AN: This chapter is dedicated to another amazing author, DearCupcake. Darling, you are awesome! Queen of Dead Hearts, thank you for taking the time to beta! I also want to thank all of my incredible reviewers and readers. You guys are the reason I continue writing this story. Also, I'm sorry for all the spelling and grammatical errors in my previous chapter. This is why I needed a beta.

Chapter Nine: Breathe Again

All I can grasp is the pain; the burning that coursed through my body, setting fire to all that it touched.

It all hurt so much. My veins felt as if they were scorched dry. My throat felt as if it were burned shut. My arms and legs were numb, as if a thousand tiny little needles were stabbing me unstoppably.

I remember faintly hearing Greyson whisper soothing words in my ear, but they meant nothing and were quickly drowned out by my screams. I didn't want to scream. I didn't want to worry Greyson anymore, but every time I tried to open my mouth to speak, only screams came out.

It was torture. But I know it had to worth it in the end. It had to be.

I wanted to give in to the darkness. I really did. I wanted to take the easy way out, give in to the pain. But I kept fighting. I had to. I had to live for Greyson. I had to live for my dad. I had to live for my new friends. We were going to spend eternity together, and nothing is better than eternity.

I kept my eyes closed the whole time, afraid of what I would see if I opened them.

I felt the fire moving through my body, burning everything it touched. Finally, it reached my heart. Suddenly, the pain intensified, and I hadn't thought that was possible. My heart started beating so loud it was like a helicopter blade, chopping away. I screamed, writhed and groaned in pain. My heart felt like it was going to beat through my chest. I arched up towards the ceiling as the beating grew faster still. Suddenly, it stopped. My heart let out one last, empty thud and rested silently. The burning that coursed through my veins turned into soft warmth, flowing through me like a summer breeze.

I felt my muscles tighten and ripple in newfound strength. My limbs felt longer, leaner, more powerful. I felt some fat melt away, instantly replaced with muscle. I was suddenly aware of everything, the rustling of the curtain, the sound of the light hum of the light above me, the gentle chatter downstairs.

I could calculate everything, remember every single math problem I ever did, remember every single look that crossed the faces of people I saw daily, and remember every single word I ever spoke. I could even remember my first ballet recital when I was about four years old. It was amazing.

And I could smell and taste everything. I could smell Greyson in the air. He smelled like mint and sweet cinnamon. I could taste the wintry air, the frozen lake. I could taste the cotton and smell the wood of the flooring. But there was thing faint smell that overpowered everything. It was sweet, spicy and enticing. It made my throat burn and clench with need. I had to have it. I didn't know what it was but I had to have it.

Just like that, my eyes shot open and I stood up. It took about three milliseconds. My new and ever so intelligent brain calculated my timing with exact perfection.

I scanned the room, able to see very crack, every crevice and every color. Suddenly, my eyes rested upon this beautiful being in the corner of the room. His golden eyes weren't gold. They were yellow, bronze, and gold with flecks of hazel. His dark lashes framed his big eyes beautifully. His hair was a million shades of bronze. His skin was the smoothest marble and the whitest stone. His full lips were pulled up in a perfect smile, revealing his faultless teeth. It was as if I was seeing Greyson for the first time; I'd been blind until now.

I gasped, feeling the air whoosh into me. But it didn't feel necessary. I didn't need the air, but I liked it. I could taste everything in one little breath.

"How do you feel?" He asked, his voice a mixture of the deepest seas and the highest mountains. A tone not achievable or conceivable to mortal beings. It was beautiful music, meant only for worthy ears able to perceive it's magnificence.

"I feel…" I paused, unable to find a word in my now fairly large vocabulary. I was able to recall every word and their definition I have ever come across. "I feel extraordinary."

I was shocked by my own voice. I couldn't recognize it. It was the soft tinkling of wind chimes, the melodies of a harp played by an angel. It was so soft and musical . . . It seemed to dance through the air like a graceful butterfly.

Smiling, Greyson closed the distance between us in one-tenth of a second. And he didn't look like a blur. My eyes matched his movements perfectly. "You look extraordinary," he murmured, his hands on both sides of my face. They didn't feel cold like they used to. They felt like the perfect temperature. And they were so smooth and soft; I leaned into them and sighed, inhaling his scent.

"You're lying," I joked.

He laughed beautifully. "Your eyes are the color of the ocean when the sun is highest in the sky. They sparkle when you smile. Your hair is like strands of gold, waving down your back. And your skin is so soft, so smooth and oh so pale. You're beautiful, Marcy."

