Forgiveness?: Moving Forward

Present Day

Thunder growled in the clouds above, closer this time, and Shinji blinked down at the package at his feet trying to remember how to move his own limbs. He remembered going to his mother's house that night and staying up with her watching chick flicks and eating ice cream from the carton. Etta had frowned at her son when he told her what had happened and told him that he needed to go back and explain himself to Nnoitra as soon as possible. But when Shinji returned to the apartment Nnoitra was nowhere to be found. It took a month for him to realize that he wasn't coming back. And all because he couldn't handle three little words.

"Shin-chan?"

The voice was quiet and he vaguely recognized it as his mother's but he couldn't bring himself to respond; just continued to stare at the ground, at his feet, at the small package nestled there.

"Baby, you okay?"

He was numb everywhere except for his chest, the sore spot seemed to pulse with the beat of his heart and radiate outward. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears and feel his stomach begin to churn. He realized that his reaction all those years ago had been dramatic, it had been a major topic of discussion with Kisuke in the beginning. Okay, more than dramatic, and he had no excuse for that. With millions of random thoughts and memories clouding in his mind one thought struck him suddenly and moved his body finally into action. Nnoitra had left once over this situation, who was to say it wouldn't happen again.

Startling his mother with his sudden movement, Shinji bent down and retrieved the package off the ground, shoving it in his pocket before he took off at a full run to the house.

"Shin-chan!"

He almost knocked Ichigo over as he left, ignoring the question that was thrown at him as he jumped over the hood of his car and threw himself into the drivers seat. He started it up, reached for his phone and dialed as he pulled away from the curb and took off down the road, three curious faces staring after him on the sidewalk.

"The fuck was that about?" Ichigo asked as he watched Shinji's car disappear around the corner.

"Nnoi came over and I guess they fought." Grimmjow said, sighing and heading back to the house to grab the kids. That was the lamest fight he had seen in a long time. He had been expecting more from Nnoitra. And Shinji for that matter.

"I hope he's gonna be okay." Etta worried aloud before following Grimmjow back in the house to help with the children.

Ichigo sighed and shook his head. He was still completely out of the loop as far as what had just happened and it felt like more and more nowadays that he felt like that. Even with Shinji.

Meanwhile, Shinji finally got in touch with the person he was calling.

"Ah, happy birthday, Hirako-san." A bright and chipper voice greeted him.

"Fuck birthdays, my past just jumped up and bit me in the face and I'm kinda freakin' out."

There was a moment of silence before Kisuke responded in a more serious tone.

"What happened?"

"Long story short I was right and everyone else was wrong. Nnoi left because of me and now… fuck, Kisuke, what if he leaves again?" He was shaking and not really sure what he was saying. Kisuke was basically the only person he would ever talk to like this, even his mother didn't know some of the things they had spoken about.

"What are you doing right now?"

"I…." He blinked at the road in front of him and realized that he was well on his way to Nnoitra's apartment. His foot almost stomped on the brakes but he managed to brake lightly and he slowly took himself to the side of the road, parking and shutting off the car completely.

"Fuck, I don't know."

Without further prompt he told Kisuke everything that was said, leaning his head back against the headrest and closing his eyes as he spoke.

"I should go talk to him, shouldn't I?" He asked quietly, even though half his mind had already been made up to do so.

"Yes, I would think that the best course of action if you wish to make amends for your earlier actions. Just remember that you do have a support team in your family and friends and of course myself."

"Thanks Kisuke."

Calmer, something that always happened after he spoke to that man, Shinji tossed his phone on the passenger seat and started the car back up, pulling away from the curb and continuing the drive to Nnoitra's apartment. He didn't know what he would do if the man left because of his stupidity twice.

It wasn't fair how fucked up in the head Shinji made Nnoitra. At first, when he had left the house, he had been pissed off. Not so much because Shinji was a bitch, he knew that already and for some stupid reason it was part of the blond's charm, but remembering what had happened always put him in a bad mood. He hadn't been lying when he said that he had been humiliated that day. He hadn't been lying when he said that he had never said those three words to anyone else in his life. He knew that even as a child he had never loved either one of his parents, and the brotherly love he had with Grimmjow had never had to be spoken of aloud. Even after six years of on again off again with Szayel he knew he had never loved him. It was all Shinji. Only Shinji.

