Ciaobella27 reads this before you guys and says nice things. She's so pretty, even dressed up as a witch. Writeontime is my awesome beta, and I can't thank her enough for everything she does.

I don't own Twilight.

Jacob asks me questions on our way back from the school. He teases me about Edward, and I drop a few hints. He wants to know more, and I tell him to mind his own business. He gets angry; he sulks. Then he asks more questions. Who does my dad go fishing with? Does my mom even enjoy it? Do the Clearwaters come over on Sundays? This question is interesting, because they don't, but they obviously don't spend Sundays with the Blacks, either. It also makes me think of what happened to Seth Clearwater, so I ask Jake. I stare straight ahead when the words come out of my mouth, and I'm not blushing, I don't think, because I don't feel the heat under my skin. Jake says he's okay. He doesn't tease me about my longest, biggest, craziest crush. I ask him why. It turns out that Seth isn't really doing okay, and the mere mention of his name puts Jake in a mood where he doesn't want to tease, laugh, joke, or do anything but drop me off with a half-hearted smile and weak hug. I have a lot of things to ask my mother, but she's not around. And when she is later on, she's quiet, and distant, and wants to nap.

I avoid them and they avoid me, until I walk into the living room to watch some television. That's when Dad gets up off his chair and on his way out turns to me and tells me to stop running around with Jacob Black. If I'm going to be staying here, I have to respect his decisions and wishes, and he wants me to stay far away from that family.

"What's the big deal?" I ask him.

"Billy's no longer my friend, Bella. Just trust me on this one and stay away."

"I heard you punched him. Uncle Billy's in a wheelchair. Who does that?"

"Bella!" my mother cries.

I wait for his face to turn into a scary shade of red. I wait for the veins to pop out. I wait for the loud, cruel words, but they never come. He simply walks away, up the stairs, and a door closes quietly—no loud slam.

"He needs to chill," I say to the walls, to my mom, to the screen.

"Yes, and so do you."

Like so many times when I was growing up, she makes a choice. She stands up, picks up the glasses and bowl of popcorn they were enjoying before I came in, and walks away. After a few minutes in the kitchen, she goes upstairs. I'm not surprised. Just annoyed. Not with her, but with myself. I can't wait for the day when I don't spend those two or three seconds thinking she's going to stay with me, talk to me, or come to me. Hope is completely wasted on these two. I should save it for things with more promise. I should get some sleep because I want to wake up early, just like I did today.

XxXxX

I've barely made it out of the car when I see him walking towards me. I finish the text I've been meaning to send to Jasper all morning and wave "hello" with my phone still in my hand. Hopefully, Jasper won't call me the second he reads the text. I asked him to wait another few weeks to visit. He said he wanted to come next week, before the summer gets too busy, before he has to leave for all of the trips he says I can accompany him on.

"Wow, were you watching from your window, waiting for me to pull up?" I ask Edward once I'm close enough.

"No." He shakes his head. Man, he looks like a kid. "I was looking for my sister. She was supposed to drop off my lunch which I forgot to bring today, but she just called and told me she'll be running a little late."

You didn't have to answer my question, Edward, but that was cute. "You have a sister?"

"Yes. Her name is Bree."

"Cute. How old is she?"

"She just turned seventeen."

"Oh, she's young. Does she go to school here?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Awkward."

"Not really. So far, she hasn't been in any of my classes," he tells me.

"What do you teach?"

"Humanities, and AP US History."

"That's pretty cool."

"Yeah." He nods. "I enjoy it."

"Poor kid. Having her older brother as her teacher."

"I'm Bree's favorite."

"Brother, or teacher?"

"Everything."

"It's awkward just standing here," I tell him. Almost as awkward as this conversation about your kid sister.

"You ready to run?"

"Sick of me already?"

"Not at all," he says, walking beside me as I make my way to the track. "It's actually a nice day, I don't want to be cooped up in that classroom."

"Ah, you're escaping the ugly classrooms of Forks High School by hanging out here with me. I told you, you can't watch me run, or warm up. That's just awkward."

"There's plenty to watch out here. You can do your thing, and I can do mine."

"Good luck focusing on anything else."

I have to ignore him just a little bit if I'm going to do this. There's no one else out here this morning, and the sun that was shining just a few seconds ago is now behind one large, heavy cloud. It's probably going to rain, and I want to run today. We make it to where I was warming up yesterday, with Edward walking just half a step behind me, and my phone rings. I hit ignore, but Jasper is persistent.

"Hey, I can't really talk right now," I tell him.

