A/N-Once again thank you to all who have reviewed so far and continue to enjoy the story. So how does Greg react now after all this happened? Will he breakdown more or make a breakthrough? This chapter lets you know.
Greg followed Nick down the hallway of the 28th floor of the Tangiers. Nick had got the room key from the front desk. "It was nice of Catherine to set us up here. We owe her a very nice Christmas gift," Nick said to Greg with a smirk. He was hoping to get a smile out of him but instead all he did was nod. He sighed and continued down the hall until he found their room number. He looked at the door and it said Suite 2803. He looked curiously down the hall and noticed there were not that many doors. He put the key in the lock and opened the door.
Greg looked in behind him. "Um, I think they gave you the wrong room key. This can't be ours." He stepped in behind Nick who was staring in awe at the size of the suite.
"Yeah, I think so too. I think I'll call the …is that your suitcase?" Nick asked all of the sudden spotting a blue suitcase with red beads on the zipper loops that was Greg's.
Greg walked over and examined it. "This is. Catherine said she had things set up for us so we didn't have to worry."
Nick walked over and saw his suitcase next to Greg's. "Perhaps we should call Catherine and let her know they put us in a suite. I don't think she wanted that." He took out his cell phone and speed dialed their boss.
"Hey Catherine, uh, I think the hotel made a mistake. They set us up in a big ole suite," Nick told her.
She smiled on her end of the phone. "No, no mistake. I said I wanted the best for you two; the resort is having a slow week, no big conventions in town, so Bruce said he could set you up on a suite level. I say enjoy. Now think of this as my Christmas present to the two of you. You have it for 3 nights. By then you can go back to your house, it will be cleaned up. I hope I packed decently for you two. You can always let me or Sara know if you need something else from your home. You two deserve this. Goodnight boys," she said with a smile in her voice and hung up on him so he could not argue.
He turned around and looked at Greg who was roaming around the large living room, checking the place out. "Um, apparently this is our Christmas gift from Catherine. We have it for three nights she said," he told him.
Greg looked over at him, seemingly more relaxed. Nick guessed the sedative he took earlier was working. "Wow, really? I think I've only been in places like this when a dead body is involved." He suddenly realized what he said and looked away from Nick. He thought of Jasper's dead body and wrapped his arms around himself. He walked over to the balcony doors and looked out at the sky as dusk arrived.
"Well since we're here, are you hungry?" Nick asked him.
"No, actually I think I'm going to take a shower, okay?" Greg said to him as he turned back around.
"Okay, I'm going to check out the refrigerator here, says there is food for us to eat. I'll take a shower when you are done and then maybe we can go to bed."
"Yeah" the younger man said barely paying attention to what he said. He grabbed his bag and hoped Catherine packed his toothbrush and toothpaste or the bathroom had some in there. He could still taste the vomit and Jasper. He walked into the bedroom and saw only a king bed. It was a one bedroom suite. He didn't think after what happened today he could sleep in the same bed with Nick. He figured Nick wouldn't want him near him after what he had to see him do today. He shivered slightly again.
He threw his suitcase on a bench in the room and opened it up. He sighed with relief when he saw what he was looking for. He grabbed some jogging pants and a t-shirt, along with his toothbrush and toothpaste and went for the bathroom. He immediately started with brushing his teeth. He remembered all the times he would have to just use the dripping water from the old sink in that basement. He would cup his hand under it and constantly rinse his mouth out of the foul taste he had. At least now he had the freshness of the minty toothpaste, but once was not enough. He brushed his teeth until his gums started bleeding. He then realized he needed to stop.
Next he went into the shower and took one of his usual almost scalding hot ones. He scrubbed roughly, even though Jasper had not really touched him. He still felt filthy just from the way Jasper looked at him.
He heard Nick call his name and knew he had been in there longer than he should have been. He quickly rinsed off and turned off the water. He toweled off in front of a full length mirror and shuddered looking at his nakedness. He thought he was disgusting looking now. He couldn't see how Nick could ever find him attractive or even ever want to touch him.
He shook the thoughts out of his head and put on his comfort clothes. He walked out into the spacious living room again and saw Nick munching on a bag of chips, while just staring out the window. He walked over to the sectional he was sitting on. Nick looked up at him and could tell he had taken a hot shower. He didn't say anything though. After what happened today, he couldn't blame him. He was kind of planning on doing the same thing. Even though Jasper hardly touched him, just seeing him with Greg and knowing what he had done to him and could possibly do to Nick made him feel dirty.
"Is there anything good to drink in there?" The dark blonde asked, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at the mini kitchen area in the suite.
"Bottled water, some cola and a few alcoholic beverages which you should probably steer clear of with that sedative in you."
"Yeah, I know. I'll just grab some water. You can go take your shower now. Oh and by the way, there is only a king bed in the bedroom, so you can have it. I'll crash out here on the sectional," he told Nick as he headed for the refrigerator.