The irritating little fuck.

He didn't go straight home, opting instead to stop by a bar and pound a few beers before grabbing some food from his now favorite pizza parlor. The place was fantastic really and he didn't even have to order anything anymore. All he had to do was walk in the front door and the guy behind the counter was off to make his order. It was kind of nice actually. With a few beers in his belly and a pizza in hand he walked the rest of the way back to his apartment, doing his best not to think about anything but the prospect of eating, watching some pay per view porn and hopefully passing into a dreamless sleep.

When he reached to top of the stairs and started to pull his keys from his pocket he stopped when he noticed the figure seated on the floor outside his door. He frowned and walked the rest of the way down the hall, stopping before the figure and staring down at the top of his head. Shinji was leaned against the wall beside his door, knees brought up to his chest and head resting on a pair of folded arms, apparently dozing. Nnoitra smirked and stuck his key in the lock.

"The fuck you gonna do, sleep in the hall?" He said loudly as he opened the door and let himself inside.

Shinji jerked awake, not having realized that he had fallen asleep in the first place, and looked up at Nnoitra from where he sat. Nnoitra shook his head and walked inside, setting the pizza box on the counter and pulling off his large coat, tossing it aside and forgetting about it. Shinji stood slowly, barely stepping inside the room and staring at the floor when he finally did so. He wasn't sure what to do now that Nnoitra was home and they were alone.

"Shut the door, idiot."

Shinji obeyed instantly but still didn't bother to look up yet. Nnoitra sighed and shook his head. What the hell? Did the blond come over to stare at his tatami? The little bit of alcohol in his system had him antsy and his hands itched to do something; touch something. He glared over at Shinji, letting his eye rake down the younger man's body, taking in his tight dark jeans, his equally tight green shirt and his long blond hair left loose behind him. Even with those god awful pink shoes he looked good. He moved close to him, angling his head down so that he was looking at the top of his head once again and cocked a hip.

"So what the fuck? Ya come here ta say somethin' 're ya just gonna stand there and…."

Shinji placed both hands in the center of Nnoitra's chest and pushed as hard as he could catching the taller man off guard and making him stumble backwards. He barely caught himself before he hit the wall and looked across the room at Shinji.

"You asshole!" He yelled.

"What?" Nnoitra shouted back indignantly.

"Ya couldn't wait 'til I got home ta talk ta me 'bout this? Ya just take off? Do you have any idea what ya put me through? How pissed off and scared and worried about you I was?"

"Put you through? Fuck, doncha think 'a anyone else but yerself? News flash Blondie, I got feelin's too. Ya ever wonder how I felt 'bout all this?" He took a step closer to Shinji and sneered down at him. "Yer such a selfish bitch, ya know that? It's aaaaall you or it don't matter, right? Why doncha ask yerself how ya would of felt if the tables'd been turned."

Shinji often forgot that Nnoitra had a far wider range of emotions than he liked to let others witness. The man seemed only capable of anger, mischief, and copious amounts of lust most of the time so it was an easy thing to mistake.

"Ya didn't give me a chance ta explain myself! Ya drop that bomb in my lap and then the world fuckin' explodes with one of the best orgasms I've ever had in my life right before panic wipes it all away." Shinji shook his head and bit his lip a moment. "I was scared, okay?" He admitted quietly.

Nnoitra snorted. "Bit more'n scared. Ya freaked the fuck out."

"Yeah, well when I came back to apologize you were gone." His voice was raising again but he didn't care.

"Che, as far as I knew we were done."

"How does that make us over? Just 'cos I didn't say it back and needed a little bit to calm down after ya told me?"

"You. Fucking. Left. I said it and you fucking ran away." Nnoitra was practically in Shinji's face now, their noses inches apart.

"I told you I was scared!"

"All I said was that I love you. The fuck's so scary about that?"

"Because I love you too!"

Eyes widened and backs straightened as they realized their words and looked into the others eyes. Shinji blushed and was the first to look away, crossing his arms over his chest and sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. He really hadn't meant to say that. Not out loud anyway. Nnoitra cleared his throat and ran a hand back through his hair, shifting to the left a bit, a part of him wondering why everything had to be so awkward after words like that.

