Tesco: The Place For Cravendale

indeed, c'est moi! back! sorry i've taken so long with this, i've had exams on,

and so this has been my pet project during the 'breaks'. This might be the last

chapter I manage to get up until June, so again i apologise. slight filler between Runaway/

Smith and Jones, so it isn't as long as they usually are. hope you enjoy this, i've had fun with it!

"I'm really gonna miss Donna," Rose remarked, closing the door behind her as the Doctor threw his trenchcoat over a support strut lazily.

"Yeah, me too, actually," the Doctor agreed, scratching behind his ear absent-mindedly. "She was certainly ... different, to the usual, wasn't she?"

"A character and a half," Rose said, nodding. She walked up to the central column slowly as the TARDIS, instead of its usual dematerialisation sequence, was shooting up into the sky like a bullet, leaving Donna Noble down on Earth in the snow, waving like a lunatic on helium.

"Oh, I'm beat," the Doctor said, collapsing on the Captain's Chair, his eyes closed, a finger and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose.

Rose frowned, concern flooding her features. "Are you okay?" she said, sitting down beside him. Removing his hand from his nose, she raised a hand and pressed it to his forehead. "You're toasty, but that's nothing new," she said - his skin was always a few degrees hotter than hers.

He stuck out her tongue at her, his eyes crossed. "I'm fine. Just need a sleep, that's all. It's been a while. When was it ... oh, at your mother's?" he said, and Rose could see him getting sleepy. He wasn't as good as hiding it as she was, considering he didn't experience tiredness as often as herself. It wouldn't be another twenty-four hours before he slept, though, so they had some time to kill - or run screaming from aliens covered in goop.

"Okay," she said, convinced. She laughed as her stomach rumbled; she hadn't managed to eat any of Donna's delicious-looking wedding cake. The Doctor had managed to swipe some ball-bearings off the cake, and had flicked some at Rose's nose (he was aiming for her mouth, in his defence) before robot Santas had invaded.

The Doctor smiled. "Right. Kitchen. I could murder a cup of tea and some peanut butter and toast," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her upwards. She had no time to argue, but she wasn't planning on anyway. Tea and peanut butter toast sounded just what she needed.

They walked to the kitchen slowly, hand-in-hand, talking about Donna and Sylvia and how alike Sylvia and Jackie were. They were quite alike, and Rose hadn't noticed until the Doctor pointed it out. They got to the kitchen and started their well practised routine; the Doctor took four pieces of toast and placed them in the toaster, while Rose put water in the kettle and pressed it to boil. She rummaged around in a cupboard for a moment, taking out four chicken cup-a-soups (why were they even there? Neither of them liked chicken soup) and a tin of baked beans before managing to find the jar of peanut butter. It was the Doctor's latest obsession, much like marmalade. If he wasn't in the control room, the library, the sitting room or his bedroom, he'd be in the kitchen, one finger in the peanut butter jar. It was a good thing Rose didn't have allergies.

The toast popped and then two seconds later the water came to the boil; Rose made the tea while the Doctor made the toast. It was done and on the table in a matter of seconds. Rose eagerly reached for a slice, her stomach protesting at waiting. She took a big bite and chewed noisily, swallowing the thing after a few seconds. "I like peanut butter toast," she said, and the Doctor laughed; she raised the slice again to take another bite, but instead turned positively green and bolted for the door. The Doctor went straight after her.

"Rose? Rose, are you okay? Rose?" He said, concerned, knocking gently on the door. She'd locked it again. He really had to stop her doing that, what if she passed out whilst the door was locked? No saviour for Rose, because the doors were solid oak and a killer to knock down. Ask Jack.

The retching stopped, and the Doctor heard her brushing her teeth before the bolt slid back and Rose reappeared, a thin sheen of sweat on her face. She looked better, though. "Peanut butter toast does not like me," she said, and the Doctor drew her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, even though I can't do anything," he said, and Rose laughed, though it was slightly muffled by his shirt. The suit jacket still hung over the back of the chair in the kitchen.

"Don't be, you only got me like this," Rose joked. "I should make a list of everything the baby does not like. Then I can avoid rushing to the bathroom every two minutes."

"Good idea," he said, stroking her hair lightly. "Feeling better?"

"Much," Rose said, smiling. "But I still want my cup of tea," she said, and the Doctor laughed, leading her by the hand back to the kitchen ... and back to their cold tea.