I laughed, waiting for my blush. But it never came. Greyson walked by and touched my cheek gently with the back of his fingers. "You'll never blush again. Are you sure you made the right decision?"

"Greyson, I know I have. Plus, I don't really miss blushing. Now my face can't give me away when I'm lying…or embarrassed…"

I smiled at him. Suddenly, a breeze blew through the window, carrying every scent within a two mile radius up my nose. I grimaced at some of the unpleasant smells, but then, I smelled it again, that warm, enticing smell. It was calling out to me. It burned the back of my throat, and I growled. I was so blinded by the scent; I couldn't even feel shocked that I growled. I was acting completely on instinct now.

"What is that smell," I spat, my mood changing in a flash.

Greyson whipped around and ran to the door, blocking it. "Shit, I forgot… you're smelling blood."

"Why does it smell so good?"

"You're a vampire…you need blood to live."

I closed the distance between us in a millisecond. "Get out of my way!" I screamed.

Without blinking, I placed my hand firmly on Greyson's chest and shoved a little. My push sent him flying into the hallway, denting the wall he flew into. It gave me a smug sense of pride to be capable of defeating a male. But he recovered quickly, getting up in a rapid motion and coming to stand in front of me again.

"Marcy," he snarled. "I need you to get a grip."

I glared at him. "How can I get a grip when I just got turned into a vampire and have no idea how to control my thirst for blood. Now get out of my way before I really hurt you."

I shouldered him, sending him stumbling back. And like that, I took off.

My legs carried me faster than I ever had imagined. And everything around me wasn't a blur; I could see every detail of everything that flew past me. I would've laugh with excitement, but my throat was burning with bloodlust, making even the thought of laughter painful.

In a matter of seconds, I was out of the hospital wing and standing in the middle of the House of Night grounds. I sniffed the air once, smelling the sweet smell again. My throat instantly lit aflame.

Using my instincts, I let my legs and sense of smell carry me to the direction of the blood.

When I decided to check where I was going, I realized I had busted the door open to the Elites' house and now it was thrown halfway into the house. But I didn't care, I needed blood.

Logan appeared out of nowhere. "Marcy! What the fuck did you do to the door?" He screamed. I cast one glance at him and noticed there was a giant scar on his bicep that I had never seen with my human eyes before. I made a note to ask him about it later, but right now I had other things on my mind.

"Where's the damn blood," I rasped, my throat dry and itching for the only liquid that could soothe it.

Logan's eyes suddenly grew big. "Calm down, Marcy. Take some deep breathes and we'll get you some blood."

"Why the fuck does everyone keep telling me to calm down! I want the blood and I want it now! I don't how you guys stand this…this burning."

I sped through the house like a tornado, causing destruction to anything and everything in my path.

Once I reached the refrigerator, the scent of the blood was so overpowering I was nearly crying with desperation. I almost tore the whole refrigerator door off with need.

Taking a once over of the contents in the fridge, I noticed there was a little shelf of human food and the rest were stocked with bags of blood.

I howled in pain as my throat clenched and blazed with thirst. I grabbed the nearest blood bag, unsheathed my fangs and tore into it. I didn't even know I had fangs until now.

After about two minutes, I was done with my first blood bag and already starting on my second one. The burning in my throat was gone and all I could taste was the sweet, delicious blood. It felt so good.

Greyson and Cody sped into the kitchen just as I finished my second bag.

"You grab her right arm, I'll take the left," Greyson said.

They came after me, holding me still. I fought back, but two vampires were stronger than one.

I finally gave up, the burning taking place once again in my throat. I groaned in anxiety. "I need…"

"Greyson, she needs blood," Cody said, reading my mind. "No, that will kill her! She can't starve, she's a newborn and she needs to know what it feels like," Cody shouted, answering Greyson's silent question.

Greyson hesitated. I took that time as an opening and I wrestled out of their grasp, crouched on the floor and snarled.

"Give me the damn blood," I growled.

"No!" Greyson yelled back, promptly shutting the refrigerator.

I straightened. "Why? I need it."

"You need to control yourself first…"

"Fuck you! Fuck this control thing! I'm thirsty! I'm going to get what I want and you can't stop me!"

I breathed in deep breaths, anger clouding my vision.

Greyson walked forward and slid a hand against my cheek. "What happened to you, Marcy? It's like you actually turned into the monster you really are…"

I gasped, inhaling the bloody air. I didn't know such little words could affect me like that. My throat's burn intensified but I was more hurt than thirsty. I whipped around and ran away from Greyson, tears streaming down my eyes.

"Dude, what the fuck did you do?" I heard Cody say as I ran. I tried to block out the rest of their conversation with my sobs.