"Greg, come on, it's a king bed. It's big enough for both of us to sleep in it without even touching. You need a good night's sleep and this thing will not give you one," Nick said angrily and stood up.
"Please Nick, don't push me…not after today," Greg said with fatigue.
"Fine, fine. I'm going to take my shower and go to bed then. If you want to come into the bed, you are welcome," his boyfriend responded with clear irritation. He stormed off into the bedroom and closed the door to it. He was so tired of fighting with Greg and he knew he should be more understanding but he was just a jumble of emotions about everything that happened earlier and really wanted to spend time with Greg but if he was going to be that way, so be it. He got his stuff out of his bag and then got ready to take his shower.
Greg was sipping on the bottle of water, since his throat felt dry. He decided he needed some fresh air and went over to the balcony door and opened it. It was dark now but the bright Vegas lights kept it awash in colorful lights. It was colder than he thought it would be outside so he closed the door behind him to not let the cold air into the room. He stood by the railing and looked down at the drop it would be from that floor. He shuddered a moment at the thought and backed up a little. He looked out at nothing in particular because his mind was going over the events of the day.
He was grateful Jasper didn't do anything to Nick like he did to him. He never wanted Nick to go through what he went through. He brought it upon himself by delving into the world of S&M when he was younger. It fascinated him and gave him a feeling of belonging when before that time he felt like the odd ball in everything. He just never dreamed he would become someone's obsession, someone's property, someone who broke all the rules and took it too far. But he started it and it was the price he had to pay.
He hated that Jasper threatened Nick in order for him to be humiliated in front of him. He wished Nick had never seen that. How could he ever not think of that in the future? How could he not be disgusted with him anytime he looked at him? He slid down the door and sat on the cold ground, wrapping his arms around himself without hurting his injured ribs too much.
And now he had to live with the fact that he killed a man again. Again they would say it was self-defense, but this time he really wanted this man dead. He hated him so much, he could hardly see straight once he had that gun in his hands pointed at him. He remembered pulling the trigger the first time but then he just kept seeing Jasper humiliating him and hurting him over and over again and he kept shooting until no bullets remained. He could see the blood pooling around his body and knew he was dead but still he could feel his eyes on him, leering at him like a piece of meat. And even though he was dead now and he knew he couldn't ever hurt him again, so much damage had been done, even in death he knew he would haunt him. His nightmare would never end. He lowered his head between his knees and started sobbing.
Nick had gone to lie down in bed after his shower. He didn't hear any noise coming from the other room. He was mad at Greg and yet his worry outweighed the anger. He had no right to be angry with him right now. He had encountered more traumas today and he was giving him attitude. He knew a lot of his anger was really about his own inability to stop anything that had happened. He remembered what Sara told him back when they first found Greg. She told him that even if Greg was pushing him away, more than anything he needed to be there for him. He needed someone he could trust to be there for him.
He sighed heavily and got up out of bed. He opened the door to the bedroom in the suite and didn't see him on the sectional. He became more worried and went to the suite's main door and saw that it was still fully locked from the inside. Then he turned around and looked out towards the balcony. That's when he spotted the huddled up form that was on the ground, outside leaning against the door. He frowned and walked up closer and could see that he was shaking some and looked to be crying. Suddenly he felt horrible for leaving him alone at all. He swallowed hard and opened the door slowly, so not to surprise him.
Greg's tearstained face looked up at him and then he lowered it again as the sobs shook his whole body. Nick knelt down beside him as he felt an overwhelming sense of melancholy come over him. "Hey, come on, take my hand and come inside. It's freezing out here. You don't want to get sick." He stood back up and held out his hand. Greg glanced up at him again and then held out his hand. Nick took it and helped him to his feet. Greg followed him inside and stood to the side as Nick closed the balcony door. Nick took his hand again and guided him to the sectional and they sat down.
"What's going on, Babe? You were outside in the freezing cold, crying; didn't you want me to know? I told you I am here for you," Nick said to him in a tender voice.
Greg wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. "I needed some fresh air and then while I was out there just everything came back. I mean I realized I killed him. I killed another human being for the second time…"
"It was self-defense each time, especially this time," Nick interrupted him. But Greg shook his head. "No you don't get it. I hated him so much and when I had that gun in my hand, I felt power over him finally. I'm not sure I wouldn't have shot him anyway, if he didn't move to get me. I'm glad he's dead. I was not glad Demetrius James was dead. But Jasper, I know I kept shooting because I wanted him dead. I needed to make sure he would never touch me again. But now I realize, even dead, he'll always be haunting me the rest of my life." He felt the tears coming to his eyes again. "It's just all really hitting me now," he said as he started crying again. He surprised Nick by leaning his head against his chest.
Nick wasn't sure if this was for real or not. He wrapped his arm around him tentatively and his boyfriend ended up moving closer to him as he cried against his chest. Nick emotions were mixed, he was happy Greg was finally letting him comfort him but at the same time his heart was aching for him. He rubbed Greg's arm up and down as he realized tears were coming to his own eyes.
