Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass nor will I ever
Warnings: None really
I'm sorry for not updating this sooner. I especially want to apologize to Kagi, since I told you this would be soon. I did have lots of homework I had a to take care of though =/
So the last chapter was pretty much just insight on C.C.'s business there. Pretty slow, but I found it necessary.
I could misspell some stuff, but I will correct any mistakes if I find them later. Anyways this will be in Lelouch's P.O.V. Thanks again for reviewing you guys~
Enjoy the show
-----Lelouch's dream state-----
It's really cold here…Where am I?
I open my eyes slowly and look around, but I can't see anything. My surroundings are pitch black. It's pure darkness…I don't fear the dark or anything, but something about this place is unsettling.
Maybe I…maybe I'm finally dead…
That thought makes me smile. Finally I won't have to be alone anymore. It's depressing that no one will mourn my departure, but it's for the best. Somehow I guess I never truly belonged.
There's whispering and I turn to where it's at. A voice whispers next to my ear, and I swing my arm in the direction it came from fully intent on making some kind of contact with it, but I don't hit anything…
What am I doing here…? What is this place?! I can't help the panic that engulfs me. I hate not being in control.
If I did die…where exactly am I? A chill runs down my spine. I don't know where I am…and apparently I'm not alone.
"Who's there?!" I yell.
Light laughter fills the abyss. I hear several voices, but there are none that I recognize. Suddenly light fills my vision. I shield my eyes momentarily and the voices stop.
What the hell is this? Then without warning the next sound I hear is a gunshot, followed by a very familiar voice.
"Why? Lelouch." I hear Euphemia say. Looking up I realize what this is, I see Euphemia fall. The same way this scene always repeats itself in my dreams…
"Goodbye Euphie." It's my voice I hear this time.
I reach out at the scene in front of me, but the deed is done. Once again I couldn't stop myself…
Did Euphemia really have to die? I should have spared her life…Suzaku would've wanted that…
I should've tried to save her!
"Lelouch…you can't change the past. Beating yourself up for it won't do you any good" I hear Euphemia's voice say. I feel a small warm hand gently grasp my shoulder.
Startled I turn my head around to see if what I heard was right, and to my pleasant surprise I see that it really is Euphie. She looks as perfect as she always had, before the incident.
She smiles up at me, and I feel happy. It's been awhile since anyone's said anything to cheer me up…
As if understanding my troubled thoughts, she squeezes my shoulder reassuringly.
"I'm sorry" she says simply. Her smile falters, and she looks at me sadly.
"Sorry…? You have nothing to apologize for, it's me who should be sorry. I-"
"No Lelouch. You're not the only one who made mistakes. I should've taken your view into consideration" she looks away, and laughs lightly. "I've always been a bit naïve haven't I? You and Schneizel have always been the smart ones. I-I should have expected you to have a plan. It's not like you to be unprepared. It's just…I always see everyone taking charge…I wanted to help and make a difference for once. I got tired of sitting on the sidelines, but I'm sorry. My clumsy meddling only complicated things."
"Euphie…please don't think like that. You had a great idea. I believe it would've succeeded if I hadn't-"
"Stop it Lelouch! I knew how dangerous the situation was before we went into the room. I know you've changed, but I know you're not evil. You're a good person. I know you're a good person."
I was surprised to see her crying. Why would she shed tears for the man that killed her? Why would she cry for an imperfect soul like mine? I don't deserve her forgiveness…
Euphemia let the hand she had resting on my shoulder drop. Her gaze fell to the floor, and I turn to look at her better.
"…please don't. Please don't kill yourself Lelouch…"
"Euphie. Death is what I deserve. I killed you, and I've led to the death of thousands in my conquest for peace. Even death seems like a light punishment."
"No! How can you say that? Death isn't something you should control. If this is for me then please…please stay alive! It pains me to see you so hurt. I never wished to cause anyone any harm…"
Her quiet sobs filled the area. We were still in the bloody stadium of the massacre. This scene haunts me everyday. It's a reminder of the biggest mistake I've ever made.
So even in death she remains the same kind loving person. God, what did I do? I ruined her life, I even tarnished her name. No one even knows the real Euphemia they just remember "Princess Massacre."
