Hiya everyone. Thanks for reading. Here is the next part.
lady babette mucho love sister mine, this is for you. :)
You inspired me to wake my ass up and write an update before i went to work. I really want to get to the other stuff so i needed to hurry. Anyhoo, loved it,and hopefully you do too.
Chapter 11
I cant believe this mother fuckin shit! the Scribe Virgin can go fuck herself! There i was lounging in my room, hating my life, ignoring the happenin in the manse. Had Jack in my hand and NIN blaring in my ears. Life was fuckin peachy keen! Then V has to waltz his ass in my sanctuary and fuck my shit up! So now, fuck my life, i am sitting in the back seat of my cousins SUV, as he takes the love of my life out on a double date with my best friend. HEY SCRIBE VIRGIN CAN YOU HEAR MY THOUGHTS...THIS IS BULLSHIT!
"Shut up Qhuinn," Xhex whispers after she nudges in my ribs. Bloody Sin-Eater!
"Yo Sax, you really going to make me listen to this crap?" I ask just to get Xhex off of me. I am sitting behind my sweet wonderful SLUT cousin, looking over at Blay i see his jaw clenched and his cheeks are darker. great i am embarrassing him. But i am dying here!
"Cousin of mine, what would you preferred. I have Sade, Gregory and The Hawks, muse, yellowcard, the killers, really anything dear cousin tell me what you would like. What i could possibly play to not offend thy ears." the smug bastard said to me giving me sarcastic eyes in the rear view mirror.
"I don't really give a damn, Blay what type of music you have when you are in Saxton, his car that is." the words come out of my mouth like poison and i know i am being a dick. I see him stiffen up, sweat is starting to form on his forehead, and his neck is the same shade as his cheeks. John hits me in the back of my head.
'What the fuck is your problem, he is your best friend and you are making this really hard on him.' he sign.
Well damn, what can a man say or sign to that. Telling people how i feel doesn't get me anywhere, fighting how i feel knocks me back, what do i say. that i am so sorry and it is pleasure to be here, that it is taking all of my strength to not rip my cousins throat out, that i want nothing more than claim the man sitting just a few feet away as MINE? No, i can not say these things.
'i will stop' i sign back. Closing my eyes, sitting back in the seat, i feel all of the tension i have cause, i am fucking this up for all of them. Worse i am hurting Blaylock.
"hey Sax," saying it calmer. "do you still have that 90's alternative mix we used to rock out too when we was younger."
Saxton didn't anything at first but grabbed his iphone and scrolled down a list while driving. Classic, the lawman a lawbreaker, i smile to myself. "Of course Qhuinn. Brings back good memories with you and I," he says before hitting play on Possum Kingdom by The Toadies, my favorite song, he remembers.
Hey Scribe Virgin, I'm sorry K?
~~~~~~~LF~~~~~~
"So Blaylock," i smile yet again. Despite my jealous cousin and his out burst i am tickled pink to be sitting so close to my Warrior. "You still pondering where we are headed for tonights festivities?"
He rewards me by busting out laughing. "Saxton, i fear i have given up trying to figure you out. After the first couple of weeks I just learn to go with it."
"Why do you say such a thing Mr. Rocke?" cocking my freshly tweezed eyebrow to wards my lover.
Cocking his right back at me, slightly turning to wards me smiling. Dear Virgin he is gorgeous. "Since you surprised me a few weeks ago taking me to see Rupaul?" he laughs again.
My cheeks nearly match his, as he outs me in front of his friends, i see John Matthews big body shaking as he silently laughs, and Xhex is not covering her smirk!
"Oh shush you, Rupaul is FIERCE! You vampires hear me, she is a wonderful entertainer and great role model for the gay and lesbian community!" I blush even deeper, as Blaylock and Qhuinn bark out laughing at me. Great its terrible when THEY agree on something.
"How about the Twilight Convention, the week after?" My SUV shakes uncontrollably as all of my over sized, over muscled passengers laugh at my expense. But the genuine smile on my warriors face, makes it all worth it.
"well Blaylock, i am sorry i made you suffer like i did, even though i do believe it was you running up to Taylor Launter, saying and i quote 'you are one of the only characters i believe that casted adequately,' end quote, Mr. Rocke." i nudge my lover.
"its true, you read them books, come Robert Pattinson, Cedric digory as Edward Cullen, that is just crazy!" he smiles at me winking. I love this playful side of him., It is funny is it not, these larger than life real vampires, joking and even being fans of human versions of our species.
"Blay, i personally imagine Gaspard Ulliel," my dark brooding cousin answered, making Blaylock turn and full acknowledge his presence for the first time.
"You read Twilight?" he asked Qhuinn. My cousin breath caught in his throat, and damn it if it didn't make my fangs bare! but i could not blame, Blaylock was everything any male of worth would want.
Catching himself, i suppose, he answered. "those damn books have been on your book shelf for years, i get bored too!" he shrugged than started to lip sync to 'father of Mine' by Ever Clear, frowning if anyone understood those lyrics it was him.
~~~~~LF~~~~~~
I drive down the empty Caldwell streets looking for my salvations. How silly i was to forget that i cant demat! Stupid being born human! Caldwell is looking bare, and that sick feeling i get when Lessers are around isn't acting out. so there is no distraction. I got ole school Korn blasting "faget' screaming in my ears, as i am on my way to confess my sins. Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
Finally reaching the shitty end of town, with the beautiful St. Martin looming just a head. Its breath taking really, with its double Gothic towers, and whatever i don't know architecture. But you don't have to be one to know that it is a beauty. Parking the SUV in the front i hope out, my natural habits of scanning the area for anyone.