The Doctor, unaware of this, brought the mug to his lips, taking a deep gulp. His face screwed up at the atrocious taste. He rushed over to the sink, sitting it out, while Rose laughed behind him. She was glad he'd taken the first sip rather than herself.

"Bleugh!" the Doctor said, coming up from the sink, pouring his tea out. "Apart from your mother's chicken-that's-actually-beef water-like soup, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted in this regeneration. Not in my life. Once ate a kangaroo's testicle for a laugh, although I was sick afterwards. It was nasty. You see these 'celebrities' on I'm A Celeb ... have no idea what they're in for, no idea. I lived in a jungle once. Well, for two days. Rained the whole entire time, I think I got pneumonia. Oh, Rose, you would have loved the koalas. We've run out of milk."

"Hmm?" Rose said, munching on a Wagon Wheel, having tuned out at when he started yattering about eating kangaroo's testicles. They are some things people should keep to themselves.

"We've run out of milk, weren't you listening?" he said, waving the empty bottle of semi-skimmed in front of her face.

"I was listening, but you started waffling about jungles and kangaroos," she said, looking at the bottle. "Ahh. Tesco's, then? I'll go. We don't want a repeat of last time," she said, referring to when he decided that juggling cans of Diet Coke would be a good idea. The attendants who had to clean up the fizzy soda were not, and neither was a red-faced and embarrassed Rose, who thought she'd at least have three years before she'd be doing this, i.e. being embarrassed by accidents in Tesco. Although she thought the person she'd been dragging away would be three, not nine hundred and three.

"Tesco, hmm ... 2009, then. Best go early - by late 2009 swine flu has gripped the world," he said, in a doomsday voice.

"Really ... what about Mum? Is she safe?" Rose asked, slightly worried.

"Yeah! You know your lot, you hear the words 'pandemic' and panic. Nothing more than a mild flu," he said, pulling buttons and pressing levers. Or was it the other way around? His hands, like usual, were flying around as were his words as he barked various instructions at Rose, who did her dueful duty and carried them out.

"London, Earth ... 22nd May 2009! A Tuesday! I love Tuesdays. Or I did, before Eastenders was introduced," the Doctor proclaimed loudly as he exited the TARDIS, attracting a few stares from some people in the busy end of Muswell Hill.

"Shut up, people are lookin'," Rose said, and the Doctor nodded.

"I know - probably wondering what the hell we're getting up to inside a small, wooden box," he said, nudging her elbow with his own, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Rose rolled her eyes, taking his hand in her own and pulled him in the direction of the nearest Tesco's.

"Geez, it's only round the corner!" the Doctor said, before pointing in the other direction to where Rose was walking. "You're going to wrong way. It's this way."

"I've been here before, and I'm pretty sure the Tesco is beside Boots, on the High Street, down there," she said, pointing, "And then to your right."

"No, it's here, beside Alexandra Palace. I remember because when I was chasing after Magpie and the Wire, I passed it to go to Alexandra Palace," the Doctor said, firm in his decision.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. When have I ever been wrong before?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Rose asked, one eyebrow at her hairline.

"No, of course not. It was a rhetorical question," the Doctor said, but nevertheless steered her in his direction. "It's only two minutes down the road."

They passed many shops on their jaunt - a Superdrug, Greggs, Victoria Wine - but they walked for about fifteen minutes and had passed Alexandra Palace on two of her four sides, and still no Tesco.

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" Rose asked skeptically, utterly convinced that the Doctor had no flippin' clue where he was going.

"Yep ..." he said, before catching Rose's disbelieving look. "No. I am afraid to admit this as a Time Lord, but I am lost. I ain't a Street Lord."

"Lord of the A-Z?" Rose joked, before pulling him back. "And that was a crap joke, by the way. And

I said it was on the High Street. Honestly, listen to me, the Half-and-Half!" she said, as they made their way back to the place they had started from. He was getting off for it just now, but no doubt Rose would think up of something creative to pay him back for it later. Since she'd fallen pregnant, she'd had a thing where she held grudges for an incredibly long time, something that wasn't really Rose. She'd hold them for a while, but for the majority she'd just let it go ... now, he'd have to expect an inventive way of revenge in about three weeks time.

"Right, come on then. High street," the Doctor said, pointedly ignoring the jibe about his joke. Rose took his hand, leading the way, shooting him a side glance and seeing him looking at everything, taking in everything around him. It always amazed her that no matter how many spectacular, out-of-this-world planets he took her to, he always thought Earth was the most breathtaking. He always looked at everything as though it was some sort of miracle that it was there.