"I wanted to rebuild with you" I manage to say.
"It's too late for that, but you can always take a new approach. You c-" She looked up at me, and her eyes widened at something behind me.
Before I could turn and see what it was, cold arms embrace me from behind.
"Welcome back brother" a sweet voice speaks from behind me. I instantly recognize it as Rolo.
I turn my head to the side and see Rolo smiling up at me lovingly. I sigh and close my eyes. It's so nice to relax against him. He will always have my back, without a doubt.
"I've missed you" he whispers.
God, how I've missed him too…please don't let this be an illusion. Please be real.
"You can't do this!" my sister cries out angrily.
I open my eyes, and stare at Euphemia surprised. She moved away from me a little. Why is she upset?
I feel Rolo let go of my waist, and before I can blink, he's brushing past me. He swiftly pulls out a hidden knife, and rushes towards a horror stricken Euphemia.
"Stay out of this!" he yells out furiously. "You're going to ruin everything!"
I manage to get a hold of myself, and miraculously make it to Euphemia before he does. I embrace her tightly, trying to shield her from the impact. I have to protect her!
"Rolo!" I muster, trying to sound as brave as I can.
"Brother…?"
I open my eyes when I don't feel the impact of his blade, and turn to see him staring at me in wonder.
"Why are you defending her?" he asks softly. He notices my discomfort and quickly puts his knife away.
"How can you even think about hurting her? She-she's my sister! I can't watch her die again…I won't let you kill her!"
His face hardens and he yanks me away from her. Rolo places his arms around my neck possessively, and turns his head to face Euphemia.
"Why protect this woman? Do you even know what she's trying to do, Lelouch?"
"Rolo, there's no excuse for-"
"She's trying to tear us apart!" He glares at her maliciously, and I see her shaking in fear.
"No…Rolo, no one's trying to do that! No one can separate us…"
"Lelouch doesn't belong here! Please let him go!"
"Euphie…" I gasp lightly. She is trying to separate us, but why?! This…this is the happiest I've been in awhile. Things are finally starting to look up since the Black Knights sold me out.
"I'm sorry Lelouch" she cries out sadly. "but you don't belong here. You have to go back."
I hold on to Rolo's waist, and bury my face in the crook of his neck. His scent is relaxing…is Euphie really trying to take my slice of happiness away? Why would she do that?
"Lelouch belongs with me. He's staying here."
Rolo may be younger and shorter than me, but it still amazes me that he can be and sound so powerful. His serious nature has always been…appealing. It's nice having someone around that doesn't expect much from you.
"How can you claim to love him when you know he's better off somewhere else? It's not his time" Euphie spoke back strongly. I guess she regained her confidence.
"No one will ever love him as much as I do."
"That's not love, it's obsession! You don't love him. Love is free, not selfish. You want to own him!"
"How dare you, Euphemia?! You know Lelouch wants to be here with me. Why do you insist on making him suffer?" Rolo wanted to murder Euphemia, that much was obvious. The tension in the air hung thick.
I looked up, and turned to Euphie. She was glaring back at Rolo. Her eyes showed fierce determination.
"It's not his time! There are people that will miss him." Euphie looked frustrated, and her last words caught my attention.
People will miss me? No one will. She probably doesn't know how much everyone hates me…
Rolo laughed, and looked at my sister condescendingly.
"Who's going to miss him exactly? No one appreciates him, he needs to stay here with me. Only I can give him everything he needs."
"Euphie…I can't go back." I say sadly.
"I'm sorry Lelouch…but you don't belong in the in between. You have to go back to the others that need you. Think about Nunnally. She loves you dearly. If anything were to happen to you, I'm sure Suzaku would miss you too."
"Nunnally and Suzaku? They both hate me. Nunnally will probably talk to me out of obligation if I asked…but Suzaku? He wouldn't come…even if I was dying." I know I'm crying, but I really couldn't care less. Suzuku's proved time and time again that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. I don't know if I should be glad or not that he didn't come. After all, now I get to be with Rolo, and with him I don't have to settle for being just friends…
I was surprised to hear Euphemia laugh. It was in an actual humorous tone.
