"Get away from me! Get away!" The shouting and then the hitting woke him up. He opened his eyes and saw Greg's fists. He quickly grabbed his wrists.
"Stop it! Wake up, Greg! It's just a dream," Nick screamed at his frantic boyfriend.
Greg's eyes flew open and suddenly jumped out of bed and scrambled to the far wall. He was shaking and looking at Nick fearfully. Nick quickly sat up in bed and raised his hands in show that he was not going to hurt him. "Hey, it's okay, it's just me. It's Nick."
His body shook some from the nightmare he woke up from. It was different from anything he had before and it freaked him out, mostly because the man in the leather mask had a face this time in his nightmare and it was the man he was staring at now. He wrapped his arms around himself as he tried to calm his nerves. "It was you…" he said cryptically.
Nick gave him a curious look. "What was me?"
Greg ran his hands over his face and then through his hair, trying to shake the image from his mind. "It was a dream, Nick." He looked at him and saw he was still waiting for an answer. He sighed. "It was Jasper and that guy in the black mask. Jasper's shirt was all bloody and the man in the mask kept pointing at me, accusingly. He came closer to me and I was trying to get away from him when he suddenly said I'll never escape. Then he took off his mask and it was you." He shook his head. "It was just a nightmare." He started walking away, out of the room.
Nick chewed on his lower lip. He knew that the man in the black leather mask was still bothering him and he knew now that it was a fourth man. He pondered if he should tell him the truth or not. He thought that perhaps he should tell him just because he did have a right to know, but he also knew it would bother him for the rest of his life, wondering who it was. He lowered his head; this was not going to be easy. He got up and shuffled out into the suite's main room. Greg was sitting on the sectional, leaning his head back, eyes closed. His one hand was clutching his right side. He figured his chest was hurting again from the rib injuries. He came over to sit by him.
"Ahh, Greg…there's something I have to tell you and I wish I didn't," he started off. Greg lifted his head and was looking at him cautiously.
"What is it?"
"Jasper told me something about the man in the black leather mask…it was another man. He didn't say who but said it was someone who knew the game very well and liked to stay hidden." He watched Greg's eyes widen suddenly and then the realization kick in. He started to pale.
"So he was not Rex or Chris?" He asked, not wanting to believe another man had touched him, violated him against his will. He felt his stomach start to churn.
"I'm so sorry, Greg. When he told me I wanted to kill him just as bad as you did. He didn't give me any more details on him," he told him with a great sense of dread. He saw the signs of Greg starting a panic attack. He was starting to shake and hyperventilate. He went to reach out to him when the younger man suddenly got up and ran towards the balcony door.
"Greg, don't do anything stupid," he yelled out as the panicked man opened the door and went out on the balcony. He sprang up and followed him out, scared of what he might be thinking. He knew Greg had said he had not been suicidal but after all that happened over the last 36 hours he was not so sure anymore. They were pretty high up and the thought of Greg jumping scared him to death.
Greg needed fresh air to breathe; he ran out the door and leaned over the balcony, gasping for breath. He had thought he could finally really start to put all this behind him but with news that there was a man who he probably would never know, one who violated him a few times was still out there was enough to make him know he could never put this behind him.
He felt Nick's hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off quickly. He couldn't have him touching him, not after the nightmare and now after this news. He heard Nick trying to tell him something but his world was spinning out of control. He looked down and suddenly felt like he might fall over the edge. He felt unwanted arms come around his waist and pull him away from the railing. "Let me go," he tried to yell out through gasps for air. His head was spinning and he felt faint. He suddenly fell limp in the arms that held him.
Nick saw his panic attack getting worse and noticed he seemed unsteady on his feet. He didn't care if Greg didn't want him to touch him. He put his arms around him and pulled him away from the railing only to suddenly have him go limp in his arms. "Greg!" He pulled him back into the room, out of the cold night air and laid him down on the sectional.
His eyes were closed and his breathing seemed to be returning to normal. He had passed out though and Nick began to desperately worry. "Hey, come on now. Don't do this to me. God, why did I tell you? I should have kept it to myself. You didn't need this after yesterday." He was running his hand over his forehead and through Greg's hair. "Come on now, wake up. Don't make me call 911."