"Really?" He asked quietly, trying desperately to stop his stomach from quivering and his heart from crashing through his ribs.

"Maybe." Shinji said in an almost pouting voice, flat out refusing to look at him yet. "You were… tellin' me the truth back then?"

"Hey, I may be an asshole but I ain't ever lied to ya."

He was right, in all the years they had known each other, Nnoitra had never lied to Shinji. He had refused to answer certain questions and kept certain things to himself, but he had never once lied.

"So…." Shinji started, still not looking at Nnoitra as he shifted his weight. "What now?"

"We could fuck." Nnoitra said hopefully. As far as he was concerned the fight was over and it was time for make up sex. Make up sex with Shinji was always fun.

Shinji pouted at him, his eyebrows almost touching with the intensity. He felt like he should yell more, but he wasn't quite sure why. Then again there was another part of him that wanted to throw himself in Nnoitra's arms and forgive and forget. It shouldn't be this simple, especially after everything he had put himself through.

Nnoitra moved closer, reaching out and tapping Shinji's elbow with a crooked finger. "We good?"

Shinji sighed deeply and felt his entire body relax as he leaned forward and rested his forehead on Nnoitra's chest. "Yeah, I guess so." God, he said to himself, please don't let this be another stupid mistake. He didn't know if he could handle it if it was.

He didn't really know what he was expecting but it caught him off guard when thin, strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a tight hug. After a moment he returned it, burying his face in Nnoitra's chest. His head was swimming and his heart was racing. He wanted to run; he wanted to stay there locked in that embrace forever. His eyes closed and began to sting with the prick of tears when Nnoitra softly kissed the top of his head.

"You open yer present yet?" Nnoitra asked as he awkwardly parted from Shinji's embrace. He couldn't handle things like that for very long.

"Uhm… not yet." He replied, reluctant to end touching just yet.

"Why the fuck not. Ya love presents."

Shinji smiled and dropped his arms, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the small package.

"Open it." Nnoitra pushed, grinning like an eager child on Christmas. It was almost as if the gift were for him.

Shinji shook his head and held it up for the man to see. "The hell ya do, use an entire roll of tape?"

The package looked like a small child had wrapped it, the tape so thick around it that it was hard to tell what color the original wrapping was.

Nnoitra smirked. "Had ta make sure it'd stay put."

"I need some scissors to saw through it." Shinji muttered to himself, not able to control the stupid smile on his face. The mood in the room and between them had changed so fast it made his head spin but he couldn't bring himself to worry about it.

Nnoitra handed him a pocket knife and he made quick work of it, slicing open the top and tipping it over to fall in his hand. Two pearls, one black, one pink, were situated in the center of a simple macramé knotted bit of hemp. Shinji's eyes widened at what he saw and he looked up at Nnoitra questioningly.

"I found the pink one first and took it 'cos it reminded me of… you." Nnoitra cleaned his throat again and looked away from the blond. "Then after I got the black one I stayed with some Americans for a month or so and one'a them taught me how to do that."

"You… you made this?" Shinji asked with wide eyes before turning them back to the short necklace.

Nnoitra scowled. "Yeah, so."

"Ya made this for me?"

Nnoitra rolled his eye and crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "Duh."

"Why?"

Nnoitra shrugged and reached a hand into his pocket. "I didn't know what ta do with those things at first 'til I remembered the bracelet you made me. That stupid pink and black thing." He pulled his keys out of his pocket and showed Shinji the braided bracelet Shinji had made him a year after they had started officially seeing each other hanging from the ring. "It finally fell off about six months ago." He said, placing them back in his pocket. "Anyway it gave me that idea and well…."

When Shinji continued to stare at the object in his hand Nnoitra frowned. "It's a necklace." He said, thinking that Shinji wasn't sure what it was.

"I know." Shinji breathed.

There were too many thoughts floating around in his head at the moment for him to think straight. He simply couldn't believe that Nnoitra, Nnoitra, had gone out of his way to make him something. And it was good. The knot work was simple yet perfect and the pearls, though not the typical perfect round, were beautiful and raw. The pink one was pastel in color and almost oval in shape with one end larger than the other. The black one was a slate grey color and looked as if two smaller pearls had been fused together. Neither one of them were very big, smaller than an American dime, and were nestled close together on the knotting.

