Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood, or Doctor Who. Honestly, did you think I did?
The Doctor never broke his stride. If anything, he ran faster, as fast as he could manage. They burst out of the TARDIS and made their way down into the medical bay at a calmer pace. Neither Tosh nor the Doctor wanted to alarm anyone (Jack) by sprinting into the room. The Doctor's head whirled with thoughts, and he wondered briefly what he should say. Jack's head snapped up to look at them as soon as he heard footsteps. Gwen turned around from handing Owen something and stared at them.
Her eyes seemed to be frozen wide open in shock. Jack turned to her and saw in her eyes a hard, guarded expression that had never crossed her face before. In the time he'd been away, they'd all changed. Grown older. Grown up. And now he had to wonder…what was Torchwood doing to them? What was he turning them into? He saw the Doctor, staring at him sadly, as if he knew exactly what was on Jack's mind. Or as if he had bad news.
"Doctor?" Jack whispered, fear clutching his heart.
Owen spun around, taking a deep breath.
"We know what it is." They said together, the quiet words echoing through Jack's mind. He wondered whether they were deliberately creating suspense as they glanced at each other, or if it was, as always, just him; just his mind drawing each second out indefinitely.
The Doctor and Owen exchanged a glance. Good? Bad? What was it? It was all Jack could do to sit still and not demand an answer.
The Doctor turned to him. "Sodium Hypochlorite. Or, more specifically, 3 millilitres of a five percent sodium hypochlorite solution injected directly into the heart within the next ten minutes."
Jack's already pale face blanched visibly. His expression had frozen. His eyes held such a look of horror and a twisted sort of pain. He was shaking almost imperceptibly, visible only to the Doctor (who was looking for it) and Tosh (who was just plain brilliant and feeling rather shaky herself).
Gwen's eyes seemed to grow larger (if at all possible). "Sodium hypochlorite? But that's…" She paused as she felt everyone's eyes on her. Especially Jack's, drilling holes in her back.
"Bleach. It's bleach, Jack." Owen finished, looking slightly stressed.
Tosh looked alarmed, but seeing the look on Jack's face, feeling the complete horror rolling off him in waves, she refrained from commenting. Unfortunately, Gwen, who wasn't facing Jack and Ianto, didn't notice. In her defence, she was extremely alarmed.
"But…isn't that toxic or something?" She directed her question at Owen. Tosh glared at Gwen, begging silently that she would just stop. Gwen didn't notice. "It always says, you know, don't get it on your skin, or in your eyes, keep it away from children so they don't drink it. Won't it-" she gasped as she met Toshiko's eyes and then spun around to face Jack. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
But Jack was looking at Ianto. The hand he had clasped in his was growing progressively limp and the heat was starting to seep away. The worst part of it was how peaceful Ianto looked. As if he were sleeping, and had pleasant dreams. The faint heartbeat was all Jack had that told him Ianto had yet to fade into the darkness.
"How bad is it Owen? Doctor?" His voice sounded strange and distant to him.
"Jack mate…I don't know. At a certain point, it becomes lethal. It destroys blood vessels and tissue. Kills cells and maybe the neurons in his brain. Internal bleeding…" he trailed off, not wanting to continue.
"But in small amounts," Tosh interjected quickly, "there aren't any serious complications. A little pain and nausea, but that's all. Going by what I've read, anyway."
"Jack?" the Doctor asked quietly, seeing the desperation and pain warring across his face.
Jack took a deep, shuddering breath and cupped his face in his hands. He leant over and brushed Ianto's lips quickly with his own. He walked away quietly, murmuring a passing "Do it." at Owen before climbing shakily up the stairs.
Toshiko and Gwen, about to go after him, were stopped by a sad shake of the head from the Doctor.
"I think Jack has bad memories of needles." He said quietly. And possibly bleach too.
There were moments scarred into the Doctor's mind, memories of loud screams and being forced to watch executions. And tortures. The Master, showing off for his Doctor, showing him how much he had, they had. His next move in their never-ending game, neither with the hearts to win, or lose. Neither wanting the game to end. Not truly.
He remembered vividly the time when he had been integrating himself psychically into networks, whispering softly in minds, passing along messages, giving encouragement, telling Martha what she should do. All hidden from the Master's notice. The amount of times he had felt Jack's brain die, blinking out of existence…he hadn't blocked it. Any of it. He hadn't really tried. It was his fault. His fault the Master targeted Earth. His fault the Jones' were all there. His fault what was happening to Jack. It was another weight for the load he always carried with him, the burden of his great legacy.
"Besides," he added, "We should see to Ianto first."
--
Jack stopped walking as soon as he was out of sight of the medical bay. He slumped against the wall and slid down like into a crouch like a deflating balloon; on the balls of his feet, leaning heavily against the wall, his face once more cupped in his hands. In all his years, all his spare time for thinking, he still didn't know why when in a painful situation, the first response was to curl up and pretend the world was smaller than it proved to be. Even those who knew the very parameters of infinity folded in on themselves and wove illusions to block out reality, losing themselves in the darkness to hide from the world that, in that instant when they were so vulnerable, was so large and formidable.
Jack couldn't do it now. Not even for a moment. Every time the darkness came to relieve him, his memories danced through it. Memories? More like nightmares. Except they were no creation of his mind. They were real insofar as any memory was ever real. He pushed them away, and an image of Ianto floated before his eyes instead.
To be entirely honest to himself, Jack didn't know what he was doing. After all, Tosh had said Ianto would be fine, and he trusted Tosh, he really did. And the Doctor would think it was because of the Valiant and the Master and blame himself. In hindsight, it was because of the Valiant that he left. But it was because of something far greater, far older and far more painful that he collapsed in on himself.-
It just poked at the same old wound. Mortality. Even if they didn't have to cross that bridge now, it would always be at the end of the path. Inevitable. And Jack would be the only one left behind. The only one unable to join all those he loved on the other side. It wasn't something he liked being reminded of.
So Jack did what Jack always did when he didn't want to talk or think about something. He lashed out.
--
John looked up from the concrete slab of a bench he had been sitting on in the cell.
"Well, well, well. Finally starting to see sense?"
The triumphant smile drained from his face as he noticed Jack's eyes glaring at him, cold and hard. He fleetingly registered a sense of gladness that there was a barrier between them. He didn't dare speak.
"Bleach?" Jack enquired, his voice icy and strangely numb. Distant. "Why in the…time vortex is it bleach?"
John sighed. He knew the game was up. A cocky con man though he might be, John always put his own interests – and safety – first. And right now, he didn't know what would happen if he didn't reply.
"I was on several Trinite planets before I came here."
Jack laughed bitterly. "So if the poison didn't kill them, the antidote would?"
John grinned. "Pretty brilliant if I do say so myself. And before that, it was the second 32nd century in Sector 8023. You know, how everything screwed up and the Time Agency had to re wind an entire century? They never did explain why…" he shrugged noncommittally, "Anyway. Bleach didn't exist then. Like one of those Dark Ages when everything is lost. I don't know. Maybe the higher-ups just didn't like bleach. I'm telling you though, it made it a hell lot harder to-" He stopped suddenly.
"If he dies, so do you. Bear that in mind."
John looked into Jack's eyes and never doubted it for a second.