Greg started to come back. He felt a hand running through his hair and then heard the worried voice of the man who had taken such good care of him. He heard the last comment he made. "Don't call 911 and waste their time," he said in a whisper and then opened up his eyes slowly. Nick's face was right above his. His eyes showed fright and then relief eased in.
"Don't do that to me again, you hear me?" Nick scolded him as he still ran his hands through his hair. He had been cradling Greg's head in his lap.
The younger man saw his attempt at trying to be mad but it was beaten out by the worry. "Sorry," he said impishly. He didn't move from his position though. Feeling Nick's caring touches made him feel calmer. Perhaps his fears of being touched by him were unfounded. He knew the Texan would never hurt him. "I'm sorry I've been so difficult to deal with," he apologized, realizing that it was his fears of Nick being disgusted by touching him after he had been so used that made him push him away.
"No, don't worry. You've had every right to be difficult. Heck, if I was in your position I would have handled all this so differently. I would have been angry all the time and wanting to punch walls and people. That's how I deal with things most of the time or I just break down. You hold in so much all the time. I remember when you were beaten by that gang. Most of the time you acted like nothing happened and remember how mad I would get with you because of that?"
Greg nodded and he knew he was right. He didn't like to show his true feelings half the time when he was hurting. He didn't want people to know how he was hardly sleeping or how the upcoming trials had scared the crap out of him. He had thought for sure he would be found guilty and he would lose his job. Nick luckily was around to help convince him otherwise.
"We both can be damn stubborn when we want to be but I wear my heart out on my sleeve. You, on the other hand, have it locked up and only have opened it up to your closest friends and family and me, of course. But still, through this, you have tried to take the brave road which you don't always have to do. You need to tell me your fears and what hurts you so much, because you may act like nothing is bothering you at times but damn, your eyes always give you away, Greg. Those gorgeous big eyes of yours swirl with emotion even though you do not let it show otherwise. I know you too well," he said affectionately, with a small smile. He was pleased Greg had not moved and was letting him hold him and touch him.
"So what are we going to do then? How can I go on knowing that some freak will always be out there, knowing what he did to me? I'm always going to be wondering if I see a strange man now giving me some weird eye, if he was the one." He closed his eyes as tears began to leak out of them. "I hate this; I hate this so fucking much."
Nick moved his hand to wipe the tears off Greg's cheek. "I hate it too. I hated having to tell you. I thought about keeping it to myself, but then I thought what if somehow you did find out? If somehow this guy one day approached you and said something? I rather have you be aware and not wonder what the hell he was talking about," Nick said to him.
Greg sniffled. "It's probably better that I do know but …fuck."
Nick knew what was going through his mind. He knew it was killing him to know there was another man involved that would get away with what he did. "I'm sorry Babe."
"I know," he replied softly. He kept his eyes shut and let the soft caresses of Nick's hand ease his mind some. He knew for sure now, after all of this, that Nick would never leave him. He put him through so much already and yet there he was, wiping away his tears and trying his best to wipe away the fears too. That task would never be completely finished.
"I never got to tell you, I decided to stay here for Christmas. My parents will come out and visit later next week sometime, closer to New Years. So your parents can still come," Nick said, feeling it was time to change the subject.
He opened his eyes and looked straight up into Nick's deep brown eyes. "I love you, Nick," he said and then gave him a lopsided smile.
That famous lopsided smile of his made Nick's night. "I love you too, Greggo. Do you think you can handle sleeping in bed with me again? We only slept a couple hours."
He finally sat up, causing Nick to drop his hands to his knees. "I suppose. My head is not spinning anymore and your touches always make me sleepy."
Nick grinned widely, happy to hear that. "Well perhaps you should let me do it more often then."
"Perhaps I should…let's try this sleeping thing again and hopefully no nightmares this time." He got to his feet and then so did Nick.
As they made their way to the bedroom, something else was still on Greg's mind. "What else did he tell you?"
Nick stopped suddenly and looked at him. "Jasper?" Greg had stopped too and was staring at him. He nodded.
Nick sighed. "He was a sick man, Greg. And hearing what he had to say about you being his and taking you back made me wish I had pulled that trigger right alongside with you. But other than the man with the mask, he didn't say anything you hadn't already mentioned. He did confess to killing Chris, but we already figured that one out. Just try not to think about him anymore tonight. Instead think about what you are going to get me for Christmas. I think I deserve something big," he said with a smile. He wanted to avoid Greg having bad thoughts before sleeping and dropping into another nightmare.
