Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

I hope you'll enjoy chapter 5. It's a bit longer than the others, and it's still a 'deep-thoughts chapter', but the 6th and 7th will be more exciting :-) (I've already written them, I just have to translate it).

~Please review

Merlin lied down on his bed and there was nothing in the whole world that could give him the motivation to stand up. He glanced at the low ceiling of his room, as if all the answers, he hoped he would hear, where written on it. Tears, he didn't know why they had to come (he had managed so long to keep them hidden), sprung into his cornflower-blue eyes. Bluntly, he turned on the other side, as if he was ashamed towards an invisible person who stood on the opposite side of his bed.

He was about to lose his oldest friend, and there was nothing he could do to save Gaius. Merlin had tried. He had been looking in all the books, searching for a remedy that could give an old man his vitality back, until Gaius had tapped him friendly on his shoulder and had smiled that Merlin shouldn't waste his time with preventing something as natural as dying.

Merlin tried to understand, though he knew he wouldn't succeed. He didn't even dare to think at how much he would miss Gaius if he wasn't there any more. Already from the moment Merlin had arrived in Camelot, as an eighteen year old lad, bursting with Magical talent without knowing how to deal with it, Gaius had taken him under his guard and had taught Merlin everything he had to know about Magic. He had shown him the right path and had kept him there.

At this moment, there were only two people who knew about Merlin's Magic, and that were Gaius and Lancelot, a knight of the Round Table (as the people called Arthur and his bravest knights). But Lancelot could never become Merlin's confidant like Gaius was, they didn't know each other well enough for that and Lancelot -though he was nice- would never come to realise how frustrated Merlin felt because he didn't dare to use Magic, in case Arthur would find out. Lancelot would never be able to understand that it was Merlin's destiny to protect Arthur Pendragon, while no-one needed any protection at all for the moment. Camelot had never been such a safe and peaceful place, but instead of being happy for that, it only gave Merlin the feeling he was useless. He had Magic, and one day it had had its value, but what was it now? Now, he was nothing more than a mistake of Mother Nature, like he had once thought he was, before he went to Camelot and, thanks to Gaius, discovered he was born for a greater purpose.

There were days Merlin had had the same feeling as he had now, but it had never been so turbulent. In fact, he had already planned that, after Gaius' dead (he didn't want to think about it, but he realized he had to bargain for the future and for what he was about to do when he would be on his own), he wanted to ask the Great Dragon what he really should be doing with his Magic. Did he just had to wait until the moment was there to show his secret to Arthur without being afraid that the king would consider him as a traitor and their friendship wouldn't mean anything any more? Because that made him crazy. He didn't want to be a prisoner in his own Magical body any more, but to be free to use his skills whenever he wanted, as that was why he was brought forth.

Merlin closed his eyes and tried not to think about Gaius or tomorrow. Every morning, he woke up with a fearful knot in his stomach. The angst he would descend the five steps from his room to the headquarters and find out Gaius didn't wake up, became stronger every day.

She was so beautiful as she stood there at the lake, laying her eyes on the beams of the sunset in the water. Her alabaster skin created the impression it shimmered when the sunbeams shone on her carved-by-angels face.

"Morgana," he said, delighted to see her, "I've been looking for you."

"You know I'm never faraway", she answered. She turned around and smiled at him. He couldn't help but smiling too. Every time he looked at her, he became the happiest man on earth.

He walked towards her, and together, they stared at the eventide. The sky turned orange and purple, and they were like figures on an impressionistic painting.

Suddenly, she took his hand. Their long, small fingers intertwined and Merlin felt like he always did when she was with him: peaceful and perfect, despite his many deficits. Morgana could bring out the worst of him, but also the very best.

"Once, you were faraway", Merlin spoke softly, continuing the conversation they had interrupted some minutes ago. He sounded sad. He knew very well Morgana had to be out-of-the-way first before she could've become who she was now, but the memory at the time she had been his most wicked enemy and she wished him dead, reappeared sometimes.

"I came back", Morgana answered tranquil. She cupped his cheek with her free hand and looked at him with her bright, springgreen eyes. Once Merlin saw them, he couldn't do anything else but smile and bringing his lips to hers.

Merlin woke up in shock and sat upright in a second, as if he was expecting to see the witch, named Morgana Pendragon, standing in his room, with a dagger above his head.

It took some moments before he was made sure of the fact he was alone in his room and he had only been dreaming.

His thoughts whirled. Merlin tangled and fell back on his pillow, wondering what was happening to him.

It had already been the second dream of him and Morgana in only three nights. He had hardly gotten the image of their daughter out of his mind, and now this.

She must've enchanted him, he couldn't think of anything else. When that conclusion crossed his mind, he had to think at Uther. When Uther was still having all marbles (although, you could already discuss that many years ago), he had been very paranoid towards Magic.