"Well, do ya like it 'er not?" Nnoitra asked impatiently.

"No." Shinji said, causing Nnoitra to frown as he looked up at him. He smiled sweetly and closed his hand around the necklace. "I love it."

He used his free hand placed in the middle of Nnoitra's chest to propel him backwards until the back of his legs hit the couch. Nnoitra sat heavily, a wide and knowing grin on his face. Oh yeah, now it was time for make up sex. Without skipping a beat Shinji crawled up into Nnoitra's lap and dove in for a kiss, bypassing the sweetness to immediately shove his tongue in his mouth; curling, tasting, needing. Nnoitra reached up, burying his hands in Shinji's long hair and pulling him closer as if to devour him. Shinji's hands began to work Nnoitra's buttons from their holes, almost tearing a few in his haste to undress the man beneath him.

"Why are ya wearin' buttons." Shinji mumbled when they pulled apart to catch their breaths.

"Ta piss ya off."

Shinji snorted as the last button was freed and he yanked the shirt off, tossing it on the floor behind him. He pulled back and frowned at the black wife beater Nnoitra still wore but got impatient and instead of doing anything about it yet his teeth were suddenly on his neck, nibbling and biting hard the flesh. Nnoitra groaned and let his head fall back as his own hands pulled Shinji's shirt out of his pants an up over his head. He was mildly disappointed that he wasn't wearing a tie but when he slipped his hands up Shinji's chest and felt the little metal studs in his nipples he distracted himself immediately with twisting and plucking them. Shinji mewled slightly at the attention and arched his back, pressing his chest into Nnoitra's hands and he licked and nipped his way down the side of his neck.

Nnoitra let one hand fall and began to pull Shinji's belt free from the buckle just as his teeth sank into Shinji's collar bone and he tongued to bone. When his tongue ring scraped across Shinji's skin he shivered from the sensation before pulling back to look heatedly down into Nnoitra's uncovered eye.

"When didja get that thing?" He asked breathily as he yanked the wife beater off. Nnoitra's deft fingers pulled the button at the top of his pants through the hole.

"My birthday last year." Nnoitra responded, barely letting the words from his mouth before he was attacking Shinji's throat. "I was thinkin' 'bout gettin' two." He added between licks.

Shinji moaned quietly, imagining Nnoitra's long tongue with not one but two studs through it; imagined how that skilled tongue would feel even better against his cock and on his skin. And then he remembered just how long it had been since he had gotten a blow job from Nnoitra, shuddering when he realized that he could have that now practically any time he wanted.

"Oh God, please get another one."

Nnoitra chuckled as his teeth closed around Shinji's Adam's apple and he sucked hard. Shinji tipped his head back and let out a low groan, squeezing his legs slightly and just barely rocking his hips forward. His zipper was lowered and Nnoitra's hands began to caress his backside, his thumbs curled over the waistband. Shinji's hands fumbled with Nnoitra's pants as his own were slowly and gently pulled down to expose half his ass. Not missing a beat Nnoitra slipped his middle finger inside the fabric and ran it delicately along the cleft. Shinji sucked in a breath and leaned forward, pushing back into the finger. Nnoitra unlatched himself from Shinji's neck only to suck his bottom lip into his mouth before kissing him deeply.

When the teasing finger finally slipped between his cheeks and pressed against his eager entrance Shinji finally had Nnoitra's pants all the way open. He hooked a finger in the waistband and pulled back from the kiss.

"Lube now?"

Nnoitra nodded and pointed with his free hand to a small stack of books near the wall, a small bottle of lubricant standing on top. Shinji leaned over, Nnoitra placing a levering hand on his hip, and grabbed it, tossing it on the couch beside them before returning to the task of pulling that long hard cock out of Nnoitra's pants. He had to maneuver it some, shift hips and pull fabric, before it was freed and he couldn't help but stare when he finally got a good look at it. Nnoitra chuckled low at the look on Shinji's face. The cock in his hand twitched at the feather light touches and Nnoitra tilted his head to bite the side of Shinji's ear.

