at her with so much barely hidden emotion, longing and adoration and something else- was it love?
Could it be that he was actually in love with her, that he not merely wanted her?
She tried to think of something else, to distract herself from that dangerous trail of thoughts but Josef´s body so close to her´s had her spellbound and when he spun her around and back into his arms she melted against him, it felt so wonderful, too good to be forbidden and yet- Clarisse looked up into her partner´s eyes and returned his soft smile without thinking.
"I´ve always wished to dance with you like this" he told her just as the music changed to a slow waltz and instead of letting go of her he pulled her fully into his arms and began to sway her to the different tune.
"I watch you when you are attending balls and think how wasted you are on all of them, all those men who don´t really know what to do while you are in their arms, you are so much more divine than anyone else."
She couldn´t breathe, he was too close and her eyes were magically drawn to his lips, she felt him pull her still closer to his chest, his grip on her waist tightening.
What was happening to her, how could she have let it come this far, she had known how dangerous this could become, how close she was to risking everything she had worked for all her life- he suddenly pulled away and she instantly missed the contact with his body.
She looked up at him, startled to see the closed expression on his face.
"Josef, what-" he shook his head.
"I have to go- I didn´t- please excuse me, Your Majesty."
He left the room in long strides, leaving Clarisse confused and hurt in the middle of the room.
Dinner was a rather silent affair, the queen was sitting at the dining room table with Charlotte who was trying to inform her about next day´s schedule but Clarisse couldn´t concentrate on the other´s words, she couldn´t stop thinking about what had happened earlier and the fact that Josef was remarkable absent at dinner wasn´t improving the situation.
"I´ll just ask once and you can decide whether or not you want to talk to me" Charlotte finally said, putting her papers down onto the table.
"What is wrong?"
The queen looked up.
"Oh, I´m sorry, Charlotte, I know I should be listening to you, it´s simply all too much at the moment."
"Amelia?"
"Among other things" the queen replied vaguely, finally putting down her knife and fork.
"I think I´ll go outside for a while, it´s still rather warm."
"That sounds like a good idea, being outside will relax you" Charlotte replied, sounding a bit too cheerful and Clarisse knew that the younger woman had hoped the queen would confide in her.
"I´m sorry, Charlotte, I really can´t talk to you about this, if it comforts you I can´t talk about it to anyone and I won´t."
She didn´t wait for a reply but got up and walked out of the room and towards the doors leading into the garden.
She missed Maurice, her dog would have been at her side now and she could have told him what was bothering her, talking to him always was a comfort, even though Rupert was using that habit to make fun of her.
Rupert- she had hardly thought about her husband today, her mind had been far too occupied with a certain man in black- what kind of wife was she, she had been married to her husband for over forty years and here she was, having inappropriate thoughts about another man, a friend she had known for decades.
She aimlessly wandered around the garden, stopping from time to time to look more closely at a particular rose without really seeing anything.
She almost didn´t see him sitting on her own favorite bench but he announced his presence to her himself by moving suddenly in the shadows.
"Josef?"
"Good evening, Madam" he said stiffly, getting up and Clarisse quickly moved in front of him, blocking his way towards the path.
"Not so fast, I think you owe me some explanation."
"I do not owe you anything- I didn´t mean for you to see me."
"Then maybe you should have chosen a different spot" the queen replied, her arms now crossed over her chest.
"This is my favorite spot, you could have known I´d come here sooner or later- perhaps that was even what you were waiting for" she added challengingly.
"I most certainly didn´t- if you excuse me please."
He took a step in her direction but Clarisse stood her ground.
"You won´t run away from me like that again, I want to know what happened earlier."
"You don´t know that?"
"Stop messing with me, Josef, just answer my question."
"Is that an order from my boss or a question from the woman in front of me?"
She hesitated, he was humoring her and she hated it and at the same time it impressed her how easily he could shatter her calm and reserved facade.
He had really reduced her to standing in front of him and begging him to tell her that- that what, exactly?
That he wanted to kiss her, why he hadn´t kissed her?
By God, what was she thinking, what was she doing here!
"You know, just keep doing what you were doing when I interrupted you, I´ll go to bed."
She turned around but this time it was Josef who wouldn´t let her get away.
His hand closed around her upper arm and Clarisse froze, briefly closing her eyes.
"Let me go."
"No, I won´t- you wanted an answer, you´ll get one."