"I forwarded you my flight information. We're spending Saturday night in Seattle."

"Uh, no we're not."

"We're not spending it in Forks."

"If we're going to spend any time in Seattle, it has to be during the week. I have a few appointments I need to make, and Saturday won't work for me."

"Fine." He sighs. "Then just let me know which night you want to spend in Seattle and not in your parents' house. I'm going to fu—"

I smile the kind of smile you always try to hide. Impossible. I bite down on my bottom lip because if I don't, I'll say words I can't say in front of Edward. Words Jasper would like. Words that I'll probably say soon enough, when he's here. Something tightens inside my stomach, and my knees are a little shaky. I miss him. I miss him a lot. I shouldn't be missing him this much. I shouldn't be thinking about what I'll pack, and whether or not I'll want to leave for good.

"We'll talk about this later," I tell Jasper. "I'm supposed to be working out."

"How does the W sound?"

Amazing.

"Fine, whatever, I'll call you later."

I hang up and jump when I notice that Edward is standing right next to me.

"Sorry, I had to take that. My friend is coming into town and we're thinking about spending some time in Seattle," I explain as I place my phone inside my bag. "I need a little escape."

"You just got here."

"I'm already bored. It's not like there's much to do around here. I just hang around in my room all day." He's still here, but I start doing some stretches. He sits behind me. So quiet and still.

"If you ever feel the need to escape, you can climb out your window. The tree's right there."

I freeze mid-stretch. Then I turn around to look at him. His eyes are on the ground before they meet mine.

"You're starting to give off this creepy vibe."

"But you're still smiling, so I've failed to creep you out," he says.

"Yeah, it usually takes a little more than that." We laugh, and it's the same nice that I keep associating with this man. "But seriously, why do you know that?"

"Before your family moved to Forks, that house used to belong to the Stanleys. Jessica Stanley was my girlfriend in ninth grade."

"So you climbed up the tree and sneaked into her room?" I ask. I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he did, but I still kind of want to hear him say it.

"All the time."

"Was it worth the risk of getting caught?"

He shrugs. "Definitely."

"Boys..."

"Come on, Bella, I think you know something about taking risks like that," he tells me with a smile. But the smile disappears almost immediately, and he regrets his words.

I wish I could just joke about this, take it lightly. I'd tell him, "Come on, Edward, we're not seriously comparing a fifteen-year-old girl to the President of the United States, are we?" But I can't do it. He's a stranger. It's not funny. I should let it be funny, at this point, I should just laugh and say something, but I let too many seconds pass by without saying a word.

"Sorry, I—"

"No, it's cool."

"I should get going."

"Thanks for hanging out." I have to force the words to come out, but they do, and it's as nice as I want to be right now. And I'm glad they sound nice, too, not forced, not cold.

"I'm going to be away tomorrow and Friday, camping trip with some kids in a program I volunteer for, but I'll be back Monday. Or even this weekend if—"

"My friend is going to be here this weekend, but I'll be around next week."

"You'll be in Seattle," he reminds me. "For your appointments."

"Just for a day or two."

"Well, have fun, and let me know when you're back."

"I'll stop by with an apple or something."

It's weird, having this conversation, but it's not weird at all. It's actually very normal. And I'm standing a little closer to him, and he has a hand in his hair, and his face is so serious. One second he's staring straight into my eyes, and then he's looking far, far away, and then back at my face, and there's blinking and awkwardness. He's so confident, but then he's not. He's not a boy, not at all, but then he is. I'm shifting my weight from one foot to another, but it's more like a sway, and it's how I stand sometimes when I'm flirting after a drink or two, but I'm so sober. It's all just too weird, and too much, and I hate not being able to understand or explain what we're doing, so I take a step back, and then another. I'm going to run now.

"Bella, take my number," he says. I like that he doesn't give a lame reason, he just wants me to have it. I like that I get to have his number, that it's not some big secret; that he's accessible, if I want to him to be.

"Um, okay. Let me get my phone."

I punch in his number, recognizing the Seattle area code. "You should have mine, too. Don't give it to strangers."

"Who would I give it to?" he asks, genuinely confused and surprised.

"Anyone. I've changed it four times this year."

"I can see why you'd be worried, then."

I shrug. I don't tell lies, like, "I trust you, you seem like a good guy." I don't even say things like that if they're the truth.

"Okay, well, that's Bree calling," he says, looking at his phone.

"Have fun this weekend."

"You too."