"That missed ya too." He said in a teasingly husky voice.

Shinji rolled his eyes and giggled. "Baka."

"You should sit on it and make it feel better."

Shinji continued to giggle as he stroked his long fingers up the thick shaft. He touched the pad of his middle finger over the slit in the head and licked Nnoitra's shoulder.

"I got a better idea."

Nnoitra licked his lips and let his eye roll closed. "Oh yeah?"

Instead of answering Shinji slid gracefully out of Nnoitra's lap and onto the floor between his legs. He bit his lip as he got a closer look and felt his mouth salivate. He wanted that hot piece of flesh in his mouth so bad he could practically taste it already. He licked his upper lip as he shifted his body closer to the object he desired and looked up into Nnoitra's violet eye. There had been something he had wanted to say for years but had never thought to do so until after the opportunity had passed. With cheeks flushed and lips already kiss swollen he let his eyes fall half mast before speaking.

"Dein Schwanz ist ein Gott, und ich werde ihn mit meiner Zunge anbeten." He whispered before closing his eyes and circling his tongue around the head.

Nnoitra groaned and let his head fall back, shifting his hips a little closer to the edge of the couch as he did so. He hadn't had his cock sucked in way too long and he knew that Shinji would be able to deliver mind blowing fellatio. He didn't even care what the younger man had said at this point as long as he kept doing whatever it was he did with his tongue while his cock was in his mouth. Shinji's lips wrapped around the head and sucked before taking a bit more inside. He wanted to go slow, wanted to savor it, but already the only thing he could think about was Nnoitra ramming that cock strong and deep inside him until he screamed or cried or passed out; or all of the above.

Apparently Nnoitra seemed to have the same idea, though he would have loved to keep that mouth down there longer he couldn't bring himself to wait for the hard fast fucking he knew was coming. Shinji was only able to make it half way down the cock before him when Nnoitra grabbed him by the hair and pulled back, pulling him back into his lap as he slammed their mouths together. Shinji moaned quietly when their cocks met at the same time their tongues did and pushed his hips forward into Nnoitra's.

"I wasn't finished." He said breathily against Nnoitra's mouth.

"Ya c'n suck it later. I need ta be inside ya."

He started to pull Shinji's pants off him hastily and stand up off the couch at the same time. He reached behind himself blindly for the couch cushions and threw them across the room in his haste to pull the bed out. Shinji in turn pulled at Nnoitra's pants, pleased when they easily fell to the floor and his was able to touch every part of him unhindered. Shinji latched on to Nnoitra's left nipple and vaguely heard the thud of the pull out bed opening. Nnoitra pushed him down onto it and climbed up on top of him, a long lean thigh edging between his legs. Lips met once more and groins ground together, sensation spreading and tingling the skin.

"Roll over." Nnoitra growled and Shinji obeyed, arching his back and angling his ass up in the air provocatively.

"Mmmm." He said before slapping Shinji's ass appreciatively.

He looked around for the lube and frowned when he realized it had probably gotten thrown across the room in his haste. Luck was with him though when he found in on the floor by the side of the bed and he bent to retrieve it, slicking up one finger before dropping it to the bed beside him. Without warning he pressed the finger deep inside Shinji and grinned when the blond groaned loudly and pushed back against him. Oh he was going to give him more alright, Nnoitra thought to himself as he grabbed his own cock and positioned it at the twitching hole. Not bothering to remove his finger he pushed the head inside and curled his finger at the same time, brushing teasingly against his prostate.

"Oh, ffff-uh… nggh-ah…."

Nnoitra slid deeper, finger still tickling and teasing, his grin growing with the escalating sounds coming from the man beneath him. He curled his finger and lifted his hand, stretching Shinji open that much wider and wondering if he should try to fit another finger inside him. Shinji loved to be filled to capacity and pushing that capacity limit was another of his favorites. Nnoitra decided one finger was enough for now though and grabbed the back of Shinji's head once more, pulling him up off the bed and back against his chest, cock still working slowly in and out of him. Shinji whined at the harsh treatment but ground back into Nnoitra, begging for more.

"Oh, fuck. Harder. Nnoi, fuck me harder."

"Hands on the wall."