-x-

This time, if Lucifer found me, I would be ready. I would be able to protect myself. I was stronger, faster, and smarter now. I could take him on, even if he was more than one hundred years older than me.

I stopped running when I didn't recognize where I was. I didn't run out of breath. I was just . . . tired. My eyes hurt from crying and my heart hurt from Greyson's words.

Was I really a monster now? Is that what I really have become? A killer, a ruthless killer. That's what I am. I drink innocent people's blood for my own benefit. Even if they die, I'll live longer. I'm selfish, I'm heartless, and I'm evil. No one will ever be able to fix me because there's no going back. I am a monster.

"No you're not," Cody said, suddenly appearing next to me.

I whipped around, ready to protect myself. I scanned Cody once, realized he was someone I knew and I relaxed.

"You scared me," I said coldly.

"I know," he replied.

We walked silently for a moment.

"Why are you here?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"I'm here to talk to you," he replied.

I laughed and kicked a rock up, sending it flying miles away. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Oh, but there is," was all he said.

I stopped walking. Cody stopped too. I crossed my arms. "Why are you really here?"

He sighed. "Greyson wanted me to tell you that…"

"No. I don't want to talk about him," I cut him off.

"Marcy, he's sorry. He didn't mean to say those things about you. He was just trying to get to you so you would listen to him, honestly. Greyson didn't know that you were going to take off like that. All he's going is trying to help and you have to give him some credit for that."

"Look, I know he didn't mean those things, but what he said…it really hurt."

"I know," Cody whispered. "I can read everything that's going on in your head right now."

"Well could you stop?" I snapped. "I thought my mind would be the only place where my thoughts would be private but I guess I can't get any alone time around here."

Cody touched my arm gently. "It's not like I want to read your mind, Marcy. It's what I was gifted with, and sometimes I think it's a curse. It gets loud like hell in my head when everyone's thoughts are projected into it."

I looked down. "I'm sorry for shouting. I guess I'm just a little jealous that you know your power and I don't…"

Cody laughed.

"So what's it like, reading minds?" I asked, quickly changing the subject.

Cody grew serious. "It gets irritating sometimes, hearing everything. I mean, sometimes I can use it for my benefit but most of the time it's not a necessity. Also, it can get kind of sad…"

I cocked my head. "And why is that?"

"Because you always hear more than the person meant to say. Everyone I meet, it's as if there's no secrets between us. I already know the person before they even see me… it's frustrating. There's no way to make new friends without creeping them out. Lucy is so kind to accept me for who I am. I don't know what I would do without her."

There was a sad silence.

"You probably already know this, but I still have feelings for Greyson."

Cody nodded. "I know."

"Why did I fall for him so quickly? Why am I so stubborn?"

"It was the adrenaline rush… the risk of being with someone that could instantly kill you. You secretly wanted the danger more than Greyson. You were attracted to him because he was a vampire."

I gasped. "You can't just say that!"

Cody shrugged. "Sure I can. I can read your subconscious mind, too."

"Well, stop," I said, crossing my arms.

We walked a little longer before it finally got really dark outside. I could hear the tiny insects and the gentle crunching of animal footsteps.

"Once in a while, you just have to stop running, Marcy."

I turned to look at Cody. "What do you mean?"

"You can't just run away from what you're afraid of because eventually, it will catch up to you. And when that happens, you have to be ready to turn around and look it in the eyes."

I took Cody's words into consideration. He usually interpreted everything pretty accurately.

Now that I'm a vampire, a new being, I shouldn't be afraid of anything anymore. I was strong and fast. I could easily kill someone in a blink of an eye. But why was I still scared? I don't even know what I'm scared of. I just am. I'm scared of what's next; the future can be an unpredictable thing.

"We're all scared of something," Cody said.

"I just don't want to be weak," I replied.

"It'll be okay."

I looked into his sad, knowing eyes. "That's bullshit."

Cody widened his eyes but recovered quickly. "Why?"

I shook my head and sighed. "Cody, nothing is ever going to be okay."

"How can you say that…?

"I am a vampire."

"…So?"

"You don't understand. I'll never be the same again."

"Marcy…"

I turned around and started walking back towards the house. I didn't want to talk about this. I don't care if he reads my mind all the time, there are some things I want to keep secret and I have to be away from Cody.

"You wanted to be a vampire! You wanted this. You did. Not me, or Greyson, but you. Do you really want to take it back now?"

I whipped around, anger flashing in my eyes. "I don't want to talk right now."

Cody was suddenly standing in front of me. "You need to stop running."

I sighed. "I'm not running, I'm simply…ignoring."

