"That's because she likes plants more than people…"
I heard Max speaking in a low tone from across the room. I sighed almost inaudibly. Sure, I was a little abrasive. For anyone to say so wouldn't be absolutely outrageous. For Max to say it was a little devastating. I'm not that horrible, am I? In a newfound horrible mood due to this, I promptly yelled for my cigarette and stalked over to my new recruit and the accident that will set me back decades.
"And here she is, Cinderella back from the ball. Grace, I'd like you to meet Norm Spellman and Ja -" I chose to ignore the fact that I was being introduced to Sully, the brother of my dead researcher. It wasn't fair to scapegoat him, but I did what I did. We aren't always proud of our actions.
"Norm. I hear good things about you. How's your Na'vi?" He started jabbering on in Na'vi, and I joined Jake in his unimpressed look.
He sounded like he was meeting the Queen of England or something. If they even still had a queen. "Not bad. You sound a little formal."
I looked over to Sully, to see if he had caught himself on fire yet or something. It was at this point I noticed how handsome he was. Definitely a little young for me, but much better looking than Norm or any of my techs. Who would never have a relationship with me beyond lighting my cigarettes. I smiled at the thought of smoking a cigarette from Jake's lips, and covered it with an angry glare.
"I know who you are. I don't need you… I need your brother. You know, the one who trained for 3 years to come here." I looked at Max. It wasn't his fault, but I was having trouble accepting the truth and taking it out on everyone else, as usual. Jake matched my scowl of disapproval and vehemently voiced,
"He's dead. I know that's a big inconvenience for you." I stared him down. No outward signs of denial, he was handling the death pretty well. Albeit silently and alone. That could have proved to be a problem for me and my investigation, and recalling that thought sickens me now. How impersonally I treated people during my life still haunts me in death.
"Any lab experience under that belt of yours?" I said. I almost outwardly blushed as I thought about what actually was under his belt. Jesus, I could have been mistaken for my 16 year old niece at that point. I realize now I must have been interested in Jake at the time, even though I was pissed that his brother had died. Jake responded with a joke about ditching his chemistry class. I can't help but wonder if he was actually joking or covering up my innuendo filled joke.
All thoughts of jokes left my mind. I was now royally pissed. What were these self entitled pricks at the RDA DOING sending me a useless high school chemistry failing moron? I remember mentioning something about pissing on us without even calling it rain… truth be told I was so furious it made sense that I didn't make sense. Not knowing how else to take out my anger without burning bridges with my employees, I turned on my heel and stomped, yes stomped, all the way to Parker Selfridge.
Parker was, of course, playing with his god damned putter again. I honestly wished I would have never bought it for him. Actually, I wished a lot of what involved me and Parker had never happened. Then it wouldn't have been so damn hard to be alone on a planet with him. We really had been. None of the techs ever bothered us, and the higher ups like Quaritch and the like didn't bother with us. Sometimes I wished they did. For lack of a better way to express how I felt, I kicked the mug he was putting balls into. Childish, but effective. He looked at me with those stupid sad eyes, and I almost felt bad. Almost.
"Parker. I used to think it was benign neglect, but now I see you're intentionally screwing us." His condescending tone was enough to make me strangle him as he said, "Grace. You know I enjoy our little talks." Little talks my ass. Wait till I little talk him into the Pandorian air without a mask.
"I need a research assistant, not some jarhead dropout." I thought about telling him exactly how dumb I thought Jake would be once he got into the lab, but something stopped me. I don't think I wanted Parker to make him leave… did I?
"…I'm assigning him to your team as a security escort." Oh shit… I had just missed about half of what Parker said. Less bullshit, to be sure.
"The last thing I need is another trigger happy asshole out there!" Either Parker had a problem with memory or he was just stupid. Did he forget that the last time there was a gun in the forest, a Na'vi ended up dead and it was blamed on Grace and her team?
"Look, you're supposed to be winning the hearts and minds of the natives. Isn't that the whole point of your little puppet show? If you look like them, if you talk like them, they'll trust you? But after-how many years- relations with the indigenous are only getting worse?" Parker looked at me smugly. He really thought he was blameless in all of this turmoil? I practically forced the words out, and even I thought they sounded harsh.
"That tends to happen when you use machine guns on them." They still didn't get through to him. He picked up the piece of gray rock I wanted to throw off the ravine many times before. "This is what pays for the party. And what pays for your science."
He was still, after all this time, obsessed with the rock.
************************************flashback***********************************
The water that flowed through the only Pandorian river that the humans had access to was churning and gurgling below the surface, its deep blue mixing with the bright green grass and blurring in my eyes as I cried. I cried for the school, for Silwanin and her family, and for my lost opportunity to study their culture. I would never again be allowed to spend time in the village, study their ways of living, and teach them other ways of life. I couldn't blame it all on Parker, but I tried.
"Gracie? Stop crying, they're just savages.." Clearly it would never be the same. "Stop crying? I've spent so much time and effort trying to get them to trust me, falling in love with their culture, learning and documenting as much as I could from them, and now one stupid moron with a gun has ruined years of research."
Parker looked uncomfortable, as if he couldn't decide how to respond. If he had considered a nicer reply, it certainly didn't pass his lips. "Quaritch did what he had to do. They were threatening his men and you know how he gets when he's attacked."
I was crossing the line between sad and furious. "So us attacking them is okay? They're people too, and you deliberately attacked children. And not even mentioning the fact that you allowed him to shoot me. I thought our relationship was a little bit kinder than that." This was the point where Parker began to show remorse. Really? He probably just wanted back into my bed at night.
" I didn't let him do anything. I would never. I cried for days after taking you off of that field, you have to believe me…" He broke off in tears, and I had to believe it was a little bit genuine. My voice dropped to a whisper.
"Okay. I believe you. Don't feel guilty, I know you didn't order him to kill me. I'm just angry and taking it out on you. It's not personal; it's how I am." Parker's sniffles ceased, a little too quickly.
"You know that I'm under enormous pressure from the company to succeed, right? I need to mine more unobtainium, and fast. They're getting a little too intense with the letters, and the cease of shipment for a few months hasn't even hit yet."
I grabbed his arm and pulled him down, to sit next to me on the grass. I felt the need for a joke. "Good thing they can't video conference you."
He smiled, but the tension from that stupid quota was still in the air, hanging above us like a noose. We were doomed from the start.
**********************************end flashback**********************************
"Those savages are threatening our whole operation. We're on the brink of war and you're supposed to be finding a diplomatic solution. So use what you've got and get me some results."
Parker dragged me back into the present with his impersonal comment. So, I guessed we were back to this again. It really was hard for us to stay civil for most of our time after "the event" as I got to calling it. I feel bad now that he's off in space orbit not knowing I breathed my last breath seeing his face.