Merlin remembered how he and his three best friends, Arthur, Gwen and -back then still his mate- Morgana had made some jokes about that subject some years back, on a warm summer evening, while they were sitting on the stairs of the citadel and had smuggled a jar of cider outside.

"It's so incredibly hot outside!" Arthur had sighed, as he wiped off the sweat from his forehead.

"That must be the work of an evil sorcerer!" Morgana replied waggish. The four of them giggled, until Merlin noticed they had ran out of cider.

"Now the sorcerer has gone too far!" Arthur yelled, acting angrily.

"Arthur, you stole my joke!" Morgana noticed sniggering, while she hit him softly on his shoulder.

"I didn't! It was Magic!" Arthur defended, laughing. "Merlin, get us some more cider, will you?" He commanded then.

"But look out for the sorcerer", Morgana said seriously, though she wouldn't be able to hold her laughter for much longer.

They had all laughed with that moment, as they comprehended it contained the truth.

But Merlin just knew it wasn't normal he dreamt about him and Morgana being in love. It was impossible, they hated each other.

The fact he had Magical powers himself, made him recognise Magic as no other, and given that Morgana was Magical too, there wasn't any other explanation.

But why? Why did he have those dreams? Why did she make him dreaming that stuff?

Merlin knew very well Morgana was intelligent and cunning. Three years ago, she had made everyone in Camelot believe she regretted her rebellious actions and -only towards him, of course- the fact she had been trying to destroy the whole realm. The talking Merlin had with her, still wandered trough his mind.

"Merlin, I want to speak to you." Her voice sounded severe. "I know what you did, you tried to poison me."

"I – I didn't want to."

"It's all right, Merlin. I understand. You were only trying to protect your friends, I would've done the same."

"Really?"

"I was so naïve, Merlin. I don't think I really understood what I was doing. But believe me, I've seen the evils in this world. I've seen first hand what it is that Uther fights against." She cried and Merlin felt extremely awkward and guilty after her words. "You don't know how much I regret everything that I've done. I just... hope that you could forgive me."

"I am so sorry for everything you've been trough", Merlin spoke sincere. Morgana smiled faintly. "It's good to have you back."

He had believed that her words were genuine, as for her tears and her smile after he'd forgiven her everything.

However, he soon realised that it had been nothing more than a remarkable example of her acting. She had become a vicious and heartless infiltrator, an embittered marionette from Morgause. At first, he didn't want to believe it, because the illusion had been so much more beautiful than the truth. But eventually, he couldn't deny it any more.

Morgana was capable of everything. If she would've found a way to penetrate in his dreams, she would do that, because she would know it could drive him mad.

Merlin stood up. He didn't understand why she did it, and he knew only two creatures in the whole world who probably did. The first one was a Dragon, whom he rather avoided, and the other one was old and weakened and was reading an ancient book in his quarters by the fireplace.

"Gaius," Merlin spoke as he saw his mentor, "can I ask you something?" Gaius looked up. His curved stature and his friendly, blue eyes curiously looked back at Merlin.

"What's wrong, my boy?" Gaius asked. Merlin didn't answer immediately. He found it difficult to explain what he had been dreaming, and now thought it was stupid he couldn't wait for ten more minutes to decide the right words instead of walking in the headquarters of the court physician wildly, with only a confused mind.

He drew a chair up to the fire, at the opposite side of Gaius', not for sitting comfortable, but to gain some time to make up his words.

"I had a dream," Merlin started, while he stroke trough his black hair, as if it would put his confused thoughts back together, "a strange dream." He had hoped Gaius would've answered something, anything, but he didn't, so Merlin was forced to continue. "A very strange dream..." He swallowed, knowing that, what he was about to tell, would sound very ridiculous. "I saw myself with Morgana. We were standing at a lake, and we held each others hands and even kissed each other. I felt, well, happy to be with her." Merlin looked at Gaius' expression, but it hadn't changed after his words, so he decided he could better tell him about his first dream as well. "And some days back, I dreamt we were living at the seaside and had a child together." Gaius his unchanged facial appearance made Merlin concerned. The body of the old court physician was already very weak, and now it occurred that his common sense had slowed too. "Did she enchant me, Gaius? Does she make me dream those things?"

Finally, Gaius face changed from intrigued to worried.

"I doubt that, Merlin," he spoke, after a short hesitation, "to manipulate other peoples dreams, asks for very dark Magic. She..."

"She is capable to do so!" Merlin interrupted. He reminded that Gaius had always toned down, even minimized, Morgana's Magical abilities, but Merlin knew better. She had a better headpiece than Gaius could've ever expected.

"She might want to, but even if we take the view that she is still alive and she gets schooling from a very skilful sorcerer or sorceress, she wouldn't be able to learn something like that in only two years. Even you wouldn't be able to do so, and I thinks that says something", Gaius spoke calmly. Merlin had wanted to barge in again while Gaius talked because he didn't agree with it at first, but Gaius' last sentence brought Merlin back on earth. He knew Morgana's Magical skills weren't inferior to his own, but he also assumed she wasn't better than him.

