i know that Qhuinn isnt a blubbering fool, well maybe just the blubbering. I am just trying to set up things. I am not an amazing writer, im better at seeing this stuff in my head, than putting it in words. I hope you guys can see what im trying to show. Sorry for the delay in updating but there will be more. Thank you for reading!

Chapter 3

Where too? John sign as our feet touched the ground, after hoping out of the Hummer. I looked at his hands, i just didn't have it in me to meet his eyes. I cant take anymore sympathy right now, even if it was from my other best friend.. Not that its the only thing going on through my fucked up brain at the moment. Butch is right, I have to straighten up my act, I have a job to do, the race needs me. Yet all i can do is think 'I', Think about me and whats going on with the here and nows in my so-called fucked up life.. Man this shit sucks, this having fucking emotions, god i sound like chick. I hurt all over, from my constant headache, to this unremitting heartache. Yea i just used the word unremitting to describe it. Blay would be proud of me for increasing my fucking vocabulary. Ouch FUCK THIS DAMN PAIN.

"I got him John, go on and clear everyone out, I'll help Qhuinn to his room." I heard Xhex whisper to John, and wait is that her ridiculously ripped arms around me. Fuck me i passed out again.

"I'm cool, really." God damn it i opened my eyes into her cold stare. She didn't look happy.

She looked toward the entrance into the mansion, than right back at me the anger showing clearly on her face. "I am angry." She answered my thoughts, i hate when she fucking does that.

"Well that is just something you are going to have to get the fuck over. I am sick of this Qhuinn! I am sick of you going and getting shit faced every night, and ONE OF Us always having to come drag your ass out of some fucking hole in the wall bar or situation because you cant deal. GET OVER YOURSELF!" she roared, than let me go, and i feel on my ass.

"Jeez X tell me how you really feel," I laughed, because it was either that or cry. After a speech like that like hell i am going to let this female see that. She offered her hand, but i waved it off and stood up myself.

"I am so thrilled you find my words funny Qhuinn, it amuses me how you can laugh everything off, when the people that love you are worried sick over you."

So didn't need this spill right now, i mean seriously, kick a motherfucker while they are down. Does she not see that i get, that i am a fucked up defect, i am a pariah, a fungus, i am goddamn leprosy for fuck sakes. I GET IT!

She just shook her head, as she paced in front of me blocking my way to the door. "No i don't think so. Blay spent.."

"Don't you dare talk about him to me."

"Well somebody needs too, this has gotten way to out of hand." She stared at me, cocking her head like i was something strange, and new. What the fuck.

"It is not your business Xhex," fuck her, i can walk myself back to my own room. She doesn't need to worry about me and Blaylock. Not like there is much of that. I try to make myself ghost around. I couldn't even remember the last time we talked, instead of having a peripheral staring contest.

"It is my business, My Hellren, your best friend is worrying himself to death about you."

"Well i am sorry that my fucking heartbreaking is killing your blissful happily ever-fucking-after!" Did i just admit that my heart was breaking, or is broken, and shattered, and just all sorts of fuck up shit. Yeah i did,. Man when did i get so weak. I did this, i did this to me and Blay. He has been in love with me since fucking forever, and i loved him too. I just didn't see how deep, and how much he meant. I had these stupid thoughts that i would one day mate a nice female from a respectful family, have some little ones running around. I thought thats what i would be, not this sap crying like a chick watching a Lifetime movie. I shoved him away, i did everything i could to keep him away and have him move on. Then when he did, i became a jealous fucking idiot, with premature bonding scent ejaculation.

"I can see in your head when you are angry, i know everything that you are thinking at the moment. Being angry with John, with Blay, and with Saxton isn't fair."

Well doesn't she just know how to poke a fucking wound over and over until it she cant read too far into my head, or she would see that i am happy for John getting what he wants. What kind of fuck up friend am i? John is my boy, after all he has been through from living with the humans, the rape, loosing Tohr and Wells, he deserves some happiness. I am not that fucked up that i am angry at him for it. Saxton on the other hand, that name alone makes my skin crawl. He has been with what 200+ men by now, Blay is just another notch on his bedpost, another name on a very long guest list. Oh who the hell am i kidding, my cousin is amazing, educated, successful,good looking, both eyes are even the same fucking color. A true male of worth. A better match for him than I. I could only bring him shame, as i fuck up his life. I mean what kind of life can i offer him. I'm marked for fucked sake, forever bound to John, and up until now that hasn't bothered me. I would love to be able to do things with my Blaylock, take him overseas, own properties all over the world, wake up every evening somewhere new, as long as he was curled up behind my back. But that life isn't possible for me, and anytime i need a reminder all i have to do is look in the mirror at the tear drop tatted on my face. Everyone tells me its red.

