The young boy in the dream looked to be about thirteen now. He was sitting in a tree branch in the backyard a cigarette in hand. His fingers flicked clumsily at a lighter. He had watched this in enough movies he figured. Finally, he got the lighter to catch and sticking the cigarette in his lips he lit it. The coughing fit that followed had been what drew his father's attention. He had felt a hand grab his ankle and pull him from the tree. His head had hit a branch on the way down, and it, along with his back where he had landed, was throbbing. "So, you think you are a big man? Want to try smoking, huh?" His father had laughed down at him. "The last thing we need is the paparazzi snapping a picture of you up the tree smoking. Lets see how you really like these things." His father pulled another cigarette from the pack and lit it with ease. Then he bent down and pressed the lit end into the boy's upper leg just above where the leg of his shorts would fall. Tears began to build up in his eyes, but he refused to cry out. He wouldn't give his father the satisfaction.
Logan kept expecting to at least get used to the dreams once it became clear they weren't going to stop anytime soon, but no such luck. It was still disconcerting to see these events from the eyes of the abuser. The boy in his dreams had begun to look less like him and more like what he imagined Veronica and his son would look like. Instead of his own brown eyes looking up at him from the boy's face, he now saw Veronica's blue ones.
He started to slip out of bed, but felt Veronica's hand grab his shoulder. "Oh no you don't," she whispered. "I have woken up in bed alone everyday for almost 3 weeks. That's more than all the years we've been together combined." She sat up and looked at him. "It's time for you to spill. Pretty soon we won't have time to talk about anything," she added rubbing her now very large stomach. "What's with the dreams? You stopped telling me about them."
"Believe me you don't want to hear," Logan snapped at her. She froze and stared at him. They fought, but usually in a bickering, witty jab kind of way. He never spoke to her like that. Screamed sometimes in frustration at her choices that put her in danger, but in all their years Logan had never snapped at her that way. He realized it to. He looked down at his lap, ran his hand through his hair, and reached out for her. He tucked a blond lock behind her ear, gripped the back of her head, and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry," he whispered gently, "so sorry."
"Logan, I love you, but you are starting to scare me, and we are having a baby. Please talk to me."
"I'm scaring me too. That is kind of the issue." Logan turned to face Veronica, who also shifted until she was sitting cross-legged on the bed looking at him. "You know I was having dreams about my dad, about him… hurting me when I was a kid."
"Yeah. You were telling me about them. Did something change?"
"The perspective."
"I'm gonna need a little more than that," Veronica stated.
"When the dreams first started I was seeing them from my own eyes, as a boy, as I remember them happening." Logan sighed. "Then I started seeing them from his eyes, my father's. Recently, it has gotten even worse. Now the boy in my dreams isn't me."
"Who is it?" Veronica asked when Logan paused. She was pretty sure she could guess by the way he was acting, but she wanted the answer.
He remained silent, but his eyes travelled to her stomach. Finally, he said, "It is what I imagine he will look like, our son." Tears started to travel down his cheeks.
"Oh Logan," Veronica said, pulling him to her as he continued to cry. "Logan stop worrying. You are going to be an amazing father. I know you will be."
"Veronica," he chocked out, "What if I am not? What if I… what if I hurt him?"
"You won't. I know you won't."
"How can you be so sure? How can you know?"
"Because I know you."
"My dad's father hit him; he hit me. It is only logical to assume. And you know how I react to things when I am mad. How many guys have you watched me pummel to a bloody pulp?"
Veronica wanted to laugh, but she stopped herself. "A lot Logan, but trust me, when it is our son, you will find another way. Will you trust me?"
"Yes. Can you promise me something though?"
"Of course."
"If I do hurt him, protect him, and get as far away from me as possible. Don't ignore it or make excuses for me."
Veronica just nodded. She knew how Lynn had dealt with Aaron's abuse of Logan. "Logan, have faith in yourself and me. Neither one of us is going to become our parents."
"Becoming your father wouldn't be bad," Logan said and smiled at Veronica.
"No it wouldn't."