Nope no one, just a few of the faithful inside praying over the body and blood. The father, with his rosary beads dangling is walking down the pews to stop just in front of one of the remains of a saint. True story, we have some remains of glorious folks that reached saint hood. HEH i bet they was never in love with their best friend. But that really doesn't matter. I am what i am, accept me or not.
I palm my keys than put them in my sweat pants pocket before walking. Seeing the large baptismal font pour water, i want nothing more than to bathe in the blessed water, to cleanse me of all of my dirtiness. But that would certainly be frown upon. So i dip my fingers in there with my unclean hand, then making the sign of the cross before i walk to the third pew on the far right. Its been so long since i have been here. Bowing my head, i say 'the Nicene creed' in my mind. Than feeling guilty that i don't just believe in father and son but also the Scribe Virgin. Hopefully they will forgive me.
Damn it church always made me feel better, not worse, but i guess that my hear is filled with such guilt that i can not help but to feel this way.
Bowing my head even lower, i stop saying the written prayers and just start lightly talking. 'help me' the words echo around the church and i am embarrassed when the father, a young one at that walks up to me.
"my son, how may i help you?" Turning i look at the gentle man with his upturn palm, black robes, white collar, and beads swinging from everywhere. I think, what if i told him that i am in love with a man, and i am married to woman. i would be shown to the mother fuckin door before my ass could say hail Mary. hell what if i said, 'hey i used to be human, but now I'm a vampire?' i would be excommunicated, before i could even beg for forgiveness.
"Thank you," i say standing up taking his hand. "I just need someone to listen, and not judge me." saying with an open earnest heart.
He smiles at me, his brown eyes twinkling, "despite the rumors, some of us born after the 1960's offer not just guidance and ridicule. we offer our ears and our hearts. Come with me my son, let me try to ease your heart."
Letting the youthful father walk me to confessional, i decide right then to tell him everything, listen to what he says, naturally wipe his memory clean, and focus on my life that i have now.
Feeling better i push the velvet curtain to the side and take my seat.
~~~~~~LF~~~~~~
"this ain't your biz" saying as pour a shot or seven of goose in my cup, glancing over my shoulder as my mother pops into my living room. Piece and quiet i never get that anymore. sometimes i miss the days when the brotherhood stayed in separate places. i take that back no i don't, but a break from everyone would be a nice welcome. Get the King off my back, get Qhuinn and Blay out of my visions, and Butch outta my heart.
"i am sorry son of mine, be he is there forever, i fear."
Turning around i raise my voice to her. "what do you fear, NOTHING MOTHER MINE! it is i who walks around with a heart so heavy i feel like i shall fall over from the burden! it is I that worries about my brothers and now Sister," glaring at her for that one, we still haven't had it out for her keeping Payne from me " It is i that has to make sure that not just for mine sake, but others that i must stay alive at all cost, or Butch and the Brothers are finished. So mother what is it you fear?" i ask feeling better as i sit down in the middle of the couch.
" all that you say, my son. Every word i feel your anger, and your sorrow. You have made a feeble-minded simpleton out of me. Never once have i ever wanted to utter these words but son of mine i am sorry." she says hovering in front of me. She forgets she has already said she is sorry.
"what may i help you with Mom?" i ask taking a large gulp of my goose.
"Your sorrow just cried out to me, so i came. that is all."
Downing what is left in my glass, then looking at it not believing its already drained, "mother i am fine, i am here, i am living."
"No my son, you are not living, you existing. There is a difference. i created you, so i know what i am speaking."
"Well how about you save me the trouble of feeling and you just tell me what it is you want me to say or do?" standing up turning my back to her to pour me another glass.
"I have given you your wife,"
"TELL ME THIS NOT! FOR I ALREADY KNOW AND AM GRATEFUL!" i yell crushing the glass into sand at her words. How dare she bring my Jane up.
She ignored my outburst and continued on. "i have made it to where you have the best of both worlds as they say, tying you to your Butch. So you have what you want, i fear my son that you are making ALL of your gifts a burden. Do not mourn that which was bless-fully given." It didn't escape my notice the ALL, looking at my hand that i always hated, i sigh turning around.
"I'm sorry mom." looking up to empty space. "Well damn. So much for that." Turning around i jump out of my skin as she is there, her veil off, seeing me and Payne in her flawless features. She is so beautiful, i long to hold her, embrace my mother.
Opening her arms, "Come here my son, forgive me for my sins, and i shall forgive you for yours." It is a automatic thing, i take the three strides and embrace her. Closing my eyes against the tear, i feel her, not her body, but her sorrow and her love for all the vampires, for humans, for her brother the omega, and then her love for me and Payne. Its easy to hate something, when you are ignorant of all of it.
"No offspring of mine, is ignorant Son of Mine. Embrace your gifts, embrace me, listen to your king, your Brothers, your female, and son..." she broke off.
Pulling away from her arms to look at the larger than life deity whom i share my blood with. "yes?"
Her arms slowly pulling her veil back over her head, her glow turning back on. "Embrace your male, my son. Love him as you would want. It is natural for you, and i bless it so."
Then with that she popped out of my living room leaving me with an enlighten but still confused heart.