"I love John, and i want everyone to be happy. So i am going to skip last meal and head up to my bedroom. I got shit to sort out."Damn it my voiced cracked. I gotta get away from everyone.

"Before you go and drown yourself in your misery," she grabbed my forearms and looked into my eyes. "You are a male of worth, maybe not by the aristocrats standards, but you are. You and Blay could have an amazing life together" Yeah OK, if Blaylock would have me now, but there is always hope that i didn't fuck this up. "its obvious the guy is still in loved with you. That sort of love doesn't die, just because some good tail came into his life."

Well i was grinning, but that defiantly wiped it off my face, now my top lip is peeled back exposing my fangs, and my damn bonding scent ripped out of me. Xhex started laughing.

"You should see your face, priceless." She didn't mention the damn weird spice scent that was pouring out of my body at the moment.

"Yeah, well fuck you," I growled than pushed past that beast of a woman. I have a date with 3 very important men, Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, and Jim Beam.

"Blaylock, can you come in here son," the king said from the open door. Blay stopped his walking and fondling of his cuffs. Damn it my head is so fuzzy, i am so confused, dearest Scribe Virgin, help me. I didn't even realize the darn door was open. Good thing I'm not out there fighting, Blay thought as he walked into the feminine room. It always made him chuckle, well on the inside, you don't laugh at the blind king out loud. Wraith was sitting behind his huge desk, petting Georges head. He looked so at ease, and his tone was sympathetic, this cant be good.

"Yes, sir, how may i be of service." Blay bowed slightly, he couldn't help it he was raised right.

"You don't have to bow to me son, please have a seat."

Blay sat down on the comfy blue chair right in front of the king. "thank you sire."

Wraith chuckled loudly, making Blay jump nearly out of his chair. "I don't think i will ever break you from that." The Kings face lost his smile and he became all business. "I would like to speak to you on a topic that i know you would rather be tortured my the Omega than deal with, and i am sorry. I try to stay out of my mens personal life, because i for damn sure don't want you all in my biz."

Blay started pulling at his collar, the temperature in the room surely raised a few hundred degrees. His eyes looking away from Wraith and the panting dog. Suddenly his cuffs didn't seem nearly as important as the pretty curtains that hung over the huge windows, so pretty, and such a nice color. Blay continued not wanting to be in this conversation right now.

"As you know, since John mated i have given Qhuinn some time to himself, leisure time if you will." Blay just nodded his head, he most certainly did not want to think about how Qhuinn spent those free nights, or better yet, who he spent those free nights with. "Well you see son, things with Qhuinn have gotten out of hand, and i have overlooked his behavior all of this time, hoping he would work things out himself."

Oh great what has he done this time, what female has he deflowered, sanctuary has he desecrated? Did Wraith really need to be talking to me about this. Qhuinn will be himself, sexy, charming, fucking anything with a pulse, well almost anything, he doesn't touch me. That bastard, he is everything you shouldn't want in a male, and yet here i am pathetically waiting, hopelessly devoted! despite the time i spent with Saxton, no matter how amazing he is, he isn't My Qhuinn.

"Sire, i am having difficulty in seeing why you are asking me. Me and him barely speak these days." and it kills me every time i look into those different color eyes, and know we are a million miles apart, even if we are in the same room. "So i don't know anything he does when he is out on his own, or who he is with." that last part came out tasting like bile. The King went still.

"You know nothing about his nightly visits to the bars?" Blay shook his head. "You know nothing of his drinking himself stupid, and causing scenes, you know nothing of the Brother dragging him out, as he kicks and screams and sometime cries to go back in?"

Blay heart stopped beating as it fell to his stomach. Qhuinn was hurting, my love, i mean my friend is in pain. But why? "No Sir."

"You know nothing of him staying locked up into his room, barely feeding, or him isolating himself from everyone. You honestly haven't notice any of this?' Blay shrank back, god yes, yes he has. Qhuinn was never around, never at any meals, never in the halls, never in the theater, or the gym. God why hasn't he seen this. How fucked up am I?

"Yes, i mean No, i mean, Fuck!" he said putting his big hand through his hair, he was trying to grow out.

Wraith chuckled again. "I don't think you have ever cursed in front of me." Blays cheeks matched his hair, than his head was down, buried in his hands. "Its OK son, we can help make him better, but i will need your help."

Blay glanced up, "I am not sure I can help. he doesn't want me around anymore, he never wanted me. So what can i do, what can i change?"

"Everything." was the Kings one word response.