I end up running for a while, and when I stop, I run again, because I don't want to think. What I want is to feel like I normally do when a cute guy just talked to me. When you know he maybe wants to be your friend, and probably wants more. I want to feel that little burst of confidence and pride. I want it to remind me that I'm desirable, that I can still have friends, that maybe I can make new ones, too. Instead, I have too many other things I can't stop thinking about. He feels sorry for you, Bella. He's just a nice guy, Bella. He just wants to sleep with you again, Bella. He doesn't know you, Bella. He knows too much about you, Bella. He laughed that night, Bella. He sees an easy girl who fucked him an hour after meeting him at a party, Bella, and she's the same girl who's world-renowned for her blowjob skills. He'll never see past that, Bella. And you shouldn't care. You shouldn't care, because he's nothing. He's no one. He's a stranger.

The stranger waves goodbye as he gets into his car at the same time I'm getting into mine. He's on my mind that night, the next morning, and every almost second until Jasper arrives. And then I push him away, and it's too easy, so I know it didn't count. Barely a crush. Just an example of how desperate I am. Something to think about when I'm bored. So easy to ignore.

XxXxX

"Let's just stay in."

"No, I never get to go anywhere."

"I missed you."

"We just spent four days together."

"Not alone in a hotel room," he says, and he's right. "You won't even let me touch you."

"Um, you touched me a lot in the car."

"We're not fifteen."

"You're acting like you are."

"I missed you, Bella," he tells me again.

"Make reservations somewhere nice. Get me wasted. We don't have to leave this room until noon tomorrow."

"We don't have to leave at all. We can stay until Friday."

"No, I told my parents we'd be back tomorrow."

"They don't care. They want you to have fun."

He's right, but I'm trying hard to be nice. And it was his idea, so he needs to let me do the right thing. And he will, he always does, but only after too many arguments—and this is why we don't work. The weekend we spent together was great. Jasper suggested spending a day in Port Angeles. He invited my parents along. He talked about how great his rental car was, and how smooth the ride would be. He let Dad pay for lunch, because he knows that Dad likes to be in control. He did every single thing he's done before, but this time, they were nice to him. So when they went to bed that night, Japer told me that it's time for me to be nice back. "They're trying," he said, "so stop being a jerk." I let him kiss me for an hour on my parents' couch, and thought maybe if I'd been less stupid in the past we could have done this when it meant something, instead of running off with his family every chance I got.

These past four days have been the best. Waking up late. Waking up to the big, delicious breakfasts my mom prepared. Waking up to a sleepy Jasper knocking on my bedroom door. No running, no silence, no hours and hours of nothing.

"I still think we should go back. I know it's not fun for you, but I feel like they'll just be annoyed if I don't. They finally like you…"

"It took them a while."

"They never got to know you. I mean, they met you twice the entire time…"

"Your fault," he says, pulling me to him. I crawl on top of him and close my eyes as he finds my neck with his mouth and makes me want to forget about dinner, alcohol, music, anything. "You never wanted to go to Forks."

"I didn't, and I still don't, but… fuck, stop doing that."

His tongue is too soft; his hand is too good to me. It always finds me, holds me between my legs, makes me move against it. Stupid hand.

"Do you still want me to make reservations?"

"Yes." Not really. No. Maybe. I'm hungry. I want to wear the dress I just bought. And the shoes. And I want to be outside. Yes. No. No. No.

"Bella…"

"Make them for later," I tell him. I move off, and he's annoyed, but just for a second, because I only moved off to take off my pants, and everything else, and I kiss him a few times, until I'm thrown onto the bed, and it's please, please, please, please, and I've never denied him. No man has ever enjoyed getting head as much as Jasper. No one has ever been this enthusiastic, this excited. And it makes it so much better. The words and movements and his hands. And me thinking, why didn't I do this sooner? Why didn't I do it in the car, on the couch, everywhere? Four days wasted. Stupid, stupid, stupid. It's all I can think about when he pushes in, but then I stop thinking completely. And I stop thinking until we're done, and during dinner, and then all night. It's okay to be young, and to smile, and not think all the time. It's okay to enjoy the company of the one guy you've loved, your friend, your confidante, the man who is never going to be right for you, but who makes you happy for long enough. Just long enough.

"So that's a 'no' then to spending a week in the Hamptons?" he asks me when we're back in our room, just a little drunk.

"Yeah, I don't even like the Hamptons."

"No one likes the Hamptons, but that's where everyone's going to be this year. They miss you. I miss you."

"I can't go back. It's… where the fuck were they? I—"

"What did you expect them to do?" I love that he knows what I'm talking about. I rest my cheek against his chest. "They didn't know what to say," he tells me. "Some of them were too scared to call, and you know some of them tried. You wouldn't let anyone near you."

