I reached the shore I landed somewhere in Oregon. I moved inland careful to avoid being seen and Found a clothing store that was closed with a going out of business banner out in front. So I thought if I was going to steal, I was not going to find a target that would be hurt less by the theft. Once I was inside, I was immediately filled with sadness over what my life had become, it was a designer clothes store, I recognized the labels from Alice's frequent attempts to share her love of fashion with me. In an attempt to honor Jasper's memory and my friend Alice, I picked out something she would have loved to see me in but I was always too stubborn to let her play Bella Barbie.

I Looked in the mirror and sobbed as I looked at the beautiful vampire who was looking back at me. My eyes just having faded to gold from that angry red color. Now I was pretty, but no Edward to see it. I knew the sorrow Victoria felt now I thought, although I saw her suffering end horribly. I know you are thinking how could I feel that way, since she tortured me and all the things she promised to do to me and those I loved, well it all comes back to it was my fault I was not good enough to hold Edwards attention so he wouldn't abandon me so Victoria was there then to be destroyed, and not smart enough to not go running into James trap, and setting that whole chain of events up.

So I grabbed several more outfits, then went into the back room where I found a bank bag in a deskdrawer full of cash, obviously their cash to put into the registers for the day. Well, I wasn't going to be greedy I would only take enough to get me a map so I could find Denali. I would run there, no point in flying or taking a bus or train. Took one 20 dollar bill and put everything else where I found it taking a large designer handbag to put the rest of my stolen outfits into, then I snuck out the back quickly, all of this I did in less than 10 minutes moving at vampire speed not knowing if there was an alarm system and not wanting to encounter any police.

I ran a few miles until I came upon a truck stop, I thought perfect they should have maps here, for truckers to buy. They did, but my luck nothing for Alaska... I was ready to smash something, then I thought, well, let me ask. I took a breath, then walked to the counter and using as little breath as possible asked "Excuse me I am looking for a map of Alaska but you didn't have any in the display, do you have any in the back?"

The clerk didn't say anythinng just shook his head at me like I was stupid and walked over to the display and grabbed a map of Washington, then I noticed the small print it said Washington, Including western Canada and Alaska. I was so stupid...

I paid for the map agreeing with the clerks parting comment when I was out of human hearing range, "Stupid broad, why don't they ever read the whole title?"

I ran to a park and figured out how I was going to get to Alaska. I plotted the route close to major interstates but avoiding population centers. I had done OK around humans, being OK with the burning in my throat, but I did not want to add to my crimes, and my failures, and kill anyone else.

It took me all night and part of the next day to reach Denali. The whole way I wondered how I was going to find them when I got there, I couldn't exactly go door to door, that would take forever, but once I got into Denali, I smelled it. There is no mistaking that smell. Vampire. It smelled beautiful. I followed my nose and came upon a huge house, it was a log cabin. Giant like a 30 room log cabin.

I cautiously walked up to the front door and knocked. A lovely vampire answered. I was at a loss, I had found them so quickly I had not even figured out my cover story yet so I improvised. I was afraid they might know my name, so I said. "Hello, My name is Issa, I heard there was a family here like me, and was wondering if you had room to for another?" I was mentally kicking myself, feeling stupid. But then another vampire inside called "Who is it Tanya?"

She answered after looking at me funny "One like us named... Issa". The voice called out "Well don't be rude invite her in so we can all meet her"

So she stepped back and motioned me inside, then walked past me indicating I should follow her into the living room. Then several Vampires walked into the living room sitting down and indicated I should have a seat also.

"Hello, my name is Elizar, Please relax we will not harm you, I promise you. Now why don't you tell us what brings you to denali?"

I took a deep breath and thought for a second, "I was recently changed, and didn't want to drink human blood, I heard of a coven in Washington that didn't drink human blood, from some nomads, and when I got to their house they were gone, then I heard about you, uh, from some other nomads, do you know about the Family in Washington? Maybe how I could find them?" I asked.

Before he could speak the doorbell rang and Tanya Disappeared to answer the door. I heard Tanya say "My god Alice? What happened? Are you OK?" It had to be Alice Cullen, she must have seen a vision of me coming here. Well, that simplifies things, I stood up and turned around, Alice pushed past Tanya.

"Is she here yet?" Alice asked. I looked back at the denali coven, they looked at me knowingly, they knew who I was, Alice had called ahead, and here I added to my crimes by lying to their faces. But I was surprised when Alice saw me and ran at me and threw her arms around me sobbing "Oh Bella, thank god I found you! Jasper, they killed my Jasper Bella, and Edward, Oh, Bella, none of this would have happened if I hadn't left you, can you ever forgive me? I am so sorry Bella." She continued to sob her whole body shaking.

I did the only thing I could, I put my arms around my friend and comforted her. "Alice, what are you talking about this is my fault, My clumsiness, my stupidity at falling for James trap, and being too plain to keep Edward's interest. I am so sorry, I wish I could give you your Jasper back, but I won't fight you can take your revenge on me. I know I deserve it for causing you this pain."

Alice's crying stopped and she pushed back from me still holding onto my shoulders. "Bella, you can't seriously believe any of this is YOUR fault?' She looked puzzled.

"Alice, whose fault could it be, of course it's all my fault. I can take you through it step by step, and it is all my fault!" I looked down.

