Reaction and Action

"According to these results, Mr. Hirako you are the father of this child."

Shinji's hand flew to cover his mouth and his eyes widened to impossible size. He couldn't decide between throwing up, passing out, screaming, crying or laughing hysterically. God must hate him because every time Shinji was happy something would come up and knock him down a few hundred pegs. His stomach rolled and he snapped his eyes shut, his body leaning a little forward as he tried to stop it from folding itself in half.

"Well now that we have this settled, I will be needing you, Miss Ito, to decide on the baby's surname so that we can finish filling out the birth certificate."

Nana looked sideways at Shinji and sighed. "May we have a moment alone first please?" she asked quietly and the doctor, after a quick look between the two young people in front of him, nodded and stood, closing the door softly behind him.

Nana took a deep breath and patted the baby's back gently before speaking in a soft tone to Shinji.

"I know this is hard for you but I want you to know that I wasn't lying when I said that I don't want anything from you, nor do I expect it. It's up to you whether or not to be a part of this in anyway."

Shinji nodded woodenly and silence hung between them as he tried desperately to think of something to say but came up blank. He couldn't think straight and panic was starting to take him over. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't be a damn father!

"I won't act on the surname thing until you've had time to process everything and tell me if you want her to have your name or not." Nana said, still in the soft tone from before. She bent over the desk awkwardly and wrote something on a piece of paper before righting herself and reaching for the diaper bag she had with her. "Just call me when you decide please."

And then she was gone.

Shinji stood and looked blankly down at the desk, his hand reaching out for the phone number written on the back of the doctor's business card. He didn't remember leaving the office nor did he remember walking down the long hallway to the men's restroom. He leaned over the sink, turning on the water and resting his weight on his hands against the Formica countertop. He watched the water swirl down the drain, like a tiny black hole sucking the liquid eagerly from the porcelain bowl, but didn't hear the sound. He looked up at the mirror on the wall behind the sink but didn't see his face. What the hell was he going to do? Too many voices in his head offered up advice at the same time and Shinji closed his eyes, swallowing and doing his best at taking deep breaths.

Nana had offered him an out, clean cut and dry as a desert. He could say thanks but no thanks and walk off Scott free and never have to worry about this again. The question was, could he really do that? Could he really just not do anything about this? This was a child, a child he helped bring into this world, a part of his living being. Shinji's eyes shifted focus and he finally saw his reflection, eyes wide and almost haunted looking, skin pale and drawn, lips pressed in a hard, flat line across his face. He watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed again before closing his eyes. What am I gonna do?

Shinji's body jerked violently when the door to the communal bathroom opened and he turned to look over his shoulder at who was about to interrupt his silent freak out. Honey eyes widened at the same time as chocolate ones did and Shinji sucked in a hissing breath.

"Shinji? What the hell're you doing at the hospital? Is everything okay?" Ichigo asked, frowning at Shinji when the blond made no effort to reply.

Ichigo stepped closer to Shinji and reached out, placing a tender hand on his shoulder.

"Shin?"

Shinji's eyes widened. "Oh God." he whispered as the reality of the entire situation began to hit him with force. Someone was there for him, asking him to reveal everything and so much of him wanted to just get it out but at the same time hold everything inside. His gaze dropped to the middle of Ichigo's chest and his body began to tremble, shaking hands coming up to his mouth as his head shook once as if to negate everything that had happened that day.

"Shinji?" Ichigo asked in an alarmed tone and another strong and steady hand grasped Shinji's opposite shoulder.

"Oh God Ichi…." Shinji could feel his blood moving faster, hear his breathing change, now coming out in harsh gasps. "Oh God."

Hands reached for Ichigo, clutching the white coat that he wore like a lifeline. Panic rolled in waves off the blond and Ichigo shook Shinji, trying to snap him out of whatever was happening to him.

"I fucked up. Oh God I fucked up bad, Ichi." Shinji babbled, body now shaking so hard that he was afraid he'd fall over and wondered why his knees hadn't buckled yet.

"Shinji, what happened?" Ichigo asked, trying to keep his voice calm and knowing that he was failing at it. Shinji was starting to scare him a little.

Shinji struggled to control his breathing so that he could say something, anything, but he wasn't able to get any part of his body to obey him. He was beginning to hyperventilate and Ichigo let go of Shinji's shoulders, grabbing his face and forcing eye contact. Short gasping breaths, wide, wild eyes and skin almost sallow, Ichigo noted and he looked straight into Shinji's eyes.

