A/N- I really want to thank all of you who have been leaving such nice reviews on the story. I know it is a tough one to read and this chapter here is one of the hardest ones yet to read. Thankfully Greg does have Nick there for him, but they still have along road ahead of them before things really seem to go better. Again, this chapter has some pretty dark stuff in it, just to warn you. Thanks for continuing to read...
He woke up to screaming. He sprang out of bed and ran into the bedroom where the screaming came from. He opened up the door and saw Greg sitting up in bed, slightly shaking. "Are you okay?" Nick asked him as he came closer to him.
The nightmare seemed to be his worst yet and his own screaming woke him up. "Yeah, just give me a minute. I'll be okay." He ran a hand through his hair.
Nick sat down next to him on the bed. "You want to talk about it? It might help." Greg shook his head. "Greg, you can't keep all this bottled in. You need to talk about what happened…if not me see that doctor."
Greg looked down at the floor. "I'm scared; I'm scared what you will think of me if you knew all that happened. Will you ever be able to look at me the same way?"
Nick wanted to touch him, hold him but he was afraid how he would react. Maybe Greg had a point, if he was worried to touch him right now, would knowing more of the horrid details deter him even more? He shook his head as the answer came to him. "No, nothing will change how I feel for you. I love you, nothing will change that."
Greg didn't believe him and he was going to see how he would react with a major test. "Did you get a good look at what they put on my lower back?"
Nick didn't know what he was talking about. He knew he had many burns and cuts and dried blood when they found him but he only really saw the damage done to his neck and torso. He was almost afraid to know now. "No, I don't."
Greg turned his back towards Nick and pulled down the right side of his pants far enough to reveal what the letters J and M intertwined in what looked like a branding. Nick felt a bit nauseous seeing the burned marking on him, knowing it had to hurt like hell and also knowing what it meant. "Jesus, I didn't see that. Why didn't you mention it to me?"
He pulled his pants back up and turned to face him again. His face was so sad. "Because I didn't want you to know he marked me as his. He made it himself. He said he'd been waiting to use it. He told me it would be a constant reminder to myself that I belonged to him." Tears started forming in his eyes. "So will you ever be able to make love to me again, seeing that on me? You may but you'll always be reminded just as I am, of what happened." He finally lowered his head, in shame, letting his tears fall.
Nick was overwhelmed in heartache, he started crying himself. He reached out to touch him and was quickly pushed away by Greg. "No, don't touch me. No, I'm no good…you don't want me," Greg said through sobs.
The Texan was at a loss of what to do. He wanted so badly to comfort him but he would not allow it. "I do want you. I will always want you, no matter what you think of yourself. I just…I want to help you but I don't know how."
Greg shook his head. "I don't know how either. I just don't want to feel this way, to have all these hellish memories. I just want to forget it all, be oblivious," he said as he sniffled, trying to control his emotions.
"I want to hold you, G. I want you to feel safe in my arms. Please, just let me hold you," Nick pleaded with him, wanting desperately to comfort him.
His tortured lover suddenly got to his feet. "No, I can't," he said quietly before walking out of the bedroom.
Nick lowered his head in his hands in frustration and grief. He wished Greg would get help or talk to someone about his feelings.
After a couple of minutes he got up and walked out to see Greg sitting cross legged on the sofa, eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice cream. His gaze was on the TV, which had on the game show network, running a rerun of Jeopardy. Nick walked in slowly. "Is it okay if I come in?"
Greg didn't look at him but only nodded that it was okay. He came in and sat down on the sofa with him. They didn't talk at all. Greg just ate the ice cream while watching the old game show. Nick sat by, not really expecting anything from him but just wanting him to know he was there for him if he needed him. He owed him that much.
Greg polished off the whole pint of Cherry Garcia. He placed the empty container on the coffee table. He sat hunched over, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. "There was this day that I'll never forget."
Nick was shocked to hear him speak all of the sudden. He turned down the volume on the TV. Greg continued on.
"It had been a couple of days since they had come to see me; at least it seemed like a couple of days. I dunno, I no longer knew how to keep track of day and night. It just felt like time was endless. I heard them coming, I could always hear them coming down the stairs. Jasper had heavy steps and would always be saying my name as he came down, in a sing song like way. 'Oh Greggy! Greggy, time for fun'. They turned on that damn single light that just barely lit up the basement." He shook his head a moment before continuing on.