He grabbed my arm. "Stop, Marcy. Stop running."

"No."

I ran.

I ran as fast as I could.

I reached the front door of the Elites' house before Cody surprisingly grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him.

"What are you so scared of?"

"I need to go… I need to get out of here," I gasped.

"What, Marcy? What are you so scared of? Tell me!" Cody shouted, shaking me by the shoulders.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"I'm scared of myself! I'm scared of who I am! I'm scared of what I am becoming!" I screamed.

Cody stopped shaking me. I was breathing heavily and the tears were rolling steadily.

"I just wish I could breathe again."

"You are breathing," Cody said, confused.

I shook my head furiously, my hair sticking to my wet cheeks. "But I don't need it. I don't need air anymore, but right now, it's the only thing I want. I want air. I want to need air. I want to need air to live."

"But Marcy, you can breathe right now… I don't see why you're so upset about this."

I pointed at him. "You can read my mind. This shouldn't be such a mystery."

He sighed and closed his eyes. I could almost feel him digging in my head, trying to piece together everything.

"You want to be human again," he whispered. I nodded in response.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, walking closer to him.

He stopped me with a hand. "Don't. I knew this would happen. I knew you were going to regret this."

"Cody, I'm a monster."

He looked at me with piercing eyes. "So am I."

Then he walked around me and back into the forest. I hesitated for a moment, shocked by Cody's words. Then, silently, I opened the door to the house and walked in.

Suddenly, before I even managed to close the door behind me, Helena came barreling towards me, wrapping me in a shaky hug.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"I'm so sorry, Marcy," she cried into my shoulder.

I pulled away. "Helena, what's wrong? Where is everybody?"

She sniffled and looked at me with her teary gray eyes. "You don't know? The Rogues came, Marcy. They attacked. You're dad is dead. I'm so sorry."

My knees buckled and I landed on the floor with a thud. Helena squatted next to me and held me as I cried.

"They…killed…him…" I sobbed. She nodded.

"Wh-wh-what?" I asked.

"You are a vampire! You weren't supposed to turn into one. They wanted to kill you before you made the transformation but Lucifer failed… they killed King Archon, Marcy. I am so sorry. I am so sorry… so sorry," she cried.

I took in a shaky breath. "Where are the others?"

"They've gone to the Council Hall. They are talking with the other council members. The Rogues have stolen our supply of Elixir. I don't know how they got in… someone must have let them in… right under our noses… we need to go…" Helena mumbled, half carrying, half dragging me out the door.

We flew through the trees quickly and quietly, Helena sobbing lightly the whole way there. I was too shocked to process any emotion, even though my brain had wrapped itself around the situation the moment Helena told me. Once we entered the meeting room, the same one where I first met the Council, everyone was tensely discussing this evening's events.

"What's going on?" I asked weakly, gasping for air.

Everyone suddenly broke off, mid-sentence. Taryn looked at me with sad eyes. Helena quickly went to join her in the empty seat next to her. Logan and Greyson were tense, unable to meet my gaze. Sir Adomis and Lady Josefina were there. They smiled sadly at me. Cody was no where to be seen.

"Welcome, Marcy. I notice you are changed now. Do you like it so far?" Lady Josefina asked; her tinkling voice weighed with sadness.

I smiled sadly back. "I'm getting used to it."

Sir Adomis cleared his throat. "Queen Celeste and Raine were unable to join us right now. I take it that you know what happened?" His eyebrow rose.

I nodded. "I know."

He smiled stiffly and turned back to Greyson and Logan. They were talking about some kind of plan… their voices were so low I could barely hear them. Helena and Taryn were talking lowly too. Their brows were furrowed in intense concentration.

Suddenly, Lucy barged into the room, panting. "Sorry! The animals told me what happened… is everything okay? Where is Cody?"

I looked down to the floor, suddenly embarrassed. "Cody went for a walk. We got in a little argument…"

She looked flustered. "Do you know where he is? I can't find him anywhere and I'm worried. Oh you must be devastated. I'm so sorry about your dad, Marcy." Lucy quickly enveloped me in a soft hug and a few tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I'll be… I'll be okay," I mumbled into her shoulder.

She patted my back softly and let go, joining Logan and Greyson.

I didn't want to feel sad about my dad. Not now. And suddenly, I didn't. I'd been so used to him being dead that now that he really was, it wasn't hard to just shut off my emotions.

"So what's going on?" she asked them, suddenly getting into 'work' mode. They glanced at her and motioned for her to sit down. Everyone was in on this master plan. . . everyone but me. I stood there awkwardly as all the vampires in the room spoke softly and quietly to each other.

