Traffic in the Attic

The Power to Freeze

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, we head back to the attic, where Piper had just spotted her son, Shane, apparently kidnapping his younger brother, Dylan. Wyatt, Steve, and Tristan followed behind them.

"MOM!" Shane exclaimed, louder than he'd intended. "I was just, uh…"

"Kidnapping your brother?"

Do you guys know that one facial expression of Piper's? The one that has a base expression of 'are-you-out-of-your-freakin'-mind?' with a dash of "someone-better-start-explaining-this-or-heads-are-gonna-roll, people!"? This particular facial expression is frequently accompanied with insanely wide eyes, hands poised on the hips (but ready for action), and a forced, teeth-gritting smile? Well, if you know the expression to which I'm referring, insert that expression here.
"Kidnapping?" Shane said nervously. "Aw, I don't think I'd call it kidnapping."

"No?" Piper batted her eyelashes in precise, even intervals. "So what would you call it, then?"

"Me?" Shane's voice squeaked as the word narrowly escaped his throat. "Well, uh, let's see, there's…"

"Taking hostage?"

"Wh-, I mean. It's just. Uh..." Any sentence Shane began promptly resulted in inarticulate stammering.

"No? How about, 'Stealing away?'" Piper paused briefly, a curious look in her eyes. "Say, can you hijack one person or does it have to be a vehicle full of passengers? I'm a little rusty on my street crime terminology."

Piper was the one and only soul in the Universe that could terrify Shane to the point that his knees would start knocking. It wasn't because she was even the slightest bit abusive. In fact, she had an impressive amount of patience when it came to her sons. However, having grown up with a baby sister as wild as Phoebe once was, she knew full well the essentiality of a strong, determined, and (if the situation required it) an intimidating front.

Regardless of causation, there's nothing like seeing the resident so-called badass reduced to a bumbling bunch of nerves by his tiny powerhouse of a mother.

"Mom?" Dylan groaned, as his blood rushed to his head. "Think ya could get me down from here?"

"Workin' on it, kiddo," said Piper, leaning sideways to speak to the young man hanging over Shane's broad shoulder.

As for Shane, his heart continued to race as Piper tilted back upright and recommenced looking him squarely in the eyes. "Shannon, honey, sweetness…"

(No way, no way, no (bleep)in' way!) Shane silently exclaimed. (Whichever one of 'em told her she calls me 'Shannon' is gonna be chasin' their rollin' heads down the sidewalk when I'm done with 'em.)

"And Steven, precious?" she said, standing on her tip-toes, "I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that those sparkly blue ropes didn't come from Ace Hardware?"

Steve stared glumly down at his bare feet. "No, ma'am."

(Ma'am???) "So…" said Piper, getting back to Shane. "exactly how serious are you about this whole kidnapping gig, 'cause, as much as I wanna be an open-minded mom and all, I'm not sure I can support this little hobby of yours as a career choice."

Shane's strong façade continued to gradually crumble . "Well, believe it or not, there's a reeeally easy explanation for all this…"

"Is there now?" asked Piper. "I can't wait to hear it."

"R- r- right, and uh…" Shane took a large step to the side of his brothers, "…and Wyatt would be happy to tell it to you."

"Ohhhh no!" said Wyatt, shaking his head and folding his arms, "If you wanna play 'Super Villain', then you've gotta take on 'Wonder Woman' all by yourself."

"Roast him, Mom!" said Dylan, dizzy from the blood steadily rushing to his head.

"Watch it, flower power," said Shane, "or Mister Tickle-Fingers is gonna suddenly take up a life of crime."

"Ya know, it's a shame," said Dylan, his voice light and lilting, "somewhere in the wilderness, a lonely sasquatch is missing her mate."

Steve frowned and vigorously scratched his head. "Annabelle's a sasquach?"

"Annabelle?" asked Piper, with a dazed curiosity. "There's an Annabelle?"

"So then…" Steve continued, cluelessly, "If Annabelle's a sasquach, does that make Kayonna a sasquatch too?"