Greg eyed him suspiciously but then decided he was telling the truth about Jasper saying nothing more. "I can't believe Christmas is only a few days away. We never even decorated and now after this…are we sure we want to stay home for Christmas?"
Nick frowned. "I know it's not going to be easy to go back into the house after all this. I know even for me it will be weird to be in that bedroom after what happened but it'll be okay. We can't stay away forever."
Greg made his way over to his side of the bed. He got into it and laid down. His ribs were hurting so he stayed on his back. "Do you think there is any way to just forget everything that happened to me? Like erase my memory. Things would be so much easier that way," he said with a heavy sigh.
Nick had seen him grimace when he laid back. His own arm still stung some from the flesh wound. He sat down and turned to look at him. "Life isn't that easy, Greg, you know that. Remember that movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'? It didn't work out so great for him when he had his memories erased."
"Hmm, yeah I guess you are right. Still sucks though." He turned his head to look over at Nick who had finally lain down on his back. He still felt guilty about the whole events with Jasper. "I'm sorry you had to see me with Jasper. If there was anything I wish could be erased, it would be that."
Nick read the sadness and regret in his eyes. "So do I, but let's not think about that now. Let's just try to get some sleep. We can talk more after we get some rest."
"Okay, sure. Goodnight again," Greg said to Nick. He stayed on his back since he was feeling sore all over now.
"Good night, G." Nick smiled at him and brushed his thumb over his cheek. He received a bittersweet smile from the younger man. Nick was just happy he didn't pull away.
After finally getting a few good hours of sleep, they woke up and ordered room service for breakfast. Nick noticed Greg picking at his food and not really eating it. "You should really eat, G. You don't want your parents seeing you and complaining about how thin you are again."
Greg lifted his head and glared at him. "I've gained back a lot of what I lost since they last saw me. I just don't have much of an appetite right now."
Nick knew why, he knew he was probably still thinking about that other man. He had to admit, he had been thinking about it too. "You know, it bothers me as much as it bothers you that there is another creep out there who took part in hurting you. I know I'll keep looking at any guy who looks at you the wrong way. I meant it when I said I wasn't going to let anyone hurt you again. I failed last time but I won't again. I promise you."
Greg offered a sad smile. "I know but you can't be with me 24/7. The job we work has its risks. You've suffered from them too. I never wanted Jasper to lay a hand on you but he did. Heck he shot you and would have killed you if given enough time. I'm just glad he is out of our lives now."
"He is but I know you are still thinking about the man in the leather mask. You have to let it go or try to, just as I have to try. Otherwise you'll never be able to move on," Nick told him.
Greg sighed, still picking at his eggs. "I know you are right."
"I think we should set up another appointment to talk with Dr. Warren. After the last 48 hours and all that has happened, we really need to get some assistance. Would you be up for another joint session with her?" Nick asked him.
Greg shrugged. "I guess it can't hurt."
"I'll give her a call then and set it up." Nick got up and got his cell phone off the table and called her. He was able to set up an appointment for the next day. "We have an appointment tomorrow," he told Greg. He saw him still looking down. Nick knew he had to do something to get both of their minds off all their troubles for a little while. "You know, this is a casino and well maybe we should go downstairs and have some fun," he said with a grin.
Greg was never into gambling. He knew Nick was not much for it either, but he often did make bets with their former co-worker and friend, Warrick Brown. The thought of the murdered CSI made him realize that he had to seize the day and not take for granted the time he had with Nick after all that happened. "Okay, sure let's go down and have some fun. Enough moping around, it's not getting me anywhere anyway."
Nick was thrilled he agreed. He was worried that he would find an excuse out of it. "Great. Let's finish up our food and then get dressed. I think we will have fun. And maybe we can win some money."
Greg smiled. He knew he had turned a new page and was finally able to think more about his future than he had before when Jasper was still alive. He had to take the gift that was given to him in having a wonderful man there to love him no matter what. He owed Nick a lot and he owed him to let loose a little. "You're on!"
Please review...tbc