"They should have tried harder."

"Come on, Bella. You remember when Will left Liz right before the wedding. You didn't want to reach out."

"That was different," I argue. "She didn't want to talk to anyone."

"And you did?"

He holds me like he means it. I can never really tell, but I like it, so I let him.

"I don't want to see everyone right now. I miss them, too, but I certainly don't want to spend an entire week with them. Maybe I'll send a few emails, make a few calls, get back in touch."

"And what about Jack's wedding in LA? He said he sent you an invite."

"He's getting married in August, so I have some time to think about it. He said I could let him know whenever."

"So many people love you, Bella," Jasper whispers. "Stop hiding."

"I can't…"

"No one cares. They'd all do what you did. The guys, even… well, most of them."

We laugh. He twirls a strand of my newly-dyed hair around his finger.

"It's not that," I begin to explain. "It's everything. I need a job, or I need to go back to school. I need a life. I don't want to face people until I figure things out."

"Come back to New York after spending the summer with your parents. Dad said—"

"Peter called me about the book deal."

"No," he says.

"Why not?"

"You're better than that."

"Better than what? It would just be my side of—"

"Your side of what? It's completely unnecessary, and a lot of unwanted attention."

"It's a lot of money," I tell him. "And something to focus on."

"You'll have to promote it. Is that something you want to do? Bella—"

"Chill out, I didn't say I was going to do it."

"This isn't the first time you've brought it up."

"I'm just telling you about my options."

My phone buzzes with a next text, and I'm glad our conversation is cut short, for now. Jasper let go of me somewhere around "Peter" and "book" so I walk over to pick it up, expecting a message from Angela, who knows we're in town. I'm more than a little surprised when I see who it's from.

Should I be expecting my apple soon?

I shouldn't respond immediately. I shouldn't…

not until this weekend…but I don't think you work on weekends.

Jasper calls my name, but I ignore him. He comes up and stands behind me just in time for the next text.

I run.

liar

"Who are you texting?"

"My friend."

"Who's your friend?"

I could run.

"Just this guy from town."

"Let me see."

"See what?" I ask.

"What he's saying."

"He's not saying much. I need to respond to his last text."

"What does he want?"

"I don't know," I admit.

"Show me."

So I show him.

"Tell him to run the other way," Jasper says after reading the texts.

"What?"

"You're not getting involved with this guy, are you?"

"I don't know."

"He's the loser you told me about."

"He's not a loser," I sigh.

"That's not what you were saying then."

"You're jealous."

Jasper shrugs, walking back over to the bed.

"I'm looking out for you," he tells me.

"Um, no, you're being strange and possessive."

"Best case scenario, you're leading someone on. Worst case scenario, he just wants to fuck Isabella Swan."

"Maybe Isabella Swan just wants to fuck him."

"That doesn't surprise me."

"It really shouldn't."

We ignore each other, and it gives me the chance to reply to Edward's text. I have no idea what I want to write, what I want to say. He could run. He wants to run with me.

I could use a friend who can run

And almost immediately, he responds.

I'll be there.

I watch Jasper take out his iPad. You never know what someone is doing on their iPad. They claim they're reading, but you know it's probably something else. And I doubt Jasper is reading right now. I lie down beside him, taking out an actual book. It's late, and it's cold. I crawl under the covers with my book and my phone, and I guess Jasper knows I'm cold, or alone, and just a little annoyed, because he's snuggling me. It's difficult to stay mad at him. I'm going to let him go soon, and I'll miss him. He's a constant. A guarantee. When he leaves, I'll just have myself, and an almost-maybe-possible running date with Edward. It's like I know that I should tie Jasper to me. Leave with him. Ask him to stay just a little longer. Ask for promises, something more than a friendship. Knowing that he's waiting for me to go back just to be friends isn't enough. Another Alice will come along. She'll distract him. She'll take him away. Promises of jobs and vacations and a life together will be a distant memory. But the more time I spend away from him, the less all of that appeals to me. This should make me happy, but it scares me. I want to hold onto everything from my old life, at least as much as I possibly can. I turn to face Jasper, and he puts away the iPad. He kisses me.

"I don't know about the wedding, but I'll RSVP and say I'm going, for now. And I'll spend Labor Day with you guys."

"Good girl."

I've always tried to be the best.

You guys are the best. Thanks so much for sticking around, it means a lot to me. Let me know what you think? Yes? Awesome! Also, I want to know what's the one thing you've had a hard time letting go.

I'll shut up now.

mwah