"Anyway, Jasper came down with Rex and a new guy I had not seen before. I already felt my skin crawling seeing these three men glaring at me like a piece of meat. I was in the corner, knees pulled up to my chest, praying for once they would not touch me. No such luck. Jasper came and kneeled down before me. He stared at me with malice. 'I have a friend who decided to join us. Meet Chris. You may or may not remember him from the Enslavement club. It's going to be a real party tonight.' He said to me. Then he stood up and told me to get on my hands and knees. When I did not move he kicked me in my side, adding to the pain I was already in. After more coaxing I got in the position and then Jasper came around to stand behind me. I saw Rex nudge Chris forward, he seemed a bit nervous. 'Come on, he gives the best blow jobs,' Rex had told him. I glared at both of them. Jasper then encouraged Chris by rubbing my ass and I could see the bulge growing in Chris' pants. I had to fight down the urge to vomit because if I did…" He paused and seemed to have paled at an unspoken memory.
Nick was about to tell him he didn't have to say anymore, he didn't want to hear what he went through. The agony in his voice told so much but then he started up again.
"Chris moved closer and finally undid his pants and pulled out his cock. Just as he did that I could feel Jasper stick his fingers in my ass. I knew I was going to be fucked both ways again."
Nick closed his eyes and lowered his head. He felt sick hearing him say it aloud; it made him realize it really did happen to him. He wanted to badly to believe it didn't but now couldn't deny it.
"They took turns over the next few hours, occasionally going back upstairs and drinking and smoking. Then they would come back down and force me into position again and do me again. When I resisted some, they put an O-ring gag in my mouth, holding my mouth open for them without having to force me.
"They had been upstairs for a while this last time, I thought they were done with me…I prayed they were done. I was in so much pain, I could not take anymore, but the worst was yet to come. I heard them hooting and hollering and suddenly they came rushing down the stairs. I looked up and saw Jasper holding some kind of strike branding thing that looked red hot. I started freaking out and trying to back away but Chris, at least I am pretty sure it was him. He had on a black leather S&M mask all of the sudden, it was weird. Anyway he and Rex forced me down on my stomach and pinned me down. I begged and pleaded for them not to do this. I just remember Jasper saying 'You'll always be mine and now you and everyone will know when they see you naked.' Then I felt the searing of my skin and smelled my own flesh burning once again. The pain was too much…I passed out. Next thing I remember is waking up, my whole body in pain but especially where he branded me. I was in the dark again."
Greg stood up all of the sudden and went to the patio door to look out. It was in the middle of the night. He wrapped his arms around himself. "That was when I gave up hope. I thought I would never see the stars in the night sky again or the sun shining on the Vegas Strip and that I would never see you again. It was over for me then. I just was hoping the next time they came they were going to kill me, but they never did. I was just their play thing, their sex toy."
Nick had tears running down his cheeks. He had no idea it was that bad, or at least he had hoped it was not but now he knew and wished he never asked Greg to talk about it. He realized now that he may never be able to hold Greg the way he used to. If he did hold him, he would be holding onto him for dear life, never wanting to let go and no harm come to him again.
They were both silent for some time, Nick sitting on the sofa and Greg staring out the window. Greg wiped tears away from his eyes. He didn't know why all of the sudden he decided to tell Nick all of that and almost felt guilty for telling him. He turned around and looked at Nick, who had his head in his hands.
"Sorry, I just…you wanted me to talk and suddenly I had to say something," Greg offered in an apology.
Nick looked up at him and saw him in a new light. The man he loved had been through beyond what he imagined and yet there he was apologizing to him for talking about it. He stood up suddenly and walked towards Greg, who backed away when he saw him coming. Nick stopped in his tracks, forgetting he still had fears even though he said so much. "Don't apologize for telling me what I asked you to do. I just wish…I wish you didn't go through all of that. I wish I didn't have to see the pain in your eyes every time I look at you these days. But you've got friends and family and me, we all love you and we will help you get through this pain. I'll do whatever you ask if it makes you feel better."
Greg gave him a bittersweet smile. "I just need my space for now. I'll let you know when I am ready to let you back in my space."
"Okay." He gazed at him for a moment in admiration for his getting this far after what he went through. "Are you ready to try to sleep again?" He finally asked.
He nodded. "Yeah, I'm tired. Oh and by the way, thanks for stocking the freezer with ice cream."
Nick smiled. "Well I knew you might want some comfort food and I know your weakness."
Greg gave a bittersweet smile. "You do know me well. Thank you for not giving up on me, Nick even though I gave up on myself."
Nick just gazed upon him with love. "I'll never give up on you, even now. You'll get through this."
He nodded sadly. "Yeah, I'm sure I will. Let's try to get some more sleep now."