"Bella, Bella, Bella... What have I done..." Alice released my shoulders and began holding herself sobbing and she fell to her knees. The denali family came over to us, and helped Alice up and led us both over to the sofa.

"Hello Bella, my name is Carmen, I am Elizar's mate. I think I can help, that is if you two will listen, and let me?"

Alice stopped sobbing and looked up and nodded. Watching Alice, I did also.

"Now, who is responsible for what can wait, you may in time blame yourselves still, or blame each other, or blame those responsible for their parts, you may forgive yourselves and others or you may not and hold onto the hate and sorrow inside yourselves, that can also wait. What has happened to you both is you both are survivors of horrible tragedy, Bella your being left by those you held dearest who thought they were doing the right thing, only to have you fall into the hands of an evil hate filled monster." She then turned to Alice "Alice, sweetie, you were forced to leave your only friend you ever made on your own, your Bella, whom you love with every fiber of your being whom you love enough to have left her because Edward guilt-ed you into thinking it was for Bella's sake, only to then get a vision of the horror of what Victoria Did to Bella, you told Edward, who of course ran to Bella's rescue, only to like Edward act based on the assumption of the worst case scenario, you seeing Bella as one of us sent Jasper after Edward, only to watch helplessly in a vision your brother and your mate being destroyed by the Volturi for Edwards crime of walking out into daylight into a crowded square."

"You both still love each other It is as plain as the nose on Elizar's face" Elizar interrupted "HEY!"

I had to smile at that. I couldn't help it. Carmen smiled at her mate then continued. "You both need to grieve, you have both lost much, but there is reason for hope, Bella, the Cullens only left because Edward thought it would be better for you if you were allowed to continue as a human, but he was the only one who wanted to leave. The others all argued against it, but since you were Edwards it was his decision, he has had to move before because of the others and it would not have been fair if they would not do the same for him. You should return with Alice to the Cullens, whatever your reasons for your deception when you arrived here we forgive you we knew of course who you were Alice told us to expect you, we all hope to get to know you, please visit when you have finished grieving."

Carmen then turned to Alice "Alice what happened is horrible, the worst loss one of us can face is the loss of a mate. It was not your fault, just a sensless waste, the Volturi are quick to judge, and quick to act, they are not so quick to investigate what is going on. You must grieve and move past this, you are young, believe me when I tell you, there are others who have lost mates who have again found a mate who completed them like your Jasper did you. With your gift you will in time find that as well. Remember the life you saved Jasper from and even though his time with you was cut short you know he was happy. You showed him another way of being that saved him. You didn't kill him by sending him after Edward, you saved him many years before when you rescued him from the pain of feeding from human blood when you showed him he could survive off animals."

Then she motioned to her family and they all left Alice and I sitting there in their living room alone.

I looked at Alice, she was a mess, I looked down at me and here I was the one wearing designer clothes, when I looked back at Alice she was glaring at me. She then moved over close to me and hugged me.

"I will never forgive Edward. I saw you as one of us for so long, But Edward thought changing you would be wrong, I wanted to dress you like this for so long, and here look at you all it took was changing you, and I would have had everything I ever wanted! My Best friend dressing in clothes as beautiful as her!"

I hugged her back, holding her. "I am so sorry for what you have lost Alice, I never even got to really get to know Jasper because he could not be around me safely that much, but you can tell me all about him, when you feel up to talking about him. I would like to know all about the brother I never had a chance to get close to. But I have to burst your bubble, I only stole these clothes because it was a store going out of business and it was the only thing available..."

Alice Stopped sobbing and pushed me back gently. "You lie, I saw a vision of you, You picked out things you knew I would like to see you in, you can't lie to me Bella! Now let's get a ride to the airport, Carlisle, Esme, Rose and Emmett are waiting for us in Scotland at our home there. We need to have a memorial service for Edward and Jasper. And you and I need some time together Alone, to grieve for our lost loves. There is a cottage on our land there we can use it is isolated, and Edward and Jasper both used it a lot to get away when the thoughts of others or emotions got to be too much, so with our sense of smell we will be able to smell their scents there still. How does that sound?"

"So you really don't blame me? I can't help feeling like it is my fault, in spite of what Carmen said"

Alice looked at me, "I feel like it is my fault too. I suppose that is what they call survivors guilt. Funny I got that masters degree in psychology to understand emotion better to understand Jasper better, and now I am remembering things that I am now suffering from." She got to her feet and held out her hand to me "Together?" She said as I took her hand. "Together." I replied and we walked out to the driveway where Carmen was waiting in her car to give us a ride to the airport.

I was feeling crushed under all this emotion. Sorrow, anger, regret, so much pain. But I had Alice back, I wished I could celebrate that but it was bittersweet.

We had a long flight back to scotland in silence. Once we touched down we both spoke at once saying each others name. Then Alice gestured I should go first. "You sure you aren't mad at me? You didn't speak the whole way back? Will the others be mad at me?" I asked.

Alice laughed, a sad laugh. "I was waiting for you to say something first!"

"Me too" I replied with the same sad laugh.

"So let's agree to just speak around each other and not worry about it, and also the others are going to be happy to see you, just not under the circumstances."

Next Chapter. Reunion and Memorial.