They reached Tesco's without any more hilarity. Rose smiled as the Doctor bounded over to the trolleys like a hyperactive five-year-old, grabbing one and pushing it towards Rose.

"We don't need a trolley, so you can put that back," she said, pointing. "We're only in for milk."

"But Rose!" he whined. "I love the trolleys. They're fun."

"And embarrassing. Remember the incident?" she said, and the Doctor nodded.

"Yeah, but I apologised for that."

"But it was also embarrassing. We have to act responsible; we're going to be parents," Rose said, trying to use an authoritative voice that wasn't working, as she'd just spotted jam doughnuts on sale for 50p and the baby was literally begging for them.

This hadn't escaped the Doctor's notice. "Oh, look at that. Jam doughnuts. 50p, what a bargain. Pity there's only one packet left and that lady seems to be eyeing them up …"

Rose literally squealed, running head first into the shop and nearly pushing the lady out the way to get the doughnuts. "I'm so sorry," she said, acting as if it was an accident, and the lady replied it was nothing to worry about; the doughnuts were in Rose's hands as she made her way back to a laughing Doctor, who was almost bent double over the trolley.

"Rose, we have to be responsible. We're going to be parents," he said once he'd recovered, mimicking her earlier comment.

"Oh, shut up," she said, grabbing hold of the trolley and pushing it. The Doctor laughed behind her, stuffing his hands in his pockets and followed her, Rose directing the Doctor to what they needed to buy.

"We should just get it all, while we're here," the Doctor said, looking at some peanut butter, before remembering Rose's newly-acquired aversion to the spread, instead holding up marmalade. "You aren't going to be sick if you eat this, are you?" he asked, just in case.

"No, so far I'm okay with the marmalade," she replied, too involved in reading the back of a packet of jam-filled cupcakes to notice the Doctor sneaking five jars of marmalade into the trolley.

Rose placed two packets of 16 jam-filled cupcakes in the trolley, noticing the jars. "Oi! What's with all the marmalade?"

"What's with all the jam?" the Doctor shot back, looking at the jam-filled cupcakes. There were a lot of them.

"I have cravings for jam," Rose said, rubbing her stomach.

"I have cravings too, y'know," the Doctor said, gesturing to the marmalade.

"Oh, can male Time Lords have babies too?" Rose said, smirking.

The Doctor glared. "You know what I mean," he said, walking away, his trench coat fanning out behind him like a cloak.

"Oi, Snape, come back, I need help with the trolley!" Rose said, and the Doctor swivelled back at once, mouth agape, walking back to her.

"Snape? You're saying I look like Severus Snape? SNAPE? I mean, Lupin, maybe, I've always fancied myself as a bit of an animal," - Rose snorted - "And I could get it if you called me Sirius Black, but Snape? Rose Tyler, I am aghast!"

"You don't look like him. I mean, if you looked like him, then I think I wouldn't be in the bread aisle, more like the shampoo aisle," Rose said, smirking. "I knew it would get your attention. And your coat was like out flying behind you, like his."

"Really? I must invest in a Lupin-style coat," he said, looking at the coat. "But I love this coat. Janis – "

"Yes, we know, Janis Joplin gave you that coat," she said, rolling her eyes. "Come on, now, let's get serious. Wholegrain or white?"

"We don't die, Rose. Get white bread," he said, picking up three packets of Hovis Thick White and placing them in the trolley alongside the five jars of marmalade and 32 jam-filled cupcakes.

"Right-o. To the milk!" the Doctor said, taking hold of the trolley, and gripping the handlebars, ran with it and picked his legs up so he was flying down the aisle. Rose shook her head; no matter how many times she told him, he wouldn't stop. She made a mental note never to let Jackie come shopping with them; she'd have a heart attack in the middle of Lidl if she did.

They arrived at the milk all in one piece (as was the shop, thankfully) but the Doctor, once again, was moaning about something.

"What is it now?" Rose asked, picking up some Tesco-own milk.

"There is a world disaster happening, Rose. Something of epic proportions." His voice was grave.

"Oh, my God, what's happening?" Rose said, putting down the milk and looking around. Surely they were safe in Tesco's. Why would aliens want to invade Tesco?

"Tesco, Muswell Hill, has ran out of Cravendale milk," the Doctor said, and Rose looked slightly amused, slightly furious.

"Honestly!" she said, hitting him upside the head with a copy of Heat she was buying. "You made me think that aliens had invaded."

"Why on Earth would aliens want to invade Muswell Hill's Tesco?" the Doctor said, confused. "And anyway, bigger fish to fry than aliens; there is no Cravendale milk!"