Nick woke up several hours later and got up out of bed. He went to the bathroom before checking to see if Greg was awake yet. He peeked in his room and saw he was not there. He went out into the living room and saw Greg sitting on the sofa with his laptop. "Hey, did you get anymore sleep?" Nick asked him.
He looked up and smiled a bit seeing the Texan shirtless. He missed seeing him when he woke up, his eyes always a bit blurry. He missed a lot of things. "I've only been up about an hour. I already ate something. I was starving."
"Well, I am glad you have your appetite back. What did you eat?" Nick asked as he stepped into the kitchen area to open the refrigerator.
"I had a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice."
Nick pulled out the juice himself along with some milk. "I think I'll have some cereal too. What're you doing there?"
"Trying to check on my email, I have like 2000 some messages, most of it junk. Why is it some people have to send endless amounts of crap?"
Nick chuckled. "I don't know. Some people out there have nothing better to do then send emails about prescription drugs and sex."
"Yeah," he replied quietly.
Nick noticed his mood changed suddenly. He looked over at him and he seemed to be in a daze staring at his computer screen. "Hey are you okay there?"
When Nick mentioned drugs and sex, it triggered yet another memory for him. "You know, Jasper once came down there so high and then he shoved some pills down my throat. I don't know what they were but they gave me some freaky illusions. I know he got me to do things I would not have otherwise done. A couple days later when he came back to visit and feed me, he asked me if I remembered what happened last time he was there. I told him I didn't. He said that was no good, he wanted me to remember everything. He never gave me pills after that but on occasion he made me drink alcohol, some vile stuff too. I don't even know what it was. It used to mess with my head too since it was always on pretty much an empty stomach." He sat motionless for a moment before finally going back to do things on his computer.
Nick bit his lower lip. He was glad Greg was opening up some but every time he told him something new it made him despise the beast named Jasper even more if it was possible. "Damn, Greg. I am so sorry I didn't find you sooner. You shouldn't have had to go through all of that. You didn't deserve it." He saw Greg shrug his shoulders.
"Hmmm," he just mumbled. It worried Nick when he answered like that. He felt that he still thought he somehow was deserving of it for even being with Jasper and the slave lifestyle at one time.
"You didn't deserve it, Greg. I want you to understand that. Jasper had no rights to you, ever," Nick said clearly to him.
The sandy haired man turned to look at him. "Perhaps but I'll always be marked as his now, won't I?"
"You can talk to a plastic surgeon and see if they can do something to remove it."
"I already did when I was in the hospital. They said the process would be painful and I am not sure I want to go through that again. Besides all my other scars will be reminders anyway. Anytime I look at myself I will be reminded."
"There has to be something they can do," Nick said.
Greg closed his laptop and put it on the coffee table. He reached up and started removing the bandage around his neck. "Look Nick, another reminder that I cannot as easily hide. The collar scar marks will always be here, sure they will fade but again it is a reminder of Jasper's ownership of me. Face it Nick, I'll always belong to him in some way."
Nick pushed back his bowl of cereal, losing his appetite. The morning was not starting off well. "Greg, you don't belong to anyone. You don't even belong to me. You only belong to yourself. I don't care what you say. So just stop talking so stupid."
"Fine!" He got up and stormed off to the bathroom. Nick heard the door slam. He wanted to be mad at him but knowing all he had been through he couldn't be. He just felt sorry for him, knowing that over all the time he was held prisoner, Jasper must have convinced him the situation he was in was all his own doing.
Nick finally got to his feet and went over to the bathroom door. He knocked lightly on it. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"I'm fine. I'll be out in a little bit," he heard through the door.
"Okay. I have to make some phone calls. I'll be in the living room."
Greg stared at himself in the mirror as he replaced the bandage around his neck. He could almost hear Jasper whispering in his ear, like he did so often when he was fucking him. "You'll always be mine, Greggy…my bitch! I own your ass." He shivered at the thought. He couldn't look at himself anymore without being disgusted. He quickly walked out of the bathroom.
Nick saw him come out and noticed he looked a bit shaken. "You feeling okay, G? Do you feel a panic attack coming on?"
The younger man came over to sit down on the other side of the sofa from Nick. "I'm okay."
"Okay, well I'm going to take a shower. You sure you'll be okay for a few minutes? You look pale."
"I'm okay Nick. I can survive a few minutes while you are in the shower," he snarled.
Nick just sighed and got up. "Okay Greg." He felt like he couldn't worry about him without making him upset. He couldn't win. It was going to be a long road to normalcy.