"So, you think she has nothing to do with those dreams?" Merlin asked. Gaius nodded. "Then why do I have them?"

"Dreams are only a processing of our experiences. It are just dreams, Merlin", Gaius said with a reassuring voice.

"No," Merlin shook his head, "no. These aren't just dreams, Gaius. They are Magical." Merlin wished the old man would believe him, so he wouldn't have the feeling he was about to lose his mind.

Gaius sighed and seemed to search for the right words. Eventually he said: "You are special, Merlin, but Morgana is too. I once told you that you are a question that has never been asked before," (Merlin was surprised the demented court physician still remembered that), "I believe she is just like you. You and Arthur are destined to do great things, but Morgana as well. I don't know what is going to happen, but I don't dare to assume that her part in the story already ended when she was only twenty-one."

"You believe she was right?" Merlin asked, uncomfortably. He didn't like it when their conversations had 'Morgana' as subject. "That it has just begun?"

"Yes", Gaius answered. He looked emphatic at the distressed boy. He knew like no-one else how heavy the burden of destiny weighed on Merlins shoulders. "You will see each other again, I'm sure about that."

"But were do those dreams come from?" Merlin still asked, because that was the reason why he needed Gaius for his counsel in the first place.

"I do not know", Gaius spoke honestly.

"Are they... is it," Merlin hesitated, knowing it was an idiotic idea and wishing he wouldn't sound too hopeful, "predictive?"

"If you would've been a Seer, than we would've discovered it in the meantime", Gaius smiled. Merlin shove over his chair unpleasantly. He realized he had made a stupid remark, and tried to convince the soft voice in his head he didn't desire his dreams were indeed mantic. "But as you already found out by your experiences in the Crystal Cave, there is only one past, but there are many futures."

"Do you mean it could be?" Merlin blurted out, before he became aware of the fact he should have kept that thought for himself. His ears turned red and he quickly looked trough the window, though he could still see Gaius' concerned look.

"You can't hate her, isn't it?" Gaius asked after some cumbersome moments. Merlin sighed and tried to suppress the flashbacks -it didn't matter if they were good or bad- of Morgana, but he didn't manage to do so.

"I just feel sorry for her," Merlin gasped after a while, "she has become so embittered, so full of hate. But the Morgana I used to know, wasn't like that. She was cheerful and lively, and she had a good heart. But since she discovered she has Magic, she has changed."

"From a child, Morgana has always been dealing with absolutes. She could be a very good friend to one person, but to the other, she was a ruthless enemy. I'm afraid it's a part of her personality to see things black-and-white", Gaius told. His voice sounded surprisingly sad.

"What would've happened if I would've told her I have Magic?" Merlin asked than. That question had already been burning to tell for a while, but still, he hadn't been prepared he would, and he felt a sudden shock flowing trough his stomach when the words escaped his mouth.

"It is her destiny to turn against Camelot, it wouldn't have changed anything", Gaius said quickly, as if he wanted to set that thought out of Merlin's mind as fast as he could.

"And what if I've made destiny because of my decisions?" Merlin continued. He already had ignored that specific feeling of guilt for such a long time, but now it reared his head again, he had to know.

"Even if that's the case, there is nothing you can do about it any more", Gaius said slowly. He emphasized every word, so they would certainly get trough.

Merlin held his tongue. He knew deep inside Gaius was right and he had to let go of it, but he couldn't.

"I wish I had told her," he finally whispered sadly, after he had glanced at his fingers for some time, "I wanted to tell her that I'm just like her. I wanted to tell her she didn't had to be afraid of her powers and that I – that I wanted to teach her how she could use them. But I couldn't." Merlin sighed. Gaius putted a paternal hand on Merlins shoulder and looked at him friendly. "I couldn't because... because I..." There it stopped. He had started his sentence, but he wasn't able to finish it. He didn't know the answer.

"It doesn't have to be like this, Morgana. We can find another way."

"There is no other way."

They wandered trough his head, those words. There had been another way, but he had ignored it for reasons he didn't know for himself.

"I've been a fool, Gaius", Merlin said softly. He felt how his fingernails pressed in the palm of his hands until they almost started bleeding, but blood was still better than the tears he felt in his eyes.

"That's not true, merlin," Gaius soothed, but he sounded very serious, "you're just saying that because you're tired and you just had that dream. You know as well as I do it's not true. It had been Morgana's choice, not yours."

"I could've done more", Merlin protested unwittingly.

"You've done what you thought was right", Gaius tried to encourage Merlin.

"No, I didn't", Merlin said, annoyed that it was so difficult for Gaius to understand. "But I won't make the same mistake again. From now on, I'll never listen to others when they tell me what I have to do. From now on, I will only do what I think is right." Merlin nodded fiercely. With every nod he constructed that promise in his mind, until he meant every letter.

~Please review