Shinji fell forward into the wall behind the couch, spreading his legs and arms for support as Nnoitra picked up his pace. He was moaning and groaning loudly now, words that weren't words tumbled from his lips and he leaned his face against the wall. Nnoitra pressed Shinji's prostate once again with his finger and delighted when the smaller man shuddered and whined. He was close, closer than he should have been at this point, but in the back of his mind he knew he'd get the chance to do this again before the blond went home. He leaned back and pressed one hand into the back of Shinji's head, pushing him harder against the wall as he picked up his speed. When he felt himself almost there he dug his fingernail into Shinji's prostate before pressing and holding pressure.

At first Shinji almost screamed, the pain washing over him and almost instantly melting away to pleasure. Then he cried out and tightened around Nnoitra, pushing back and trying to take him in as deep as he could as he felt his orgasm crest. Nnoitra yanked his finger out and grabbed both of Shinji's hips, pounding into him now and grunting with the effort. At last the both of them snapped, Nnoitra cumming first and triggering Shinji's. Shaking, Shinji slumped against the wall and was surprised when long arms wrapped around him and pulled him down on the bed.

"Fuck." He panted, his eyes not wanting to stay open no matter how hard he tried.

Nnoitra slowly pulled out and sighed as he rolled over on his back. Shinji too rolled over, curling into Nnoitra's side and flopping an arm over his middle. Slowly their breaths caught and evened out, their cognitive control returned and Nnoitra realized that he was fucking hungry. And incredibly tired. Shinji was running circles around his nipple with his pointer finger when he suddenly giggled.

"I'm still holdin' the necklace." He said quietly. His body felt incredibly light and his mind for the first time in years was blank and tranquil. He felt truly relaxed and didn't want to ever move again.

Nnoitra yawned and rubbed his hand over his belly, drawing Shinji's attention to something that he had noticed the first time they had slept together. He shifted his body lower, scooting down the side of Nnoitra's body so that he could get a look at the new addition. When he finally got a good look at it his breath caught and he bit his lip. It was a simple black kanji situated just to the left and below his navel that was instantly recognizable to the blond. It was the first part of his first name after all. Shinji fingered the tattoo without saying anything and wondered just what the kanji was supposed to represent. It could have just represented it's definition, which was truth, but that didn't make much sense.

"It's what ya think it is." Nnoitra said in a thick and gravelly voice.

He couldn't stop his smile nor his body from moving and his arms slid up and around Nnoitra's neck as he buried his face into his chest. Oh God, his chest was going to explode.

"Sorry. Initiating Chick Mode."

Nnoitra chuckled and sleepily wrapped his arms around Shinji's smaller frame. He always thought it a bit funny when Shinji warned others of the impending wave of girly emotions. Shinji just held on tight and closed his eyes, a few happy tears escaping as he cuddled close. Right then he didn't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else in the world. With one hand splayed out over the new tattoo Shinji and Nnoitra both fell into a deep and relaxing sleep, content and comfortable completely and wholly for the first time in years.

A/N Ah, this has been a long week yet again. So much for a nice relaxing summer off, lol. Okay, first off for those of you not familiar with Shinji's name in Japanese his first name is 真子. The kanji that Nnoitra has tattooed on his belly is 真 which translates, according to wiki, to Truth. More on the tattoo and circumstances later. And yay! They fucked and made up... if only this were the end of their problems, ;p A short "honeymoon" period to ensue and we'll take a little peek on how Grimm and Ichi are doing with the stress of being working fathers. So yeah, I think that's all I wanted to say. I'm gonna take a bit of a break from SG to get more Twin Flames out so hopefully that will make everyone happy. Until then I say adeiu :D

~Penny

**Ah, I almost forgot. "Dein Schwanz ist ein Gott, und ich werde ihn mit meiner Zunge anbeten." means: "Your cock is a god and I will worship it with my tongue." I believe I got the translation from Werwolfsbraut from y!gallery ages ago :D Thanks Duckie!**

***Also, this is a link to a picture showing a few different hemp knots. http:/www. hempjewelryshop .com/ missy/hemp_misc/hemp_design_. (just take out the spaces I had to add to see pic.) Nnoi did the first and from my experience that one is the most easy to do. Simple but effective and beautiful in it's simplicity ***