"Shinji, I need you to calm down." he said in an even but firm voice. "Take a deep breath, that's good," he said when Shinji gave it his best effort. "Now let it out nice and slow. Good. Again."

Shinji struggled to regain control of himself. Freaking out and having a panic attack wouldn't do him any good but damn it, he was fucking scared. It was one thing to like children. He loved babies and kids, hell he had even babysat for Hanataro and his wife more times than he could remember and every time he was around the triplets he felt like he couldn't be more happy with life. They were family, all of them. But the idea of actually being a parent…. Shinji hiccupped and his head fell forward into Ichigo's chest, hands dropping to his sides as his body continued to shake but his breathing slowly returned to some semblance of normal.

"I don't know what ta do, Ichi." he whispered and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Shin, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong?" Ichigo replied quietly as he let go of Shinji's face and wrapped an arm around a thin pair of trembling shoulders. When Shinji remained silent Ichigo guessed. "Is it something with Nnoitra?" he asked.

Shinji half snorted, half sobbed at the name. Nnoitra would leave him for sure now. One night of drugs and sex and Szayel and he was going to lose the man he loved. And yet again, it was all his fault. If he hadn't gone, if he had just said no to those pills, this wouldn't be happening to him.

"No." he answered, shaking his head. "Ichi…. I got…." Shinji swallowed and shook once, hunching his shoulders. "I got a girl pregnant."

The silence in the bathroom was deafening. Ichigo blinked hard and scowled, trying to sift through his friend's words. He… he had to be joking.

"Shinji, that's not funny." he said lamely and hugged tighter when he felt a tremor run through Shinji's body.

"I went to a party a while back at Szayel's and… took something. I don't remember doing it but… three of us…." Shinji trailed off, amazed that he was even getting the words out of his mouth.

"Well if you don't remember how do you…? I mean, Szayel lies ya know?" Ichigo pressed.

Shinji shook his head. "We just had the DNA thingie done. Why do ya think I'm here?"

"Oh fuck." Ichigo said unhelpfully. "Are… are you sure?"

"Ichi…."

"Well fuck, Shin. What are you gonna do?"

Shinji shook his head. "I don't know. I can't handle this shit. It's too big."

Ichigo frowned and grabbed Shinji's shoulders again, pushing him back so that he could look him in the eyes. Shinji's eyes were red and there was more color in his face now but he looked like he was standing on his last leg.

"How do you think she feels, Shin?" he asked. He could only imagine that this girl was scared as well, even if she had made a mistake, it didn't sound like she was the only one to blame here.

"What?"

"Shinji, how long has she been pregnant before you found out?"

Shinji blinked. "She's… she had a c-section a little over a week ago…."

"Jesus Shinji! You're here worried about whether or not you want to be a man and deal with this and she's spent her entire pregnancy alone? Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. She doesn't have a choice in this matter. She has the baby and no matter what she has to take care of it now. She doesn't get the luxury of a meltdown while she decides whether or not she can handle this."

"But…." Shinji blinked again, surprised at Ichigo's words. "But she said she was leavin' it up ta me if I wanted…."

"Do I have to hit you? Creating life is a big fuckin' deal Shin. You don't get off the hook just because you're scared. You can't just forget about it and move on like nothing happened. You're a father now. Be a man and step up or…," Ichigo shook his head, his scowl deepening. "Or you aren't the man I thought you were."

Ichigo let go of Shinji and took a step back from him, straightening his lab coat and turning towards the door. "I have to get back to my rounds, I'll see you later." he said before pulling the bathroom door open and leaving Shinji alone.

Shinji stared after him, his chin trembling at the harsh words and his chest tightening. He closed his eyes and brought his hands to cover his face, taking a deep shaky breath before letting it out in a rush. Splashing his face with water from the sink and patting it dry with a coarse paper towel, Shinji left the hospital with even more weighing on his mind than before.

Shinji stepped through his apartment door three hours later, surprised to see Nnoitra passed out on his couch. After leaving the hospital Shinji had gotten in his car and drove, letting his mind work everything out as he barely paid any attention to the road he was on. He had ranted and raved at the injustice of everything, told himself that he couldn't and wouldn't do this. That he wasn't going to make a good father just because he was good with other people's kids. Yelled at himself for being a despicable coward, no better than Szayel. But in the end he had realized that there really was only one thing he could do.