"HEY" Shane said threateningly. "You leave them outta thi-"

"There's a Kayonna too?" said Piper. "Does this mean I raised a little heartbreaker?"

"No," Shane said with an embarrassed moan. "Kayonna is…"

"Shane's adopted daughter!" Tristan said triumphantly.

(Why, that little…) "Tristan, what the hell?" said Shane, his voice running up and down the scale.

There was a rare confidence in Tristan's ordinarily uncertain tone. "Me…naked…sudsy…Main Hall…biker-boy oaf with a duffel bag…Any of this sounding familiar?"

"Soundin' more like a cheap shot, actually!"

"Seeerious headache happenin' here people!" Dylan groaned.

"More grandkids?" Piper asked skeptically. "So then, that's three already?"

"Ohhhh man!" Shane groaned towards the ceiling. "Anna hasn't even said 'yes'."

"Oh–Come–ON!" exclaimed Wyatt. "Kayonna's first word was 'Dad-da'."

"SO?" said Shane defensively.

Wyatt took a strong, determined step towards painfully uncomfortable little brother. "She was LOOKING right at YOU."

"I repeat.. SO?" said Shane, only louder. "That could mean anything… It could mean…

"It could mean we're all uncles again?" Tristan said, grinning.

"Weren't we uncles already?" asked Steve, sounding genuinely confused.

"Well, yeah," said Tristan, "I just meant that…"

"Boys?" said Piper, trying to jump in.

"Steve," Shane griped, "Put it to bed, would ya?"

"Yo!" Dylan shouted. "Seriously folks, fainting will commence momentarily."

"Ya promise?" said Shane.

Dylan said conivingly to the others, "Are ya SURE you guys aren't hungry for roasted sasquatch?"

"Dylan, put a sock in it already," Shane grumbled.

"Hello?" said Piper, waving her hands about.

"Good idea," said Dylan. "That would really round out the whole kidnapping ensemble you've got goin' here."

"Shane," said Wyatt, in a polite yet commanding tone, "Why don't you put him down."

A defiant glare hardened Shane's eyes. (And just WHO the hell do you think you ARE?)

"Well well well!" said Dylan to Wyatt. "Look who decided to act his age!"

Wyatt scoffed, "Nevermind. Let him dangle."

"Yoo hoo!" said Piper. "I'm over here, people!"

"Hey you, 'Missing link'!" Dylan shouted at Shane. "Any chance ya could speed up this little evolutionary process yours?"

"Hey you, munchkin!" Shane returned. "Kiss – my – ass!"

"That's kinda the problem," said Dylan. "I'm in perfect position to do so."

Her pinky fingers between her teeth, Piper let out a deafeningly shrill whistle. "For GOD's sake, boys! Everybody just CHILL OUT! (chill out, -ill out, -ll out, -out, -out)."

The command loudly echoed, many, many times.

"Ohhh dear," Tristan muttered, as he felt his arms reaching out in front of him, without his consent. "Um, you guys? Somebody?" His hands started to tingle and tremble. "I can't stop my hands from…"

"Oh God, Tristan…" Wyatt grabbed his brother by the shoulders and spun him around, face the attic doorway. Sadly, there was one little detail he didn't take into account.

"WHOA!!!" Steve hollered, as a thick stream of freezing cold shot out of Tristan's hands, hurling Steve all the way into the middle of the attic.

"Dammit, Wyatt!" Shane snapped, and started to turn around. Unfortunately, he kinda forgot that he was still, "OW!!!", carrying Dylan, whose poor head was slammed against the hallway wall. "Jesus, Shane! Are you trying to KILL ME?"

"Oh CRAP! Sorry, Dyl!"

"Oh, I'll show YOU sorry!" Dylan scathingly replied. "Just PUT me down and go after STEVE!"

Though Dylan's sharp scolding propelled Shane smack into the middle of his 'grumpy place', he couldn't very well argue with the sensible suggestion. So, with a quick lift of his shoulder, Shane bounced his bound brother up and forward, just far enough so that he could catch him as he fell, and quickly lower him down the ground. "Ya HAPPY?"

(Oh SURE! 'Cause who wants to be standing on their FEET when they can be trussed up down on the FLOOR!)

