Gwen's going to start crawling out of the pit any minute now.
The New Hub, as Gwen and Jack insisted on referring to it, had all the working areas on one level. So from the medical bay, Vera and Rex had clearly witnessed the latest confrontation between Jack and his – whatever Gwen was. They saw, and heard, but they would both pretend they hadn't as long as Gwen was around. Gwen took every slight with a dignity they couldn't help respecting, and neither of them wanted to be the one who smashed that dignity beyond repair.
How that level of dignity let her get to this point was a mystery that made for intriguing discussions over a glass or two at the pub. Or wherever, really. 'Cause if you couldn't gossip about your workmates, what was the point of having them?
Rex and Vera called hurried replies to Gwen's goodbye and watched as she left, without so much as slamming the door. Neither spoke until Esther and Jack were safely in Jack's office.
"Why the hell does Gwen put up with it?" Rex wondered aloud.
Vera shrugged. "In too deep," she suggested. "He'd be easy to fall for, our Captain."
Rex's dark eyes twinkled. "Jealous?"
Vera shook her head. "Relieved it wasn't me in the line of fire," she countered.
Rex raised his eyebrows. "Don't get too complacent. You could be next, Dr Juarez."
Vera smiled. "He's already got a brunette," she pointed out. "And if I'm not mistaken he's about to add a blonde to his collection." They turned their heads as a shrill giggle floated back from the office to support her theory.
"They're both girls, though," Vera added, eyeing Rex with appreciation. "I'd say you're more in danger of being added to the set than I am."
Rex chuckled. "I haven't gotten this far in life without knowing how to avoid a trap," he said. "And Captain Jack's a dangerous one."
"And he's caught Gwen," Vera said softly. "And Esther's not far off falling, either."
"Poor bitch," Rex concluded.
Vera wondered whether he meant Gwen or Esther, and decided not to ask.
She might feel sorry for Gwen, but she could also feel grateful to the older woman for providing a clear example of what happened to a moth that flew into reach of the flame. Thanks to Gwen, Vera would never get close enough to be burned.
Pity she couldn't say the same for Esther.
-XXX-
It's not worth it, Rhys, it really isn't.
He isn't.
The realization sat quietly in the darkest corners of Gwen's mind, waiting patiently for acknowledgement. Something she knew, something she rejected, something she had to accept. Now that she had, it was actually a relief. A humiliating, shaming relief. A hurt that healed. Like having a boil lanced, which might be Gwen's sense of humor trying to come to the rescue, but was still a very apt metaphor.
It was an old story that she'd fallen for, really. The same story every good girl spun for herself when she dreamed she could tame the bad boy. You might even lay the blame with Disney, or whoever originally fooled little girls into believing that Beauty tamed the Beast.
Harder still to accept the truth when the Beast had laughing blue eyes and a smile more devastating than global warming, sitting in perfect proportion to a jaw-line you could sharpen knives on. Or blunt them.
Gwen closed the storybook and looked at her sleeping child with a love so deep it hurt. She suspected Anwen had fallen asleep a few minutes earlier, but she'd finished reading the book anyway, just for the sake of spending a fraction more time at her daughter's bedside.
Bedtime on Wednesdays was a constant battle. Not with Anwen. She might go through the motions of protest, but Anwen knew the routine of story and bedtime and up early for nursery school, and it gave her life a soothing, comfortable rhythm to counteract the whirlwind that was her mother's existence. No, it was Gwen who fought with the temptation to give into the pleas for 'just five more minutes,' and allow herself to believe it was for Anwen's sake.
Sometimes she tried to tell herself Rhys was being too rigid. But it wouldn't be Gwen who had to cope with getting a tired and cranky child off to nursery school the next day. No, Gwen would be at the Hub, saving the world, or at least trying to convince herself that's what she did, while Anwen turned her tiredness into temper and made Rhys late for work.
Gwen had hurt Rhys enough already. She wasn't going to add to it, not one jot.
She knew it now. She accepted it now. She'd caused pain to people she loved and it had all been for nothing. All this time she'd just been reaching for a prize she couldn't win. Tilting for the golden ring, like the knights of old, too blinded by the pursuit to notice who got trampled underfoot.
She'd trampled Rhys. Broken a heart too good for her. She'd trampled Ianto, and hadn't had it in her to admire the way he got back up after every skirmish. And the golden ring, the prize, she hadn't realized that Ianto was holding it all along. Holding it so gently the damned prize itself hadn't even noticed, until it was too late.
Ianto. Gwen missed Ianto. God, how she missed Ianto. Not just for himself, though she missed his smile and his coffee and his steadiness and his sanity in a crazy world. But Ianto's very presence would have stopped Gwen from getting in this deep with Jack. It never would have gone beyond the flirting.
Ianto hadn't tamed Jack, hadn't even tried to, from what Gwen had seen, and she'd let herself believe the lack of effort meant he didn't really care. But the quiet unassuming Welshman had understood Jack in ways Gwen would never fathom. He'd known there was no need to tame something that would willingly follow you if you didn't chase it too hard. And lay its head in your lap and keep it there for as long as you were patient enough not to spook it.
No, if Ianto was still here, this would never have happened. Gwen knew now what she should have realized back then. However much he flirted and however hotly his eyes smoldered at her, Jack would never have left Ianto for Gwen.
If Ianto was here, Gwen would still be going home to a loving, trusting, welcoming Rhys.
And probably still dreaming about Jack while she was in her husband's arms.
Maybe she deserved it, after all.
I have plotted out one more chapter and maybe an epilogue. Thanks for sticking with this!