"You don't have to get the milk because of the advert, you know," Rose said, amused. He really did love that advert, going around the TARDIS saying 'milk, milk' over and over for ages afterwards. It got annoying, to be honest, to Rose tended to whack him with whatever was handy.

"But the advert is awesome!"

"Yes, but other milk tastes the same."

"No, it doesn't. Other milk doesn't come from a talking cow."

"No milk comes from a talking cow, Doctor."

"Cravendale does. Well, a metaphorical talking cow, anyway."

"C'mon. We're getting Tesco's own milk. Buy three, you never know when we'll be back."

The Doctor, still sullen from having no Cravendale, picked up the – in his opinion – inferior milk and put it in the trolley.

"Are we almost done?" he asked, after dumping a load of chocolate and fizzy juice into the trolley.

"Yeah, I think that's us. Honestly, you call yourself a Doctor, yet you put all this junk in," she said, having put her fruit in earlier. She had decided that for the baby's sake, she would try and lead as healthy a diet as possible for the nine or less months (the Doctor said that usual Gallifreyan pregnancies were only four months, and he didn't know if the baby would follow a human or Gallifreyan pregnancy) but her attempts to turn the Doctor onto healthy fruit was, for the most part, falling on deaf ears. 'Why eat healthily? We are gonna live forever, we might as well eat what we like' was his constant mantra.

"Well, if I'm going to live forever," the Doctor said, putting their shopping onto the conveyor belt, "I might as well do it in style, eh?" his tone was light and jokey, more for the shop assistant's benefit than for Rose's.

The very shop assistant that was eyeing up the Doctor as he spoke, not at all interested in what he was saying. She was youngish, about eighteen or nineteen, with dyed black hair that had a hint of blonde at the roots; her black nail polish was chipped off quite considerably, and you could barely see her eyes for dark eyeliner. She wasn't paying attention to scanning the items, preferring instead to just stare at the Doctor, who seemed oblivious (as always) to her gaze. However, Rose was not oblivious, not in the slightest, and was getting quite annoyed at her.

"We need to get home quickly; the baby is like, screaming for that jam," Rose said pointedly, resting a hand on her small stomach. The Doctor nodded, and started packing everything just that little bit quicker. The shop assistant had heard Rose and was now glaring at the woman.

"£42.63," she spat, nearly grabbing the money from Rose's outstretched hand. Rose looked a little taken aback, she didn't want this kind of reaction.

"Thanks," Rose said poiltely, when the shop assistant dumped the change back in Rose's hand. Rose smiled.

"Have a nice day," the shop assistant said, acid dripped in her voice. Rose smiled again, picked up some bags, before the Doctor handed her some of the less heavy bags. She rolled her eyes and walked away, the assistant still glaring daggers in her back.

It wasn't until they got out of Tesco that the Doctor asked her. "What was up with her?" he said, eyebrows raised. "Honestly, kids these days. Rude as anything."

"She wasn't being rude to you," Rose replied, and the Doctor glanced at her, "She was being rude to me."

"Why?" the Doctor hadn't cottoned on.

"You," she said, and the Doctor ahhed, realising at once.

"Really?" he said, and Rose laughed, rolling her eyes. They walked back to the TARDIS, talking about trivial things such as chameleon circuits when the Doctor suddenly stopped dead.

"Doctor? What is it?" Rose said, as the Doctor knelt down beside something, nestled in the shadows against the corner of a building.

"Rose, give me your opinion: is that a plasma coil?" he said, pointing to something that looked like a tightly-wound spring.

"I'd answer better if I knew what a plasma coil is, but it is certainly coiled," Rose said, and her eye caught something. "There's one over here, too!" she said, pointing to the other corner of the building.

"Hmm … these are definitely, without a doubt, plasma coils," the Doctor said, looked at them, whipping out his glasses. Rose wondered what the shop assistant's reaction would have been to him wearing his glasses. Like every other girl (and the odd guy) she would have probably melted.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" Rose asked him, still unsure as to what plasma coils actually were.

"Bad. Alien way of transportation, or at least it aids mass transportation. What is this place?" the Doctor asked Rose, still inspecting this suspected plasma coil.

"This is … it doesn't say … wait, here's a sign … Royal Hope Hospital," she yelled back, and the Doctor poked his head out from around the corner.

"Fancy doing a little undercover work, Lewis?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

"Always!" Rose replied, and picking up their shopping, they made their way back to the TARDIS; they had an undercover plan to organise.