"I´ve changed my mind, I don´t want to hear it- now let go of my arm."
"I love you, Clarisse."
"Don´t-" "Oh no, you asked and now you are going to listen to me- I love you and I can´t even begin to describe how much I wanted to kiss you in the ballroom today and I held myself back and left because I didn´t want to bring you into a compromising situation but obviously you are asking for it."
His lips covered her´s in a searing kiss and Clarisse found herself responding to him eagerly.
When she finally came to her senses she pushed him away and Josef caught her wrist in his hand shortly before her balm could collide with his cheek.
"What, not what you expected?"
"How dare you, have you lost your mind?"
"Why, you asked me to and it´s not as though you offered any resistance, quite the contrary."
"I didn´t- you kissed me!"
"Well spotted, Your Majesty- now what are you going to do, let me babysit your granddaughter for the next five years until she finished college? Send me to watch the Genovian ambassador in Australia? Or maybe you could just fire me, tell me to pack my things and get out of your sight so you can go on pretending that your life is perfect and under control and that you marriage is more than a sensible arrangement and that your husband actually cares about you."
To her horror Clarisse felt tears dwell in her eyes, her mixed up emotions finally proving to be too much for her- she could still feel his lips on her´s, the passion his kiss had stirred in her and then there was the nagging truth behind his words, her husband didn´t love her, he had never loved her and he never would, she would simply miss out on all those emotions she so much loved to read about, for a moment she thought how ironically her life resembled that of her favorite author Jane Austen who as well had been deprived of the love her heroines found in her novels, unable to be with the man she loved.
Oh and how Clarisse did love Josef, she finally couldn´t get around admitting it to herself anymore- and yet there was nothing she could do about it, nothing for she still was the queen of Genovia and married to the King.
"I won´t" she replied quietly as she withdrew her hand from his grip and brushed her hair back behind her ear.
"You would do Genovia a great favor though if you could take care of Amelia for the next week anyway, just if it´s not too much of an insult to you."
She could see the coldness melt from his eyes, she hadn´t been trying to manipulate him, she simply knew that she had no right to blame him, after all he was right and she had provoked him even though she had known how he felt about her.
He looked ashamed now and Clarisse had reached out before she could stop herself, her hand coming to lie on his cheek.
"I´m sorry, Josef, I´ve been unfair to you and I´d like to apologize for it."
"Of course, I mean there´s no need to apologize, Your Majesty, I was way out of line."
"No, you were not, I shouldn´t have provoked you like this, I knew-" Clarisse bit her lip and Josef´s eyes widened at her unspoken confession.
"You know? But then- why are we out here, you could have avoided me or told me to keep away from you."
She couldn´t look at him, she was too scared that he would see the truth in her eyes- she had wanted this, had wanted to provoke him into finally admitting his feelings for her and now she didn´t know what to make of her certainty.
His hand was warm on her chin as he tipped up her chin to make her look at him.
"Clarisse, talk to me, why are we out here?"
"I don´t know" she said, she was feeling faint, all she wanted was to fold into his arms and never look up again.
"You don´t know or you are too scared to think about it?"
"I´m scared to realize that I don´t have any choice- I´m married, Josef, I have a duty to my people and my country, I can´t simply give in to my feelings."
"You do have feelings for me then" he said quietly, his fingertips gently brushing against her cheek and Clarisse allowed herself to close her eyes and enjoy his touch for a brief moment.
"Josef, I don´t know what to say to you- I do have feelings for you and you know as well as I do what my marriage is like but it still is a marriage and a very public marriage at that."
"We could find a way."
"That´s what you wish, that´s not what could happen."
"Clarisse, if you tell me now that you want to be with me we will be together, no one will know about it if that´s what you want and if you tell me that you simply made a mistake I will try and learn to live with it but please don´t tell me it´s impossible for nothing is if you really want it."
The urgency in his voice made the queen shiver, she needed to be alone- Clarisse slowly stepped away and Josef didn´t do anything to hold her back.
"I need some time to think."
He nodded.
"Yes, of course- shall I walk you back to your room or do you want to go alone?"
"I´d like to be alone, can you understand that?"
"Would it make a difference if I said no?"
"Yes, it would but I ask you to try, it would mean a lot to me."
"I will wait for you."
"Thank you, Josef."
She walked away from him, trying to keep her composure but the short walk back into the house and up to her rooms proved to be one of the hardest of her whole life.