Tiptoeing passed Nnoitra so as not to wake him, Shinji walked to his bedroom and shut the door quietly behind him. He took a deep breath and locked the door before reaching into his back pocket for his phone and the little card that held Nana's phone number. Shinji entered the number with shaky hands and closed his eyes as he hit the send button and raised it to his ear.

It took three rings before a soft and quiet voice answered and for a moment Shinji wasn't able to speak. He cleared his throat and sighed before finally managing to say something.

"H-hey. This is, uh, Shinji." he said, rolling his eyes a bit.

"Oh." Nana said, sounding more than a little surprised. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you so quick."

"Yeah well…." Shinji trailed off. "Look, can we… meet and maybe talk for a bit?" he asked.

"I can't leave the house right now but you can come here." she answered.

Shinji swallowed. "Sure, just give me the address."

Nnoitra blinked awake, hearing a soft murmur coming from Shinji's room, and sat up, rubbing a hand over his face. God damn he was tired. Starrk was working him extra hard, laughing and saying that it was just payment for letting him stay at his place so often but Nnoitra was doing his best at staying away as much as possible. Thankfully Shinji was in his life because he couldn't bring himself to ask to stay with Grimm and the Bitch, not with those three brats around. He heard the bedroom door click open and Shinji's soft footfall on the thick carpet and looked over the back of the couch as the blond came into the living room. Shinji stopped, his eyes wide before he smiled tightly at Nnoitra. Nnoitra frowned and grunted for Shinji to "C'mere." Shinji obeyed and Nnoitra pulled him into his lap, sleepily nuzzling the side of Shinji's head.

"Where ya been?" his voice rumbled and Shinji curled into him a bit.

"I had some things ta do." he said quietly and kissed the underside of Nnoitra's jaw. "And I gotta run out again for a bit."

Nnoitra grumbled as his eyes began to slide closed again and his arms tightened their hold on Shinji. Shinji gave a small half smile and pushed himself out of Nnoitra's grasp.

"Sleep and when I get back…." Shinji stopped. When he got back he'd have to tell Nnoitra everything, wouldn't he? He wouldn't and shouldn't keep this from him like he had all those other things. "When I get back we'll talk, ne?"

Nnoitra was already too far gone to pay too close attention to what he was saying and nodded as he lay back on the couch and stuck his hand in the front of his pants. Shinji gave him a small smile and grabbed his jacket before slipping on his shoes and stepping back outside into the cold and wet weather.

It didn't take long to get to the address and he noted with a frown that it was in the same bad neighborhood that Nnoitra's last apartment had been in though in a different building. The one that Nana was apparently in was almost worse from what Shinji could tell and something hard settled in his gut as he parked his car and got out. The stairs up to her apartment were shaky at best and the hallway was filled with random bits of debris. Shinji wrinkled his nose as he reached her door and knocked quietly. He couldn't believe she lived in a place like this. The door opened and Nana gave him a tight smile before stepping aside to let him in. The room was small, but clean, much more so than the rest of the building, and contained a small crib, a low bookshelf and a small dresser with one drawer missing. The kitchen area, if it could be called that, was little more than a sink, dormitory style refrigerator, and a small plot of counter space that held a hot plate.

Nana sat on the floor near the crib and shuffled through a small pile of papers she had been apparently going through before he showed up, setting them on top of the bookshelf and looking up at him.

"I'm sorry, I don't have anywhere else for you to sit." she said and gestured to the floor next to her.

Shinji folded his legs under him and kept his hands deep in the pockets of his coat. Now that he was there he wasn't sure what to say or where to begin. Nana cleared her throat and asked it he would like a cup of tea and when he nodded she rose to fix it, giving him a moment to clear his head and figure out what to say.

"So why are you here?" Nana asked, starting the conversation for Shinji and making him feel a little stupid.

He took a deep breath and spilled it. "Look, ta be honest I'm scared ta fuckin' death 'bout this. I… I don't really think I'm cut out ta be a father like at all, but…," he stopped and ran a hand back through his hair. "But someone pointed out to me that I'm being a selfish bastard again and I took some time ta think."

Nana wasn't looking at him and it was making things easier to say properly.

"The more I thought 'bout it the more I realized there's no way I could stay outta this."

He didn't hear her move and jolted when a steaming cup of tea was practically shoved in his face. He took it but didn't drink, instead playing with the handle of the mug and staring into the pale green depths.

"If you're here out of pity I'd rather you just leave." Nana said quietly, eyes flicking over to the crib before she took a small sip of her own tea.