"Lelouch…you have no idea. They really do care for you, trust me." She smiled up at me, the warmth of her smile was almost contagious. If only I could believe her.
"Euphie…what a naïve thing to say. If they did want to see me it would be a rather somber meeting."
"They don't care about him. Besides, Lelouch doesn't need them anyways. Not when he has me" Rolo replied back smoothly.
"Lulu, you have to go back for their sake as well as yours."
"They don't miss me Euphie…"
"They do" she pleaded. "Even if they haven't realized it…I'm sorry, but it's time. Please, take care of yourself this time. It's not too late to fix things."
Before I could fully process the gravity of what she'd said, everything started disappearing. I was sinking into the abyss. Rolo and Euphemia were gone. Perhaps they too had abandoned me…
It was frightening. Why did they go? Euphie didn't want to stay with me…but Rolo…
"Rolo! Don't leave…please don't go, please…I can't have you leave me too…"
The sadness is eating away at my heart. I don't want to be alone anymore. I'd rather be dead. There's nothing I fear more than being forgotten, but for the most part…that's already happened.
"Rolo, you're all I have left….please, please don't go…without you, I-I'm nothing…I'm no one…"
Without him…I really am no one. Can I exist in a world where I go unnoticed? I remember once Suzaku said my very existence was a mistake…I didn't want to believe him at the time, but guess he really was right.
I am a mistake.
I feel myself being pulled into a warm embrace. I knew Rolo would come back for me…I smile and close my eyes. I don't want him to disappear again, so I hold onto him tightly. He's so warm…I can't help but snuggle into him.
"Don't worry Lulu, I'm not going anywhere," I hear him whisper comfortingly.
It's nice to have him around…but this feels different.
"Thank you, Rolo. I don't know what I'd do if you left…promise me, promise you'll never leave me…"
Never again.
I'm drifting off to a quiet sleep. We'll stay together forever…just us. I notice some differences in him, but I'll worry about that later.
I ache all over. Why does my body hurt so much? Did I get injured? I immediately notice the lack of body warmth, and I open my eyes and try to see where I am.
God. Everything hurts. I feel like I broke something. The first thing I see is white. I'm in a room with white walls, and I'm in a hospital bed? How am I in a hospital? Two figures are looming over me. It takes me awhile to focus, but once I do I realize this has to be an illusion.
"Lelouch…" Suzaku whispers lowly from my side.
I hear C.C. let out a sigh of relief on the side opposite where Suzaku is.
Suzaku and C.C.? Why are they here?…Where's Rolo?
Suzaku's emerald eyes shine down at me happily, and he smiles. It's been awhile since I've seen his smile. He hugs me tightly, and starts saying something. C.C. starts talking as well, but I don't pay them much attention. Wouldn't it be wonderful if this was real? This is an illusion though. A cruel joke. Neither of them actually cares about me.
"Where's Rolo?" I manage to say, but I sound weak. Almost as if I hadn't used my voice in awhile.
I feel Suzaku stiffen against me.
This has to be a dream, but why doesn't it feel like one?
'…I'm sorry, but it's time.'
Euphemia's words rang in my head, and reality came crashing down. I remembered everything that happened. The letter I sent, how long I'd waited, and the jump.
How am I still alive? This must be why Rolo's left me. I'm still alive. Why did I fail? Suzaku and C.C. don't care. If they're here they must have some type of motive. It can't be because they actually care.
"I'm a failure. I can't even succeed in killing myself!" I cried out in frustration.
Author's Note: Once again, I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever D: I was displeased with the last chapter, hopefully this one's better. I wanted Euphemia to try and cheer Lelouch up a little, since he was really depressed in the first chapter. Although she kind of went against his will. Oh well. Euphie knows best. I'll try to update sooner next time.
Side Note: In case any of you are reading Vengeance is Sweet, and are wondering about the next update, know that I'm working on it. I will be updating that soon. Either this week, or next week.
Anyways I hope you liked this. Next chapter will most likely be about Lelouch's deal with C.C. It should be interesting now that Lelouch has woken up.
Review if you have time~
Thank you for reading :)