Finally, Taryn looked up from her conversation with Helena and called me over.

I walked to her slowly.

"What's going on?" I whispered when I finally reached her.

She looked at me with her deep green eyes and for once I could detect sympathy. Maybe she wasn't all that bad. . .

"You're much prettier now that you're a vampire," was the first thing Taryn said to me. No sorry, no comfort, just a sniveling remark. I almost slapped her in the face but Helena glared at me.

"Thanks," I replied, sarcasm dripping from my tone like honey off a spoon. I sat down in the other seat next to Taryn, folding my hands on the table. "So what's happening?"

"We're going to infiltrate the Rogue headquarters, since they broke into ours," Helena responded. Taryn was suddenly silent. I gave her a glance and looked away. She really wasn't worth my time.

"How could they have gotten in? It all doesn't make sense," I replied, thinking of all the possible ways the Rogues could have gotten in.

"There's a barrier, a force field if you will, that protects the Casa di Notte grounds. The only way a stranger could get in is through the front gates, and that means someone must have let them in."

I widened my eyes. "The guards…?"

Helena shook her head. "Dead."

And all the while, Taryn stayed silent. She must be so terrified. I actually kind of felt bad for her.

"Then who could have let them in? Is there a spy among us?"

Suddenly, the room went quiet. I felt ten pairs of sad eyes looking at me. Abruptly, I felt nervous; had I said something wrong?

Sir Adomis spoke up. "That is exactly what we were talking about, Marcy."

Lady Josefina put her hand on Sir Adomis's shoulder. "It kills me inside to think that one of ours has betrayed us. But it is the only possibility."

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I hated feeling betrayed, like when I found out my father was a vampire; my father…who is now dead. He isn't coming back.

I started to cry hysterically. Immediately, I felt a pair of strong arms around my shoulders.

"There there," a voice breathed. Cinnamon. Logan.

I squirmed away. "Get away from me," I cried in between my sobs.

"Marcy, I'm not going to hurt you," he pleaded.

I shook my head. "You've done enough."

I rapidly blinked the tears out of my eyes and I could see Greyson, tense in his seat, unable to look at us. Everyone else was conversing gravely again.

All these emotions were washing over me in waves. And adding to that was my sudden thirst for blood. I couldn't get a grip anymore. I couldn't even control myself and bring myself to calm down, to put all my emotions away and focus on protecting everyone.

I was hopeless.

All I could do was hurt people. None of this would be happening if I were dead. None of this.

Out of nowhere, Helena gasped. Lucy tensed. Taryn narrowed her eyes.

Unexpectedly, the doors were slammed open, wood splinters flying everywhere.

"They're here!" Sir Adomis shouted.

Logan's strong arms were suddenly around me once more, protecting me. I clung onto him, scared for out lives.

"Stay quiet," he whispered calmly into my ear.

I nodded.

We moved silently and swiftly through the chaos, finally ducking under the table.

Screams and shouts were piercing the air. My instincts told me that I needed to help, but with Logan holding me so tightly all I could do was sit and wait.

Suddenly, Logan was yanked off of me, leaving me exposed to the dangers. I tried to grab for him, but it was too late. He had been pulled into the madness.

"Logan!" I screamed. "No!"

But before I could do anything, something sharp pierced me in the back and I howled in pain. This was a new pain, one that I've never felt before. For a moment, I saw my life flash before my eyes. Was it really all over?

Shouts and screams echoed around the room and I could distinctly hear each and every one. I was also able to tell who they belonged to. Just the thought of my friends getting hurt made me die on the inside.

Furniture broke, glass smashed, walls crumbled. I couldn't do anything. I wanted to help, I really did.

More shouts, more screams. They were intensifying now. The fight was getting more heated.

This would be the end of all of us. It was all because of me that my friends had to die.

The dust in the room sent me in a coughing fit and my eyes watered. I felt cool blood leak out of the wound in my back. It stung so badly. I just wanted to yank it out. Pull out whatever was hurting me.

But before I could think of anything, I was pierced in the back once again. I thrashed and cried, groaned and screamed. But this time, I was so out of it, the pain rocking throughout me so that I couldn't do anything but slump forward and give in.

I was losing control of my body. My mind was elsewhere, my arms and legs, useless.

A pair of rough hands gripped me and dragged my away. My legs bounced helplessly behind me as I was taken down the stairs. I was fading in and out of consciousness.

How silly I was, wanting to be human again, wanting something I could never have. Too bad I won't ever be able to breathe again, human or vampire. I was going to die and this time, I won't be coming back to life.