"STEVE?" Shane shouted, turning toward the attic. "Hang ON, Buddy! I'm COMIN'!" And before he'd finished his last word, Shane had orbed our of the hallway.

"MOM!" Wyatt shouted, turning his head back towards Piper. "Tell Tristan to stop!"

"Uh, okay… Tristan? Stop!"

Piper's tone was dry, not a trace of an echo.

(Well, that's great! Where the HELL is the echo when ya need it?) "Now what?"

"Try AGAIN!" Wyatt urged.

Piper took a deep, full breath, and did her best to focus. "Tristan! … STOP!"

But still, no echo.

"COME on now, Mister Echo!" Piper exclaimed. "WORK with me here!"

Tristan frantically pleaded, "Wyatt, just knock me OUT or somethin'!"

"TRISTAN!" Wyatt said defensively, "I am NOT gonna knock you OUT!"

But the young man insisted. "PLEASE, before they FREEZE to death!"

(OH, God! What do I do? What do I do?) Wyatt asked himself, knowing that, to turn Tristan around would freeze up the hallway, and all of its inhabitants, in addition to the already frozen attic. As it was, the frost was already beginning to spread out of the attic back into the hallway. The added guilt that Wyatt felt for sending Steve flying back into the attic in the first place, only made it harder to think clearly. (Please, Shane.. Please just find him.)

Seeing that no real progress was being made, Dylan shouted, "RORY!", from down on the floor, hoping to summon the owner of the hypnotic power that Piper had somehow channeled. "RORY!" (That's odd… Even if he's asleep, he should still be able to hear me.) "Come on, Dylan, think!" he said to himself. "RORY! Where the HELL are you? … RORY???"

Dylan's patience had reached its end. "Okay, that's it…" and his impromptu spell followed.

Without the help of these goddam dopes
I free myself from these (censored)ing ropes!

The ropes instantly vanished. (Holy crap… I did it! Even with Steve's orb-ropes, I DID IT!)

Dylan soon sensed his mother's eyes looking down on him, and he suddenly felt quite self-conscious about his cursing. "Sorry, about the potty mouth," he said, with a drastically uncharacteristic timidity.

"AW, it's okay," said Piper, with tired enthusiasm. "I think you earned that one."

Taking only half a second to smile back, Dylan orbed out of the hall in glimmering swirls, hoping to find Rory, who could fix the whole mess. As he did so, a new cluster of orbs appeared in front of the wall opposite Piper, revealing a 6 foot, 3-and-a-half inch Steve-sickle, complete with frost-covered stocking cap. He was tucked into a ball on the floor, hiding behind his make-do shield: the Charmed Ones' 'Book of Shadows'. He was completely covered in frost and ice, and his eyebrows were as two small, slanted icicles, making a sort of upside-down roof over the bridge of his nose.

"Oh thank god," Piper sighed.

Just as she was about to congratulate the shivering young man for managing to not only orb back, but to do so with all of his clothes still on, realized that, apparel-wise, only the stocking cap made it back with him. He was just hiding his nakedness behind the large, thick book he was holding. "Ohhhh, Sweetie," said Piper, pulling off her lavender bathrobe and, while looking the other way, laying it down on top of him. "Here here here… put this on."

"Th- th- th- th- thanks, M- M- M- Mom." Steve managed to say, as he shivered.

Then, Steve focussed his attention on Tristan's ankle, the only part his body that Wyatt wasn't blocking, and a glistening blue band appeared around it. This band instantly put a stop to the powerful stream of bitter coldness, leaving Tristan's hands temporarily powerless.

"Phew!" said Wyatt, though at the same time he wondered, (Now why didn't I think of that?)

"SHANE!" Tristan shouted towards the attic, a worried tremor in his voice. "SHANE?"

Answering the summons, Shane appeared at the other end of the Hallway where it curved, just on the other side of Steve. There were speckles of frost stuck in his beard, which he immediately began to scratch. "Uh-oh," he said, looking down at his naked brother. "Looks like some overgrown Elder just got himself a new dress."