"You've been holding this in too long. You've needed to let out these emotions. I'm here for you now. Just let it all out," Nick encouraged him.
Greg nodded against his chest. "What about you? God, I can't believe he shot you. If he had killed you…" A new fit of sobs came on.
"He didn't. I'm here, I'm here G," he said softly. He was rubbing his arms. "You feel so cold. Are you cold?"
"Hmm, I'm warmer now with you rubbing my arms." He sat with his head against his chest as his sobs subsided some. "I love you, Nick."
"I love you too," he said as he wiped his own eyes with his free hand. He didn't realize how much he missed holding him until he was able to now. He inhaled the coconut scented shampoo that Greg used. He missed being so close to smell him. He savored the moment incase Greg suddenly decided to pull away.
He saw him yawn and realized he had been up over 24 hours now. "Hey, I think it is time we get some sleep. I'll sleep out here and you can sleep in the bed," Nick offered, figuring Greg was not ready to share a bed again.
The younger man lifted his head off his boyfriend's tear-soaked shirt and looked at him. His eyes were puffy and red. "We can both sleep in the bed."
Nick's surprise was not hidden on his face. "Really! I mean are you sure? After everything that happened today?"
"I guess the question is do you want to share the same bed with me, after what happened today? I would still think you would want to keep your distance after what you saw. I mean I'm disgusting," he said, the humiliation deep his in brown eyes as tears began to fall again.
"No, no you're not. You will always be beautiful to me. I've been waiting for the day for you to share a bed with me again. What happened today…you had no choice. He would have killed me. He used me against you this time since he didn't have you tied down. He knew you wouldn't do it otherwise. I just feel horrible that after I promised you he would never hurt you again, he was able to and I couldn't stop him. I never wanted you to have to feel that humiliation again. I'm so sorry I let it happen," Nick said to him as his eyes moistened up again.
Greg shook his head. "You know, some wise guy told me to stop blaming myself for what happened. Perhaps that wise guy should take his own advice," he said with a tiny smirk.
Nick chuckled. "Yeah I suppose that wise guy should. So can we get up and move into the bedroom, which is nice and warm, by the way."
Greg nodded and then got up with a grimace. He saw Nick's concerned look. "The injured ribs, I kind of forgot I had them."
"Do you want to take some pain medication before we go?"
"Yeah, good idea." He went to find the pill bottles on the counter in the mini kitchen and opened one up to take a couple pills. He grabbed a new bottle of water and took a few swigs to get his pills down. He turned to Nick, pointing to his bandaged arm. "What about you?"
"I took some after I got out of the shower." He waited for Greg to go first into the bedroom. Greg looked at the bed a moment and saw that Nick had already pulled out the sheets on the right side he usually slept on. He then moved to the left side of the bed he would usually sleep on, when they shared their bed at home. He pulled back the sheets and looked at Nick, who was smiling before crawling into the bed. The sheets were very silky and warm like Nick had said. It felt good against his aching body.
Nick came around to his side and crawled in. He lay on his back and sighed happily. He noticed Greg move onto his uninjured side, which was facing him. He decided to turn on his side to face him too. "You feeling better now?" he asked him.
Greg smiled at him, the first smile since the events of the day. "I'd feel better if I could cuddle against you," he said with a raised eyebrow.
Nick's heart felt such warmth at hearing that. "Sure. Come here," he opened his arms so he could snuggle over and lay against his chest again.
Greg came to the realization that he had been missing out on letting Nick hold him. The safety and comfort of his strong arms around him was something he was in terrible need of. He felt guilty about it now but he didn't want to bring it up and ruin the moment.
Nick held him lightly, not wanting to hurt his ribs but he couldn't believe how good it felt to hold him again. He thought about all the time he laid alone in bed, wide awake wondering if he would ever see Greg again back when he was still missing. There were days he thought he would never have this moment he was having now with him.
"You know, I hardly slept at all when you were missing. I tossed and turned and had nightmares about what could have happened to you. I could never imagine what did happen though. I mostly thought someone had just taken you away from me. I never thought I would see you again but I couldn't give up hope. I was miserable. I just mostly remember lying in bed and crying because I missed you so much and you were just gone. It killed me that you disappeared from my life without a trace. Some at work asked if we had a fight and that maybe you just up and left me. I told them they didn't know you like I did. I knew you would never do that to me. I knew our love was real and that something terrible had to happen for you to leave my life like that. I prayed like I never did before, for you to return to me, alive. Now here you are, in my arms again. I'm going to keep you safe."
Greg took his hand and intertwined his fingers with Nick's. "I'm sorry I put you through all that."
Nick shook his head. "No, don't apologize for that. You couldn't help it. I know you would have come back to me if you had the chance. I'm just grateful you are here now. Now let's try to get some sleep."
"Goodnight Nick. And thank you for being here for me." Greg closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth and love he felt from Nick holding him.
"You're welcome," Nick replied as he closed his eyes and felt for the first time in months he might actually get a good night's sleep.