"That ain't it." Shinji sighed and set the tea on the floor beside him. "I… I wanna be here fer that kid, okay. I mean, she's mine right?"

When Nana's eyes met his he realized that they were almost black with dark circles around them and rimmed in red. She didn't smile but looked again at the crib, letting her breath out in a quiet sigh.

"So what do we do now?" she asked.

Shinji shrugged and reached for his tea. "I'm not really sure. Kinda the first time for me."

He was trying to lighten the mood even if he was still freaked out about everything Nana seemed more upset in a way. What Ichigo said back at the hospital came back to him and he realized that he hadn't once given any thought to how she had been handling this whole situation. It was obvious that she was living alone, having him in the room made it feel smaller than it already was so he couldn't imagine anyone else there with her. He didn't know if she had any family, didn't know anything about her really and it made him feel like a jerk for not thinking to ask. Nnoitra had been right, he really was self-centered.

"Would you like to hold her?" Nana asked and Shinji felt his stomach jump.

"Uh… s-sure."

Black eyes were back on him and she titled her head to the side. "Have you ever held a baby before?" she asked and Shinji finally felt himself able to smile.

"'course I have. My best friend has three kids almost six months old now and another friend of mine as two, a four year old and a two year old. I used ta baby-sit for them all the time before work got all crazy."

Nana just looked at him before raising to her knees and reaching inside the crib, lifting the very small bundle and cradling it to her breast. She seemed reluctant to let her go but after a moment she held the baby out and Shinji reached out to take her into his arms. Nana watched carefully as Shinji brought the baby close and looked down at her, his lip disappearing between his teeth. He felt his chest tighten and his breath stop and for the first time in his life, he fell in love with a female. She was beautiful.

"What's her name?" Shinji asked as he ran a gentle hand over the top of the baby's head.

"Yayoi." Nana answered, for the first time a small smile tilting her thin lips.

"Beautiful." Shinji whispered, his chest tightening further and his eyes filling.

Nana nodded and when he looked up he saw tears coursing down her cheeks. He lost his battle and joined her, smiling and letting his own tears come.

Shinji had ordered food, telling Nana that he didn't want to hear any kind of protest on the matter. He was still holding Yayoi, cradling her in the crook of his arm as he sipped his second cup of tea. Nana had been asking him about his life -where he had grown up, what he did for a living, did he have any family around- and he had been happily answering her questions. He knew that he had probably been there for well over an hour but he wasn't ready to leave yet. He still had so much he wanted to ask her as well and he was having entirely too much fun holding his daughter. The pain and fear he had felt just hours ago was like a bad dream now, one that had grown cold and thin with time. When the food arrived Nana answered the door and brought everything in, handing over the yen Shinji had pulled out of his wallet to pay for everything. She was dishing everything out when Shinji started asking his own questions.

"So, where did you grow up?" he started with the same question she had.

Nana sighed. "Kyoto, but I moved here three years ago when my parents died."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Shinji said and Nana set his plate of food next to him on the floor.

"It's okay. I'm doing fine on my own."

"Are you working?" Shinji asked and Nana seemed to stiffen a bit.

"I have a part-time job after school and it pays the bills and keeps me fed so I can't complain."

"Oh? Which university do you go to?" Shinji asked, curious now.

"I… go to Tokyo High School. I'm in my second year."

Shinji froze and stared at her as she refused to meet his eyes. What? WHAT?

"You… you… you…." Shinji stuttered. "H-how old are you?"

"Sixteen." she answered readily, still not meeting his eyes.

"Holy fuck!"

Yayoi woke at Shinji's loud exclamation and began to fuss, screwing up her little face and whimpering. Shinji didn't know what to say to that. Didn't know whether to feel disgusted that he had basically committed statutory rape or laugh that this was just too ridiculous. Szayel would be even more enraged if he knew that he had invited a teenager to one of his parties. He was usually so careful about things like that.

"That doesn't make me any less of a mother." Nana defended.

Shinji snorted. "No, I know. Just… surprised me but I guess I should be used to it by now."

"Anyway, I'm dropping out. I can't afford to continue and I need to get another job…."

"What? No way, you can't drop outta school!" Shinji frowned.

"I don't have much choice. I have child now and high school is the least of my worries."

Shinji shook his head. "No way. Yer not droppin' out. I ain't lettin' ya."

Nana looked irritated briefly before she shook her head and looked out the small window.

"Look, I don't work much durin' the day so I could stay with Yayoi while yer at school and I'll, ya know, buy diapers and food and shit." Shinji offered, feeling a little excited at the prospect of spending time with his child everyday.

Nana frowned. "You don't have to…."

"Yeah but I wanna." Shinji interrupted. "And… well when I tell okaachan 'bout it she'll wanna help out too. She always has free time and she freakin' loves babies." Shinji smiled as he pictured her reaction to the news. He knew, out of everyone he knew, that she would be the one that would be most happy about this situation. "You'll hafta meet her soon."

Nana lowered her head and bit her lip. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Shinji snorted. "Are ya kiddin'? Don't worry 'bout it."

Nana sighed and reached for Yayoi. "It's time to feed her." she explained when Shinji seemed reluctant to let her go.

Shinji sighed and looked at his phone to check the time. He should be going anyway. He put away the leftovers from their dinner and washed the plates and mugs, drying them and putting them away from Nana. By the time he was finished Yayoi was finished with her own meal and Nana was burping her. He smiled warmly down at his daughter and sank to his knees beside them.

"I gotta go. Do ya want me ta take her for ya tomorrow?" he asked quietly and he watched as Nana thought it over before nodding stiffly.

Shinji leaned forward and kissed the top of Yayoi's head gently, running the tips of his fingers once again over her soft, thick black hair.

"I'll be here at seven then." he said before standing and walking to the door.

He took one last look and shut the door quietly behind him, his heart, for now, at peace.

Nnoitra was still sleeping when Shinji returned home and he found himself smiling down at the man on his couch. He knew it would be hard to tell him but at that moment he was too happy to worry about it. He brushed Nnoitra's hair out of his face and kissed his cheek, giggling when the man scowled and swatted him away. Poor baby was tired. Shinji poked him hard in the ribs and giggled again when Nnoitra grunted and blinked up at him.

"The fuck…?" he mumbled in a thick voice.

"Get up."

"Fuck you."

"Get up and I'll feed you." Shinji taunted and Nnoitra slitted his eye open again.

"Yeah?"

Shinji nodded and laughed. "Yup. Whaddya want?"

Nnoitra grunted and sat up, pushing his hair back and yawing widely. "Food." he managed before sniffing and looked up at the still standing blond. "Pizza from that place I like?"

"Whatever ya want, Nnoi."

Nnoitra grinned and reached for Shinji's hand, pulling him into his lap like he had done earlier that day.

"Yer bein' all… fuck it. I like it when yer like this." he said, nibbling on Shinji's ear lobe.

Shinji giggled and pulled away, grabbing Nnoitra's face and kissing him soundly on the lips before jumping up to search for the phonebook. Nnoitra took a moment to wake up fully before standing and following Shinji to the kitchen.

"Where'd ya go?" he asked, remembering that Shinji had already been home once that day.

Shinji hummed and ended the phone call, looking up at Nnoitra with a smile on his face.

"Just had some things ta do." he said slowly.

"Like what?" Nnoitra asked, suspicious of Shinji's mood now.

"I'll tell ya all 'bout it tomorrow, 'kay?" Shinji said, stepping closer and standing on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Nnoitra's neck and pull him down for a quick kiss.

No matter what happened Shinji just wanted to enjoy the rest of his day. He knew that telling Nnoitra would be hard, knew that the man would most likely freak out on him, so for now… for now he just wanted to end the day on a good note. He pulled back and looked up into a single violet eye, a soft smile pulling at his lips.

"I love you, Nnoi." he said, and he watched at the tall man grinned widely at him.

"'course ya do." he said and Shinji laughed. "I love ya too, Shinji."

Shinji bit his lip and wished this moment could last forever.

A/N Well I think you all can guess what's going to be in the next chapter, or at least part of it anyway ;p I've still got to decide between two reactions that Nnoitra could have but hopefully you all won't have to wait too long. I'll jut write in and o with the flow like I usually do ;p

Anywho, some news~~ I'm doing a holiday card exchange this year and figured it might be nice to let people know here at lovely FFN if they are interested. Nothing big, basically we exchange addresses and I send you a holiday card and you send me one. Of course you don't have to if you don't want to and I won't look atcha any different if yer not interested, but I figured since I've put it out there everywhere else that I'd do it here as well. Just PM me if yer interested and please do so by the 1st of December so I can get cards for everyone :D

Also, new SBB audio os available now over at y!gallery for those 18 and over and are interested :D And I'll be working on even more of those after post this.

I hope you all enjoyed the cahpter and please please please review~

~Penny